Jesse Quotes in The Fast and the Furious (2001)

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Jesse Quotes:

  • Dom: Jesse, since you were the first to reach in and grab some chicken, why don't you say grace?

    Jesse: [saying grace] Dear Heavenly... uh...

    Leon: Spirit.

    Jesse: Spirit. Thank you. Thank you for providing us with the direct-port nitrous... uh... injection, four-core intercoolers, an' ball-bearing turbos, and... um... titanium valve springs. Thank you.

    Leon: Amen!

    Dom: Very nice.

    Letty: He was praying to the car gods.

  • Dom: [looking at the junked Toyota Supra being hauled in] I said a ten-second car, not a ten-minute car.

    Jesse: You could push this across the finish line, or tow it.

    Dom: You couldn't even tow that across the finish line.

    Brian: No faith.

    Dom: I have faith in you, but this isn't a junkyard. This is a garage.

  • Brian: Hey, wait, hold up! I don't have any cash, but I do have the pink slip to my car.

    Jesse: Wait, you just can't climb in the ring with Ali 'cause you think you box!

    Brian: [points to Vince] He knows I can box! So check it out, it's like this: If I lose, winner takes my car clean and clear. But if I win, I take the cash, and I take the respect!

    Dom: [laughing] Respect?

    Brian: To some people, that's more important.

    Dom: ...That your car?

  • Jesse: These are the additions, this is the basic layout of the car, and this is what it could look like when it's done. Red, green, whatever.

    Brian: Hey man, you should be going to MIT or something.

    Jesse: No man, I got that attention disorder.

    Brian: Oh, A.D.D.?

    Jesse: Yes, that shit.

  • Jesse: [about the Toyota Supra] You know what? This will decimate all, after, you put about fifteen grand in it or more. If we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

  • Brian: Hey, what's up, Jesse? What do you have in your hand?

    Jesse: Throwing down the pinkslip just like you.

    Brian: Pinkslip for what? The Jetta?

    Jesse: Yeah.

    Brian: You can't bet your dad's car.

    Jesse: It's all right. I ain't losin'. This fool is running a Honda 2000. I'll win. Then me and my dad can roll together when he gets out of prison. It's all good.

    Brian: Well, they're gonna throw him right back in prison after he kills you.

  • Jesse: [to Ricky as she reveals her swimsuit] I couldn't decide on which suit I wanted to wear, so... Now... you tell me... are you looking at me or the clock?

  • Jesse: [about Dale] I'm sorry. He can be such an asshole.

    Ricky: Yeah, well... you've always known how to pick 'em, Jess.

    Jesse: Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm getting ready to fire him.

    Ricky: Fire him.

  • Jesse: We're sorry.

    Ray: We didn't do anything with you that we said we did.

    Rose Hathaway: You're telling me something that never happened actually never happened? Thanks.

  • Caleb Colton: How old are you?

    Jesse: Let's put it this way: I fought for the South.

    Caleb Colton: South?

    Jesse: We lost.

    [chuckles]

  • Jesse: I taught Severen everything he knew, but not everything I know.

  • Jesse: Where are we, Diamondback? What road is this?

    Diamondback: You got me.

    Jesse: Isn't that where I had the flat tire? You pulled over.

    Diamondback: And there you stood by the side of that road... and I just knew you were trouble.

    Jesse: And you were right.

    [both chuckling]

  • Bartender: What you people want?

    Jesse: Just a couple more minutes of your time, about the same duration as the rest of your life.

  • Severen: How you doin', Jess?

    Jesse: Like shit! How 'bout you?

    Severen: I'm down to my last inch of skin!

  • Motel Manager: You were here once before, wasn't you? Lots of years back?

    Jesse: Yes, I get through here about once every 5O years. Make me a reservation.

  • Jesse: We give him a week to see if we can call him one of us.

  • Jesse: You're not gonna look so good... with your face ripped off.

  • Jesse: He makes a kill tonight! I don't care how you do it. You do it or you're done.

    Diamondback: And done means dead without guile. It means you'd be real uncomfortable for a looong, looong time.

    Severen: That's your mama talkin', boy.

  • Jesse: Just the glass.

    Waitress: Just the glass?

    Jesse: The glass.

  • Caleb Colton: [Loy has pulled out a gun] Daddy, put that away. Ain't gonna do no good.

    Loy Colton: What do you mean, it ain't gonna do no good?

    Jesse: I'd listen to your son.

    Loy Colton: I'd stop right there if I was you, mister.

    Jesse: Not likely.

    [Loy shoots him in the chest, Jesse coughs out the bullet and puts it in Loy's shirt pocket]

    Jesse: For you.

  • Misty: [after Pikachu defeats three Pokemon with a lightning attack] Well, that sure was a shocking ending.

    Brock: Shocking that Ash moved so fast!

    James: [Team Rocket are watching the gang from a clifftop, with binoculars] There's another credit on Pikachu's 'charge account!'

    Jesse: We've got to grab it!

    Meowth: I know we gotta grab some rare Pokémon for the Boss... but it wouldn't be such a bad idea if we grabbed a litte bite to eat.

    Jesse: We didn't come here to steal a meal!

    James: I'd settle for a taste of that Pika-chow.

    Meowth: I'm starving.

    Jesse: I can cook something!

    Meowth: Thanks, but the last time you cooked, you wiped out eight of my nine lives.

  • Ash Ketchum: The world's greatest Pokémon master is waiting for me. Let's use our Pokémon to get to that island.

    Misty: Ash, our Pokémon aren't strong enough. They can't handle giant waves like this.

    Ash Ketchum: [upset] Guess you're right...

    Jesse: [Team Rocket arrive in a boat, dressed as Vikings] You vant to cross maybe? Ve take you, ya? Ve Vikings are used to big vaves. Ve get you to New lsland faster than you can say fahrvergnügen.

    Jesse: [cuts to them rowing] Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Oh, I think I'm gonna have one!

    Brock: I didn't know Vikings still existed.

    Ash Ketchum: They mostly live in Minnesota.

    Misty: Something's not right. Are you sure this boat's safe?

    Jesse: Don't vorry. This ship von't let you down. Ve alvays sail in da rough veather. Don't get upset.

    Meowth: Tell my stomach.

    Jesse: Heave!

    James: Ho!

    Jesse: Heave!

    James: Ho!

    Jesse: Heave!

    James: Ho!

    Misty: lt's all right, Togepi. We're going to be okay.

    [a huge tidal wave crashes into the boat, taking Team Rocket's Viking costumes off in the process]

    Ash Ketchum: Those aren't Vikings!

    Misty: It's Team Rocket!

    Brock: I should have known there was something fishy about them besides the way they smell!

    Jesse: Haha! Prepare for trouble!

    James: Make it double!

    Meowth: Forget the motto. We're going to have to... aaah!

    [another tidal wave sweeps over, knocking everyone out of the boat]

  • Jesse: Listen to me kid, when you get involved with the opposite sex you're only asking for trouble!

    James: Yes, and that's the kind of trouble I stay out of.

    Meowth: Yous two don't need the opposite sex cause' yous got each other!

    Jesse: What's that supposed to mean?

    James: Not funny!

  • Jesse: [Jesse, James and Meowth are hanging on to a flying Lugia] We're slowing Lugia down, we're too heavy!

    James: Let's try Weight Watchers!

    Jesse: It's too late for that!

    Meowth: I heard it's never too late if you really stick to the program!

  • James: We actually did some good this time!

    Meowth: What if the Boss finds out?

    James: That's bad.

    Jesse: We'll just make our own team then!

    James: That's good!

    Meowth: But we ain't got no money.

    James: That's bad.

    Jesse: Then we'll just steal some!

    James: That's good! Or is that bad?

  • Jesse: [in a Magicarpe boat heading towards a rock] Do we have Carpe insurance? We're about to be...

    Meowth: Fillet à fish.

  • Jesse: Prepare for more trouble than you've ever seen!

    James: Make it double; we're on the big screen!

    Ash: I'm going to have to catch this on video!

  • Jesse: Let's not say goodbye.

    James: Let's just say...

    Meowth: We're gonna die!

  • Jesse: Fire moves uphill. You do know that, don't you?

  • Jesse: So, how's Mary?

    Teddy: Oh, she hates me.

    Jesse: Maybe it's just a phase... her hating you.

    Teddy: Uh, huh... Oh no, she's pretty much hated me since the day I got her pregnant.

  • Jesse: I'm letting you go.

    Hope: You're letting me go? That is so, so male!

  • Rae: You like whales?

    Jesse: I like him.

    Rae: Well, he doesn't like anybody, so stay away from him. You see, Willy's a case. A very special case.

    Jesse: So? Who isn't?

  • Randolph: 300 years ago, my people only had to spend one day a week gathering food, and everybody ate like kings.

    Jesse: So what'd they do the rest of the time?

    Randolph: Told stories, made music, made carvings. Made babies.

    Jesse: Sounds good to me.

  • Randolph: Dial is trying to collect the insurance money. Willy's worth a million dollars.

    Jesse: A million dollars? Randolph, let's free him.

    Randolph: What?

    Jesse: Let's free Willy. We can take him by the bay, and put him back in the water.

    Randolph: I don't like this job anyways.

  • Randolph: You must have something special, that's why Willy didn't eat you up. Maybe high blood, medicine roots.

    Jesse: No way.

    Randolph: Then you're just one lucky little white boy, you like the sound of that better?

  • Jesse: Let's free Willy!

  • Perry: They looking for me?

    Jesse: Nah.

    Perry: Cool.

  • Jesse: So how much are they payin' you to be my jailer?

    Glenn Greenwood: Jailer? Heh, well, I'm makin' such a great deal on you, you wouldn't believe it. You're a regular cash cow, kid. With that, plus $1,000,000, I could probably retire by the time I'm 300 years old.

