Janice Quotes in Wanted (2008)

Janice: [after snapping her stapler right next to Wesley's ear] Oh my fucking god! I hope that's not my billing report sitting on your desk. Holy shit on an altar, it is!

Janice: [to Wesley] Jesus H. Fucking Popsicle! I still don't have my billing reports. But you've got time to sit here and google your ass off.

Janice: So, what's it like being a ghost?

Sebastian: Ghosts are dead. I'm very much alive.

[discussing the experiment of turning Sebastian invisible]

Janice: If it is a snuff film, I got dibs on his Porsche.

Frank: Janice, how can you say that?

Janice: Sorry.

Frank: The Porsche is mine.

Janice: What was the clientele like?

Frank: This guy comes up to me and he says: "l like my women like my coffee."

Janice: People still use that line?

Frank: Maybe he meant cold and bitter.

Janice: Very funny.

Janice: It appears not all is as you had foreseen. Therefore, I refuse.

Miss Eva Ernst: [Eva Ernst had moved towards a painting. She taps the man in the picture and stares intently] Hmm.

Janice: You look wonderful, Miss Ernst.

Dora: We *are* looking forward to this afternoon!

Miss Eva Ernst: [in disinterest] Mmm.

[walks away, Irvine approaches the painting and prepares to reach for it]

Miss Eva Ernst: Irvine?

[Miss Irvine reluctantly follows her to the elevator, the man in the painting slowly disappears]

Janice: [talks on phone] So I told him "Listen, buddy, I don't take my clothes off for anybody, even if it IS artistic".

[the Muppets have shacked up in bus station lockers]

Janice: I'll trade with anyone who has a Jacuzzi.

Kermit: Quiet!

[all fall silent except Janice]

Janice: Look, Mother. It's my life, okay? So if I want to live on a beach and walk around naked... Oh.

Fozzie: [going over a checklist] Wax lips?

Zoot: Aw man, I just had 'em.

Dr. Teeth: Did you leave 'em in your other pants?

Zoot: I don't have no other pants.

Fozzie: [going back to the checklist] Yo-yo?

Janice: Fer sure.

Kermit: Now, we're about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there is the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So if anybody wants out, now is the time to say it.

Floyd: I'm out.

Rowlf: Me too.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Ditto.

Beaker: Meep meep.

Zoot: Hey, don't we have a gig around here, or something, or somewhere?

Pops: Sorry, I got a dental appointment.

Janice: It's like this, Kermit, I have to go to work all day...

[everyone starts talking at once]

Fozzie: [shouting] Hold it!

[everyone stops talking]

Fozzie: Shame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this f-f-for justice! For freedom! For honesty!

Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!

Jeremy Grey: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.

Janice: Okay...

Jeremy Grey: OK, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk.

Janice: Sometimes I just feel invisible. And I heard someone say something recently, that it just takes one person, you know. Just one person to make you feel like you belong. To make you feel special. And I think that that's true. I know that that's true because... because I felt it. The other night, I was out with this guy that I work with and... I work at the zoo and... and anyway, it was only for one night, but it just... it felt different, you know.

Tim: Sometimes I have dreams that my teeth are falling out.

Janice: Are you serious? I have that dream. I just had that dream.

Janice: [to Zoo Patron] Hey! Don't punch the monkey!

Tim: It's depressing.

Janice: What do you mean?

Tim: I mean, human beings evolved out of millions of years out of the swamp, and stood up, made fire, built shelter, invented the wheel... For what, so you could stand in a funny hat and sell grape juice gorillas?

Janice: I'm kinda trying not to think about it like that.

[last lines]

Janice: [walking along and talking on the phone] Actually, I'm looking for Tim right now... There he is.

George: Have you ever seen Three's Company?

Janice: The TV show?

Tim: What do you do?

Janice: I sell these little plastic gorillas filled with grape juice.

Janice: Can I give you some advice?

Donald Morton: Can I humanly stop you?

Janice: Stick with the group. Compared to us, you're a god. And, uh, next to Isabelle, which you will *never* be again, you don't come off so hot.

Janice: Don't you hate all his numbers? Does he change his socks? Is his penis big enough?

Isabelle Sorenson: No, no and yes.

[Mark talks to his mom in the hospital bed]

Janice: Mark? Hi, sweetie.

Mark: Hi, mom.

Janice: Why didn't you wake me?

Mark: I thought you should sleep.

Janice: I rather see you. Has dad told you everything?

Mark: Yeah.

Janice: I know you'll be okay.

Mark: Mom...

Janice: I'll always be with you, Mark. I love you.

Mark: I love you, mom.

[there's a mom when the mom falls back to sleep]

Mark: You're not going to die, Mom. I promise. You're not gonna die 'cause I won't let you.

[the scene cuts to Mark at his mother's funeral]

Janice: So, it's not exactly the Ritz, but...

Judith: You know... I've been meaning to tell you... you are in an existential identity crisis. I did my research on you. You spent two weeks in Paris and all of a sudden you got a French accent? Girl, we know you're actually from Georgia.

Janice: [breaking character; Southern accent] Bitch, you'd better get your ass outta my office!

Janice: Ticket?

Buddy Amaral: You know what, you just took it!

Janice: What?

Janice: Forgive me, Father, for I am about to sin.

Anna: [doorbell rings] Party guests!

Clark: Act natural.

[Anna and Lewis line up behind Clark at the door with weapons ready]

Janice: You gotta help me! My mom is trying to kill me and so I ran over her in the car and my dad was in the house and he made the dog die because he tried to bite me and I left in the car and I didn't know where to go and I remembered that Anna and Ken lived here and I'm Laura.

Anna: Laura!

Janice: Anna!

[Laura pushes her way into the apartment past Clark]

Clark: [Lewis smacks Laura in the head with the pesticide can, knocking her down] What the Fuck?

[Lewis continues to beat Laura to death]

Anna: You killed Laura!

Lewis Denton: She was coming at you!

Anna: Stay away from me! You killed Laura!

Lewis Denton: She was heading straight for you with that knife!

Anna: She doesn't have a knife!

Clark: That's a keychain...

Janice: Why haven't I heard from you in a month?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin: Conscience.

Janice: You're not that old fashioned are you?

Theodore 'Ted' Martin: Now see here, Janice. I was plastered and you know it.

Janice: Oh, but you're not such a sterling character when my arms are around you.

Joubert: Would you move from the window, please?

Janice: I won't scream.

Joubert: I know.

Joe Turner: Are you sure about this ideogram?

Janice: Look at this face. Could I be wrong about an ideogram?

[Turner laughs]

Joe Turner: It's a great face. But it's never been to China.