Jack Walsh Quotes in Midnight Run (1988)

Jack Walsh: Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho. No, no, no, wait a minute, I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, no, wait, I'm in Casper, Wyoming. I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.

Eddie Moscone: What the fuck are you talking about?

Jack Walsh: I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys.

Eddie Moscone: What other guys?

Jack Walsh: Well, let me describe the scene to you. There are these guys, see? They've probably been up for like two days. They stink of B.O., they have coffee breath, they're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long, they're sitting in a van, and they're probably parked right up the street from your office, Eddie. YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED!

Jonathan Mardukas: Did she hurt you, Jack?

Jack Walsh: Yeah, she did.

Jonathan Mardukas: I'm sorry.

Jack Walsh: What're you sorry about?

Jonathan Mardukas: I'm sorry you're hurt.

Jack Walsh: I'm not hurt.

Jonathan Mardukas: You just said you were hurt.

Jack Walsh: I'm not hurt.

Jonathan Mardukas: You just said you were hurt!

Jack Walsh: I didn't say I was hurt, YOU said I was hurt.

Jonathan Mardukas: I asked you if you were hurt and you said "Yeah, I'm hurt."

Jack Walsh: That's because you made me say it. Startin' to put words in my mouth.

Jonathan Mardukas: Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words.

Jack Walsh: You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up.

Jack Walsh: I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I gotta check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck.

Jonathan Mardukas: I can't fly.

Jack Walsh: What?

Jonathan Mardukas: You heard me, I can't fly.

Jack Walsh: No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that, pal.

Jonathan Mardukas: No, I don't have to do better than that, because it's the truth, I can't fly: I suffer from aviaphobia.

Jack Walsh: What does that mean?

Jonathan Mardukas: It means I can't fly. I also suffer from acrophobia and claustrophobia.

Jack Walsh: I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".

[last lines]

Jack Walsh: [Jack hails cab. When it pulls over he knocks on passenger side front window and driver rolls it down]

[Pointing at driver]

Jack Walsh: You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would ya?

Cab Driver: Whatta ya, a comedian? Get outta here, you bum!

[Cab driver drives away]

Jack Walsh: [Zips up coat and turns up collar] Looks like I'm walkin'.

Eddie Moscone: What happened to the goddamn plane?

Jack Walsh: [Uneasy] He doesn't like to fly.

Eddie Moscone: He doesn't like to fly? What the fuck does that mean? Listen to me, Jack. You've gotta be here in less than two and a half fuckin' days! A half a million dollars of my money... WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE?

Jack Walsh: Eddie, Eddie, I swear to God, don't start with me or so help me, I will shoot him and dump him in a fuckin' swamp!

[Mardukas looks frightened but Jack shakes his head at him as in "not really"]

Jack Walsh: I know my rights. You owe me phone calls.

Alonzo Mosely: What should be of paramount importance to you right now is not the phone calls. It's the fact that you're gonna spend ten years for impersonating a federal agent.

Jack Walsh: Ten years for impersonating a fed, huh?

Alonzo Mosely: Ten years.

Jack Walsh: How comes no one's after you?

Jonathan Mardukas: Jahé, everybody, jahé

Jack Walsh: What's that?

Jonathan Mardukas: It means 'hello'. I can say 'hello' in a lot of different languages. Not yours, but a lot of them.

Jonathan Mardukas: Two dollars? That's all you're gonna leave?

Jack Walsh: That's fifteen percent.

Jonathan Mardukas: That's thirteen percent. These people depend on tips for a living!

Alonzo Mosely: Let me tell you something, asshole. I've been working on this Jimmy Serrano thing for about six years; Mardukas is my shot. I'm gonna bring him into federal court, and I don't want any third-rate rent-a-thug who couldn't cut it as a cop in Chicago bringing him to LA on some bullshit local charge. Do I make myself understood?

Jack Walsh: Can I ask you something? These sunglasses, they're really nice: are they government-issued, or all you guys go to the same store to get them?

Jonathan Mardukas: You lied to me first!

Jack Walsh: What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST!

Jonathan Mardukas: Yes! Yes. But you didn't know I was lying to you when you lied to me down by the river. So as far as you knew, you lied to me first!

Jack Walsh: How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

Jack Walsh: How much is here?

Jonathan Mardukas: Neighborhood of three hundred thousand.

Jack Walsh: That's a, that's a... very respectable neighborhood.

Jack Walsh: I know you had money. I didn't know you HAD money.

Jonathan Mardukas: You can't steal a truck !

Jack Walsh: You were stealing a plane !

Jack Walsh: [Screaming to Eddie Moscone on the phone] You put Marvin on this case you fuckin' piece of shit? You fucking, deceptive - You VERMIN! You SLIMEBALL in a SEA of PUS!

Jack Walsh: Oh Marvin, you did it this time!

Marvin Dorfler: What the fuck are you talking about?

Jack Walsh: Those were hired killers back there!

Marvin Dorfler: Hired to kill who?

Jack Walsh: [pointing to Mardukas] Hired to kill this guy!

Jonathan Mardukas: Me! Me, can you believe it?

Marvin Dorfler: Hired by who?

Jack Walsh: Hired by who? Jimmy Serrano, that's who!

Marvin Dorfler: Oh, fuck! Why they wanna kill this guy?

Jack Walsh: Don't you read the papers, knucklehead?

Marvin Dorfler: Yeah, I read the fuckin' papers!

Jonathan Mardukas: I can't take this.

Jack Walsh: Are you gonna propose to me?

Joey: Propose?

Jack Walsh: Propose! Because if you're not, quit starin' at me, OK?

