Jan Quotes in Prince of Pirates (1953)

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Jan Quotes:

  • Prince Roland: Why didn't you take her home?

    Jan: Why aren't all tigers behind bars?

  • Jan: How come every time you stay in an old, spooky house it has to lightning and thunder?

    Megan: Well, I think it's standard issue.

  • [first lines]

    Big Red: I'm sexy, I'm cute, / I'm popular to boot.

    Big RedWhitneyCourtneyDarcyCarverKaseyTorrance Shipman: I'm bitchin', great hair, / The boys all love to stare, / I'm wanted, I'm hot, / I'm everything you're not, / I'm pretty, I'm cool, / I dominate this school, / Who am I? Just guess, / Guys wanna touch my chest, / I'm rockin', I smile, / And many think I'm vile, / I'm flyin', I jump, / You can look but don't you hump, / Whoo / I'm major, I roar, / I swear I'm not a whore, / We cheer and we lead, / We act like we're on speed, / Hate us 'cause we're beautiful, / Well we don't like you either, / We're cheerleaders, / We are cheerleaders. /Roll call...

    Big Red: Call me Big Red.

    Whitney: I'm W-W-Whitney.

    Courtney: C-C-C-C-Courtney.

    [Courtney makes cat snarl]

    Darcy: Dude, it's Darcy.

    Carver: I'm big bad Carver. Yeah!

    Kasey: Just call me Kasey!

    Big Red: I'm... still Big Red, / I sizzle, I scorch, / But now I pass the torch, / The ballots are in, / And one girl has to win, / She's perky, she's fun, / And now she's number one, / K-K-Kick it Torrance, / T-T-T-Torrance!

    Torrance Shipman: I'm strong and I'm loud, / I'm gonna make you proud, / I'm T-T-T-Torrance, / Your captain Torrance.

    WhitneyCourtneyDarcyCarverKaseyTorrance ShipmanJanLes: Let's go Toros. /We are the Toros, / The Mighty Mighty Toros, / We're so terrific, / We must be Toros.

  • Jan: They don't go, we win; once again, we're the best.

    Torrance Shipman: I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them. They have to go.

  • Jan: Hey, ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?

  • Jan: You know, all the cheerleaders in the world wouldn't help our football team.

    Les: It's just wrong. Cheering for them is just plain mean!

  • Cheerleaders: [Cheerleaders from opposing team] Hey, Toros! / That's right / The red black and white / Guess What / Guess What / You really SUCK!

    Torrance Shipman: Hey...

    Torrance ShipmanCourtneyWhitneyKaseyDarcyMissyJanLes: That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday! / That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday!

  • Darcy: Bring on the tyros, the neophytes, and the dilettantes.

    Jan: SATs are over, Darcy.

    Darcy: And you're still jealous of my score.

  • Football Player #1: Jan's got spirit, yes he do!

    Football Player #2: Jan's got spirit, how bout you?

    Jan: Dude! You just lost!

  • Courtney: Tell me we're not actually continuing the masquerade and having try-outs. Let's cut the crap and pick somebody now! Whitney's little sister Jamie is really teeny. She'll be easy to toss, and she doesn't give lip.

    Jan: Just tongue.

    Whitney: Kiss my ass, Jan!

    Jan: I'd love to.

  • Les: [Their first practice after the long summer] Pinch some panties, someone's slacking!

    Jan: [to Courtney, who they're holding] Do I look like a milkmaid 'cause somebody feels like a cow!

  • Toros Quarterback: Whoa! Sexy Leslie and Jan-Jan the cheerleading man!

    Toros Tight End: Hey fags!

    Les: What? Just because we won more trophies than you guys is no reason for you to get all... malignant.

    Toros Quarterback: [grabbing his balls] Malignant *this*, tool!

    Toros Tight End: [high-fiving the quarterback and laughs] Nice!

    Jan: One of these days man...

    Les: Let it go! They've never even won a single game! You gotta be kinda rough on them.

    [calling out to Les]

    Les: Besides, they're dicks!

