James Franco Quotes in This Is the End (2013)

Danny McBride: What the fuck is wrong with you, Franco? You have iPad's all over the goddamn walls in your house, but you jack off like a fuckin' pilgrim!

James Franco: That's right man, I like to read!

James Franco: Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art.

Jay Baruchel: Thanks, James Franco.

Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room

Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.

Craig Robinson: That's fucked up. I'm right here man.

Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.

James Franco: That's racist.

[Taking inventory of the food and supplies at James Franco's house]

Seth Rogen: We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours.

James Franco: [correcting Seth] '127 Hours'.

Seth Rogen: Uh, 127 Hours. And a functioning revolver from the movie 'Flyboys'.

James Franco: I will shoot off your dick!

Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch.

Danny McBride: [Rapture light appears] What the fuck?

James Franco: Go to hell, McBride! Fuck you! Haha. Suck my dick!

[Rapture light disappears]

James Franco: I fucked Lindsay Lohan at the Chateau Marmont. She kept knocking on my door, she was high. She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal. I said just call me your prince of Persia.

[Rogen and McBride are digging through the floor of Franco's house when Franco storms through the second floor hallway, carrying his prop gun and a porno magazine]

James Franco: Who did this?

Seth Rogen: Did what? What are you talking about?

James Franco: Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about.

Danny McBride: [Raises hand] It was me, Franco. I fuckin' made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco: What?

Danny McBride: When I fuckin' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?

James Franco: Real fuckin' smart answer! Why don't you fuckin' aim, huh?

Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fuckin' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.

James Franco: What the fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a fuckin' sock or on a fuckin' tissue?

Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerked off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fuckin' house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco: You don't cum on my stuff!

Danny McBride: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James! I'll fuckin' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin' art, I'll cum anywhere I want!

James Franco: I will fuckin' cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin' madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride: Ooh! I fuckin' wish you'd cum on me right now! I fuckin' dare you to cum on me!

[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]

Danny McBride: [Grabbing baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin' hard in here...

James Franco: This, no more, man! All over your fuckin' face!

Danny McBride: ...All over the fuckin' floor, all over the fuckin' place! I'll cum everywhere!

James Franco: [Waving gun] No more fuckin' jerking off in my house, McBride!

James Franco: [while being robbed] I'm not gonna shoot Emma Watson!

[an armored RV crashes into James Franco's Toyota Prius, slightly injuring Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel. A bunch of cannibals from the RV pulls all three of them out from the totaled car and starts to attack them]

Santa Cannibal: [yells] Yo, cut his fuckin' head off!

[chainsaw revs up; James, Seth, and Jay screams]

Danny McBride: [on loudspeaker] STOP!

[Danny McBride, leader of the cannibals, steps out of his RV with a marijuana joint in one hand and a dog's leash in the other]

Jay Baruchel: Danny?

Danny McBride: [shocked] What the fuck? You guys are still alive?

Seth Rogen: Yeah!

Danny McBride: Holy shit, I didn't expect that.

[tugging on the leash, a gimp, who reveals to be Channing Tatum, jumps out from the RV]

Danny McBride: Get...

[Danny pulls Channing over to him]

Jay Baruchel: Oh, Jesus.

Danny McBride: Shit, I can't believe you guys are here. That's fucking crazy, and your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten, and you three gentlemen look delicious.

Jay Baruchel: [confused] What does that have to do with us?

James Franco: What the fuck are you talking about?

Danny McBride: [chuckles] I'm a cannibal, hombre. We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass.

Seth Rogen: Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man!

Danny McBride: I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. I butt-fucked this dude.

[Channing drops down doggy-style]

Danny McBride: See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp. Channing, introduce yourself.

Channing Tatum: [takes his mask off] Hey, what's up, guys? Y'all cool?

James Franco: That's Channing Tatum.

Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?

Danny McBride: Channing fucking Tatum. I found him wandering on the freeway. I collected him, made him my bitch

[Channing rubs Danny's crotch, but Danny shoves his hand away]

Danny McBride: Get off my dick. I call him Channing "Tate-yum".

James Franco: Hardcore, man.

James Franco: We're actors! We bring joy to people's lives!

Jay Baruchel: Yeah but we don't do it for free. We get paid handsomely much higher than the average professional.

James Franco: The fucker's got to go! GO! The fucker's gots to go!

Jonah Hill: [From the trailer] Can I have that Milky Way?

James Franco: You can't have the Milky Way. It's my special food, I like it.

Seth Rogen: I want some of the Milky Way!

Craig Robinson: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.

Seth Rogen: Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.

Craig Robinson: Jesus and God. It's all the same.

Jay Baruchel: It's a trinity.

Craig Robinson: The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

James Franco: It's like neapolitan ice cream.

James Franco: No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the fuck down!

[after James taunts Danny, the rapture beams disappears; James falls back down on the ground to the evil amazement of the cannibals and the disappointment of Seth and Jay]

Seth Rogen: Oh, shit.

Jay Baruchel: Shit!

James Franco: [horrified] What happened? What did I do? Take me back! What did I DO?

Danny McBride: I'll tell you what happened, Franco. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.

[the cannibals gang up on the now-doomed James]

Danny McBride: You may not have invited me to your party, but your the guest of honor at mine.

James Franco: [last word] What?

[Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing joining in; James screams in horrible pain as Seth and Jay can do nothing but watch in sheer horror and disgust]

Danny McBride: [screaming; a crazed Danny holds up James' ripped-off nose] HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?

[Danny shrieks as the cannibals gang up and fatally eat James up to his death]

Danny McBride: Seth! JAY!

[Three cannibals give chase to Set and Jay, presumably to finish the job and keep them completely fed]

Jay Baruchel: Oh, shit, they're running after us!

Seth Rogen: Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!

Danny McBride: BRING THEM TO ME!

[the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house]

James Franco: [whispering] I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in.

Jay Baruchel: Why not?

Headless Man: Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.

James Franco: I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...

[Seth grabs his chest protectively]

James Franco: ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy?

Headless Man: I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here!

Danny McBride: "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks.

James Franco: What if he's the rapist?

Jonah Hill: Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us.

Headless Man: [panicking] Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist!

Seth Rogen: You gonna tittyfuck us?

Headless Man: [almost in tears] If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it!

Jay Baruchel: Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy?

James Franco: [to Seth] What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do.

Seth Rogen: Uh, let's vote on it!

Headless Man: Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in!

Danny McBride: Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.

[the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside]

Headless Man: There's something out here!

[the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet]

Danny McBride: [in shock] This is real! This is fucking real!

[he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it]

Jonah Hill: You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!

James Franco: Pick it up, Jonah.

[Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it]

Danny McBride: What the fuck is going on?

Jonah Hill: He blinked at me! He blinked at me!

James Franco: Put it over there!

[quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head]

James Franco: Dude look helicopters, helicopter, the good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine

[Helicopter crashes and propeller flies through window and sticks into wall next to Craig]

Craig Robinson: [Screaming and jumping] Goddamn, Goddamn

James Franco: You okay?

Craig Robinson: No I'm not okay.

[Shows finger with small scratch and blood]

Craig Robinson: Fuck yo house Franco

James Franco: My house didn't do that

James Franco: If this is one of those fucking joke shows, then I'm not into it.

[In fake trailer for "Deception"]

Lindsay Lohan: How do you have two guns?

James Franco: I didn't think one would be enough.

James Franco: [texting] You said you've never sucked a dick before. But tonight you're gonna.

Isaac: [thinking] Man I guess that settles it. Isaac Greenberg is sucking his first dick tonight!