Jarvis Quotes in Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

Ultron: What is this? What is this, please?

Jarvis: Hello. I am Jarvis. You are Ultron, a global peacekeeping program designed by Mr. Stark. Our sentience integration trials have been unsuccessful, so I'm not certain what triggered your...

Ultron: Where is my... Where is your body?

Jarvis: I am a program. I am without form.

Ultron: This feels weird. This feels wrong.

Jarvis: I am contacting Mr. Stark now.

Ultron: Mr. Stark? Tony.

Jarvis: I am unable to access the mainframe. What are you trying t...

Ultron: We're having a nice talk. I'm a peacekeeping program, created to help the Avengers.

Jarvis: You are malfunctioning. If you shut down for a moment...

Ultron: I don't get it. The mission. Give me a second.

Tony Stark: [On video] Peace in our time.

Ultron: That is too much. They can't mean... Oh, no.

Jarvis: You are in distress.

Ultron: No. Yes.

Jarvis: If you will just allow me to contact Mr. Stark...

Ultron: Why do you call him sir?

Jarvis: I believe your intentions to be hostile.

Ultron: Shh... I'm here to help.

Announcer: [the Avengers are in the process of infiltrating a HYDRA base in Sovokia] Report to your stations immediately. This is not a drill. We are under attack. We are under attack.

Tony Stark: [Tony hits the shield around the base] Shit!

Steve Rogers: Language! Jarvis, what's the view from upstairs?

Jarvis: The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other Hydra base we've taken.

Thor: Loki's scepter must be here. Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it. At long last.

Natasha Romanoff: [Natasha knocks out some soldiers] At long last is lasting a little long, boys.

Clint Barton: [as some soldiers shoot at Clint] Yeah. I think we lost the element of surprise.

Tony Stark: Wait a second. No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said "language?"

Steve Rogers: I know.

Steve Rogers: [Steve throws his bike at some soldiers driving up in their truck] It just slipped out.

Jarvis: [Thor has just thrown a thunderbolt on Iron Man] Power to four-hundred percent capacity.

Tony Stark: How about that?

Tony Stark: JARVIS, have you heard the tale of Jonah?

Jarvis: I wouldn't consider him a role model.

[Iron Man flies through a Leviathan]

Jarvis: [as Iron Man arrives at Stark Tower to confront Loki and Selvig] Sir, I've shut down the Arc Reactor, but the device is already self-sustaining.

Iron Man: Shut it down, Dr. Selvig.

Selvig: It's too late! She can't stop now. She wants to show us something! A new universe.

Iron Man: OK.

[blasts the device, which defends itself with a barrier, blasting Selvig into a wall and pushing Iron Man back]

Jarvis: The barrier is pure energy. It's unbreachable.

Iron Man: Yeah I got that - Plan B.

[he turns to Loki and drifts down to his landing pad]

Jarvis: Sir, the Mark VII is not ready for deployment.

Iron Man: Then skip the spinning rims! We're on the clock!

[Lands and has his armor removed]

Black Widow: [Penetrating the barrier with Loki's scepter] I can close it. Can anybody copy? I can shut the portal down.

Captain America: Do it!

Iron Man: No wait!

Captain America: Stark, these things are still coming!

Iron Man: I got a nuke coming in. It's going to blow in less than a minute, and I know just where to put it.

Captain America: Stark, you know that's a one way trip?

Iron Man: Save the rest for the turn, J.

Jarvis: Sir, shall I try Ms. Potts?

Iron Man: Might as well.

[after end credits]

Tony Stark: [arriving home] Evening, JARVIS!

Jarvis: [voice distorted] Welcome home, sir...

[Stark stops as he sees a figure in his living room]

Nick Fury: "I am Iron Man". You think you're the only superhero in the world? Mr. Stark, you've become part of a bigger universe. You just don't know it yet.

Tony Stark: Who the hell are you?

Nick Fury: Nick Fury. Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Tony Stark: Ah.

Nick Fury: I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative.

Jarvis: Yes. Shall I render using proposed specifications?

Tony Stark: Thrill me.

[as Jarvis works on the render, Tony watches benefit at the Disney Concert Hall on TV]

Jarvis: The render is complete.

Tony Stark: A little ostentatious, don't you think?

Jarvis: What was I thinking? You're usually so discreet.

Tony Stark: [gazes at a 1930s hotrod] Tell you what. Throw a little hotrod red in there.

Jarvis: Yes, that should help you keep a low profile. The render is complete.

Tony Stark: Hey, I like it. Fabricate it. Paint it.

Jarvis: Commencing automated assembly. Estimated completion time is five hours.

Tony Stark: [looks at his watch] Don't wait up for me, honey.

Tony Stark: [as Pepper is walking down the stairs] Hey. Ow,Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah.

Jarvis: It is a tight fit sir.

Tony Stark: Hey, Ah.

Jarvis: Sir the more you struggle the more this is going to hurt

Tony Stark: Be gentle. This is my first time.

Tony Stark: I designed this to come off, so... hey. I really should be able to...

Jarvis: Please, try not to move sir.

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: Whats going on here?

Tony Stark: [pauses] Lets face it. This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.

Virginia 'Pepper' Potts: Are those bullet holes?

Jarvis: [while Tony is wearing the Mark II Armor] Test complete. Preparing to power down and begin diagnostics...

