Jeannie Quotes in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Boy in Police Station: Drugs?

Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.

Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?

Jeannie: Why are you here?

Boy in Police Station: Drugs.

[calling the police about an intruder]

Jeannie: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen... M-my-my-my name is Bueller...

[pause]

Jeannie: Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, all right? I need help! Speaka de English? DICKHEAD!

[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems... ]

Boy in Police Station: There's someone you should talk to.

Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle.

Boy in Police Station: Oh, you know him?

Jeannie: In a nutshell: I hate my brother.

Boy in Police Station: That's cool. Did you blow him away or somethin'?

Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris?

[Solicits Jeannie]

Shermerite: Save Ferris?

Jeannie: Excuse me?

Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. They run about 50 g's, so if you wouldn't mind helping out...

Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole.

Shermerite: I'm sorry?

Jeannie: You should be.

[Knocks the can out of his hand]

Shermerite: You heartless wench!

[Calling her mother's office]

Jeannie: Well, where is she? This is her daughter.

[pause]

Jeannie: Do know where she is?

[pause]

Jeannie: Well, do you know when she'll be back?

[pause]

Jeannie: Do you know anything?

[slams down receiver]

[Jeannie enters Mr. Rooney's office]

Grace: Hello, Jeannie. Who's bothering you now?

Jeannie: Is Mr. Rooney in?

Grace: No, I'm sorry. He's not. May I help you?

Jeannie: I seriously doubt it. When's he back?

Grace: Well, I don't know. He's left the school grounds on personal business.

Jeannie: What's that supposed to mean?

Grace: Well, I believe that it's personal and it's none of your business, young lady.

Jeannie: [scoffs] Nice attitude.

Grace: Isn't Mrs. Hagel expecting you in Consumer Ed. class?

Jeannie: Probably.

[Departs]

Grace: Mmm-mmm-mmm. What a little asshole.

Jeannie: [thinking to herself] Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy. After all, I got a car, he got a computer. But still, why should he get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants? Why should everything work out for him? What makes him so goddamn special?

[spoken]

Jeannie: Screw him.

Jeannie: [over the house intercom, as Principal Rooney is standing at the kitchen sink] Excuse me: if whoever was in this house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a *scorching* case of herpes.

Jeannie: I can't drive when you're yelling at me! STOP IT!

Boy in Police Station: What's your name?

Jeannie: It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna.

Boy in Police Station: Okay, Jean.

Jeannie: Oh my god! We make such a fab team! Last Night, I was so like Bonnie, and you were so like Clyde. And now this.

Richard: Would you shut up? I'm trying to pleasure you.

Jeannie: Sorry, Richard. Plesure away. PS, this is an awesome room.

Richard: PS, shut the fuck up!

Jeannie: This party so rocks, Richard!

Richard: This party sucks rectum, Jeannie!

Jeannie: Then we bumped uglies. It was the best ten seconds ever.

Jeannie: I know who the father is.

Hud: Yeah, you know that, you know a lot. If the baby comes out all white and squishy-like, crying his ass off, then we know Woof is definitely the daddy. But if he comes out all beautiful and chocolate brown, that's mine!

Sheila: [after receiving Claude's letter] So, I was thinking of writing him. What should I say?

Jeannie: Oh! I wanna say something! I wanna say... um... tell him I said... um... Jeannie says 'Hi!'

Sheila, Jeannie: [in song] Gliddy glup goopy, nibby nabby noopy la la la lo lo. Sabba sibby sabba, nooby abba nabba le le lo lo. Tooby ooby walla, nooby abba nabba. Early morning singing song.

Berger: Where you from?

Claude Bukowski: Oklahoma.

Jeannie: listen man I know what how it feels, I used to come from Kansas myself.

Jeannie: So, do you wanna to get married?

Claude Bukowski: To who?

Jeannie: Me!

Jeannie: You're fucking dead!

Kat: I was, but now I'm back!

Sox: Not possible. This is not possible.

Lillith: How does it feel?

Kat: Great. I've never felt more alive!

Gaia: Oh sweet irony!

[Kat turns to walk away]

Lillith: Hey, where are you going?

Kat: I'm going to dance.

Ian: Back off, you walking herpe you!

Jeannie: [touching his jacket] This is nice.

Ian: [slapping her hand away] Never touch. Not the jacket. Not the shirt. Not the hair. You touch me again, I'll kill you!

Jeannie: [offering herself to zombie] Come to mama.

Jeannie: [Newly turned zombie, challenging zombie Kat] Warriors come out to play! Warriors come out to play!

[last lines]

Frannie: What time is it?

Marv Gomez: It's 12:15.

Frannie: Fabulous. We're gonna get killed! We were supposed to be home at 11!

Jeannie: [counting their share of the prize money] $50, Frannie! We can pay back my brother! We got enough for the concert!

Frannie: Who cares about that dumb old concert? That's for kids. We're disco queens now.

