Jared Grace Quotes in The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)

[Jared asks Thimbletack what will happen if the goblins get the Guide book]

Jared Grace: Thimbletack, what happens if goblins get the book?

Thimbletack: You die, I die, we all die. Bye-bye.

Mallory Grace: [Mallory turns to Jared with a quavering voice] What does he mean, 'we all die'?

Jared Grace: I think he means we all die.

[the tow truck driver gets out of his truck after running over the invisible mole troll that was chasing Jared]

Tow Truck Driver: Are you okay? Oh, man, did I hit somebody?

Jared Grace: Yes. Thank you!

[Thimbletack reveals himself to Jared]

Jared Grace: Why can't I see you?

Thimbletack: [Thimbletack appears] You don't see us, now you do, but only if we want you to.

[Mallory declares that she'll ignore Jared for stealing her medal]

Mallory Grace: You know what? I'm not acknowledging your existence until you bring my medal back.

Jared Grace: Promise?

Simon Grace: Well, actually, you'd have to acknowledge his existence in order to receive the medal from him.

Mallory Grace: Thanks, Spock. You're the pride of the Federation.

[Jared opens the book and then finds his pet mice to be free from their cage]

Jared Grace: [Jared screams and looks under his bed covers, seeing two mice] What the... Hmm. How did you guys get out?

[Jared throws a cracker with honey on it, to calm Thimbletack down]

Thimbletack: [Thimbletack starts munching on the cookie] No! I'm not falling for that! Mmm! Mmm!

Jared Grace: [as Jared watches Thimbletack change back into a Brownie] And they say I've got anger issues.

[Jared gets his mother on their side to help them]

Jared Grace: [Jared hands his mother two giant kitchen knives] Steel, it cuts and burns.

Helen Grace: Good thing we're New Yorkers.

[Jared realizes that Arthur can't do anything to help him]

Jared Grace: [Jared with tears in his eyes] The last thing I said to my mom was, 'I hate you.'

Arthur Spiderwick: Listen, son. The boy who had the tenacity to find me, doesn't need my help. Now, Mulgarath wants the power that comes with knowledge. You have that knowledge. You are the book now.

[Jared fights with Mallory as he calls out for Simon's help]

Jared Grace: Simon, get her!

Simon Grace: [Simon refrains from helping] I'm a pacifist.

[Hogsqueal chases a bird into its bird house]

Hogsqueal: Wait, a minute. Do birds live in these little houses?

Jared Grace: Yeah.

Hogsqueal: Oh, my gosh. That's genius! Who thought of that? You can stick your tongue right in it!

[Hogsqueal slobbers and tries to stick his tongue in the little house]

[Mallory hits the wall with the end of the broom as a giant part of the wall collapses]

Jared Grace: Great, I'll get blamed for that!

[Mallory gets Jared out of the car]

Mallory Grace: Get out of the car right now.

Jared Grace: You're not my mother, Helen.

Mallory Grace: No, I'm worse, because mom doesn't believe in hitting.

Jared Grace: [Mallory hits Jared as he gets out of the car to chase her] Ow! Come here, you little...

Mallory Grace: And he's out of the car! Thank you.

[Simon starts to unpack his stuff as Jared tries to remind him they won't be there long]

Jared Grace: Dad's coming tomorrow, and he's gonna take us back with him.

Simon Grace: I know. But what about mom?

Jared Grace: She can have Mallory.

[Jared complains to Simon about the house]

Jared Grace: Come on, Simon, we can't stay here. Look at this place. It's the house that time forgot. And it's got that...

Simon Grace: Old people smell, I know.

[Jared and Simon look around their bedroom they'll be sleeping in]

Jared Grace: And what's this?

Jared Grace: [Jared tastes the white powder] Salt. There's salt on the window.

Simon Grace: I know. It's on all the windows.

Jared Grace: [Jared sarcastically responds] Yeah, and that's not weird.

[Jared and Simon look at the picture on the wall of the previous family]

Jared Grace: Is that the nut bag and her husband?

Simon Grace: No. That's Arthur Spiderwick, you know, our great-great-uncle. The little girl's the nut bag. I mean, Aunt Lucinda, his daughter. She's the one who lived here before they took her away to... To the...

Jared Grace: To the nut house.