  • [at dinner]

    Glenn: So what is it you're into, Jesse?

    Jesse: I'm not into talking while I'm eating!

  • Glenn: It's pretty late, I think you should go up to bed, Son.

    Jesse: I'm not your son.

    Glenn: Yeah I know that.

  • Jesse: I love you, Willy.

  • Mr. Dial: So can you do all that again?

    Jesse: Do dogs pee on brick walls?

  • Jesse: Ah Dwight, shut up and leave me alone.

  • Jesse: [to Willy, crying] Don't forget me, okay? I won't forget you.

  • Jesse: I'm asking for your help. Please, he's gonna die!

    Glenn: There's a 10 foot length of chain and the winch control behind the seat of the truck. Go and get it.

    Jesse: Thanks, Glenn.

  • Elvis: Traitor

    Jesse: What?

    Elvis: Girls are the enemy!

    Jesse: No, you are the enemy!

  • Jesse: This sucks.

    Glenn: Yeah it kinda does I guess.

  • Nadine: Are you sure you can drive this thing?

    Jesse: Er, define "drive".

  • Elvis: Traitor. Girls are the enemy.

    Jesse: No, YOU are the enemy.

  • Jesse: Do you come with a remote?

    Elvis: None that I know of.

  • Jesse: Not ruining their home in the first place would've been for their own good. It's all just a bunch of bull.

  • Jesse: Want me to drive?

    Randolph: You know how to drive?

    Jesse: No, do you?

  • Randolph: Rick, Nadine.

    Nadine: Hi Randolph.

    Jesse: I hope she's the second surprise.

    Randolph: I'll Ignore that.

  • Elvis: Is there an amusement park on this island?

    Jesse: No, there's a whale spotting station.

    Elvis: Is that where they paint spots on the whales?

    Jesse: Yeah.

  • Jesse: Who said you could touch my necklace?

    Elvis: The President of the United States, he announced it on TV.

  • Randolph: Jesse. You must have grown six inches.

    Jesse: Four and a half, actually.

    Glenn: Since breakfast.

  • Jesse: Those guys are going after the whole pod tonight! Willy, Nicky, Nicky's baby... can I ask you a question?

    Randolph: Ten years in jail.

    Jesse: What?

    Randolph: The penalty for "borrowing" a boat that doesn't belong to you. It's called piracy. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

    Jesse: You're right. It was a bad idea.

    Randolph: Let's do it.

  • Drew: What are you doing?

    Jesse: Making a call. Willy likes the sound of my harmonica playing. When he hears it, he knows it's me.

    Drew: Oh, so you think your gonna play that sound on the hydrophone

    Jesse: Uh huh.

    Drew: And he's just gonna come running.

    Jesse: Uh huh.

    Drew: From miles away.

    Jesse: Yeah.

    Drew: Okay.

  • Max: Why do you care, anyway?

    Jesse: If one of your friends was in trouble, wouldn't you try to help him?

    Max: If I could.

    Jesse: My friends are whales.

  • Jesse: I'm not a whaler.

    Max: So?

    Jesse: I'm sort of the opposite.

    Max: A whale?

  • Jesse: [Sarcastically] Thanks for all you're doing.

    Captain Drake: It was nothing.

    Randolph: [Sarcastically] You're not kidding.

  • Drew: That's not what I would've done. If someone tried to kill me I wouldn't have saved him. I would've bit his butt.

    Jesse: Maybe he's smarter than we are.

    Randolph: Or more human.

  • Samuel: God is not a man that He should deceive you... The Lord does not see as man sees. Men judge by outward appearances, but the Lord judges by the heart alone.

    [to David]

    Samuel: You kneel before me as the shepherd of your father's flock, but God has chosen you... to be the shepherd of His people Israel, to unite His scattered tribes into one nation... and to send the heathen from His promised land.

    Young David: My brothers are all soldiers. Why not choose one of them?

    Samuel: It was not I who chose you. It was the Lord God of Israel.

    Young David: I am the least in my father's house.

    Samuel: You are a child after God's own heart.

    Young David: If I stand so well in His sight, why not let Him command me face to face?

    Jesse: Because no man may see God face to face and live. God speaks to man through the mouths of His prophets.

    Samuel: So be it. When I have gone the way of all flesh, you shall be brought before the king by one of his sons. Then shall the Lord challenge you, even as you have challenged Him, to defend His name and His honor. Have no fear, David. The Lord shall not forsake you so long as you keep His laws and obey His prophets without question.

  • Jesse: Any man can teach, but David's are the gifts of God.

  • Celine: I've been thinking also about something you said.

    Jesse: What's that?

    Celine: Just about reincarnation and where all the new souls come through over time. Everybody says they have been the reincarnation of Cleopatra or Alexander The Great. I always want to tell them they were probably some dumb fuck like everybody else.

  • Jesse: What do you want to do, Buddy?

    Buddy Holly: Do you like that? Wait 'til you hear this one. Let's do Ollie Vee.

    Ray Bob Simmons: I don't think we'd better, Buddy.

    Jesse: It's for the boppers...

    Buddy Holly: Hey, Ollie Vee.

    Ray Bob Simmons: Buddy, I don't think we'd better!

    Buddy Holly: A.

    Buddy Holly: [to the crowd] We'd like to do this one for the boppers. For those of you who BOP!

  • Jesse: [finding Esther by the garden pool] They tell you're called Esther now.

    Queen Esther: [turning around and hugging him] Oh Jesse.

    Jesse: [correcting] Hatack.

    Queen Esther: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were pagan names too. We're in good company.

    Jesse: [very stricken] The names were Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. They were thrown into the furnace.

    Queen Esther: [laughing] But than what happened?

    Jesse: Come on. I've found a way out and there's a caravan leaving for Jerusalem tonight... So we can get out of here.

    Queen Esther: Escape?... Jesse, I... I can't leave... What if... What if I am chosen?

    Jesse: What if you're chosen what? What if you are chosen Queen? Look what they's done to us? What good could come of any of this?

    Queen Esther: Perhaps, instead of asking questions of our trials, our trials are ment to ask questions of ourselves.

    Jesse: They cut me!... I know we can't be what I hope, but...

    Queen Esther: [as he leaves] Jesse... I can't leave. I'm sorry. Sorry.

  • Jesse: [catching Esther as she runs in the street] Looking for someone?

    Queen Esther: I'm fine. Thank you. You can run back to Rebecca now.

    Jesse: [inquiring] Oh, I'm sure you're fine. Tell me Hadassah or who ever you are, how do you intend to get into the palace?

    Queen Esther: [relieved] You didn't come to take me back?

    Jesse: [laughing with her] Come or I shall you, Hadassah the mouse!

  • Queen Esther: [on the balcony, watching the feast] They go to fetch the Queen. She must be lovely, reigning in a place such as this.

    Jesse: None is more lovely then you, my queen.

    [kissing her hand]

    Queen Esther: My thanks, fair prince.

    Jesse: Prince?... Why is it for years you threaten to join the caravan for Jerusalem, yet you never do? What holds you back?

    Queen Esther: [forlorn] Perhaps the courage to face it alone.

    Jesse: [aspirant] What if you had someone to join you?

  • Jesse: You're one of the a cappella girls. I'm one of those a cappella boys, and we're gonna have aca-children. It's inevitable.

    Beca: You're really drunk right now. I don't think you're gonna remember any of this.

    Jesse: No, I'm not drunk at all. You're just blurry.

  • Benji: Look, just so you know, I'm not a total nerd. I also happen to be super-into close-up magic.

    [He produces a hamster]

    Jesse: Dude, that's awesome! How long was that little guy in there?

    Benji: Several days.

  • Jesse: Hey Hilary Swank from Million Dollar Baby.

    Beca: Hey, you could just say 'Hey Million Dollar Baby" you don't have to reference the specific actress.

    Jesse: Damn. Prison changed you.

  • Sigma Beta Frat Guys: [Chanting] Taking names, taking numbers, join our righteous frat! If you ain't pledging Sigma Beta, you ain't worth no crap!

    Benji: That's a double negative!

    Jesse: That's a lot of negatives.

  • Beca: You must really sweep your girlfriend off her feet.

    Jesse: Oh, I don't have a girlfriend.

    Beca: What? You have juice pouches and Rocky.

  • Jesse: So what do you want to watch first?

    Beca: Wanna do something else? We could re-live my parents' divorce. Or visit a gynecologist.

  • Jesse: So, what's your deal? Are you one of those girls who's all dark and mysterious, then she takes off her glasses and that amazingly scary ear spike and you realize that, you know, she was beautiful the whole time?

    Beca: I don't wear glasses.

    Jesse: Then you're halfway there.

  • Benji: The Treblemakers. The rock stars of a cappella, the messiahs of Barden. Well, you know, not including athletes, frat guys, or actual cool people.

    Jesse: Organized nerd singing? This is great!

  • Luke: Can you get me lunch?

    [tosses Jesse his wallet]

    Jesse: Not another burger... You know, you are not going to be 22 forever.

    Luke: [Luke raises his shirt, shows six pack] I think I'm good.

    Beca: [Stares at Luke's abs] He's good

  • Jesse: Told you. Endings are the best part.

    Beca: You're such a weirdo.

    [Grabs and kisses him]

  • [while watching The Breakfast Club]

    Beca: Tell me, what does Judd Nelson eat for breakfast?

    Jesse: Oh, well, like all misunderstood rebels, he feeds on hypocrisy.

    Beca: Sure.

    Jesse: And black coffee, to help with his morning dumps.

  • Jesse: Hey, Seth.

    Seth: [scared and cautious] What?