Marv Gomez: Hey, it's too bad you disco queens got to be home so early. If we hurry, we can make it to Big Mama's for the one o'clock dance contest.

Jeannie: Our parents will kill us.

Frannie: You're right!

Frannie, Jeannie: [both together] Let's go!

Club cashier: [Jeannie brings out the big jar of coins to pay for admission. Cashier shakes his head] IDs?

Frannie: [chuckling to Jeannie] Is he kidding, dear?

Jeannie: He must be, dear.

[turns to cashier]

Jeannie: We haven't been carded in years.

Club cashier: Let's see.

Club cashier: [Frannie and Jeannie give cashier fake IDs] What kind of IDs are these?

Frannie: The regular kind.

Jeannie: They're Idaho driver's licenses.

Club cashier: You ladies are a long way from home.

Jeannie: Well, there ain't much dancin' in Idaho?

Club cashier: According to these,

[looks at Jeannie]

Club cashier: you're 34,

[looks at Frannie]

Club cashier: and you're 37.

Jeannie: [Frannie and Jeannie laugh at the same time] Well something about that Idaho water, you know?

Club cashier: Take a hike!

Jeannie: [Cheerfully] Hi!

Lo: How you doing?

Jeannie: How are you doing what? What you reading for?

Lo: Don't you mean "What am I reading?"

Jeannie: No, I can see the title of the book from here.

Lo: Well, I'm reading to improve my mind, so I don't have to work as an usher for the rest of my life.

Jeannie: Oh. I just thought you might be revising for a test or something.

Jeannie: Your right. I don't find myself mentally challenged by this job. But I'd like to be mentally challenged.

Jeannie: Lo?

Lo: Yeah?

Jeannie: What does "anal" mean?

Katerina: Ya know, I complain about them making us wear these outfits if I didn't look so unbelievably hot... 'cept I hate my crappy hair.

Jeannie: Yeah, I know what you mean. But messy's OK. Some guys like that.

Katerina: It's lucky most guys like stupid.

Jeannie: My last boyfriend used to say, I had the mind of a saint, the eyes of an angel and the smile of a princess.

Katerina: What did he say about your worn out rectum?

Jeannie: It was never mentioned.

Katerina: At least I'm not some cheap blond bimbo.

Jeannie: Dunno why everyone keeps calling me that. I mean... I know I'm not a bimbo, and I know I'm not blond.

[Jeannie lifts her nurses skirt in front of Lo]

Ernie: You were never able to take criticism either.

Jeannie: I think it depends on how it's given.

Ernie: There's no easy way to give it. It's like medicine. You just take it... if you really wanna get better.

Jeannie: Ned...

Ned: I think he should change, or he can't go.

Jonah: This is what people wear to a dance.

Ned: Why don't you just go in a jock strap?

Jeannie: You're being ridiculous.

Ethan: You can sort of see the outline of your penis in those.

Ernie: They're good, your boys. They're beautiful.

Jeannie: I'm very lucky.

Ernie: Sometimes luck has nothing to do with it.

Ned: You look good.

Jeannie: I feel old.

Ned: But you look good and that's the main thing.

Jeannie: I can see that what's happening here is a huge downer for you. You can add it to your list next to gay son, sucky job and wife who's over forty.

Jeannie: [after Ernie has berated Ethan and forced him to leave] He's just beginning it, Dad. It's a very difficult piece.

Ernie: [Angrily] If you learn it wrong, it's twice as difficult.

Jeannie: He's playing for enjoyment. He's not planning on being a professional.

Ernie: Well, the, guess it doesn't matter how he plays. You were never able to take criticism either.

Jeannie: I think it depends on how it's given.

Ernie: There's no easy way to give it. It's like medicine. You just gotta take it if you want to get better.

Jeannie: [Talking about Ernie on the phone] No, he's not dead. He lives in New York.

Jeannie: [Epeaking about Ernie] I don't even like him.

Ned: You're a good daughter.

Jeannie: I'm a guilty daughter.

Jeannie: [Solicitously at the dinner table] Do you want some salad, Dad? You must be hungry; you haven't eaten all day.

Ernie: [Sourly] I need my shit kit.

Jeannie: Do you like to watch?

[first lines]

Jeannie: [at her front door, to George] Yeah? Do you want mum?

Richard Forst: Jeannie, do me a favor. Don't be silly anymore. Just be yourself.

Jeannie: But I am myself. Who else would I be?

Richard Forst: I'm serious.

Jeannie: Definition of serious: Blah blah blah blah...

Richard Forst: You're not fat.

Jeannie: What?

Richard Forst: You're voluptuous.

Jeannie: Skinny people are not like fat people. Fat people are jolly. Right?

Richard Forst: Wrong. Skinny people are happy because they're not fat.

Jeannie: [after throwing a shoe in Alex' direction] I didn't mean to throw that at you.

Alex: I'm sure it just Freudian-slipped out of your hand.

Jeannie: [to Frame Johnson] You're big and you're ugly and you're stupid, and I happen to be in love with you.