Janet Quotes in The Nice Guys (2016)


Janet Quotes:

  • Holland March: Jesus Christ! One at a time!

    Janet: [stunned] You took the Lord's name in vain.

    Holland March: No I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?

  • Janet: Tell us where they went or we'll arrest you for obstructing justice and throw you in prison.

    Joel: [aroused] Which prison?

  • Dominique: You need to put it here. Don't be an idiot for once.

    Janet: You need to speak English or French. Frenglish is not a language.

  • Janet: Everybody's talking about it.

    Amy: About what?

    Janet: How you met Lucy and lived to tell about it. They're calling you a hero, when really you're a slut.

    Amy: You shut up.

    Janet: A gay slut.

    Amy: I'm not gay!

    Janet: Ms. Petrie wants to see you.

  • Janet: [Dominique, Janet, and Max are locked in the bank vault. Max is banging on the vault door with a crowbar, and Dominique has lit up a cigarette. Janet looks at her horrified] Please don't smoke! Please?

    [looking annoyed, Dominique takes a drag and blows smoke dismissively in Janet's direction]

    Janet: [to Max] Tell her not to smoke!

    [looking more annoyed, Max rolls her eyes and walks toward Dominique]

    Janet: Guys! There's not enough air and soon we're going to be faint on the floor, and the only air left in this room will be toxic!

    [Max takes a cigarette from Dominique, lights it, and takes a deep drag which she lets out. Janet, very distressed, approaches the two of them waving her hands]

    Max: This is bullshit!

    Janet: This could not get any worse!

    [Spikes come out of the ceiling and the ceiling slowly lowers toward them]

    Max: See? Trap.

  • Max: Janet! Wake up! We got a lead on Amy!

    Janet: [to herself because she knows Amy's with Lucy willingly] Oh, God!

    [jumps out of bed]

    Janet: Oh no no no no no no no...

  • Janet: [Janet and Scud catch Amy and Lucy in a near kiss] Oh, my God! She almost kissed you! You almost let her!

    Scud: [smug tone to Janet] You owe me fifty bucks.

  • Amy: Nothing happened.

    Janet: She was totally going to kiss you. You are so into her!

    Amy: I am not!

    Janet: You violated the prime directive. Plus, hello, it's a *girl*. You're so busted!

  • Janet: [watching Amy and Lucy flirt] Correct me if I'm wrong, but your friend seems to be hitting on my friend.

    Scud: You're not wrong

    Janet: Yeah, but my friends, not into that.

    Scud: [under breath] Right.

  • Janet: [the D.E.B.S. walk in on Amy and Lucy in bed. Max and everyone but Janet leave, disgusted] You *really* need to check your messages.

  • Max: [to Amy] I don't care if you are the Perfect Score.

    Janet: [under her breath] Perfect whore!

  • Scud: What the hell?

    Janet: I couldn't stop them!

    Scud: [pauses] You look nice.

    Janet: Thanks.


    Janet: What?

    Max: [to Janet] What are you doing?

    Janet: [to Max] Nothing!

    [punches Scud, who falls to the floor, unconscious]

    Janet: Sorry!

  • Scud: So, I was wondering if maybe you wanted...

    Janet: Yes.

    Scud: I didn't ask you anything yet.

    Janet: Whatever it is, yes.

    Scud: Awesome.

  • Janet: So, where're you going to?

    Amy: I think... Barcelona.

    Janet: I'll miss you.


    Janet: Can I have your room?

  • Janet: Have you seen my gun?

  • Janet: I have the sweater she's wearing, but in taupe.

    Amy: Really? Where did you get it?

    Janet: Target.

    Amy: No way.

    Dominique: Silence!

    Janet: [whispering] They also have it in teal.

  • Max: I can't stop thinking about Lucy Diamond.

    Janet: [incredulous] You too?

  • Janet: [looks confused] What if she really loves her? I mean, what if Lucy really makes her happy?

    [to Max]

    Janet: If you were really her best friend, you'd probably let her go.

  • Janet: Oh my god! She almost kissed you! And you almost let her!

    Amy: Drop it!

    Scud: [to Janet] You owe me fifty bucks.

  • Major Charles Rane: You've changed your hair.

    Janet: Yeah. About 100 times in the last 3 weeks.

    Major Charles Rane: And you're not wearing a brassiere.

