Jake Taylor Quotes in Major League (1989)

Jake Taylor: I play for the Indians.

Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!

Jake Taylor: Yup, we've got uniforms and everything, it's really great!

Jake Taylor: What I was concerned with was why you didn't come up with that grounder that Rockert hit in the 9th

Roger Dorn: It was out of my reach, what do you want me to do dive for it?

Jake Taylor: Rog, it could have meant the game!

Roger Dorn: oh come on cut the rah rah shit Taylor! Year after this I go free agent. Plus me and my agent got a couple of plans for life after baseball. So I am not about to risk major injury or displace this property for a collection of stiffs!

Jake Taylor: Ya know Dorn, I liked you so much better when you were just a ballplayer. If you wanna be an interior decorator now that's none of my business. But some of us still need this team. Now you listen to me! This is my last shot at a winner and for some of the younger guys it could be their only shot. I don't know what happened to you. But if you ever, ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff em down your fuckin throat!

Jake Taylor: That's my wife...

Willie Mays Hayes: Does she know that?

Jake Taylor: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?

Willie Mays Hayes: I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.

Rick Vaughn: Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?

Lou Brown: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please?

[picks up a bat and leans on it like a walking stick]

Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about.It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.

Roger Dorn: Even me?

Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.

Eddie Harris: What if we DON'T finish last?

Lou Brown: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.

Jake Taylor: [Jake stands up] Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.

Roger Dorn: What's that?

Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.

[long pause]

Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah.

Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!

[everyone talks amongst themselves]

Lou Brown: Hey, Jake. Hows the knees holding up?

Jake Taylor: Great! Never been better.

Lou Brown: Mobility's good? No problem getting off the throw to second?

Jake Taylor: No problemo.

Lou Brown: I need a catcher, Jake. Someone who can lead this team on the field. But I want the absolute truth, here, are you one-hundred percent?

Jake Taylor: Yeah, would I bullshit you about something like that?

Lou Brown: You better, if you wanna make this team.

Lou Brown: [experimenting Vaughn] Okay Vaughn. They say you're a pitcher, you're sure not much of a dresser. We wear caps and sleeves on this level, son. Understood? All right, let's see what you can do.

[Vaughn pitches and hits the backstop fence]

Lou Brown: Nice Velocity.

Pepper Leach: Sounded Like it.

Jake Taylor: Jesus!

Lou Brown: How Much?

Duke Temple: [looking at his velocity gun] 96.

Lou Brown: [to Temple] We better teach this kid some control before he kills somebody.

Jake Taylor: [to Rexman] Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down by one in the ninth. You got a chance to be a hero on national television... if you don't blow it. By the way, saw your wife last night, hell of a dancer, you must be very, very proud. I mean that guy she was with, I'm sure he's a close personal friend and all. But tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head.

[Rexman pops the ball straight up]

Jake Taylor: Uh-oh, Rexy, I don't think this one's got the distance.

Willie Mays Hayes: [looks over Jake's shoulder and see's him reading] Moby Dick? What you reading that for?

Jake Taylor: This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.

Willie Mays Hayes: [chuckles] Lynn turn you on to that?

Jake Taylor: Yeah... a long time ago.

Willie Mays Hayes: Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?

Jake Taylor: [frustrated] Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.

Willie Mays Hayes: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.

Jake Taylor: Well I would if I knew where she lived.

Willie Mays Hayes: That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.

Jake Taylor: You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?

Willie Mays Hayes: [ponders it for a split second] Yeah!

[Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us]

Everybody: Hello. Do you know us?

[Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps]

Everybody: We're a Major League Baseball team.

Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.

Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.

Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.

Pedro Cerrano: [pointing to us] So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.

Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...

[Roger snaps his fingers]

Lou Brown: We're contenders now.

[Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card]

Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.

Jake Taylor: [at the library, discussing Jake's one-night stand with a flight attendant] I had no choice. She bet me fifty dollars that she had a better body than you and I had to defend your honor.

Lynn Wells: Oh, what a bunch of bullshit! I have a much better body than she does!

[everyone in the library turns to look]

Jake Taylor: She's right.

[from trailer; cut from final film; line reincarnated in Major League II]

Jake Taylor: [Vaughn is lamenting the long home run he gave up] That ball wouldn't have been out of a lot of parks.

Rick Vaughn: Name one.

Jake Taylor: Yellowstone?

Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays.

Jake Taylor: Well it all depends on how good you are.

Janice Bowden: How good are you?

Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.

Jake Taylor: I'm hung over, my knees are killin' me and if you're going to pull this shit at least you could've said you were from the Yankees.

Rick Vaughn: [converses with Taylor on the mound] Fucking Dorn! This game should be over by now. He could've had that ball, he tanked it on purpose!

Jake Taylor: Hey! This isn't the California Penal League, Vaughn, we're professionals here! We don't tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the cry baby shit! Now, you've pitched a hell of a game, you want to finish it, don't you?

Rick Vaughn: Yeah.

Jake Taylor: Good... think you can get a strike on this guy?

Rick Vaughn: Won't be much on it, my arm feels like Jello right now.

Jake Taylor: Just get it over the plate, I want him to swing.

Rick Vaughn: The last time I did that, the guy hit a ball that hasn't even landed yet!

Jake Taylor: [grins] Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

Chaire Holloway: So, what team do you play for?

Jake Taylor: The Indians.

Chaire Holloway: Here in Cleveland. I didn't know they still had a team?

Jake Taylor: Yeah. We have uniforms and everything, it's great.

Chaire Holloway: I heard that Ball players make a lot of money, how much you make?

Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.

Tom: Stay away from her.

Jake Taylor: Suck my dick.

Jake Taylor: Second base... shit.

Jake Taylor: [to himself, after commiting a bad throw to second base] Nice throw, dickhead.

Indians Fan: Hey, Vaughn. Can I have your autograph?

[Hands Vaughn a match box with a pen]

Rick Vaughn: Sure.

[while signing the match box]

Rick Vaughn: My first autograph. I couldn't give these away a few weeks ago.

Indians Fan: I heard your news on the radio. You made their hall of shame.

Rick Vaughn: [Becomes mildly annoyed, but gives back the match box to the fan]

[Under his breath]

Rick Vaughn: Nice hair.

Jake Taylor: Yeah, well you're a celeberty now, Vaughn

Jake Taylor: [Tom is escorting Jake out the door at the party] Thanks for the beer.

Tom: Don't mention it.

Jake Taylor: I'll let you know if I land a good job, I'm sure you're real concerned about it.

Tom: Well I just wanted Lynn to know what she would have had ahead of her.

[they stop to shake hands, faking cordiality]

Tom: Stay away from her.

Jake Taylor: [smiling] Suck my dick!

Jake Taylor: [in Mexico, he answers the phone] Hello?

Charlie Donovan: Jake Taylor, this is Charlie Donovan of the Clevland Indians. How would you like to play for us this season.

Jake Taylor: What?

Charlie Donovan: We would surely like to...

Jake Taylor: [interrupting] Is that you, Tolbert? Look, I am hung over, my knees are killing me and if you're gonna pull this shit at least you can say you're from the Yankees.

Lou Brown: Come on, you're not going to let her get you down, are you? You guys won last year just to spite her. Maybe, she's what we need.

Jake Taylor: Oh, Skip, they were a different team last year.

Lou Brown: Taylor, it's not your job to make excuses. That's all you guys do good! It's either a *leg* thing or a *spiritual* thing, or a *psychological* thing, or a *heart attack*!

Jake Taylor: Who used heart attack?

Lou Brown: Me.

[collapses from a heart attack]

Roger Dorn: As General Manager of this team, I demand to know when I'm getting a start.

Jake Taylor: There's an old timer's game coming soon.

Jake Taylor: You know, Rick, I may have to use you tomorrow in the late innings. Pitching staff's pretty overworked.

Rick Vaughn: Yeah. So? I'll be ready.

Jake Taylor: Ready, huh? Ready to what? Run and hide if the game's on the line?

Rick Vaughn: I don't get it, Jake. What's your problem?

Jake Taylor: You're the problem. You used to be the toughest guy on this team. Now you're trying to prop yourself up with the right woman or the right shrink or God knows what else. You want to be a major league pitcher? You have to find something in yourself that yours and nobody else's. You had that once, Rick. And if I were you, I spend the rest of the night trying to find it again. Without it, you're no good to me or the team.

[Jake leaves]

Rick Vaughn: What an asshole. What an amazing asshole. I thought he was my friend. Why is everybody so threatened by me improving myself?

[Looks in the mirror, sighs]

Rick Vaughn: What an asshole.

Jake Taylor: Say Parkman, I just want to say that even though we're competing for the same position, I'm glad they signed you. You're a good ball player.

