James Humphrey Quotes in Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

[interrupting the trappers' gruesome song about the joys of killing animals]

George Noon: Oh, stop!

James Humphrey: That's sick!

Frenchy Cabazon: I agree! Nutter was singing in the wrong key!

Preston Nutter: No I wasn't! It was Loutzenheiser! I was singing in E flat minor.

Frenchy Cabazon: The SONG'S in F sharp major!

Shannon Bell: I think they're the same thing. I mean, E flat is the relative major of F sharp.

Frenchy Cabazon: No it isn't! The relative minor is three half-tones DOWN from the major, not up!

George Noon: No, it's three down. Like A is the relative minor of C major.

O.D. Loutzenheiser: But isn't A sharp in C major?

Shannon Bell: Wait, are you singing mixolydian scales or something?

Frenchy Cabazon: A sharp is tonic to C major! It's the sixth!

James Humphrey: No it isn't!

Israel Swan: Well, it would be like a raised 13th if anything.

James Humphrey: Hey! You're cutting into his butt!

Frank Miller: Well what sort of meat do you want?

James Humphrey: Well not butt!

[mocking Alferd Packer not explaining the Colorado River beforehand]

James Humphrey: 'Are there any more big rivers between here and Breckenridge?' 'Oh no, just the Colorado!' THE BIGGEST FUCKING RIVER I'VE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

James Humphrey: Fudge, Packer?

Frank Miller: [seeing their dinner] You son of a bitch Humphrey.

James Humphrey: Come on, you haven't even tried it.

[Miller takes a mouthful]

Frank Miller: You son of a bitch Humphrey.

Frank Miller: A horse is a horse.

James Humphrey: Of course.

Alferd Packer: Of course.

Frank Miller: What part do we eat?

James Humphrey: Well, you're the butcher.

Frank Miller: Yeah, but...

James Humphrey: So, butch!

James Humphrey: Can't think, can't move can't speak in complete sentences.

[after Swan has been shot]

George Noon: He's dead!

James Humphrey: Well no kidding he's dead. His brains are lying in the snow.

Indian Chief: Ya ya ya! Yoku kita na! Kimi ga kono eiga no shujinkoo nan daroo?

[Hi hi hi! Welcome! I guess you are the heroes of this movie?]

James Humphrey: He says...

Indian Chief: Who are you assholes?

James Humphrey: Oh, he speaks English.

James Humphrey: Oh, gosh, I never thought I'd be sleeping next to a naked man on this trip.

George Noon: Just do what I'm doing. Just pretend like you're laying next to a nice soft woman.

Frank Miller: *What*?

George Noon: I'm just imagining old Mr. Miller here as a nice tall blonde.

Frank Miller: Oh, goddamn it! I want another partner!

James Humphrey: Excuse me. I've been doing some thinking. Ummm... just kind of looking at our situation here, and I've come to the conclusion that we're completely fucked! Has anybody else made this discovery?

James Humphrey: Wait, you guys. Let me talk to them. I know how to speak Indian.

Shannon Bell: We're gonna die.

James Humphrey: Weep-wah, weep-wah, surro no happo?

Indian #2: Nani itto n jaa, omee?

[What the heck are you saying?]

James Humphrey: He says, "Welcome to the land of blue light."

[Humphrey simultaneously signs "Jesus Christ is dead."]

Indian #2: Omai wa sono uchi, sakana to ishoo ni onemu suru koto ni naru, zo!

[Keep it up and you'll be sleeping with the fishes, see?]

James Humphrey: I am a carpenter, and this is my brother, Tom.

Frank Miller: Humphrey, you are so full of shit!

The Cyclops: Well, damn! It's good to see some Southern boys! It's been a long time!

[sings]

The Cyclops: Oh, I wish I were in the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten, look away! Look away! Look Awaaaay...

[waits for other to finish]

James Humphrey: ...You stupid yank!

James Humphrey: Oookay... We, we could take our wheelbarrow, build it into a little boat, and then we ride it across, and then build it back into a wheelbarrow again!

Indian #2: Nanda? Sugu kotchi koi! Haiyaku! Haiyaku!

[What the heck? Come here immediately! Quickly! Quickly!]

Indian #1: Kuso, bakayarou! Kono eiga ga daikirai zo.

[Shit, you moron! I hate this movie]

James Humphrey: Uh, you guys, I think they want us to follow them.

Indian #1: Ike. Kono eiga ga suggoi baka na eiga da na!

[Go. This is a really stupid movie!]

Alferd Packer: What should we do?

George Noon: Maybe they just want Humphrey.

Indian #1: Kotchi koi!

[Come here!]

Shannon Bell: I guess we don't have much choice.