    Janet: Nobody wears them any more. Didn't they tell you that?

    Major Charles Rane: No. They told us about mini-skirts but I never thought we'd get to see one.

    Janet: Oh, I have one, do you want me to try it on?

    Major Charles Rane: You don't have to do that.

  • Major Charles Rane: I don't think I'm up for any more of this. Why don't you go to bed? We'll work this all out.

    Janet: What are you gonna do?

    Major Charles Rane: I'm just gonna sit here.

  • Janet: Charlie... I was so nervous that... uh... Cliff came by to drive us up. You remember Cliff.

  • Janet: I tell ya... the men around here don't respect anything. If I told you all the guys that called me up... A lot of your friends from the base - I didn't even look at 'em.

  • Mark Rane: Why's he staying out in the wood shed?

    Janet: Just 'cause it's small and quiet out there.

  • Major Charles Rane: I sure didn't want it to work out like this.

    Janet: I didn't either.

  • Janet: Oh, Mr. Ventura, Mr. Williams isn't in.

    Steve Ventura: I just wanna say three words to him.

    Janet: He's really not in.

    Steve Ventura: Where is he?

    Janet: He is where he is every thursday afternoon. But I'm not gonna disturb him there.

    Steve Ventura: Oh yeah. That's right.

    Janet: [grabbing a pencil] Mr. Ventura, what are the three words?

    Steve Ventura: The first one is 'Go'.

  • Janet: That is not fair. That is not *fair*! That is *not fair*! Seventy-four is the perfect weight!

    Lisa: [to Daisy] Good luck, crazy bitch.

    Instructor: Now what kind of tree can you be, Janet, down there on the floor?

    Janet: I'm a fucking shrub, all right?

  • Lisa: We are very rare and we are mostly men.

    Janet: Lisa thinks she's hot shit cause she's a sociopath.

    Cynthia: I'm a sociopath.

    Lisa: No, you're a dyke.

  • Janet: I want my fucking clothes!

    Valerie: Then you'll have to eat something, won't you?

    Janet: [singing] Oh Lordy, pick a bale o' cotton / Oh Lordy, pick a bale o' hay / Gotta jump down spin around pick a bale o' cotton / Jump down spin around, pick a bale o' hay...

    Valerie: [to Susanna] She thinks that bothers me.

  • Susanna: Oh my God... a guy I know was just drafted.

    Janet: What's his name?

    Susanna: Toby.

    Janet: He's dead now.

  • Janet: When they built this place they put the tunnels in so the loons didn't have to go anywhere in the cold.

    Susanna: I must've missed that in the brochure.

  • Dr. Everett Scott: Janet!

    Janet: Dr. Scott!

    Brad: Janet!

    Janet: Brad!

    Frank: Rocky!

    [Rocky grunts]

    Dr. Everett Scott: Janet!

    Janet: Dr. Scott!

    Brad: Janet!

    Janet: Brad!

    Frank: Rocky!

    [Rocky grunts]

  • Janet: What have you done to Brad?

    Frank: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

  • Frank: Oh, I just love success!

    Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, Master.

    Frank: Yes!

    Magenta: A triumph of your will.

    Frank: Yes!

    Columbia: He's okay!

    Frank: Okay? Okay? I think we can do better than that! Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him?

    Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

    Frank: I didn't make him for you! He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval!

  • Janet: You killed them!

    Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.


  • Janet: Brad, please, let's get out of here.

    Brad: For God's sake, keep a grip on it, Janet.

    Janet: But it seems so unhealthy here.

    Brad: It's just a party, Janet.

    Janet: Well, I wanna go!

    Brad: Well we can't go back to the car unless we get to a phone.

    Janet: Well, ask the butler or someone!

    Brad: Just a moment, Janet. We don't want to interfere with their celebration.

    Janet: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad!

  • Janet: If only we were amongst friends... or sane persons!

  • Janet: [whispering] Say something!

    Brad: Say! Any of you guys know how to Madison?

  • Riff Raff: Hello.

    Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you'd mind helping us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road. Do you have a phone we might use?

    Riff Raff: You're wet.

    Janet: Yes, it's raining.

    Brad: Yes.

    Riff Raff: Yes... I think perhaps you better both come inside.

    Janet: You're too kind. Oh, Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this?

    Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

    Janet: Oh.

    Riff Raff: This way.