    Jesse: Did you hear I'm having a big grad party next Saturday?

    Seth: [hesitantly] No.

    Jesse: Yeah.

    [Jesse spits on Seth's shirt]

    Jesse: You're not invited. Tell your fucking faggot friend he can't come either.

    [motions towards Evan]

    Seth: [Seth and Evan walk away together] So Jesse wanted me to tell you you're a fucking faggot and you're not invited to his grad party.

    Evan: You know you really bitched out back there man.

    Seth: I bitched out? You bitched out. Fucking Judas!

    Evan: What'd you want me to do? Dive in front of the spit...?

  • Jesse: [to her son, who's peeing in front of the guests] Tanner, nononono!

    Kristin: Oh!

    Jesse: It's like the fourth time he's done this.

  • Lester Averman: Aw, I smell something.

    Lester AvermanGoldbergJesseCharlieAdam: Goldberg!

    Goldberg: It wasn't me!

    Portman: [proudly] No, it was me!

  • Russ Tyler: Yeah, high-five some more. Man, my little brother could score on these guys.

    Jesse: Man, why don't you go and bother him, then?

    Jesse: Haha, I ain't even got a little brother.

    Coach Bombay: Hey, Jesse. Quit gabbin' and get out there on the ice. Show me you want it, son. Let's go.

    Russ Tyler: Yeah, show us you want it, son. Let's go!

  • Russ Tyler: Hey yo, team U.S.A., what you gonna do today, a million jumpin' jacks?

    Portman: Man this kid's crazier than me. Just forget him!

    [Jesse comes to the front]

    Jesse: Man I'm gettin' sick of you!

    Russ Tyler: And I'm gettin' sick of seein' the U.S.A. represented by a bunch of whining babies!

    Jesse: Well, too bad you can't back up that mouth!

  • [Facing off in practice]

    Dwayne: Great day for hockey, ain't it?

    Jesse: Sure is, cowboy.

  • Russ Tyler: He dissed you bad, G.

    Jesse: Man! Come here, man!

    Russ Tyler: Haha! Bye-bye! Have a nice day!

    Jesse: Punk!

  • Jesse: Yo dude! You obviously in the wrong hood. This is my dominion, and it's a drug free zone. You understand? Now I'm feelin' generous today. So I'm gonna let you get your sorry vanilla booty out of here before we be usin' your eyeballs as hockey pucks!

  • Gordon Bombay: You think losing is funny?

    Les Averman: Well, not at first, but once you get the hang of it.

    Jesse: We're the ones out there gettin' our butts kicked.

    Terry Hall: Yeah, it's not like you coach us or anything. At least we tried.

  • Gordon Bombay: You didn't listen to a word I said. I said keep your heads up, you put your heads down. I SAID HUSTLE, YOU WENT SLOWER. That was the sloppiest playing I've ever seen! Why the hell don't you just listen to me?

    Jesse: Why the hell should we?

    Gordon Bombay: I don't care. You wanna lose? Fine. You're the ones who look like idiots out there.

  • Andrew Largeman: We're not playing Spin the Bottle; how old are we? More importantly, how old are they?

    Jesse: Oh, they're all legal. I think...

  • Kelly: Well, we just ate all this fucking 'X', so what the hell else are we supposed to do?

    Jesse: The woman has a point.

  • Mark: Hey, vagina!

    Andrew Largeman: Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam, it's Mark, Dave, and you remember Jesse.

    Jesse: Hey.

    Sam: Hey.

    Dave: What's up?

    Mark: Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said vagina just now. I didn't know you were here.

    Sam: Oh, that's okay.

    Mark: Nice. Let's get fucked up.

  • Mark: How about some fucking furniture, man?

    Jesse: I bought a chair, but I didn't like it.

    Sam: Where is it?

    Jesse: [indicating the fireplace] It's keeping us warm.

  • Mark: Silent velcro. You lucky mother fucker.

    Andrew Largeman: I feel like if I would shown up at school and presented the idea of silent velcro they would have sent me away a whole lot sooner.

    Sam: Why did they send you away?

    Jesse: Ooh, listen to this girl.

    Andrew Largeman: They didn't send me away.

    Mark: You just said they sent you away.

  • [Largeman flounders in the pool]

    Jesse: Dude, maybe you should stay over by the steps. I don't know CPR.

    Mark: You look like a wet beaver.

  • Andrew Largeman: They sent me to boarding school because they thought I might be dangerous.

    [mocking Sam]

    Andrew Largeman: Oh, are you freaked out? You're like so freaked out. You're like running for the door. You can go, it's okay, don't feel bad.

    Sam: [unamused] That's really funny.

    [Andrew laughing]

    Sam: It's really funny. Why would they think you'd be dangerous?

    Jesse: You're like a little detective.

    Andrew Largeman: Want to know?

    Sam: Yeah.

    Mark: You're gay.

  • Jesse: But your mom was in the wheelchair long before you left.

    Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Well, I was nine. So they sent me to therapy and put me on these drugs that were supposed to curb my anger and I've been on some form of them ever since. And when I was 16 my psychiatrist dad came around to the conclusion that it probably wasn't the best environment for me to be growing up in, so he sent me to boarding school. And I haven't been home since.

    Sam: Until now.

    Mark: For her funeral.

    Andrew Largeman: Until now for her funeral.

    Jesse: I can't believe the retarded quarterback is a pill-popper.

  • [Jesse and Chester have tattoos on their backs that say "dude" and "sweet."]

    Jesse: Dude! You got a tattoo!

    Chester: So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?

    Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?

    Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?

    Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?

    Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?

    Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?

    Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?

    Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?

    Chester: "Dude!" But what does mine say?

    Jesse: "Sweet!" What about mine?

    Chester: "Dude!" What does mine say?

    Jesse: "S - wee - t!" What about mine?

    [later]

    Chester: [angry] "Dude!" What does mine say?

    Jesse: [screaming] "Sweet!"

  • Chinese Foooood Lady: And then?

    Jesse: No "and then"!

    Chinese Foooood Lady: And then!

  • [Jeese and Chester come across an ostrich]

    Jesse: Dude, it's a llama!

  • [repeated line]

    Jesse: Dude, where's my car?

    [repeated line]

    Chester: Where's your car, dude?

  • Chinese Food Intercom: And then?

    Jesse: And then...

    [laughs nervously]

    Jesse: I'm gonna come in there...

    [grows livid]

    Jesse: and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!'!

    [pause; Jesse almost gives in]

    Chinese Food Intercom: [repeatedly] And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!

    [Jesse furiously smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away]

    Chinese Food Intercom: [severely damaged] And then...?

  • Jesse: Hey, have you seen my car?

    Christie Boner: Well, I saw it last night. I mean, I saw the backseat...

    Jesse: [oblivious] No, I'm talking about the whole thing.

  • Mr. Pizzacoli: [on delivering pizzas] A trained dolphin could do a better job than you two!

    Jesse: Yeah, but then the pizzas would get all wet.

  • Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?

    Chester: Oh ,that's my alter ego.

    Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was MY alter ego.

    Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.

    Jesse: Oh yeah.

  • Chester: A barn?

    Jesse: Is it red?

    Chester: No.

    Jesse: Then it's not a barn!

  • Mr. Pizzacoli: [knocks on the door] Open up, you 2 slackers!

    Jesse and Chester: [quietly] Mr. Pizzacoli!

    Mr. Pizzacoli: You guys left work last night with 30 pizzas that didn't get delivered, and I want some answers!

    Jesse and Chester: [notice the undelivered pizzas around the house] Uh-oh.

    Mr. Pizzacoli: OPEN UP THIS DAMN DOOR!

    Chester: It's open!

    Jesse: OHHH!

    [he hits Chester]

  • Tania: I'm a gender-challenged male.

    Jesse: What does that mean?

    [Tania reveals her penis]

    Jesse: Whoa! Dude, you're a dude!

  • Jesse: Stupid llamas!

  • Jesse: Hang in there, Dude.

    Tortured Mannequin: [hangs in there]

  • Jesse: I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!

  • [Jesse & Chester's answering machine message]

    Jesse: Jesse...

    Chester: ...and Chester are shibby at the moment.

    Jesse: Please your shibby at the beep.

    Jesse & Chester: Shibby.

  • Jesse: You know what we should do?

    Chester: Eat?

    Jesse: No.

    [thinks for a moment]

    Jesse: Eat!

  • Jumpsuit Chick #1: First you give us the Continuum Transfunctioner, then we give you oral pleasure.

    Jesse: I've heard that one before...

  • Alien Nordic Dude: But the universe?

    Jesse: [mocking the Nordic dude's accent] "Screw the Universe!"

    Alien Nordic Dudes: Screw the universe?

  • Jesse: Look, it's an elephant!

    Mr. Pizzacoli: [turning around] What?

    Jesse: It was just a mailman.

  • [first lines]

    Jesse: What's up?

    Chester: Animal Planet!

    Jesse: Man, I just had the craziest dream.

    Chester: About what?

    Jesse: I don't remember.

    [chuckles]

  • Jesse: Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

    Chester: Maybe you should go sit on the toilet.

    Jesse: No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!

    Chester: Is that what that is?

    Jesse: Yeah, I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.

    Chester: Yeah!

    Jesse: You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.

    Chester: We can?

    Jesse: Yeah! And you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? Coz we love them.

    Chester: And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?

    Jesse: Yeah. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna go down the impound lot and get the car...

    Chester: ...which has the gifts in it...

    Jesse: ...and then we're gonna go over to the twins house and beg for them to take us back!

    Chester: Yeah! Let's do it!

    Jesse: Oh, no, hold on. I gotta take a crap.

    Chester: Told you.

    Jesse: I know.

    Chester: I know your body.