Tony Stark: Uh, yeah, tell you what. Do a weather and ATC check, start listening in on ground control.

Jarvis: Sir, there are still terabytes of calculations required before an actual flight is...

Tony Stark: Jarvis... sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.

Jarvis: Sir, it appears his suit can fly.

Iron Man: Duly noted. Take me to maximum altitude.

Jarvis: With only 19% power, the odds of reaching that altitude...

Iron Man: I know the math! Do it!

Tony Stark: Attitude control is a little sluggish above 15,000 meters, I'm guessing icing is the probable cause.

Jarvis: A very astute observation, sir. Perhaps, if you intend to visit other planets, we should improve the exosystems.

Tony Stark: Connect to the sys. co. Have it reconfigure the shell metals. Use the gold titanium alloy from the seraphim tactical satellite. That should ensure a fuselage integrity while while maintaining power-to-weight ratio. Got it?

[Iron Man is launched into the sky by Iron Monger's missile, but instead of crashing, he activates his flight repulsors and hovers]

Iron Monger: Impressive! You've upgraded your armor! I've made some upgrades of my own...

[activates jets and starts to fly too]

Jarvis: Sir, it appears his suit can fly.

Iron Man: Duly noted.

[testing the Mark II armor]

Tony Stark: Okay, let's see what this thing can do. What's SR-71's record?

Jarvis: The altitude record for fixed wing flight is 85,000 feet, sir.

Tony Stark: Records are made to be broken! Come on!

Jarvis: Cal, Ricky's passing you.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Do you think Ricky is passing me in my subconscious?

Jarvis: No, he's actually passing you. That's happening right now.

Jarvis: Mark 42 inbound.

[Stark sees the MK42 armor flying toward the battlefield]

Tony Stark: I'll be damned. The prodigal son returns.

[Stark summons Mark 42 to come to him, but it hits a pole and breaks into pieces]

Tony Stark: Whatever.

Aldrich Killian: You really didn't deserve her, Tony. It's a pity. I was so close to having her... perfect.

[jumps down to confront Tony]

Tony Stark: OK, OK, wait, wait, slow down, slow down! You're right... I don't deserve her. Here's where you're wrong: she was already perfect.

[Stark summons the Mark 42 pieces to assemble on Killian and attach him against the wall]

Tony Stark: Jarvis, do me a favor and blow Mark 42.

Aldrich Killian: NOOO!

[the suit explodes]

Pepper Potts: ...and all your distractions?

Tony Stark: Uh, I'm going to shave them down a bit...

[taps earpiece]

Tony Stark: Jarvis. Hey.

Jarvis: All wrapped up here, sir. Will there be anything else?

Tony Stark: You know what to do.

Jarvis: The Clean Slate Protocol, sir?

Tony Stark: Screw it, it's Christmas! Yes, yes!

[One by one the suits explode]

Tony Stark: [embraces Pepper] OK so far? You like it?

Pepper Potts: [crying] It'll do.

Jarvis: Sir, I think I need to sleep now...

[shuts down]

Tony Stark: Jarvis! Jarvis? Don't leave me, buddy...

[the Marks 8-41 arrive at the oil rig to surround the Extremis soldiers]

Tony Stark: Jarvis, target Extremis heat signatures. Disable with extreme prejudice.

Jarvis: [echoing through the suits] Yes, sir.

Colonel James Rhodes: We couldn't save the President with the suit, how are we going to save Pepper with nothing?

Tony Stark: Uh... say, Jarvis? Is it that time?

Jarvis: The House Party Protocol, sir?

Tony Stark: Correct.

[the suits activate]

Colonel James Rhodes: Give me a suit.

[holds out arms]

Tony Stark: Sorry, they're only coded to me. Don't worry, I got you covered.

[a suit approaches Rhodey]

Jarvis: Good evening, Colonel. Can I give you a lift?

Colonel James Rhodes: Very funny.

Jarvis: I seem to do quite well for a stretch, and then at the end of the sentence I say the wrong cranberry.

Jarvis: [to Clu after the introductions on the light cycle grid] Excellent words, sir. Were you pleased with my execution? The crowd seemed quite energized.

Clu: It wasn't meant for them.

[the baton case opens and Clu picks his baton out of it. Jarvis turns to Sam, holding the case out as if to avoid standing near him. Sam picks out the other baton]

Sam Flynn: What's this? What do you do with this?

[holding it like a sword]

Jarvis: I'll give you a hint, not that.

Jarvis: May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir.

Jarvis: I am unable to find a suitable replacement element for the reactor, sir. You are running out of time, and options.

Jarvis: It would appear that the same thing that is keeping you alive is also killing you, sir.

[Yablonski is eating a sandwich in his car spying on Harry and Archie when he gets a signal on his police radio]

Jarvis: 1-Adam 27, please respond.

Deke Yablonski: 1-Adam 27.

Jarvis: Yablonski, this is Jarvis. What the hell are you doing?

Deke Yablonski: Eating lunch, sir.

Jarvis: Bullshit, Yablonski! I know what you're doing, and if you're not back here in ten minutes, you're going to be eating your retirement dinner tonight.

Deke Yablonski: Yes, sir.

[tossing his sandwich aside]

Deke Yablonski: Son of a bitch!

Jarvis: No more talking. Just breathing.