    Janet: Are you having a party?

    Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs.

    Janet: Oh, lucky him.

    Magenta: You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha...

  • Frank: Enchanté. Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But here. Put these on. They'll make you feel less... vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.

    Brad: Hospitality? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore!

    Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful.

    Brad: Ungrateful!

    Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant.

  • Janet: [singing] There's a light, over at the Frankenstein place.

  • Frank: Magenta. Columbia. Go and assist Riff Raff. I will entertain... err...

    [chortles, extending hand to Brad]

    Frank: ...?

    Brad: Brad Majors.

    [Shakes hands firmly]

    Brad: This is my fiancee, Janet Vice.

    Janet: Weiss!

    Brad: Weiss.

    [Clears throat]

    Frank: Enchanté.

    Janet: [Giggles]

  • Frank: I don't want no dissension. Just dynamic tension.

    Janet: I'm a muscle fan.

  • Janet: [singing] Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me / I wanna be dirty! Chill me, thrill me, fulfill me / Creature of the night!

  • Janet: You're a hotdog!

  • Big Brayden: Dad! Were you here the whole time!

    Big Ronnie: Yes!

    Janet: Don't hide under Brayden's bed!

    Big Ronnie: Hey! You're my girlfriend! And by the way, he wouldn't even exist if he hadn't flown out of my long juicy prickus!

    [turns to Brayden]

    Big Ronnie: And as for you, as your father I forbid you to marry! And one other thing, you're evicted. So it's time for you to fuck off.

    Big Brayden: We're leaving right now and we're leaving gladly!

    Janet: Brayden will be moving into my place, he'll be much happier there, and he can twattle my twat anytime he wants! And I don't care if he craps on the bed, I'll rub it on my tits!

    Big Brayden: Yeah dad! We don't need you, and it kills you to think that Janet loves me! And guess what? I love her! And you were right about one thing though dad, she is a hootie tootie disco cutie!

    Big BraydenJanet: Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie! Hootie tootie disco cutie!

    Big Brayden: Just so you know, he tried to impress me with a loud fart once. He put his legs behind his head and he shouted someone's cutting the cheese. Instead of just gas a big glob of turd flew out of his butt like a rocket. It did a loop-d-loop near the wall and landed on the bed. So if anyone's a bed crapper around here it's him!

    Janet: That must have been tough.

    Big Brayden: Yeah. It looked like a big brown finger. It was pointing right at me.

    Janet: If he really is the greasy strangler, you have to kill him.

  • Janet: So um, does your mom live with you two?

    Big Brayden: No. She left when I was small. She met someone new.

    Janet: Well that's crapola.

    Big Brayden: Yeah. His name is Ricky Prickles. He's a professional sports coach. He's got the most defined six pack I've ever seen.

    Janet: Ohh! Tell this girl more.

    Big Brayden: I went to stay with mom and Ricky once, he made me punch him in his six pack. He didn't feel anything because the muscles were so hard. It was like punching a vacuum packed bag of roasted sausages. Then he made me do abdominal crunches with him. I barfed all over his carpet. My barf was real orange and tasted fizzy. Ricky Prickles was so mad, he smacked me twice in the face with the flat of his hand.

    Janet: Ricky the pricky.

    Big Brayden: Then he molested me. Sexually harassed me.

    Janet: How old were you?

    Big Brayden: 18. I had long golden hair and a soft mustache. I've never been able to do muscle curls or abdominal crunches.

    Janet: Not all girls like ripped up abs.

    Big Brayden: Yeah! Some girls like loyal hearts.

  • Big Brayden: Ah. You're up late.

    Big Brayden: Yeah. I'm working on a novel.

    Janet: The fantasy one?

    Big Brayden: No. It's an urban cyber-thriller called "Revenge Incorporated". It's set in a dark future where revenge is outlawed, but there's a company you can hire to get revenge for you.

    Janet: Hmmm.

    Big Brayden: I been dreaming about you through-out these long hot nights. Do you miss me?

    Janet: Yeah... I sort of miss you.

    Big Brayden: I'm lost and lonely for you. Basically I love you.

    Janet: Don't say that. Unless you mean it of course.

    Big Brayden: Why's the sky blue? Because blue is your favorite color.

    Janet: Oh you cornball.

    Big Brayden: Yeah I'm a cornball remember? I love you though. I love you. I wanted to say it for so long.

