James Leer Quotes in Wonder Boys (2000)

James Leer: Now, that is a big trunk. It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.

Grady Tripp: That's just what they used to say in the ads.

[Grady offers James some codiene pills]

James Leer: No thanks. I'm fine without them.

Grady Tripp: Right. That's why you were standing in the Chancellor's back yard twirling that little cap gun of yours tonight. You're fine, all right, you're fit as a fucking fiddle.

James Leer: What are we doing?

Grady Tripp: I'm gonna get you a nice meal, a couple cups of coffee, then I'm taking you home.

James Leer: Take me now.

Grady Tripp: What?

James Leer: I'm not hungry.

Grady Tripp: James, you gotta eat.

James Leer: I'll get something out of the vending machine.

Grady Tripp: Vending machine? What are you talking about?

James Leer: At the bus station, they have these cheese sandwiches. They're pretty good. It's better if you take me now. That way, Carl won't get my spot.

Grady Tripp: Carl?

James Leer: Never mind.

Grady Tripp: James, go get us a table, will ya? I'm not letting the most talented writer in my class eat some week-old cheese sandwich, okay?

Hannah Green: James will know about George Sanders.

James Leer: George Sanders?

Hannah Green: Mr. Crabtree was saying how George Sanders killed himself, only he couldn't remember how.

James Leer: Pills. April 25, 1972, in a Costa Brava hotel room.

Terry Crabtree: How comprehensive of you.

Hannah Green: James is amazing. He knows all the movie suicides. Go ahead, James. Tell him.

James Leer: There are so many.

Hannah Green: Well, just a few. The big ones.

James Leer: Pier Angeli, 1971 or '72, also pills. Donald "Red" Barry, shot himself in 1980. Charles Boyer, 1978, pills again. Charles Butterworth, 1946, I think. In a car. Supposedly, it was an accident, but, you know, he was distraught. Dorothy Dandridge, pills, 1965. Albert Dekker, 1968. He hung himself. He wrote his suicide note in lipstick on his stomach. William Inge, carbon monoxide, 1973. Carole Landis, pills again. I forget when. George Reeves, "Superman" on TV, shot himself. Jean Seberg, pills, of course, 1979. Everett Sloane - he was good - pills. Margaret Sullavan, pills. Lupe Velez, a lot of pills. Gig Young, he shot himself and his wife in 1978. There are tons more.

Hannah Green: I haven't heard of half of them.

Terry Crabtree: You did them alphabetically.

James Leer: It's just how my brain works, I guess.

James Leer: Professor Tripp? Can I ask you a question?

Grady Tripp: Yeah, James.

James Leer: What are we going to do with... it?

Grady Tripp: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog.

James Leer: You?

Grady Tripp: Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man.

James Leer: Does she want to hear it was one of her professors?

Grady Tripp: ...I've got tenure.

[Crabtree and a student drag James, hopped up on codeine, out of the auditorium]

James Leer: The doors made so much noise!

Grady Tripp: Is he all right?

James Leer: It was so embarrassing! He had to be carried out.

Terry Crabtree: He's fine. He's narrating.

James Leer: They were going to the restroom. But would they make it in time?

James Leer: It's just... for good luck. Some people carry rabbits' feet...

Grady Tripp: ...You carry firearms.

James Leer: You want a bite?

Grady Tripp: No thanks.

James Leer: That's why you're having them. Your spells.

Grady Tripp: Spells? Jesus, James, you make it sound like we're in a Tennessee Williams play. I don't get spells.

Grady Tripp: Shit, James. You shot Dr. Gaskell's dog.

James Leer: I had to! Didn't I?

Grady Tripp: Couldn't you have just pulled him off me?

Grady Tripp: James like it or not those people out there are your parents.

James Leer: They're not my parents.

Grady Tripp: What?

James Leer: They're my grandparents... my parents are dead.

Grady Tripp: James the man is obviously your father... you look just like him.

James Leer: There's a reason for that.

[eating a box of white-powder donuts]

James Leer: These are incredible. Incredible!

Grady Tripp: Finish the rest of that joint, James, you can start chewing on the box.

James Leer: No offence, Professor Tripp, but you look kinda crappy.

James Leer: You're not like my other teachers, Professor Tripp.

Grady Tripp: You're not like my other students, James.

James Leer: Whose tuba is that, anyway?

Grady Tripp: Miss Sloviak's.

James Leer: Can I ask you something about her?

Grady Tripp: Yes, she is.

James Leer: So is your friend Crabtree, is he... is he gay?

Grady Tripp: Most of the time he is, James. Some of the time he isn't.

Grady Tripp: Fine, just fine.

James Leer: Yeah, fit as a fucking fiddle.

Grady Tripp: What do we have here? This looks like... that's our old friend Mr. Codeine. That should take the old pinch out of the ankle. Want one?

James Leer: No, thanks. I'm fine without them.

Grady Tripp: Right. That's why you were standing in the chancellor's backyard spinning that "cap gun" of yours. You're fine. Yeah, you're just as fit as a fuckin' fiddle.

James Leer: You're mad at me, aren't you? You're mad because I shot your girlfriend's dog.

Grady Tripp: It wasn't her dog, it was her husband's...

[looking at James]

Grady Tripp: Who said anything about a girlfriend?

James Leer: [smiling back]

Grady Tripp: Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriends dog. Even though Poe and I were not exactly what you'd call simpatico that's no reason he should've taken two in the chest

Grady Tripp: I have to go over to my wife's parents house today, to gather a few things.

James Leer: The one that left you?

Grady Tripp: Yes James, that one.

James Leer: "Arsonist's Daughter" wasn't a fraud. It made me want to be a writer.

Grady Tripp: And for that, James, you have my eternal apologies.

James Leer: I just want to go home.

Terry Crabtree: Don't be ridiculous, no one your age just wants to go home. Besides, Faculty will be there, just call it a Field Trip.