  • Toros Quarterback: [the Toros football team just lost the game. The quarterback mock-cheers the Toros cheerleading team sarcastically] Jan's got spirit, yes he do.

    Toros Tight End: [cheers sarcastically] Jan's got spirit, how 'bout you?

    Jan: Dude! You just *lost*!

  • Coach Bombay: Hans couldn't make it?

    Jan: Now don't get me started with that strudel head! He went back to the old country. He wanted to see our mother. She loved him more, you know!

  • Jan: I see you met my new apprentice.

    Charlie: Jan told me you did this job when you were my age.

    Coach Bombay: That's right, and I hope he pays you more than he paid me.

    Charlie: You got paid?

    Jan: Eat, everybody, before the hasenpfeffer gets cold!

  • Jan: Gordon, when I told the Goodwill committee who you were, I did not talk to them about your good looks. I didn't tell them you would win at any cost. I told them you were a man who loves the game. And I told them you were a man who could teach the kids... about more than just about winning or losing. I told them you were the Minnesota Miracle Man, and only you could teach them to fly. So be that man. Be that man, Gordon.

  • Jan: Baby take very, very much work.

    Peter Mitchell: Thanks for telling me that, Jan, I did not know that. What is he, an idiot savant?

  • Peter Mitchell: Oh no, she doodled!

    Jan: "Doodled". Ha ha.

    Peter Mitchell: Yes, doodled! What's the matter, don't babies doodle in Hungary?

  • Jan: [after Paul's spontaneous marriage proposal] This is the desperate act of a desperate man; only when faced with losing me do you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with me.

    Paul: So, what's wrong with that? I didn't like the alternative. I mean that's how one usually comes to a decision anyway, right?

    Jan: Wrong again, Paul. One comes to a decision based on what one wants, not based on what one *doesn't* want. Got it?

  • Paul: [holds out ring box after proposing] Jan...

    Jan: Paul...

    Paul: [taps her shoulder with ring box] Jan!

    Jan: [pushes his shoulder back] Paul!

    Paul: Take the fuckin' ring!

    Jan: Oh, that's romantic.

  • Jan: I don't appreciate you burying my driveway every time it snows like some drooling, obsessed lunatic.

    Paul: OK, that's fair.

  • [Babe Bennett is fighting against Jan, and Babe just kicked her in the crotch several times]

    Jan: Where were you kicking? I ain't got no balls, dummy.

  • Jan: Tell you what: you get by me, I'll tell you where he is.

    [cricks her neck]

    Jan: Whoo! Feeling crazy!

    Babe: [takes off her coat] Okay...

    Jan: Come to mama!

    [Babe charges, and Jan clotheslines her]

    Babe: Ow...

    Jan: I was a rodeo clown for six years. You're gonna have to step it up a notch, shorty.

  • [Deeds' poem is printed on greeting cards all over the state]

    Babe: "Hard to breathe / Feels like floating..."

    Reuben: "So full of love my heart's exploding..."

    Emilio: [stroking a beautiful woman] "Mouth is dry / Hands are shaking..."

    Cecil Anderson: [seated next to Kitty on a bench] "My heart is yours for the taking..."

    Nazo, the Italian Delivery Man: [stroking a cat] "Acting weird / Not myself..."

    Jan: "Dancing around like the Keebler elf..."

    Longfellow Deeds: "Finally time / for this poor schlubb / To know how it feels to fall in lub."

  • Babe: You must be Jan. My name is...

    Jan: I know who you are. Wham-Bam Dawson, a.k.a. Little Miss Slut-slut.

    Babe: Okay, I deserved that...

    Jan: Do you have any idea how much you hurt him? You're not getting anywhere near that boy.

    Babe: I have to find him, and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

    Jan: [rolls up her sleeves] There's a lot I can do to stop you.

    Babe: He needs to know how bad I feel, and I would go to the end of the earth, I would do anything, *anything*, to take back what I did to him.

    Jan: ...I'm sorry? All I heard was, "blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp."