    Janet: It feels good to hear it, if I'm honest.

    Big Brayden: Give yourself to me for all time.

    Janet: Don't say that, this girl's confused.

    Big Brayden: If I could write your name on the moon I would with my own blood. And also I wanna marry you

    Janet: Okay...?

    Big Brayden: I loved you from the moment I saw you on the disco tour. I'm a romantic at heart.

  • Big Ronnie: And now, this very store here is where Kool, from Kool & the Gang, worked before he exploded unto the disco scene. Anyway this is the end of Big Ronnie's disco tour thank you very much for coming and ah, come again soon!

    [Tourists walk away and Janet walks in]

    Janet: So, where you taking me tonight mister?

    Big Brayden: How about a sizzling cajun hot pot?

    Big Ronnie: Well what about me? Who's gonna cook for me? I'm hungry!

    Big Brayden: You'll have to go to a vendor dad. You'll have to go get a dog.

    Janet: Not a real dog.

    Big Brayden: Yeah don't bite into a real dog.

    Janet: Don't bite into a woof-woof!

    Big Brayden: Woof-woof!

    Big Ronnie: Okay. You two can fuck off tonight!

    Big Brayden: Bye dad.

    Janet: Bye-bye.

    Big Ronnie: Bye-bye. Fucking cunts.

    [watches Janet and Brayden walk away]

    Big Ronnie: I could feast on that queens ass all night long!

  • Jodi: Your da-da may well be the greasy strangler, unfortunately I cannot proceed with this case any further as there is no evidence. Please end all inquiries here.

    Big Brayden: What about the oil on his floor?

    Jodi: Circumstantial evidence is meaningless. Please end all inquiries here.

    Big Brayden: So we're on our own.

    Jodi: Please end all inquiries here.

    Big Brayden: Come on Jodi, please!

    Jodi: Please end all...

    [points at Janet]

    Janet: Inquiries here.

    Jodi: Correct. Please end all inquiries here.

    Big Brayden: Great. Well you've been most helpful Mr. Jodi. I know my dad's the greasy strangler. I guess I'll have to expose him on my own.

  • Big Brayden: Just so you know, he tried to impress me with a loud fart once. He put his legs behind his head and shouted, "Someone's cutting the cheese!" Instead of just gas, a big glob of turd flew out of his butt like a rocket. It did a loop-the-loop near the wall and landed on the bed. So if anyone's a bed crapper around here, it's him.

    Janet: That must have been tough.

    Big Brayden: Yeah. It looked like a big, brown finger. It was pointing right me.

  • Ned: Ok I, I really didn't want to get litigious, but I brought a lawyer.

    Cindy: [off-screen, shouting into the phone] Well I am sorry I don't have a fat, throbbing cock for you!

    Janet: That's some Ivy League shit out there, man.

  • Janet: I am not going to stand here and be insulted on my own porch.

    Miranda: I'll insult you right here.

    Janet: OK, I'm a pacifist. I don't play that way.

    Miranda: I'm gonna peace you in the side of the fuckin' head you don't give us the dog.


    Janet: I'm not going to receive that with anything but love.

  • [last lines]

    Jane Fonda: [narrating] You can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone. And sometimes that someone is yourself. Doug Varney wasn't used to winning, but he was beginning to enjoy how it felt.

    Janet: Consult!

  • [Russ has been talking to Janet on his headset all the way into the building; now he gets off the elevator and walks up to her desk, still talking into his headset]

    Janet: Take your phone off now, you're with a human being.

  • [Russ calls Janet to meet him in the building's garage; when she arrives, he steps out from behind the dumpster, where he has been hiding]

    Janet: I'm not throwing your dismembered enemies' bodies into the dumpster. I've got my limits.

  • Mary: On a scale of one to ten, how happy would you say you are, Janet?

    Janet: One.

    Mary: One. I think there's room for improvement there, don't you?

  • Gerri: What is the one thing that will improve your life apart from sleeping?

    Janet: Different life.

  • [first lines]

    Tanya: So how long's this been going on for?

    Janet: I don't know.

    Tanya: A few weeks?

    Janet: A long time.

    Tanya: A year?

    Janet: I Suppose so.

    Tanya: A whole year? You've taken your time to come and see me, haven't you?