  • [Chester refuses to leave a strip club]

    Jesse: Dude, this is an *emergency*!

    Chester: So is this, dude. It's a break-dancing stripper emergency!

  • Chester: [the two have just had trash cans put over their heads] Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo.

    Jesse: Shibby!

    Chester: [Reaches out from under the trash can] Low five.

  • Jesse: Wait a second, let's recap. Last night, we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying.

    [Chester slaps him]

    Jesse: Thanks, dude.

  • Chester: How wasted were we last night?

    Jesse: Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone. I'd say we were pretty wasted.

  • Jesse: Look, dude. It's those two totally gay Nordic dudes at 10 o'clock!

  • [Jesse attacked a speaker box]

    Chester: Well, you didn't have to go all aggro on that speaker box, dude.

    Jesse: I'm not the one who called the Dalai Lama a fag!

  • Jesse: I do not want to go down in history as the guy who destroyed the universe.

  • Jesse: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!

    Chester: Can he also bong a beer?

    Nelson: Nah, all he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.

  • Jesse: [after being arrested] Chester, I've seen this on Cops! Fight back!

    Chester: [to a policeman] Can you turn on the siren?

  • Jesse: I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.

  • Zoltan: You gotta activate the...

    Space Nerds: Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam!

    Jesse: What?

    Mr. Pizzacoli: They said The Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam, YOU FOOL!

    Chester: Hurry, activate it, dude!

    [a small panel on the Transfunctioner reads "Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam"]

    Chester: I think that's it, dude.

    Jesse: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

  • Jumpsuit Chick #1: If you are Jesse and Chester, maybe we will give you erotic pleasure.

    Jesse: That's us!

    Chester: Right here!

  • Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?

    Chester: [opens cupboard] I'd say it's entirely possible.

  • [Jesse and Chester are looking up at the Super Hot Giant Alien]

    Jesse: That is amazing!

    Chester: Yeah! Those are the biggest hoo-hoos I've ever seen!

  • [At the police station]

    JesseOfficer Rick: [go to High Five]

    Jesse: [Pulls back] Sucker!

    Officer Rick: Oh, whose the goose? Me!

    Chester: You're such a goose!

  • Officer Rick: Oh... Did you guys say you wanted your car back, or that you wanted it impounded?

    Jesse: Uhh, we want it back

    Officer Rick: Oh, yeah, see, I accidentally sent your car to the impound lot. Sorry.

    Jesse & Chester: Rick!

  • Chucky: Tiffany! Where the fuck are you?

    Jesse: You got company?

    Tiffany: Nope, just babysitting. Foul-mouthed little fucker.

    [laughs]

  • Jesse: How'd you end up like this?

    Tiffany: It's a long story.

    Chucky: Let me put it this way. If this were a movie, it would take three or four sequels to do it justice.

  • Chucky: I'd imagine at this point you two must have a lot of questions! You do know who I am?

    Jesse: Chucky...

    Chucky: And this...

    [points to Tiffany]

    Chucky: is Tiffany!

    Tiffany: [to Jesse] I believe we already met, haven't we, sweet-face?

    Jesse: [Jesse stares at Tiffany] S-s-so, how-how did you end up like this?

    Chucky: Well, it's a long story.

    Tiffany: It sure is.

    Chucky: In fact if it were a movie, it would take three or four sequels just to do it justice!

  • Tiffany: Jesse, honey, could you give me a hand with this?

    [referring to trunk with Damien's body in it]

    Jesse: [washing van] Yeah, okay, uh, just a second.

    Jesse: Thanks, sweet face. I owe you one.

  • Jesse: You can't keep us from seeing each other.

    Chief Warren Kincaid: I'm the chief of police, sport. I can do whatever I want. Like for example if I were to run a blood test on you tonight and the results made you look like Christian Slater on New Year's Eve, do you think anyone would question me?

  • Jesse: They think we're mass murderers!

    David: Multiple murderers, actually. Mass murderers kill a whole lot of people at the same time, like at the post office.

  • Chief Warren Kincaid: Jade, when you're 18 you can go to hell for all I care. But until then, I'm stuck with you, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you embarass me by winding up on Jerry Springer with some trailer trash low-life.

    Jesse: You fuck.

    Chief Warren Kincaid: But you won't. Not Jade anyway, not anymore.

  • Jade: [Jesse and Jade are running from the motel after they discover the murders] I can't do this.

    Jesse: What?

    Jade: I can't go with you, Jesse. Not any more.

    Jesse: Oh, man. I'm glad you said that first.

    Jade: Why?

    Jesse: Jade, this is too much for me. I love you, I will always love you, but there is a limit to how much I can take.

    Jade: Would you please stop talking to me like I'm the one who's crazy? You're the crazy one! You're the mass murderer!

    Jesse: You mean *multiple* murderer!

    Jade: So you admit it?

    Jesse: No, I don't!

    Jade: I can't take this shit any more!

    [David appears in the car window]

    Jade: Aaaahhhh!

  • Jesse: Nailed that divorce.

  • Jesse: Why would he go all the way to Italy without you? Huh? To what? To shack up with some woman named Catalina who has perfect tear drop breasts and a nice Sicilian bush that smells like lavender. She makes her own pesto sauce...

  • Jesse: You ladies are living some fucked up version of the American Dream.

  • Jesse: You're a great deal! You're like a Subway gift card!

  • Charlie: Good riddence. She's out of here. Now we can do what ever we want: run around in our underwear, make funny phone calls.

    Jesse: Shut up Charlie! Can't you shut your mouth just once?

  • Jesse: Jessie! It's me! I'm your great-great grandson. They named me after you. My name is Jessie too.

    Gramps: [Gramps slowly removes mask, Jessie and Charlie wimper] My great-great grandson? What year is it?

    Jesse: I don't know.

    Gramps: Now don't you mess with me boy!

    Jesse: Uhh! October 30, 1986!

    Gramps: Well goddamn. I've been waitin' over 70 years for some jackass to get the scent to come dig me up. Thank you, boy.

  • Charlie: [laughs at Jessie] I think she likes you.

    Jesse: Come on, Charlie.

    Charlie: No, really.

    [Turns to Virgin]

    Charlie: Who do you like better: me or him? Me: Charlie, crazy, yet fun, huh, or him.

    [Jessie throws a food at Charlie's face]

    Charlie: I rest my case.

    [Virin throws something at Charlie]

    Charlie: OWWW!

  • [last lines]

    Grady: Where you goin'?

    Lane: Where the hell do you suppose? To rob a train!

    Jesse: Rob a train?

    Grady: It's something to do!

  • The Pinkerton Man: Her name is Lilly, with two "L's." Matt Lowe was never married. Better luck next time!

    Jesse: Lilly.

    Grady: With two "L's."

    Jesse: One of 'um must stand for "liar."

  • [First scene -- Lane has summoned his gun-toting friends to a rendezvous]

    Grady: Alright, what's it all about, Jess?

    Jesse: Beats me. All Lane said was meet him here at the train stop. It'd be worth it.

    Calhoun: To him or us?

    Grady: Oh, what difference does it make? It's something to do, isn't it?

  • Stacy: I see... a bank. A Spanish bank?

    Jesse: El banko!

    Joe 'Mac' McBeth: You mean Banko? He's not a... he's not a bank. He's a... a friend of mine. Anthony Banconi. Banko.

  • Jesse: Don't fucking call me sweetie!

  • Jesse: You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like "Hey, I'm glad you're gone".

  • Jesse: Alright, I have an admittedly insane idea, but if I don't ask you this it's just, uh, you know, it's gonna haunt me the rest of my life

    Celine: What?

    Jesse: Um... I want to keep talking to you, y'know. I have no idea what your situation is, but, uh, but I feel like we have some kind of, uh, connection. Right?

    Celine: Yeah, me too.

    Jesse: Yeah, right, well, great. So listen, so here's the deal. This is what we should do. You should get off the train with me here in Vienna, and come check out the capital.

    Celine: What?

    Jesse: Come on. It'll be fun. Come on.

    Celine: What would we do?

    Jesse: Umm, I don't know. All I know is I have to catch an Austrian Airlines flight tomorrow morning at 9:30 and I don't really have enough money for a hotel, so I was just going to walk around, and it would be a lot more fun if you came with me. And if I turn out to be some kind of psycho, you know, you just get on the next train.

    Jesse: Alright, alright. Think of it like this: jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you're married. Only your marriage doesn't have that same energy that it used to have, y'know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you've met in your life and what might have happened if you'd picked up with one of them, right? Well, I'm one of those guys. That's me y'know, so think of this as time travel, from then, to now, to find out what you're missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband to find out that you're not missing out on anything. I'm just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you're really happy.

    Celine: Let me get my bag.

  • Jesse: I kind of see this all love as this, escape for two people who don't know how to be alone. People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing, but if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish.

  • Jesse: I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

  • Celine: You know, I've been wondering lately. Do you know anyone who's in a happy relationship?

    Jesse: Uh, yeah, sure. I know happy couples. But I think they lie to each other.

    Celine: Hmf. Yeah. People can lead their life as a lie. My grandmother, she was married to this man, and I always thought she had a very simple, uncomplicated love life. But she just confessed to me that she spent her whole life dreaming about another man she was always in love with. She just accepted her fate. It's so sad.

    Jesse: I guarantee you, it was better that way. If she'd ever got to know him, I'm sure he would have disappointed her eventually.

    Celine: How do you know? You don't know them.

    Jesse: Yeah, I know, I know. It's just, people have these romantic projections they put on everything. That's not based on any kind of reality.

  • Celine: Yeah.

    Jesse: OK, well this was my thought: 50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking... I mean, is that why we're so scattered? You know, is that why we're all so specialized?