  • Jan: I always wanted to be a man!

    Longfellow Deeds: Okay, well I guess that explains a lot...

  • [in the Pizza-Place, just after asking Jan if Deeds was there]

    Cecil Anderson: Is Mrs. Deeds around?

    Jan: Mrs. Deeds? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.

  • Jan: Deeds isn't in right now, he's making deliveries 'cause our regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look very sick, Murph.

    Murph: Oh, I forgot I was fakin' sick today.

    [starts walking away]

    Murph: You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!

  • Brian: Hey, Jan... will you be my girlfriend?

    Jan: Well, I would, but I'm gay. I'm a big dyke.

    Brian: Oh. What's that like?

  • Mary: Ok, then, who's left to report out their root? Andre?

    Andre: Shit, Ms. Mary, I ain't the only one who ain't got no root.

    Mary: Andre, we don't use profanity or double negatives here at True Directions. Ok, who's next? Megan!

    Megan: Well, I've really been thinking but I just can't think of anything.

    Graham: I think our little Prom Queen is too afraid to disclose.

    Megan: Oh, really? What's your root, Graham?

    Graham: We're working on your issue here, not mine. You're deflecting.

    Mary: Actually, I think it might be a great idea for Megan to be reminded of your root, Graham.

    Graham: My mother got married in pants.

    [group applauds]

    Mary: All right, let's see, uh, Dolph!

    Dolph: Too many locker room showers with the varsity team.

    Mary: Hilary?

    Hilary: Um, all girl boarding school.

    Mary: Sinead.

    Sinead: I was born in France.

    Mary: Clayton.

    Clayton Dunn: My mom let me play in her pumps.

    Jan: I like balls.

    Mary: Why, thank you for that Jan.

    [group applauds]

    Mary: Joel?

    Joel: Traumatic... bris. So... yeah.

  • Jan: I mean, everybody thinks I'm this big dyke because... 'cause I wear baggy pants, I play softball, and... and I'm not as pretty as other girls, but that doesn't make me gay. I mean, I like guys. I can't help it. I just want a big fat wiener up my...

    Andre: Amen, sister.

  • Jan: Blaine! Get your penis out of the tartar sauce!

  • Brad Allen: [on the phone pretending to be Rex] Am I gonna see you tonight?

    Jan: I'd love to Rex, but I already have a date.

    Brad Allen: Who with?

    Jan: A client. You don't know him. Jonathan Forbes.

    Brad Allen: Of course, you're not the kind of girl who would break a date.

    Jan: No I'm not.

    Brad Allen: And I ain't the kinda guy who'd ask you to.

    Jan: I know you're not.

    Brad Allen: I'll pick you up at 8.

    Jan: I'll be ready.

  • Jan: Officer, arrest this man - he's taking me up to his apartment!

    Police Officer: Well, I can't say that I blame him, miss.

  • Brad Allen: Are you getting out of that bed, or am I coming in after you?

    Jan: You wouldn't dare!

  • Jan: He was a perfect gentleman.

    Brad Allen: That's even worse than I thought.

    Jan: What do you mean?

    Brad Allen: Well there are some men who... hmmm how shall I put it? Well they're very fond of their mothers... They like to share bits of gossip... collect recipes.

    Jan: What a vicious thing to say!

  • Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.

    Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.

    Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.

  • Jan: Mr. Allen, this may come as a surprise to you, but there are some men who don't end every sentence with a proposition.

  • Alma: [Jan's just got off the phone with Brad, laying down the "rules" for the party line, which Alma's been listening in, to their whole conversation. Alma hangs up the extension, in the kitchen, and picks up her morning cocktail, as Jan comes in] You know, he makes pretty good sense.

    Jan: Were you listening in again?

    Alma: Yes, ma'am.

    Jan: Alma, have you no shame?

    Alma: No, ma'am, he's brightened up many-a-dreary afternoon, for me.

    Jan: What did he say that makes such "good sense"?

    Alma: [quoting Brad] "If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it."

    Jan: Well, I do like it.

