Jeffrey Quotes in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

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Jeffrey Quotes:

  • Buffy: You left me a message?

    Jeffrey: You weren't home! Like always.

    Buffy: You broke up with my machine?

  • Buffy's Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!

    Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?

    Buffy: It's possible she thinks *my* name's Bobby.

  • Jeffrey: Jess has the hottest ass!

    Albert: Casey has the hottest rack!

    Paul: Bianca, has, the hottest friends.

    JeffreyAlbertPaul: Yeah!

  • Jeffrey: [about Nick] There's something about him I don't like.

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: He's 9% body fat and shagging your ex-girlfriend.

  • Jeffrey: [about Kat] I didn't deserve her back then.

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: And you do now?

  • Jeffrey: Kat, could I have a word? It'll only take a moment.

    Bunny: Well, let me think. You stole seven years of her life with your bullshit and your charm and now you'd like just a moment? Sure, go right ahead.

    Kat Ellis: Thanks for the solidarity, Mom, but next time a little less information.

  • Jeffrey: [ready to pitch] Are you ready, TJ?

    TJ: Bugger off, Jeffery.

  • Jeffrey: [to Edward about Nick] He's walking around all American, like he owns the place.

  • Jeffrey: You hate sports.

    Kat Ellis: I hate cricket.

    Jeffrey: Right.

  • Kat Ellis: [about Jeffrey] He seems more mature.

    Jeffrey: Run you fat tart!

  • Jeffrey: You remember when we took the girls hiking in the Lake District?

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: No.

    Jeffrey: Yeah, you do. Blistering heat in the morning. Pouring rain all afternoon.

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: No.

    Jeffrey: You backed your car over that copper's bicycle.

    Edward Fletcher-Wooten: No, sorry, no.

    Jeffrey: The Rat and Gherkin.

    JeffreyEdward Fletcher-Wooten: Mmm-hmm-hmm, splendid local scrumpy.

  • Jeffrey: My teacher Miss Kramer has a girlfriend.

    Paula: Oh, that's nice.

    Jeffrey: She's a lesbian.

  • Jeffrey: She could probably move her pussy muscles just the right way so you blow your load in like seconds.

  • [Jeffrey walks in on Simon using the toilet]

    Jeffrey: Holy Shit!

    Simon Wilder: You think so? Looks like the regular garden variety to me.

  • [Father Dan has just tried to kiss Jeffrey]

    Jeffrey: Wait! You're really a priest?

    Father Dan: Of course.

    Jeffrey: But... I mean, aren't you supposed to be straight and celibate?

    Father Dan: Maybe you didn't hear me. I'm a CATHOLIC priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.

  • [opening lines]

    Jeffrey: [voice over] I love sex. It's just one of the truly great ideas. I mean, just the fact that our bodies have this built-in capacity for joy, oh it makes me love God. Yes!

  • Jeffrey: But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats."

    Sterling: Exactly. I said you needed a boyfriend, not a person.

  • Sterling: You know, Darius once said you were the saddest person he knew.

    Jeffrey: Why did he say that?

    Sterling: Because he was sick. He had a fatal disease. And he was a million times happier than you.

  • Jeffrey: I will find a substitute for sex. Sex Lite. Sex Helper. I Can't Believe It's Not Sex!

  • Acolyte: I can walk!

    Jeffrey: You could always walk.

    Acolyte: Shut up.

  • [Regarding his brush with Mother Theresa]

    Jeffrey: She looked good.

    Sterling: Please, she's had work done.

  • Jeffrey: Dad, I am not going to have phone sex with you and mom!

  • Skip Winkley: Who is your biggest sexual fantasy?

    Barney's Waiter: [wipes the side of his mouth seductively] Den-ZEL Washington.

    Jeffrey: The guy at the gym.

    Sterling: Yoko Ono.

    [everyone looks at Sterling with a suprised look]

    Sterling: To see the apartment!

  • [last lines]

    Jeffrey: [flicking Steve a red balloon] I dare you.

  • Jeffrey: I live up to the very edge of my charm.

  • Jeffrey: I'm Jeffrey Byron III.

    Phyllis: The third what?

    Jeffrey: What they were making at the time. There won't be a fourth. We Byrons quit when we get it right.

  • Jeffrey: You're the most fascinating woman I've met in my entire life.

    Phyllis: Yes, I know.

  • Jeffrey: Ever wonder about women being like fine wine?

  • Phyllis: I did notice your wedding ring!

    Jeffrey: It's removable!

    Phyllis: Does your wife know that?

    Jeffrey: We can ask her. I came to spy on her.

  • Jeffrey: Smoke gets in your eyes.

    Phyllis: Kern-Hammerstein.

  • Nicole: Why would you walk away from a great career in homicide to join my unit?