    Celine: I don't know. Wait a minute, I'm not sure... I don't...

    Jesse: Yeah, hang on, hang on. It's a, it's a totally scattered thought. It... which is kind of why it makes sense.

  • Jesse: Sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband. And sometimes it feels really close. But then other times it seems silly like it would ruin my whole life. And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving because... I can. It's just that, if I'm totally honest with myself I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something. That I had excelled in some way than that I'd just been in a nice, caring relationship.

  • Jesse: You know what drives me crazy? It's all these people talking about how great technology is, and how it saves all this time. But, what good is saved time, if nobody uses it? If it just turns into more busy work. You never hear somebody say, "With the time I've saved by using my word processor, I'm gonna go to a Zen monastery and hang out". I mean, you never hear that.

  • Jesse: Listen, if somebody gave me the choice right now, of to never see you again or to marry you, alright, I would marry you, alright. And maybe that's a lot of romantic bullshit, but people have gotten married for a lot less.

    Celine: Actually, I think I had decided I wanted to sleep with you when we got off the train. But now that we've talked so much, I don't know anymore.

    Celine: Why do I make everything so complicated?

  • Jesse: Everybody's parents fucked them up. Rich kids parents gave them too much. Poor kids, not enough. You know, too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them or they stuck around and taught them the wrong things.

  • Jesse: Why is it, that a dog, sleeping in the sun, is so beautiful, y'know, it is, it's beautiful, but a guy, standing at a bank machine, trying to take some money out, looks like a complete moron?

  • Celine: You know what I want?

    Jesse: What?

    Celine: To be kissed.

    Jesse: Well I can do that.

  • Jesse: This friend of mine had a kid, and it was a home birth, so he was there helping out and everything. And he said at that profound moment of birth, he was watching this child, experiencing life for the first time, I mean, trying to take its first breath... all he could think about was that he was looking at something that was gonna die someday. He just couldn't get it out of his head. And I think that's so true, I mean, all - everything is so finite. But don't you think that that's what, makes our time, at specific moments, so important?

    Celine: Yeah, I know. It's the same for us, tonight, though. After tomorrow morning, we're probably never going to see each other again, right?

    Celine: We, maybe we should try something different. I mean, it's no so bad if tonight is our only night, right? People always exchange phone numbers, addresses, they end up writing once, calling each other once or twice...

    Jesse: Right. Fizzles out. Yeah, I mean, I don't want that. I hate that.

    Celine: I hate that too, y'know.

    Jesse: Why do you think everybody thinks relationships are supposed to last forever anyway?

    Celine: Yeah, why. It's stupid.

  • Celine: Maybe we should meet here in five years or something.

    Jesse: All right, all right, five year- Five years! That's a long time!

    Celine: It's awful! It's like a sociological experiment!

  • Jesse: I know what you mean about wishing somebody wasn't there, though. It's just usually it's myself that I wish I could get away from. Seriously, think about this. I have never been anywhere that I haven't been. I've never had a kiss when I wasn't one of the kissers. Y'know, I've never, um, gone to the movies, when I wasn't there in the audience. I've never been out bowling, if I wasn't there, y'know making some stupid joke. I think that's why so many people hate themselves. Seriously, it's just they are sick to death of being around themselves.

    Jesse: Let's say that you and I were together all the time, then you'd start to hate a lot of my mannerisms. The way every time we would have people over, uh, I'd be insecure, and I'd get a little too drunk. Or, uh, the way I'd tell the same stupid pseudo-intellectual story again, and again. Y'see, I've heard all those stories. So of course I'm sick of myself. But being with you, uh, it's made me feel like I'm somebody else.

  • Jesse: [stops Celine and positions her in front of him at arm's length]

    Celine: What?

    Jesse: Uh... I'm gonna take your picture. So I never forget you or, uh, or all this.

    Celine: Okay. Me too.

  • Celine: I don't think we should sleep together. I mean, I want to, but since we're never gonna see each other again, it will make me feel bad. I'll wonder who else you're with. I'll miss you.

    Celine: I know. It's not very adult. Maybe it's a female thing. I can't help it.

    Jesse: Let's see each other again.

  • Jesse: I feel like this is, uh, some dream world we're in, y'know.

    Celine: Yeah, it's so weird. It's like our time together is just ours. It's our own creation. It must be like I'm in your dream, and you in mine, or something.

    Jesse: And what's so cool is that this whole evening, all our time together, shouldn't officially be happening.

    Celine: Yeah, I know. Maybe that's why this feels so otherworldly.

  • Jesse: I mean, just once, I'd love to see, some little old lady save up all her money, to go to the fortune teller, and she'd get there, all excited about hearing her future, and the woman would say, "Um-humm. Tomorrow, and all your remaining days will be exactly like today. A tedious collection of hours. And you will have no new passions, and no new thoughts and no new travels, and when you die, you'll be completely forgotten.

  • Jesse: Well, I was driving around with this buddy of mine, he was a big atheist, and we came to a stop, next to this homeless guy. And my buddy takes out a 100 dollar bill, and leans out the window, and he says, "Do you believe in God?". And the guy looks at my friend, and he looks at the money, he says, uh, "Yes, I do". My friend says, "Wrong answer", and we drove away.

  • Jesse: I wish I'd meet you earlier. I really like talking to you.

  • Jesse: Yeah. So, uh, were we having our first fight back there?

    Celine: v

    Jesse: Yeah, I think so, I think we were.

    Celine: Well, even if we were a little bit, y'know. Why does everyone think conflict is so bad. There's a lot of good things coming out of conflict.

  • Jesse: I'm having kind of an odd situation here, which is that... is... you see that girl over there? Yeah, well, this is our only night together. Here's the problem: The problem is that she wants a bottle of red wine, and I don't have any money. I was thinking that you might want to, um, give me the address of this bar, no, I know... and I would promise to send you the money, and you would make our night complete

    Bartender: You would send me the money?

    Jesse: Yes.

    Bartender: Your hand?

    Bartender: Okay. For the greatest night in your life.

    Jesse: Thank you very much

  • Celine: Did your parents divorce?

    Jesse: Yeah. Finally. They should have done it a lot sooner, but they stuck together for a while for the "well-being of my sister and I", thank you very much.

  • Jesse: Would you be in Paris by now, if you hadn't gotten off the train with me?

    Celine: No not yet. What would you be doing?

    Jesse: I'd probably be hanging around the airport, reading old magazines, crying in my coffee cause you didn't come with me.

    Celine: Aww... Actually, I think I'd probably have gotten off the train in Salzburg with someone else.

    Jesse: Oh, yeah? Oh, I see. So, I'm just that dumb American momentarily decorating your blank canvas.

    Celine: I'm having a great time.

    Jesse: Really?

    Celine: Yeah.

    Jesse: Me too.

  • Jesse: I can never get very excited about other people ambitions for my life.

  • Jesse: There's these breeds of monkeys, right, and all they do is have sex, all the time, you know? And they turn out to be the least violent, the most peaceful, the most happy, you know? So maybe fooling around isn't so bad.

    Celine: Are you talking about monkeys?

    Jesse: Yes I'm talking about monkeys.

    Celine: Ah, I thought so...

  • Celine: Its just... its depressing, no? That the... the only thing we're gonna think of is when we're gonna have to say goodbye tomorrow.

    Jesse: Well, we could say goodbye now. Then we wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning.

  • Jesse: You're close with your grandmother?

    Celine: Yeah. i think it's because i always have this strange feeling that i'm this very old woman laying down, about to die. You know, that my life is just her memories or something.

    Jesse: That's so wild.

  • Jesse: Do you believe in reincarnation?

    Celine: Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting.

    Jesse: Yeah, right. Well, most people, you know, a lot of people talk about past lives and things like that, you know? And even if they don't believe it in some specific way, you know, people have some kind of notion of an eternal soul, right?

  • Batson: Got eight packs of DXM. Oxycontin. Got a shit load of Coricidin if you want to get out-a-body, n'all.

    Jesse: Coricidin?

    [chuckles]

    Jesse: You just trying to get me outta my clothes!

  • [last lines]

    Celine: Baby, you are gonna miss that plane.

    Jesse: I know.

  • Jesse: You know, I think that book that I wrote, in a way, was like building something. So that I wouldn't forget the... details of the time that we spent together. You know, like just a reminder that... that once we really did meet! You know, that this was real! That this happened!

    Celine: Celine: I'm happy you're saying that, because... I mean, I always feel like a freak, because I'm never able to move on like... this! You know. People just have an affair, or even entire relationships... they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have... their own, specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved, because... It hurts too much! Even getting laid! I actually don't do that... I will miss on the other person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. Maybe I'm crazy, but... when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or... ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk... Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and... will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details. Like I remember the way, your beard has a bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow, that... that morning, right before you left. I remember that, and... I missed it! I'm really crazy, right?

  • Jesse: Oh, God, why didn't we exchange phone numbers and stuff? Why didn't we do that?

    Celine: Because we were young and stupid.

    Jesse: Do you think we still are?

    Celine: I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

    Jesse: And you can screw it up, you know, misconnect.

  • Jesse: Life's hard. It's supposed to be. If we didn't suffer, we'd never learn anything.

  • Celine: Men go out with me, we break up and then they get married. And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is. That I tought them to care and respect women.

    Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys.

    Celine: I wanna kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would've said no, but at least they could have asked.

  • Jesse: In the months leading up to my wedding, I was thinking about you all the time. I mean, even on my way there; I'm in the car, a buddy of mine is driving me downtown and I'm staring out the window, and I think I see you, not far from the church, right? Folding up an umbrella and walking into a deli on the corner of 13th and Broadway. And I thought I was going crazy, but now I think it probably was you.