  • [Cheaver sleeps with a married woman while in the guest bedroom of Stan Tilson's home, when her husband walks in]

    Fred Cheaver: Who's that?

    Janet: [the man starts getting undressed] That's just my husband.

    Fred Cheaver: Your what?

    Janet: Don't stop.

    Janet's Husband: [the man whispers] Keep going. Give it to her good, soldier.

  • Janet: You still leaving tomorrow.

    Bill Kincaid: I think so.

    Janet: I'll miss you.

    Bill Kincaid: And we barely know each other.

    Janet: "You have not known what you are. You have slumbered upon yourself all your life. Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time. What you have done returns already in mockeries. The mockeries are not you. Underneath them, and within them, I see you lurk."

    Bill Kincaid: [absorbing what she'd just quoted] Who was that?

    Janet: Walt Whitman.

    Bill Kincaid: I don't think I ever imagined hearing him recited to me by a girl gutting a 40 pound catfish.

    Janet: That's exactly how he should be recited. He wrote without rhyme or meter. Free verse. Just whatever he felt inside coming out in one intricate rhythm. Pure unashamed passion, without definable restriction.

    Bill Kincaid: I'm sorry, see, I have a few issues with that.

    Janet: Why?

    Bill Kincaid: Because some have dared to suggest that even poetry has rules.

    Janet: Or you make your own.

    Bill Kincaid: Right there, that's the part I never bought into.

    Janet: Because?

    Bill Kincaid: If everybody runs around making their own rules, how can you ever find what's true? There's nothing... there's nothing to rely on.

    Janet: "One night, I split my cicada skin, devoured your leaves, knowing no poison, no law of nourishment in that larval blindness, a hunger finally true."

    Bill Kincaid: Who's that?

    Janet: That's me.

  • Leslie: Ugh, what's that smell?

    Janet: We're in a dumpster.

  • Frank-N-Furter: Unlock a mind, unmind a lock. It's the same as the beginning of the end. Do you follow?

    Janet: No.

    Brad: It's an anagram, Janet.

  • Eddie: Would you ever go out with a guy like me?

    Janet: My friends would eat me alive.

  • Janet: [talking to Brian's camera] Brian, it's you! Hi. I'm gonna try not to wake you up. I can't believe that I stayed over.

    [pulls gun from holster]

    Janet: This, this is interesting. I have never shot one before. Maybe that could be our next date. I did go through your wallet. I'm sorry. I am naturally curious. I hope that's okay. Gotta love a guy who has a picture of his mom in his wallet.

    [pulls out sheet of paper]

    Janet: This? Yeah. Kristin, Mia, Raquel, etc. Um, you won't be needing this anymore.

    [kisses camera lens]

  • Gabby: I like her, Brian.

    Mike Zavala: Buddy!

    Janet: How long have you known Brian?

    Gabby: Three years. He and Mike went to the Academy together

    Janet: Right.

  • Phillip: Rupert only publishes books *he* likes... usually philosophy.

    Janet: Oh. Small print, big words, no sales.

    Brandon: Rupert's extremely radical. Do you know that he selects his books on the assumption that people not only can read but actually can think?

  • Rupert Cadell: Brandon's spoken of you.

    Janet: Did he do me justice?

    Rupert Cadell: Do you deserve justice?

  • Brandon: It is a little difficult trying to keep up with your romances. After me came Kenneth, now it's David. Why the, the switch from Kenneth to David anyway?

    Janet: Obviously I think he's nicer.

    Brandon: Well, he's certainly richer.

    Janet: That's a new low... even for you, chum.

  • Rupert Cadell: [Phillip and Brandon have been arguing about strangling chickens] Personally, I think a chicken is as good a reason for murder as a blonde, a mattress full of dollar bills or any of the customary, unimaginative reasons.

    Janet: Well, now, you don't really approve of murder, Rupert? If I may?

    Rupert Cadell: You may... and I do. Think of the problems it would solve: unemployment, poverty, standing in line for theatre tickets...

  • Janet: [referring to Brandon] Why can't he keep his hands off people?

  • Janet: [about the copious evidence] Now what I'm wondering, why would they be so sloppy?

    Sam Hallaway: They're likely to improve.

    Janet: Ah I see, yeah.

    Sam Hallaway: Unless ma'am - they just don't give a shit.

  • Janet: I was on the same plane as you. I couldn't help but notice how attractive you are. You know you have a very beautiful mouth?

