Jed Clampett Quotes in The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)

Milburne Drysdale: I'm president of a bank.

Jethro: Wow, can I be president of a bank too?

Jed Clampett: Jethro that was a mighty disrespectful thing to say to Mr. Drysdale. Ask if you can be vice president.

[the Clampetts were flipped off by an irate motorist]

Jed Clampett: Now why you suppose he's doing that?

Jethro: I reckon that's how people wave hello in Beverly Hills.

Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.

Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?

Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.

Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.

Jed Clampett: Elly, Nature made you a girl, and here lately she's been gettin' more and more positive about it.

Jed Clampett: I reckon you done what you done because you didn't know we was who we was. And if we hadn't been who we was, we'd have still been much obliged for you to have done what you done.

Jed Clampett: [a motorists has pulled a pistol on the Clampetts] That's real cute, son. This here's what I carry

[pulls out a huge shotgun]

Jed Clampett: .

Laura Jackson: [in mock French accent] Some women will search for many years before they find 'a-PEE-ness.

Jed Clampett: [startled] *what?*

Laura Jackson: 'a-PEE-ness.

Jed Clampett: Oh... happiness!

Reverend Mason: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in case of an emergency, oxygen masks will fall from the overhead compartment. Your seat cushion can be used as a floatin' device. Thus sayeth the Lord.

Jed Clampett: Excuse me, Reverend, but I believe you're reading the airplane safety instructions.

Laura Jackson: May we skip this part?