Jack Parkman: Cut the crap, Taylor. I don't like you and you don't like me. Just don't blame your bum knees when I take your job.

Jake Taylor: [after Rube get's hit by a pitch] Hayes, go run for Rube.

Willie Mays Hayes: My leg's hurtin'.

Roger Dorn: [stands up] I'll run.

Jake Taylor: [sits Dorn back down] Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there!

Willie Mays Hayes: [pointing to Vaughn] If the gutless wonder doesn't have to pitch than why should I have to run?

Rick Vaughn: [gets up] Who are you calling a gutless wonder, tin man?

Willie Mays Hayes: Tin man?

[gets up limping]

Willie Mays Hayes: I got a genuine leg injury here, pal.

Rick Vaughn: And that limp is the best acting you've done all year.

[turns around to leave]

Willie Mays Hayes: [turns Vaughn around] Well at least I don't have some cover girl dragging me around by my johnson.

[Vaughn tackles Hayes as he walks away, starting a brawl]

Jake Taylor: Rube, you look at Playboy all the time, don't you?

Rube Baker: I don't just look at it. I read the articles.

Jake Taylor: Sure you do.

Rube Baker: I do. I especially like it when they mention the girls' interests, like Betsy loves surfing.

Jake Taylor: You even memorize them?

Rube Baker: Yep. I guess I do.

Jake Taylor: Bingo.

[Jake and Rube are discussing Rube's problems as a catcher]

Jake Taylor: What exactly is your problem?

Rube Baker: Well, uh...

[a limo's horn sounds and the limo pulls up]

Rube Baker: Well, uh... hell that's the biggest damn car I ever saw.

Willie Mays Hayes: [an entourage of eleven people gets out of the car, followed by Willie] Say Jake! Oh-hooo! Ha-ha!

Rube Baker: Who are they?

Jake Taylor: [stunned] They are our centerfielder.

Jake Taylor: Rube, what's going through your head just before you throw the ball back to the pitcher?

Rube Baker: I'm thinking, "Damn, I don't want to screw this up."

Jake Taylor: Well, what are you thinking when you throw a strike to nail the runner down at second base?

Rube Baker: Well, I, I'm not thinking nothing. I just throw it.

Jake Taylor: You see what I'm getting at?

Rube Baker: You want the pitcher to pitch from second base?

Jake Taylor: [frustrated, blank look] Oooogh.

Willie Mays Hayes: [talking about the promo for his film] That spot didn't show the real dramatic parts, like when they kill my boa constrictor and I vow revenge.

Jake Taylor: Oh.

Jake Taylor: [Seeing Vaughn coming back into the dugout] Hey, didn't I tell you to go to the bullpen.

Rick Vaughn: We're down by 10 runs, Jake.

Jake Taylor: Well you can still get some work in.

Rick Vaughn: I've had enough of that maniac out there.

Jake Taylor: [after seeing Rube Baker get hit with a pitch] Hayes, go run for Rube.

Willie Mays Hayes: My legs hurtin'.

Roger Dorn: [Stands up] I'll run.

[Jake sits him down]

Jake Taylor: Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there.

Willie Mays Hayes: The Gutless Wonder doesn't have to pitch. Why should I have to run?

Rick Vaughn: Who you calling a Gutless Wonder, Tin Man?

Willie Mays Hayes: Tin Man? I got genuine leg injury here, pal.

Rick Vaughn: That limp is the best acting you've done all year.

Willie Mays Hayes: [Grabs Vaughn by the arm] Well at least I don't have some Cover Girl dragging me around by my Johnson.

Jake Taylor: [visiting Lou in the hospital] Hey, you're lookin' good, Lou.

Lou Brown: Forget about me. I'm fine. You gotta talk to the team, Jake. Give 'em hell. Let 'em know they're too damn good to roll over and play dead.

Jake Taylor: Will do, Skip. And, hey, we'll win this one for you.

[goes to leave]

Lou Brown: Hey, Taylor.

Lou Brown: Promise me one thing.

Jake Taylor: Sure. What?

Lou Brown: When you talk to the team, don't give 'em one of them "let's win one for Lou" corny speeches. I couldn't stand that.

Jake Taylor: What good is all this if you're not going to let it change you?

Jake Taylor: You don't want to do this, man.

Roger Dawson: It's too late, Jake. Like you ever cared.

[puts a pistol to his mouth]

Amy Briggs: I'm not ready to be a mom!

Jake Taylor: Neither am I.