    [Alma makes a face of disbelief]

    Jan: I have a good job, a lovely apartment, I go out with very nice men to the best places; the theatre, finest restaurants...

    [exasperated]

    Jan: What am I missing?

    Alma: [chuckling] When you have to ask, believe me, you're missin' it.

    Jan: What's a girl supposed to do? Goo out on the street, and ask the first man she meets to come home with her?

    Alma: No - don't do that, ma'am.

    [chuckles to herself]

    Alma: It don't work.

    [Alma takes a sip of her drink]

  • Jan: [Trying to convince Alma she loves living alone] Well, what am I missing?

    Alma: If you have to ask, you're missing it!

  • Jan: At least my problems can be solved in one bedroom. You couldn't solve yours in a thousand!

  • Jan: Can you believe that? They sent a woman. That's like sending a marshmallow to put out a bonfire.

  • Jan: [Jan and Brad are on the phone discussing a phone schedule] We're just going to have to live with each other.

    Brad Allen: [Jan pauses, waiting for a response] Well?

    Jan: I was waiting for you to say some off-color remark.

    Brad Allen: Is that all you have on your mind?

    Jan: Never mind my mind! You just stick to your half hour and I'll stick to mine!

  • Jan: [walks in after finishing a meeting with Jonathan and seeing Alma's on the kitchen extension] Hi, All, any calls?

    Alma: [swooning, puts her hand over the receiver] It's him.

    [Alma goes back to listening on the phone, and Jan smirks and looks at her watch]

    Jan: [Jan walks over to Alma, and takes the phone out of her hand] Mr. Allen, you're on *my* half-hour.

    [Jan hangs the phone up with a smirk]

    Alma: Party pooper!

    [Alma grabs her bag, and lumbers to the front door]

    Jan: [Jan chuckles and starts walking away when the phone rings. She picks it up] Hello?

    Brad Allen: Don't ever do that, again.

    Jan: Mr. Allen, we made an agreement; you were on *my* time.

    Brad Allen: Alright. So, I overlapped by a few measly minutes. What am I supposed to do when someone calls me? Be as rude as you are?

    Jan: Have you anything else to say?

    Brad Allen: Yes. Get off my back, lady. Stop living vicariously on what you think I do! There are plenty of warm rolls in the bakery - stop pressing your nose against the window!

    [slams phone down]

  • Jan: [after an awkward first kiss with "Rex"] If you'll excuse me, I better go to the powder moon. I mean room. Fix my lipstick.

  • Jan: I'm yours tonight. My darling possess me.

  • [Tony is driving Jan home; he pulls the car over and starts kissing and groping her]

    Jan: [she shoves him away] Oh! Tony, please!

    Tony Walters: Jan! You're so... so primitive!

    Jan: [he leans into her again] Oh! Tony, control yourself! Remember, you're a *Harvard* man!

    Tony Walters: [she shoves him away again] Not tonight, baby; I'm on vacation!

    Jan: [he leans into her again] Oh, stop it! You're only 21!

    Tony Walters: I dig older women!

    Jan: [she tries slapping his hands away, to no avail] Oh! I've never seen a boy with so many *arms* before! Tony, so help me, I'm going to tell your mother!

    Tony Walters: [pause as he gets off her] It's your word against mine.

    Jan: [he leans into her again; she shoves him away and raises a clenched fist] Look! I've never belted a Phi Beta Kappa...

    Tony Walters: Okay, okay, I'll take you home...

    Jan: Okay.

    Tony Walters: ...if you promise to stop and have one drink with me.

    Jan: [looks at him sternly] *No*.

    Jan: [he leans into her again] Ah! I'm certainly in no condition for *this*. Now, will you *please* start this car?

    [Tony grins as he starts the car, and proceeds to take her to a nightclub]

  • [Tony has taken Jan to a nightclub; he's drunk while she hasn't even touched her glass. Sitting at the table next to them is the other end of Jan's party line, Brad, who she's never met]

    Tony Walters: Come on, come on, drink up. You're still on your first one.