    Jeffrey: Well, I figure it's pretty much the same skill set. Except here I get to deal with living victims for a change.

    Nicole: What is your history with children?

    Jeffrey: Well, I was one once.

    [snickers]

  • Jeffrey: [taking pictures of Matthew's car filled with kid's objects] Hey, what's up with the shrine here, man?

    [Matthew punches him]

  • Jeffrey: [about Matthew] Hey. He reminds me of someone.

    Nicole: Somebody from your past?

    Jeffrey: Yeah, from my past.

    Nicole: This is the present.

  • Terry: They say the storm is going to be really bad

    Jeffrey: I better get going

    Terry: Tell your dad I said happy birthday. I love you

    Jeffrey: Love you too

  • [shows him a drawing a wavy cross]

    Joe Darrow: That's a good drawing.

    Jeffrey: Yeah, What is it?

    Joe Darrow: A Crucifix made of Jello!

    The Nurse: Thats all he keeps drawing, hasn't stop since he got out of the ICU.

    Jeffrey: Yeah, I saw you in there, but you were wearing a different tie.

    Joe Darrow: Jeffrey, do you know who I am?

    Jeffrey: Emily's Joe!

  • Jeffrey: What if I do remember what she wants to tell you, then will you believe me?

    Joe Darrow: Do you remember it?

    Jeffrey: If you come back I might.

    Paul Reardon: Of what who wants to tell him?

    Jeffrey: His wife. She wants me to tell him something.

    Paul Reardon: Probably take out the trash...

  • Jeffrey: I wasn't showing my penis. I was showing a minnow.

    Stacey Davidson: Oh..."minnow." For sure.

    Birdie Davidson: Mom, he's telling the truth. He was just showing me a minnow.

    Stacey Davidson: This is unbelieveable. I don't care what we want to call it, children of age should not be sharing this kind of thing.

  • Jeffrey: I don't like you anymore!

  • Jesus: Did I ever tell you I used to read feet?

    Jeffrey: You used to... what?

    Jesus: Some people read palms or tea leaves. I read feet. Look what it says!

    [looks at Jeffrey's foot]

    Jesus: Ahh, it says "Rejoice."

    Jeffrey: [looking at his foot] It says "Keds."

  • Jesus: Sorry, no goats.

    Jeffrey: Baaaaaa-lony.

  • Lynne: Master...

    [Lynne climbs down from a stage and rushes to Jesus. Gilmer, Robin, Joanne, Jeffrey, Merrell, Jerry and Katie follow]

    Lynne: Master! Blessed are the poor in Spirit...

    Jesus: For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Gilmer: Blessed are they who mourn...

    Jesus: For they shall be comforted.

    Robin: Blessed are the meek...

    Jesus: For they shall inherit the Earth.

    Joanne: Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice...

    Jesus: For the shall be filled.

    Jeffrey: Blessed are the merciful...

    Jesus: For they shall have mercy.

    Merrell: Blessed are the pure in heart...

    Jesus: For they shall see God.

    Jerry: Blessed are the peace-makers...

    Jesus: For they shall be called the children of God.

    Katie: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake...

    Jesus: For theirs is the Kingdom of *heaven*!

    [the others applaud]

    Judas: [shouting from the distant stage] Blessed are ye... When men shall persecute you and revile you... and say all manner of evil against you...

    [pauses then calms down]

    Judas: falsely.

  • Jeffrey: A man was on his way from Jerusalem to Jericho when he fell among robbers who beat him, stripped him and left, leaving him half dead. It so happened a priest came upon him, but when he saw him, he went past on the other side. So to, a judge came to the place, and saw him, and he went past on the other side. But a Samaritan was making the journey. He came upon him and when he saw him, he was moved to pity. he went up and bandaged his wounds, bathing them in oil and wine. Then he put him onto his own beast and brought him to and inn, and looked after him there. The next day he produced two pieces of silver and said "Look after him, and if you spend any more, I will repay on my way back".

  • Jeffrey: She's a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle. Some call her Cockerpoo... but I call her Spadoodle.

  • Jeffrey: Most Americans...

    [his phone rings]

    Jeffrey: Let's hold all my calls, please, Liz.

    [to Robert]

    Jeffrey: ...hate gay people. If they hear it's about gay people, they won't go.

  • [as he hugs Robert]

    Jeffrey: You are very handsome. And I'm getting a little turned on. Are you?

  • Jeffrey: You can do anything you want, as long as you don't call it what it is.

  • Jeffrey: We'll be old and wrinkled by then.

    Marc Jarvis: Not me. I'm gonna fuck all your grandchildren.

  • Jeffrey: If you're meeting us for the first time, I guess this is the last time we see you...

Browse more character quotes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

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Characters on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)