Jennifer ("J") Quotes in My First Mister (2001)

Randall ("R"): I'm forty-nine years old.

Jennifer ("J"): I'm seventeen. Nice to meet you.

Jennifer ("J"): I'd like to propose a toast to all the special 'f' words - to friends, family, fate, forgiveness, and forever.

Jennifer ("J"): Technically I'm still a virgin. There was this one day in third grade when Matthew Kingsley came over and we played doctor. He confused my vagina with my anus and took my temperature with a fire engine red crayon. From then on whenever I'd hear a siren I'd giggle.

Randall ("R"): I'm old, I'm George Burns.

Jennifer ("J"): Who's George Burns?

Randall ("R"): I'm Uncle Fester, I'm Andy of Mayberry, I'm Mr. Roper, I'm Grandpa Munster.

Jennifer ("J"): Okay, okay, I get it.

Jennifer ("J"): So much stuff, so little time to snoop.

Jennifer ("J"): I'm so sorry.

Randy Harris, Jr.: Thanks a lot, Twilight Zone.

Randy Harris, Jr.: Wanna come up for lunch?

Jennifer ("J"): [Immitating Randy] I'll eat but I'm not talking.

Jennifer ("J"): [about "R"] And we didn't do it, okay! He's just the greatest person I met in my entire life!

Randy Harris, Jr.: Turkey and swiss okay?

Randall ("R"): Listen to me very carefully. I am not getting a fucking tattoo.

Jennifer ("J"): Oooh, you said the really bad word.

Randall ("R"): Yeah, I did. I am in fact the boy who cried fuck.

Randy Harris, Jr.: Shut up, Sybil. Shut up.

Jennifer ("J"): Sybil?

Randy Harris, Jr.: Yeah, you know Sybil? The woman with eight home phone numbers? It's not necessarily a bad thing. A plethora of personalities can be very enchanting.

Jennifer ("J"): Fuck you.

Randy Harris, Jr.: Fuck you.

Jennifer ("J"): Fuck *you*!

Randy Harris, Jr.: Fuck you. All eight of you.

Jennifer ("J"): Death touched her lips to say goodbye and to always remember the man who touched her first, touched her with his heart. That is forever hers, my first mister. A man of few words. Life of more questions than answers. He awoken me my heart which beats stronger because of him and all that he has left me.

Randall ("R"): [after refusing J's offer to buy him a cup of coffee] Actually it's almost nine o'clock.

Jennifer ("J"): Right, so?

Randall ("R"): Well, I'm usually home by nine.

Jennifer ("J"): What happens at nine?

Randall ("R"): I turn into the same person I am.

Jennifer ("J"): [while shopping for "salesman" clothes with Randall "R"] The last time I had this much weird fun was with the fire engine red crayon.

Randall ("R"): What's he like?

Jennifer ("J"): Oh, he's kinda like you.

Randall ("R"): He's an asshole?

Jennifer ("J"): Oh worse than that. He's a pathetic loser asshole.

Randall ("R"): That's my boy. So you *like* him.

Jennifer ("J"): Nooo. Are you mental?

Randall ("R"): Totally. I've gotten down with it. I've boogied.

Jennifer ("J"): OK Shaft.