Simon Grace: Right.

Jared Grace: And why'd she get taken there?

Simon Grace: Because she said her father was abducted.

Jared Grace: By?

Simon Grace: By fairies.

[Jared talks to his dad on the phone about the house]

Richard Grace: [Richard on the phone] How's the Addam's Family mansion?

Jared Grace: Oh, the house? Yeah, it's great, if you like big creepy houses in the middle of nowhere.

[the three kids find the Dumbwaiter in the wall that's full of their missing items]

Simon Grace: Hey! Those are mom's keys.

Mallory Grace: [Mallory reaches in the items] And my medal!

Jared Grace: What? You still think I took it. Yeah, Mal, you busted me. I took your medal, hid it here and re-plastered the wall!

[Jared wakes up Simon after finding the secret room]

Jared Grace: [Jared tries to catch his breath] I went up. It's a room, a secret room, upstairs. There's a desk and a chest, and I found this book! Something was in there!

Simon Grace: A red squirrel?

Jared Grace: No, not a squirrel. Unless squirrels can spell. It wrote in the dust on the desk, 'Jared Grace, leave this place.'

Simon Grace: Wow. That's really... impossible.

[Jared reads the note left on the outside of Spiderwick's Guide book]

Jared Grace: 'Do not dare to read this book, for if you take one fateful look, you barter at your life's expense, and face a deadly consequence.'

[Jared asks Simon for the definition to a word]

Jared Grace: What does 'appease' mean?

Simon Grace: 'Appease'. Um, you know... placate, pacify, assuage.

Jared Grace: In English.

Simon Grace: To make nice.

[Jared shows Mallory and Simon that there's a Brownie living in their house from the pictures in the Guide book]

Jared Grace: A Brownie is living in the house and wants us to leave.

Mallory Grace: [Mallory sarcastically replies] Wow. That's incredible. You can read!

[Jared finds out what all the honey is for in the house]

Jared Grace: A Brownie turns into a Boggart when it's angry, and he got angry when Mallory destroyed his nest. It likes honey. That's why all the honey's there.

[Jared looks for his mom only to find Mallory]

Jared Grace: Mom! Mom! Where's mom?

Mallory Grace: She went to work, okay? I'm in charge.

Mallory Grace: [Jared angrily screams running out the house] Hey! Where are you going? Psycho.

[Hogsqueal spits in Jared's eyes to give him the sight to see the goblins]

Hogsqueal: [Hogsqueal laughs to himself] Nailed him! I have given you the sight, a gift only a hobgoblin can bestow.

Jared Grace: [Jared wipes off the gooey spit] Oh, gross!

Hogsqueal: You're welcome. Now, let's go!

[Mallory finds out that Jared is responsible for reading the Guide book]

Mallory Grace: [Mallory opens the chest] So, the book was in here with a big warning that said 'Do not read,' and you read it?

Jared Grace: It's a book. I didn't think reading it would unleash goblin fury, okay?

[Jared and Mallory arrive to see their Aunt Lucinda, in a hurry while on the run from the goblins]

Nurse: Wow, you're really in a hurry.

Jared Grace: [Jared holds flowers] We're just really excited to see her.

Nurse: [as Mallory carries her sword at her side] Those are nice flowers, and sword.

Mallory Grace: Oh, I take fencing.

[Jared comes up with a plan to look for Arthur Spiderwick by using a griffin]

Jared Grace: [about Arthur] He had a pet!

Mallory Grace: A pet? And Fluffy the dog is gonna save us?

Jared Grace: It wasn't a dog. It was this, a griffin. 'When I call upon him in the native tongue of the tree elf with whom he dwells, he comes to my assistance.' See? His pet can find him.

Mallory Grace: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Summon a griffin, in native tree elf to find a 125-year-old man who may or may not be alive? That's our plan?

Jared Grace: Mm-hmm.

Mallory Grace: And you know how to summon a griffin in native tree elf?

Mallory Grace: [Jared turns to the page on how to summon a griffin] Of course.

[Jared tells his mother that he doesn't want to leave her]

Jared Grace: I don't want to live with Dad. Is it okay if I stay here with you.

Helen Grace: [Helen tears up] Is it okay?

Helen Grace: [Helen hugs Jared] Who else is gonna protect us?