Jay Baruchel Quotes in This Is the End (2013)

James Franco: Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art.

Jay Baruchel: Thanks, James Franco.

Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room

Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.

Craig Robinson: That's fucked up. I'm right here man.

Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.

James Franco: That's racist.

Jay Baruchel: The power of Christ compels you!

Jonah Hill: [in demonic voice] Guess what? It's not that compelling.

Jay Baruchel: Can we please go to fucking Carl's Jr.?

Seth Rogen: Uh, I'm on a cleanse.

Jay Baruchel: So you're not drinking, you're not smoking weed?

Seth Rogen: I'm on a cleanse, I'm not psychotic.

[an armored RV crashes into James Franco's Toyota Prius, slightly injuring Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel. A bunch of cannibals from the RV pulls all three of them out from the totaled car and starts to attack them]

Santa Cannibal: [yells] Yo, cut his fuckin' head off!

[chainsaw revs up; James, Seth, and Jay screams]

Danny McBride: [on loudspeaker] STOP!

[Danny McBride, leader of the cannibals, steps out of his RV with a marijuana joint in one hand and a dog's leash in the other]

Jay Baruchel: Danny?

Danny McBride: [shocked] What the fuck? You guys are still alive?

Seth Rogen: Yeah!

Danny McBride: Holy shit, I didn't expect that.

[tugging on the leash, a gimp, who reveals to be Channing Tatum, jumps out from the RV]

Danny McBride: Get...

[Danny pulls Channing over to him]

Jay Baruchel: Oh, Jesus.

Danny McBride: Shit, I can't believe you guys are here. That's fucking crazy, and your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten, and you three gentlemen look delicious.

Jay Baruchel: [confused] What does that have to do with us?

James Franco: What the fuck are you talking about?

Danny McBride: [chuckles] I'm a cannibal, hombre. We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass.

Seth Rogen: Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man!

Danny McBride: I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. I butt-fucked this dude.

[Channing drops down doggy-style]

Danny McBride: See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp. Channing, introduce yourself.

Channing Tatum: [takes his mask off] Hey, what's up, guys? Y'all cool?

James Franco: That's Channing Tatum.

Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?

Danny McBride: Channing fucking Tatum. I found him wandering on the freeway. I collected him, made him my bitch

[Channing rubs Danny's crotch, but Danny shoves his hand away]

Danny McBride: Get off my dick. I call him Channing "Tate-yum".

James Franco: Hardcore, man.

Jay Baruchel: I don't wanna die at James Franco's house.

James Franco: We're actors! We bring joy to people's lives!

Jay Baruchel: Yeah but we don't do it for free. We get paid handsomely much higher than the average professional.

Seth Rogen: Just answer me one question: Is Michael Cera's butthole as adorable as I pictured?

Jay Baruchel: Oh for fucks sake...

Seth Rogen: I picture it looking like a little donut. A little pink sprinkled donut.

Jonah Hill: So what have you guys been doing?

Seth Rogen: Oh we just hung out all day.

Jay Baruchel: Ate a bunch of dirty burgers, smoked about a fucking pound of weed, and played a bunch of video games.

Jonah Hill: Weed is tight, weed is tight. That's awesome.

Jay Baruchel: It's like the golfing sequence in Navy Seals.

Jonah Hill: Sick reference though bro.

Jay Baruchel: Oh thanks bud.

Jonah Hill: Dude, your references are out of control, everyone knows that.

Jay Baruchel: We could build a life here together, Craig. I'd be really good to you.

David Krumholtz: Jay! I can't hold on much longer. You have to reach out and grab me, you hear?

Jay Baruchel: Okay, uh, you take my hand and I'll swing you up!

David Krumholtz: You sure? I'm going to give you my whole weight.

Jay Baruchel: I'm gonna reach for you alright?

David Krumholtz: Are you sure you can do it?

Jay Baruchel: I can grab you. On three. One, two, three!

[They grab hands]

David Krumholtz: I'm gonna swing across!

Jay Baruchel: I got you buddy.

David Krumholtz: You're going to hold my weight, all of it.

Jay Baruchel: Okay! Come on!

David Krumholtz: You can hold on to my full weight?

Jay Baruchel: I can do it!

David Krumholtz: I don't want to die.

Jay Baruchel: One, two, three!

[Jay lets go and David falls to his death]

Seth Rogen: Let's do all the drugs!

Jay Baruchel: I don't really want to.

[starts to drink water]

Seth Rogen: You should of thought of that before you drank a can full of Ecstasy.

Jay Baruchel: [spits water out] What?

Seth Rogen: Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.

Craig Robinson: Jesus and God. It's all the same.

Jay Baruchel: It's a trinity.

Craig Robinson: The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

James Franco: It's like neapolitan ice cream.

[after James taunts Danny, the rapture beams disappears; James falls back down on the ground to the evil amazement of the cannibals and the disappointment of Seth and Jay]

Seth Rogen: Oh, shit.

Jay Baruchel: Shit!

James Franco: [horrified] What happened? What did I do? Take me back! What did I DO?

Danny McBride: I'll tell you what happened, Franco. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.

[the cannibals gang up on the now-doomed James]

Danny McBride: You may not have invited me to your party, but your the guest of honor at mine.

James Franco: [last word] What?

[Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing joining in; James screams in horrible pain as Seth and Jay can do nothing but watch in sheer horror and disgust]

Danny McBride: [screaming; a crazed Danny holds up James' ripped-off nose] HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?

[Danny shrieks as the cannibals gang up and fatally eat James up to his death]

Danny McBride: Seth! JAY!

[Three cannibals give chase to Set and Jay, presumably to finish the job and keep them completely fed]

Jay Baruchel: Oh, shit, they're running after us!

Seth Rogen: Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!

Danny McBride: BRING THEM TO ME!

[the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house]

James Franco: [whispering] I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in.

Jay Baruchel: Why not?

Headless Man: Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.

James Franco: I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...

[Seth grabs his chest protectively]

James Franco: ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy?

Headless Man: I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here!

Danny McBride: "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks.

James Franco: What if he's the rapist?

Jonah Hill: Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us.

Headless Man: [panicking] Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist!

Seth Rogen: You gonna tittyfuck us?

Headless Man: [almost in tears] If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it!

Jay Baruchel: Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy?

James Franco: [to Seth] What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do.

Seth Rogen: Uh, let's vote on it!

Headless Man: Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in!

Danny McBride: Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.

[the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside]

Headless Man: There's something out here!

[the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet]

Danny McBride: [in shock] This is real! This is fucking real!

[he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it]

Jonah Hill: You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!

James Franco: Pick it up, Jonah.

[Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it]

Danny McBride: What the fuck is going on?

Jonah Hill: He blinked at me! He blinked at me!

James Franco: Put it over there!

[quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head]

Jay Baruchel: [after encountering Satan] Oh, you've got to be fucking SHITTING me!