    Celine: I lived on 11th and Broadway.

    Jesse: You see?

  • Jesse: I feel like if someone were to touch me, I'd dissolve into molecules.

  • Jesse: Oh, God, why weren't you there, in Vienna?

    Celine: I told you why.

    Jesse: Well, I know why, I just - I wish you would have been. Our lives might have been so much different.

    Celine: You think so?

    Jesse: I actually do.

    Celine: Maybe not. Maybe, we would have hated each other eventually.

    Jesse: Oh what, like we hate each other now?

    Celine: You know, maybe we're - we're only good at brief encounters, walking around in European cities in warm climate.

  • Jesse: Do you have kids?

    Celine: Yes, two -

    [gasps]

    Celine: Shit!

    Jesse: What?

    Celine: I left them in the car! With the windows rolled up! It was six months ago! Think they're okay?

    [laughs]

  • Celine: So, I want to try something.

    Jesse: What?

    Celine: [hugs him] I want to see if you stay together or if you dissolve into molecules.

    Jesse: How'm I doing?

    Celine: Still here.

    Jesse: Good, I like being here.

  • Jesse: Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

  • Jesse: You want to know why I wrote that stupid book?

    Celine: Why?

    Jesse: So that you might come to a reading in Paris and I could walk up to you and ask, "Where the fuck were you?"

    Celine: [laughing] No - you thought I'd be here today?

    Jesse: I'm serious. I think I wrote it, in a way, to try to find you.

    Celine: Okay, that's - I know that's not true, but that's sweet of you to say.

    Jesse: I think it is true.

  • Celine: Do you think you would have finished your book if you were fucking someone every five minutes?

    Jesse: I might have welcomed the challenge.

  • Celine: Do I look any different?

    [long pause]

    Celine: I do?

    Jesse: I'd have to see you naked.

  • Jesse: What do you think were the chances of us ever meeting again?

    Celine: After that December, I'd say almost zero. But we're not real anyway, right? We're just, uh, characters in that old lady's dream. She's on her deathbed, fantasizing about her youth. So of course we had to meet again.

  • Celine: The past is the past. It was meant to be that way.

    Jesse: What, you really believe that? That everything's fated?

    Celine: Well, you know, the world might be less free than we think.

    Jesse: Yeah?

    Celine: Yeah, when given these exact circumstances, that's what will happen every time: two part hydrogen, one part oxygen, you get water every time.

    Jesse: No, no, I - I - I mean what if your grandmother had lived a week longer, or, you know, or passed away a week earlier, days even. You know things might have been different. I believe that.

    Celine: You can't think like that, it's...

    Jesse: No, I mean, I know you shouldn't on most things, but - It's just, on this one it seemed like something was off, you know?

  • [first lines]

    Journalist #1: Do you consider the book to be autobiographical?

    Jesse: Uh, well, I mean... isn't everything autobiographical?

  • Jesse: So what kind of songs do you write? I didn't know you did that.

    Celine: What kind?

    Jesse: Yeah, sure.

    Celine: I don't know, just songs.

    Jesse: Like?

    Celine: Like, some are about, you know, people, uh, relationships. One's about my cat.

    Jesse: Sing one.

    Celine: No, I can't, I don't have a guitar.

    Jesse: Oh, co- come on. A cappella.

    Celine: No, no, no. I'm not singing a song without a guitar. You're nuts!

    Jesse: Why not? It's...

    Celine: No, okay. Not now. No.

    Jesse: One.

    Celine: No.

    Jesse: If not now, when? Wanna meet here in six months with a guitar? You know, I'll fly all the way over here, you may or may not make the metro...

    Celine: [laughing] Okay, that's funny.

  • Celine: So what's it like to be married? You haven't talked much about that.

    Jesse: I haven't? How weird.

  • Jesse: [about his marriage] I feel like I'm running a small nursery with someone I used to date.

  • Jesse: I'm designed to feel slightly dissatisfied!

  • Jesse: I heard this story once about when the Germans were occupying Paris and they had to retreat back. They wired Notre Dame to blow, but they had to leave one guy in charge of hitting the switch. And the guy, the soldier, he couldn't do it. You know, he just sat there, knocked out by how beautiful the place was. And then when the allied troops came in, they found all the explosives just lying there and the switch unturned, and they found the same thing at Sacre Couer, Eiffel Tower. Couple other places I think...

    Celine: Is that true?

    Jesse: I don't know. I always liked the story, though.

  • Celine: One night I heard some noise on my fire excape, so I called 911. And the cops came eventually...

    Jesse: Yeah like three hours later.

    Celine: [laughing] Yeah, after I had been raped and killed about 10 times.

  • Jesse: At least now we don't have to pretend that each new sexual experience is a life-altering event.

    Celine: I know. By now, you know, you've stuck it in so many places, it's like about to fall off.

    Jesse: Yeah, you know, and I can't realistically expect that you've become anything but a total ho, at this point.

    Celine: Yeah, thank you.

  • Celine: Tell him to pick you up at Quai Henri Quatre.

    Jesse: Oh, shit. K-kay...

    Celine: Henri Quatre. Quai...

    Jesse: K-k-k...

    Celine: Henri Quatre.

    Jesse: [laughing] On...

    Celine: What's wrong with you? No, do you want be to - Henri Quatre.

    Jesse: Henry Four?

    Celine: Yes.

    Jesse: Come one, why didn't you say so.

    Celine: [laughing] I'm sorry, okay?

  • Celine: I love my kitty!

    Jesse: What's his name?

    Celine: Che.

    Jesse: Che?

    Celine: Mmm hmm.

    Jesse: Uh huh...

    Celine: What?

    Jesse: Commie.

  • Celine: An imperialist country can use that kind of thinking to justify their economic greed, you know. I - human rights...

    Jesse: Is there any particular imperialist country you have in mind, there, Frenchie?

    Celine: Mmm, no, not really...

  • Jesse: [describing how she looks different] Skinnier, I think. A little thinner.

    Celine: Did you think I was fat before?

    Jesse: [laughing] No!

    Celine: Yeah, you thought I was a fatty. No, you thought I was a fatty! Yeah, you, you wrote a book about a fat French girl!

    Jesse: No, listen...

    Celine: [laughing] Oh, no...

    Jesse: Seriously, all right, you look beautiful.

  • Jesse: Do you believe in, like... ghosts or spirits?

    Celine: Uhm, no.

    Jesse: No?

    Celine: No.

    Jesse: Ok, what about reincarnation?

    Celine: Not at all.

    Jesse: God?

    Celine: No.

    [Both Laugh]

    Celine: That sounds... that sounds terrible. No, no, no. But, at the same time I don't wanna be one of those people that don't believe in any kind of magic, you know?

    Jesse: So then, astrology.

    Celine: Yes, of course!

    Jesse: There we go, right!

    Celine: I mean, that makes sense, right? You're a Scorpio, I'm a Sag, so we get along.

  • Jesse: I have this idea of my best self, and I wanted to pursue that even if it might have been overriding my honest self.

  • Jesse: In the moment I remember thinking that it didn't much matter the "Who" of it all. Nobody is gonna be everything to you, and that ultimately it's just a simple action of committing yourself, meeting your responsibilities that matters.

  • Jesse: Okay, I realize there are a lot of serious problems in the world.

    Celine: Okay, thank you.

    Jesse: Okay. I mean, I don't even have one publisher in the whole Asian market.

  • Jesse: I don't have any permanent place here. You know, in eternity, or whatever. And the more I think that, I can't go through life saying that this is no big deal. I mean, this is it! This is actually happening. What do you think is interesting, what do you think is funny, what do you think is important? You know, every day is our last.

  • Jesse: What is love, if it's not respect, trust, admiration? And I felt all those things. So cut to the present tense: I feel like I'm running a small nursery with somebody I used to date.

  • Jesse: We're just living in a pretense of a marriage responsibility, and all these ideas of how people are supposed to live.

  • Jesse: There's gotta be something more to love than commitment.

  • Jesse: Life's hard. It's supposed to be. If we didn't suffer, we wouldn't learn a thing.

  • Jesse: You realize that most of the people that you meet are trying to get somewhere better, they're trying to make a little bit more cash, trying to get a little more respect, have more people admire them. It's just exhausting.

  • Jesse: Maybe what I'm saying is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was whacked with insecurity. Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

  • Jesse: I'm designed to feel slightly dissatisfied.

  • Jesse: I feel like if someone were to touch me, I'd dissolve into molecules.

  • Jesse: I fucked up my whole life because of the way you sing.

  • Jesse: If you want love, then this is it. This is real life. It's not perfect but it's real.

  • Jesse: I am giving you my whole life ok? I got nothing larger to give, I'm not giving it to anybody else. If you're looking for permission to disqualify me, I'm not gonna give it to you. Ok? I love you. And I'm not in conflict about it. Okay? But if what you want is like a laundry list of all the things that piss me off, I can give it to you.

    Celine: Yeah, I want to hear.

    Jesse: Okay well, number 1, you're fucking nuts! You are. Good luck! Find somebody else to put up with your shit for more than like 6 months okay? But I, accept the whole package, the crazy and the brilliant. I know you're not gonna change and I don't want you to. It's called accepting you for being you.

  • Jesse: You're just like the little girls and everybody else. You wanna live inside some fairy tale. I'm just trying to make things better. I tell you that I love you unconditionally, I tell you that you're beautiful, I tell you that your ass looks great when you're 80. I try to make you laugh.

    Celine: Ok.

    Jesse: All right, I put up with plenty of your shit. And if you think I'm just some dog who's gonna keep coming back, then you're wrong. But if you want true love, then this is it. This is real life. It's not perfect, but it's real. And if you can't see it, then you're blind, all right, and I give up.