    Steve: Yeah, so do you, but it's big. You go away, lady, or I'll call a cop.

    Janet: I am a cop.

    Steve: Well, then kiss me, I'm crazy about cops.

  • Lori: Janet, come on! We have to leave right now.

    Janet: No. No, I can't keep doing this, okay? You're both nuts.

    Lori: Janet, we gotta go. Come on.

    Janet: No. Don't you see? This is where I was supposed to be in the first place, not that stupid race. I was meant to see this movie.

  • Janet: Yes. I own you, machine.

  • Nick: That's the car that's gonna crash. We have to get out of here.

    Janet: Thank God, I don't...

    Lori: What?

    Hunt Wynorski: What? No, no, I've got 500 dollars in that one, and I told you that...

    Janet: No one cares about the money we have...

    Nick: No, look! We've got to get the fuck out of here! Okay? Something's gonna happen, we are all gonna die! All right? 'Cause there's gonna be a crash!

  • Lori: I have my cowboy right here.

    Janet: Get a room, guys.

  • Hunt Wynorski: [kisses his lucky coin and then points it to Janet] Go ahead, Janet. Kiss it.

    Janet: [flashes a disgusted look at Hunt]

    Hunt Wynorski: It's your choice, heads or tails, but you know I like head.

  • [the girls talking behind the dressing room doors before walking out as Disney princesses]

    Laurie: I am not wearing this. It's too small. And my tits keep popping out.

    Danielle: That's the idea.

    Laurie: I don't know why we drove out here when there are perfectly good guys in the city.

    Janet: Fresh meat.

    Maria: It's what we do every Halloween, Laurie.

    Laurie: Whatever happened to Trick or Treating?

    Maria: Puberty.

    Janet: Last year we were in Tampa.

    Maria: And we went as sexy nurses.

    Danielle: No Janet, Tampa was two years ago, I remember because you puked doing a guy in his pickup truck.

    Janet: I ate some bad Mexican, and it was a jeep.

    Danielle: Last year was San Diego. We dressed as sailors and ended up with sailors.

    Janet: Yeah, and Maria's sailor was a girl.

    Maria: So what, she had a nice ass, it all tastes the same to me anyway.

  • Janet: Julie saw him, you know.

    Bud: Who?

    Janet: Michael Myers.

    Bud: Come on...!

    Janet: I swear, yesterday when she was coming to work.

    Bud: Where'd she see him?

    Janet: You know the Shop And Bag out by the mall? She stopped at the light and saw him walking in that field behind the Lost River Drive In. Julie said he was so creepy.

    Bud: Julie's full of shit. He didn't escape until last night.

    Janet: You don't have to swear about it.

    Bud: She's a goddamn moron anyway.

    Janet: Every other word you say is either hell or shit or damn.

    Bud: Sorry. I guess I just fuck up all the time.

  • Mr. Garrett: I think somebody broke into the store room.

    [the walkie talkie that Janet is holding has static, making Mr. Garrett's voice sound inaudible]

    Janet: Mr. Garrett? I can't hear you.

    Mr. Garrett: One of you had better drive down to the sheriff's station right away.

  • Mrs. Alves: I'm trying to reach Mr. or Mrs. Morgan Strode. They've left? Could you give me another number? All right. Thank you. You should've called them right away. Now I can't find them.

    Janet: I didn't know.

    Mrs. Alves: Right away.

    Janet: I'm sorry, Mrs. Alves.

    Jimmy: I'll be with Laurie. Cover for me.

    Mrs. Alves: I heard that. Two minutes. That's it.

  • Janet: Ted, you know you're always welcome here. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to park your Airstream in my backyard, and you're going to live out of my fridge.

  • Janet: [to Ted, when the dog Thor is reluctant to approach him] What did you do, spit in his Alpo?

  • Janet: [Werewolf Ted has Brett by the throat, Janet points the revolver at Ted] Get the fuck off my son!

    [Shoots Ted]

  • Janet: [Janet thinks being handcuffed in The Brain's personal meat locker is kinky] Oh, I love you. I was *so* scared!

  • [last lines]

    Janet: [whispering] Hi.

    Jim Majelewski: Hi.

  • Janet: I just wanna put her back inside me and start all over again.

Browse more character quotes from The Nice Guys (2016)