    Jan: Tony, your mother is going to be terribly worried about you. Now, what do you say I *pour* you into a cab and send you home?

    Tony Walters: You know something? You are being very uncooperative.

    Jan: [rolls her eyes] Oh...

    Tony Walters: Ah, come on, Jan!

    [Brad overhears this and starts eavesdropping]

    Tony Walters: Finish your drink! It's very nourishing!

    Jan: [pushes her glass towards him] Will you please stop trying to get me drunk?

    Tony Walters: Drunk? I'll have you know a Harvard man *never* resorts to getting a woman drunk. Except in an emergency. And *you*, Ms. Morrow...

    [Brad's eyes go wide and he realizes who the woman Tony is addressing is]

    Tony Walters: ...are an emergency.

    Jan: Tony, I want you to get the check and let's get out of here and I mean it.

    Tony Walters: No. I categorically refuse.

    Jan: Alright. You can stay 'til AA comes for you. *I* am leaving.

  • Jan: I've got news for you, Corporate Man: your days are numbered!

  • Jan: We live in a capitalist dictatorship.

  • Jan: For all revolutions, one thing is clear... even if some didn't work, the most important thing is that the best ideas survived. The same goes for personal revolts. What turns out good, what survives in you that makes you stronger.

  • Jan: The first step is recognizing injustice. The second step: action.

  • Jan: Fear is a powerful drug when you learn to use it.

  • Jan: What is it worth if we are seen as common burglars?

  • Jan: How can you be so cavalier? Did you see what was going on out there? It was ugly!

    Harry Bailey: No. That protest... was sexy.

    Jan: Sexy?

    Harry Bailey: Do you think you're the only one who got laid tonight?

  • Jan: A man who can't believe in a cause can't believe in himself, and that goes for a woman too!

  • Jan: Harry, if you're so God-damned smart, why can't you make me happy?

  • Kees Tromp: Oh my god. I ran out of my own wedding today.

    Jan: Did you not love her enough?

    Kees Tromp: I've never loved anyone more.

    Jan: What's her name?

    Kees Tromp: Victor...

    Jan: Yeah, that's an option too...

  • Bishop Campbell: Do you know when World War II ended?

    Jan: We had a second one?

  • Jan: Funny guy. Reminds me of Fatty Arbuckle.

  • Jan: Creepy! Our landlord talks to spirits.

  • Jan: You mean you're dropping out of Rydell?

    Frenchy: I don't look at it as dropping out! I look at it as a very strategic career move.

  • Putzie: [nervously] I think there's more to you than just fat.

    Jan: [sincerely] Thanks.

  • Rizzo: [breaks out a bottle of wine] How about a little Sneaky Pete to get the party going?

    [the girls all cheer]

    Jan: I got Twinkies. Anybody want one?

    Marty: Twinkies and wine? Oh, that's real class, Jan.

    Jan: It says right here it's a dessert wine.

    [offers bottle to Sandy who's hesitant]

    Jan: What's the matter? We don't got cooties!

    Rizzo: I'll bet you've never had a drink before either, have you?

    Sandy: Oh, yes I did. I had some champagne at my cousin's wedding once.

    Rizzo: Well, ringa ding-ding.

  • Jan: Don't let me near the refreshment stand!

    Jan: Take my money away from me! I'm not hungry! I'M NOT HUNGRY!

  • Jan: I've been dieting all day! My mom's apple pie is better than this stuff! do you want some?

    Putzie: SURE!

    [They start heading out when Sonny stops him]

    Sonny: Hey Putzie... 15 minutes!

    [He starts laughing and Putzie leaves]

  • Jan: Brusha, brusha, brusha get the new Ipana

    Jan: With the brand new flavor

    Jan: It's dandy for you teeth

  • Jan: Every love affair is a result of trivial events

  • My-ik: Do you know the cow?

    Jan: [shrugs]

    My-ik: He is an insolent bastard!

Browse more character quotes from Prince of Pirates (1953)

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