  • Celine: I feel close to you.

    Jesse: Yeah?

    Celine: But sometimes, I don't know? I feel like you're breathing helium and I'm breathing oxygen.

    Jesse: [high pitched voice] What makes you say that?

  • Celine: You know what? The only time I get to think now is when I take a shit at the office. I'm starting to associate thoughts with the smell of shit.

    Jesse: Ha ha. That is a good line. I gonna use that in a book some day.

    Celine: I'm sure you will. And that'll be the best line in the book.

  • Jesse: You are the fucking mayor of Crazytown, do you know that? You are!

  • Celine: ...we don't have to spend our lives comparing ourselves to Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Tolstoy...

    Jesse: What about Joan of Arc, right, she was a teenager and she saved France, so...

    Celine: Who wants to be Joan of Arc? Forget France, she was burnt at the stake and a virgin, okay. Nothing I aspired to. What a great achievement.

  • Celine: Now I know why Sylvia Plath put her head in a toaster!

    Jesse: It was an oven.

  • Jesse: [His dad texted him that his grandmother died] Anyway, so I called my dad, right, after I got the text, just, you know to tell him I was sorry but I think I got screwed up at some point said... Hey dad you're an orphan now. I don't think it was funny. Not funny at all.

  • Celine: You like to have sex, the exact same way, evvvvvvery time.

    Jesse: When you got it, you got it.

    Celine: Kissy kissy, titty titty, pussy

    [snore]

    Jesse: I'm a man of simple pleasures.

  • Jesse: I tried to wake her up. I poked her and everything.

  • Jesse: Boo.

    Lestat: Boo back.

  • Lestat: You're beautiful to me because you're human. Your frailty. Your short years. Your heart. All that suddenly seems more precious than anything I've ever known.

    Jesse: I'm not as precious as you think.

  • David Talbot: Can I ask...?

    Jesse: What's it like?

    David Talbot: Yes.

    Jesse: Do you want to find out?

    David Talbot: Me? No, no - I'm too old to live forever.

  • Akasha: My children. Warms my blood to see you all gathered plotting against me.

    Maharet: Akasha.

    Akasha: Maharet. You will address my king first.

    Jesse: Lestat, what has she done to you?

    Marius: Lestat, step aside.

    Lestat: Never.

    Maharet: The world has changed since you reigned.

    Akasha: Then we shall change it back. Human are animals. Brute creatures. Their destruction can only make sense.

    Marius: Akasha, please!

    Akasha: You think you can change my will? I've had enough of this discussion. Join me or die!

    Maharet: I will not.

    Pandora: I will not.

    Armand: I will not.

    Marius: I will not.

    Akasha: [to Lestat] Do you love me?

    Lestat: Yes.

    Akasha: Then prove it. Kill her.

    Lestat: She means nothing to me.

    Akasha: Just the same. I'd like for you to kill her.

    Maharet: You will not touch her!

    Akasha: You dare to challenge me, Maharet?

    Jesse: No it's all right, Aunt Maharet. It's what I want.

    Akasha: How sweet.

    Akasha: [after Jesse is killed] See my children? Remember your real family, or join hers.

  • Lestat: I don't have time for this.

    Jesse: All a vampire has is time.

    Lestat: Not this one!

  • Lestat: Boo! That was quite a performance. You should learn to be more careful.

    Jesse: Thanks.

    Lestat: For what?

    Jesse: You saved me.

    Lestat: How presumptuous.

  • Lestat: A London goth. It's funny. I would have pegged you for a Talamascan.

    Jesse: Maybe in another light.

    LA Groupie: I'm an Episcopalian!

    Roger: And I'm a friggin' Buddhist. Uh, Lestat...

    Lestat: Roger, would you take our little Episcopalian back to church?

  • Lestat: So, you know Marius?

    Jesse: I know a lot of things.

    Lestat: Not how to stay alive, apparently.

    Jesse: Oh, I guess we have that in common, though I think I'm a little ahead of the race, here.

    Lestat: Well, I can fix that.

    [reaches for her neck]

    Jesse: [quickly] Your song "Redeemer" is about the girl with the violin? Right? Right?

    Lestat: Right? What else do you think you know?

    Jesse: [nervous] I...

    Lestat: You're... shaking.

    Jesse: I'm cold.

    Lestat: Still cold?

    [backing her up against a wall]

    Lestat: So, go on, tell me more about me.

    Jesse: You want...

    Lestat: What do I want?

    Jesse: You yearn...

    Lestat: What do I yearn?

    [pierces her finger]

    Lestat: What do I yearn?

    [sucks the blood from her finger]

    Jesse: To walk with the living... out of the cold dark wasteland of eternity.

  • Jesse: [Lestat turns to walk away] I know something that wasn't in your journal.

    Lestat: Oh. What is that?

    Jesse: You still have the violin, don't you.

  • Club Vampire: Your host... what's his name?

    Jesse: Marius?

    Club Vampire: Marius... Never heard of him.

    Jesse: Of course you wouldn't, he's an ancient.

    Club Vampire: There aren't any ancients left.

    Club Vampire: They all turned to dust.

    Club Vampire: So unless you got him in a bottle somewhere...

    Jesse: You know you're brave joking like that, I wish you could meet him.

    Club Vampire: And why's that?

    Jesse: Because you might learn something.

  • Lestat: Well, that makes you a very clever librarian, Talamascan. I knew I left that journal somewhere. So, was it a good read?

    Jesse: It touched me.

    Lestat: Did it now? Don't worry, Jesse. Your kind never satisfies my thirst.

  • Club Vampire: Hi.

    Jesse: Hi.

    Club Vampire: Come here often?

    Jesse: All the time.

    Club Vampire: [Inspecting Jesse's neck] I don't see any marks.

    Jesse: Well, you haven't seen the rest of my body.

    Club Vampire: Is that an invitation?

    Jesse: Sorry, I'm taken.

    Club Vampire: And, where is your host?

    Jesse: Oh... he's here somewhere.

  • Jesse: Do you remember when I told you that I was 104 years old?

    [Winnie nods]

    Jesse: Well... it's the honest truth.

    [Winnie looks confused]

    Jesse: I'm gonna live forever. I'm never gonna change. The same with Miles and Tuck and Mae. Something happened to us. I mean, as far as I know, I... I'm gonna be 17 until the end of the world. It's the spring, Winnie. Something's wrong with it. It stops you right where you are, if you'd had a drink of it today, you'd stay just like you are...

    [Both hear a rustling noise. They turn around to see Miles]

    Miles: Don't you wish he'd told you... before you kissed him? Did he tell you that immortality isn't all the preachers crack it up to be?

    Jesse: Hey, leave her alone, Miles!

    Miles: Well, now, you wanted her to hear it Jesse-boy. She's the first person you want to tell the truth to.

    Jesse: You just don't want me to have what you lost.

    Winnie: Stop this... both of you. Tell me... the truth... I wanna know.

    Miles: [Miles nods and walks over towards Jesse and Winnie] We all had a drink. Except for the cat, and that's important.

    [the rest of the monologue is told in flashbacks of what Miles is saying]

    Miles: The water tasted like... heaven. It floated over your tongue like a cloud. Tuck carved a T in the trunk and we moved on west to find a place to settle down. We put up a house for Mae and Tuck and a little shed for Jesse and me. That was the first time we figured there was something... peculiar. Jesse fell thirty feet and landed on is neck. He was up on his feet before Mae could work up a good cry. Didn't hurt him a bit, no broken bones... nothing. But that's not all... not by a long shot. Things began to happen. Some brush-poppers mistook Mae's horse for a deer. Thing is, the bullets didn't kill hime. Barely even left a mark. Then Tuck got bitten by a rattle snake, and you know what... he didn't die.

    [laughing]

    Miles: But the cat did, of old age.

    [Somberly, touching the ring on his finger]

    Miles: And Miles got married.

    [Whispering]

    Miles: Bo. Little Anna.

    [Out loud]

    Miles: Tuck figured it early on. It was the spring. We all drank from it, even the horse. It had to be... the source of our changelessness. I begged her to come back... to me and find the spring and drink from it. The children, too. It was our only hope... to be together. She'd made up her mind that I'd... sold my soul to the devil. And she left me. She took my babies with her.

    [Angrily, with tears in his eyes]

    Miles: Everyone... pulled away after that. There was talk of witchcraft... and... black magic. I went lookin' for wars to fight... and I saw brave men die at Vera Cruz. And then Gettysburg. Thousands of them in the blink of an eye.

    [Crying]

    Miles: But not me. I couldn't die. Like Little Anna. The influenza took her before she was fifteen. And Bo. He'd be almost eighty now if he were still alive. And my sweet... my sweet young bride. She died in an insame asylum. Old and alone. But I'm still here... I'm still here.

    [Unable to say any more, he just cries. We turn to Winnie, who is also crying. The screen fades to black]

  • Jesse: I will love you, until the day I die!

  • Jesse: Winnie Foster, I will love you until the day I die!

  • Jesse: Spend forever with me, Winnie?

  • Winnie: Jesse, don't let go!

    Jesse: It's ok, it's ok. There's no chance of that, Winnie Foster. I'll never let you go.

  • Winnie: I knew it! You're... you're bank robbers, or grifters.

    Jesse: You are the first human I've ever met, I wanted to know the truth.

    Winnie: Jesse Tuck, you're the first human I've ever met that I've ever wanted to... to...

    [Winnie leans in and kisses Jesse]

    Winnie: To do that.

  • Jesse: How am I supposed to take you home when I can't make my feet move from this spot? If I could die tomorrow I'd do it, just to spend one more night with you.

  • Jesse: Hey, Winnie Foster. You asleep?

    Winnie: [groaning] Not anymore.

    Jesse: Good. How would you like to see, the Eiffel Tower?

    Winnie: What? Someday.

    Jesse: No, right now, this instant. While the day is still ours.

  • Jesse: You shouldn't be in these parts of the woods. It's best you turn around and go home.

    [pause]

    Jesse: Well, go on now, get!

    Winnie: Excuse me, but I own these woods and I'll go on an get when I want to.

  • Jesse: Until we meet again... wake up with the dawn.

  • [From trailer]

    Jesse: I'm going to be 17 forever!

  • Jesse: I'm gonna be 17 until the end of the world!

  • Jesse: There it is.

    [Pointing to a mountain]

    Winnie: This is the Eiffel Tower?

    Jesse: The one in Paris - it's pretty tall. Mine is two feet higher.

    Winnie: [They start to climb the mountain] Have you really seen the real one in Paris?

    Jesse: Yes I have. And climbed 1.652 stairs to the top. Much easier than this. You doin' all right?

    Winnie: I think so

    Jesse: You're doin' great. Here

    [Gives her a helping hand]

    Winnie: If I went to the Eiffel Tower I would take one of those elevators.

    Jesse: Not with me! You'd take of your shoes and walk up every single, solitary step.

    Winnie: How old are you?

    Jesse: You really wanna know?

    Winnie: Yes.

    Jesse: 104

    Winnie: I'm serious.

    Jesse: So am I!

    [Thinks about it]

    Jesse: Let's just call it 17.

  • Winnie: I can't swim.

    Jesse: You're joshing me!

    Winnie: I wish I were.

    Jesse: So, you're afraid you'll drown, right? Swallow too much water, sink to the bottom and die!

    Winnie: Thank you for putting it so vividly, and yes, considering I'd sink like a rock, drowning is a fair concern!

    Jesse: Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to enjoy this all by myself.

  • Winnie: I'd be much abliged. But I want a drink first.

    Jesse: No. You can't drink that water. It's poisoned.

    Winnie: I saw you drink some.

    Jesse: Well, now I'm feeling sick.

    Winnie: You hardly look ill. I'm dry as dust.

  • Jesse: I'm going to see the whole world, every speck of it. Heck, I may even find some new continents or something!

  • Jesse: [as the night deputy comes out to stop him and Miles] Come out and meet your doom. Hell is upon you.

  • Tony Manero: Everybody uses everybody, don't they?

    Jesse: Go to hell, Manero!

  • Jesse: You wanna dance? You follow my rules! This is not a democracy! You know, you're not exactly the greatest dancer ever to hit Broadway!

  • Jesse: [to William in the restaurant] A lot of bad shit is gonna happen to you. People are not gonna love you back, and if you're serious about becoming an artist, that's the first thing you should learn. And, listen, you're gonna die, okay? Relatively soon, okay? So, that being said, you have nothing to worry about.

  • Jesse: [to William] Your whole life, people are gonna ask you to be weak. They're gonna practically beg you. But all anyone really wants is for you to be strong.

  • Jesse: [to her son in the diner] Take that gorgeous sexy body outside and move it!... and here, open your present!

  • Jesse: [after giving her son new shoes for his birthday] You gotta lose those cowboy boots, William. I worked too hard to get us out of Texas for you to go around in those things.

  • [Jesse is speaking to a crowd at the beach, as Jude looks on]

    Jesse: Don't worry about the way others live. Perfect yourself first, with the strength that I give you. The rescuer comes to a drowning man, not a great swimmer. It would be better that some are made blind in order that they would see. Love is the key to overcoming hate.

    [then, as Jesse prepares to heal a man's bad leg... ]

    Jesse: I can't teach a man to walk who's trusting in a crutch. Don't limit me; my power has no limits. Do you have faith? It's good to have faith, but it's of little use to you unless you believe.

  • [Jesse is sitting in a bar with his disciples, among them Jude]

    Jesse: No life is small to God. All life has value, but it's the quality of life that determines the value. Just as a physician heals the sick and not the healthy, so it is that I have come into the world to save the lost... who, through me, would have eternal life. If you believe, you will never be lonely.

    [then, after Jude suggests that Jesse should employ His divine abilities to overthrow the World Powers... ]

    Jesse: The world wasn't created out of force, but out of love. God is love. Therefore He truly gives and requires unconditional love. Love can't be bought or forced. Love is the ultimate force and power. It's the only weapon with which sin can be driven out. To love someone, you must truly know and understand that someone. To accomplish much, you must first BE much. And then, if you truly wish to conquer, you must trust in God... because He alone will give you the only safety and security and guidance that you'll ever need... There's nothing wrong with power itself. It's how you use it.

  • [Jesse and his disciples are en route to where His Transfiguration will be]

    Jesse: When you climb a mountain, keep your eye on the summit, not how far it is.

    [and after the Transfiguration has concluded... ]

    Jesse: I will give you the keys to the Kingdom. Whatever you bind or release on Earth will be bound or released in Heaven... Every light needs a switch, and I will make you mine. You will tell the world about me. Anything you see me do, you can do in my name. And if you have enough faith in me, you can do even greater things. Always remember: do not fear those who are able to kill the body alone. Rather fear Him who can kill both body and soul in Hell.

    [and later, He instructs them on how to pray... ]

    Jesse: There's no formula; just don't pray with your mind. Pray with your heart.

  • [Jesse is delivering another sermon to His congregation on the beach]

    Jesse: You have heard that you should love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But what reward is in that? I am telling you to love your enemy, to pray and forgive those who persecute you... You expect God to do for you what you're not willing to do for others? Since God is your Father, shouldn't you be a reflection of Him? Anything that lasts does so because it is built on a solid foundation.

    [then, after Jesse has miraculously fed the entire gathering with one small basket of food... ]

    Jesse: Only when you're willing to give what little you have, will God use it and multiply it... and teach you the true meaning of prosperity.

  • [the World Powers, both religious and political, are trying to recruit Jesse as their instrument]

    Jesse: I'VE COME TO HELP! The weak need strength; the strong need tenderness; the tempted and fallen need salvation; the righteous need pity for sinners; the fighters need a leader; the lonely simply need a friend. Only God can be all these things... The world has always had a Leader; the trouble is no one wants to listen, much less follow.

  • Jesse: What does rotting flesh know of beauty?

  • Jesse: Hey, Karen.

    Karen: Hey.

    Jesse: So, is, Howard, uh...

    [she shakes her head]

    Jesse: Well, it's good to see you.

    Karen: You too, Jesse.

  • [on the town's Civil War history]

    Becky: Davis was a drunk. Lee was a drunk. Grant was a drunk. Sherman was also a drunk; Sherman just liked killing people the most.

    Jesse: Jesus, Becky.

  • [upon entering the barn]

    Howie: Do you think there are any monsters in here?

    Jesse: I don't think so, buddy.

    Howie: If we see any monsters, I'll turn into a wolf and I'll get them.

    Jesse: Why do think there are monsters in here?

    Howie: Because it's dark and no one lives here.

    Jesse: But, if you turned into a wolf, wouldn't you be a monster too?

    Howie: No.

    Jesse: Why not?

    Howie: Because. I'm not a monster.

  • Jesse: You know what my mother used to call me? Dangerous. "You're a dangerous girl". She was right. I am dangerous.

  • Jesse: I don't want to be like them. They want to be like me.

  • Jesse: I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't write... no real talent. But I'm pretty, and I can make money off pretty.

  • Sarah: What's it feel like?

    Jesse: What do you mean?

    Sarah: To walk into a room, and it's like in the middle of winter. You're the sun.

    Jesse: It's everything.

  • Gigi: He calls me the bionic woman.

    Jesse: Is that a compliment?

  • Jesse: When I was a kid, I would sneak out to the roof at night; I thought the moon looked like a big round eye. And I would look up and I'd say, "Do you see me?". Ya know, I'd stay out there for hours. Sometimes I'd fall asleep, just dreaming.

    Dean: About what?

    Jesse: What I would be.

    Dean: What was that?

    Jesse: I could never figure it out.

  • Jesse: I know what I look like. Women would kill to look like this.

  • Jesse: Women carve and stuff, praying that one day they'll look like me.

  • Jesse: Something's in my room!

    Hank: What do you mean something's in your room?

    Jesse: I saw something in my room!

    Hank: Are you high?

  • Sarah: All she really wants to know is, who are you fucking?

    Jesse: Sorry?

  • Ruby: Am I staring?

    Jesse: A little.

    Ruby: Sorry... you just have such beautiful skin. I'm Ruby by the way. Do you have a name or you want me to guess?

    Jesse: Jesse.

    Ruby: Jesse. And you just get to LA Jesse?

    Jesse: How'd you know?

    Ruby: You've got that look. Oh don't worry honey, that whole deer in the headlights thing is exactly what they want.

  • Jesse: Are we having a party or something?

  • [from trailer]

    Jesse: We need to find someone who knows what's going on.

  • Jesse: We aren't alone.

  • Jesse: Natalie, have you noticed that I'm only wearing underpants?

  • Jesse: We could have had something Jesse.

  • Jesse: Kind of like us?

    Deke: What do you mean?

    Jesse: We're the rocks, Time is the the water, and we end up being sand

    Deke: Broken Down?

    Jesse: Broken Down

    Deke: Does this mean were still broken up?

  • James: Jesse, I brought these.

    [indicating two guns]

    Jesse: Do those even work?

    James: They'll knock anyone down who tries to get at us.

    Jesse: I'm sure they said that at the military base, too.

    James: Yeah, well you'll be thanking me when I save your dumb ass.

  • Jesse: He said what the shit you do? Ain't got no T.V.!

Browse more character quotes from The Fast and the Furious (2001)

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