Jack Walsh: I never took a payoff in my life and I'm not gonna start with someone like you.

Jonathan Mardukas: Why not?

Jack Walsh: Because you're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if hear any more shit outta you: I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there.

Jonathan Mardukas: I got money, y'know.

Jack Walsh: I'm sure you do.

Jonathan Mardukas: I'll give you whatever you want.

Jack Walsh: Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.

Jonathan Mardukas: Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.

Eddie Moscone: Let's go have some breakfast.

Jack Walsh: I don't eat breakfast.

Eddie Moscone: Well then have an early lunch, let's go!

Jack Walsh: [into the phone] ... I'm calling to tell you though that you're a dead mother fucker, you understand me?

Jack Walsh: That whole fuckin' department was corrupt!

Jonathan Mardukas: There's good and bad everywhere, don't you think?

Jack Walsh: Eh, well, I'd say there's bad everywhere. Good I don't know about.

Jonathan Mardukas: You ever had sex with an animal Jack? Remember those chickens on the Indian reservation? There were some good looking chickens there Jack. You know, between us...

Jack Walsh: Yeah, there were a couple there I might've taken a shot at.

[both laugh heartily]

Jonathan Mardukas: Come on, cigarettes are killers.

Jack Walsh: So are women.

Jack Walsh: We are getting off here, Mr. Railroad Man!

Jack Walsh: Can I have my sunglasses please?

Alonzo Mosely: Here's your sunglasses.

[Mosely spitefully tosses them up and drives off. Jack tries to catch them but they fall on the road and end up chipped]

Jack Walsh: [Sarcastically] Nice.

[Jack pulls Mosely's ID out of his pocket and holds it up]

Jack Walsh: Thanks for this too.

Jonathan Mardukas: What you think Serrano is most afraid of?

Jack Walsh: [pause for a moment] going cross-country with you!

Jonathan Mardukas: Why don't you put the cigarette out.

Jack Walsh: Why don't you shut up and leave me alone?

Jonathan Mardukas: Put the cigarette out, Jack.

Jack Walsh: What a...

Jonathan Mardukas: Put the cigarette out.

Jack Walsh: [laughing, motioning as if putting it out] What a pain in the ass this guy is.

[takes a drag]

Jonathan Mardukas: I thought you were putting it out.

Jack Walsh: No I'm not putting it out.

Jonathan Mardukas: Why aren't you popular with the Chicago Police Department.

Jonathan Mardukas: You ever had lyonnaise potatoes? They are these types of potatoes that are sautéed but then they have this onion thing added to them, and they are really, really delicious. They work well with any, uh, chicken or pork dish. You know I could set you up with lyonnaise potatoes for the rest of your life.

Jack Walsh: Why don't you just shut the fuck up!

[first lines]

[Jack trying to pick door lock. He drops one of his picks. When he bends over to pick it up, a gun shot is fired through the door, right where his head had been previously]

Jack Walsh: Shit!

[last lines]

Jack Walsh: You wouldn't happen to have change of a thousand, would ya?

Cab Driver: What are you, a comedian? Get out of here, ya bum!

Jack Walsh: Well, looks like I'm walkin'.

Gail: Jack you shouldn't be here. Ted will come arrest you and him.

Jack Walsh: Arrest us?

Gail: Yeah.

Jack Walsh: Then we're in trouble because I'm afraid I'm little short of bribe money.

Gail: All right Jack, don't.

Jack Walsh: How is Lieutenant whatever-his-name-is?

Gail: It's captain now.

Jack Walsh: Oh, captain! Royalty!

Gail: Jack, I don't want any trouble. Do you understand that? Please. It's not a good day for this. I mean it!

Jack Walsh: I'm sorry my fugitive timetable doesn't coincide with your social calendar.

Jonathan Mardukas: I don't think she's saying that.

Jack Walsh: Stay out of this, John.

Gail: All right, same old Jack. You get your feelings hurt then you just walk around and hurt everybody else.

Jack Walsh: The last thing I need right now is one of your lectures.

Gail: I'm not lecturing you, stupid! I'm trying to protect you.

Jack Walsh: Oh, come on.

Gail: Ted will be home any minute. We're all going out tonight. It's an important night for us.

Jack Walsh: Important night? What so important about tonight? Wait, let me guess. What is it, pay-off night?

Gail: All right, that's it. Get out!

Jack Walsh: When have I ever, when have I ever let you down before you fucking rat?

Marvin Dorfler: [in handcuffs] Deal, what deal? Why does he get special treatment?

Jack Walsh: See you in L.A. Marvin.

Marvin Dorfler: Yeah, well watch your cigarettes with this guy, Jack!

Eddie Moscone: I'm goin' over to Chen Lu's for breakfast, I'll talk to you about it over there.

Jack Walsh: Can I get my money first?

Eddie Moscone: Of course. What, do you think I was gonna try to stiff you?

Jack Walsh: You? Never. You would never try to stiff me.

Eddie Moscone: Do I detect some kind of sarcasm here?

Jack Walsh: Never.

Eddie Moscone: Where have I inherited this reputation? I have never done business with anybody, and Jerry is my witness, that I have ever, ever, ever... has that phone ever rang... has that phone ever rang with a complaint about me? Never... Never! So let's go, I'll buy you some breakfast.

Jonathan Mardukas: You don't look like an FBI agent to me.

Jack Walsh: Well, you don't look like a duke to me.

Jonathan Mardukas: [seeing Jack Walsh leave his sunglasses perched on the car's dashboard] What's that for?

Jack Walsh: A little inside joke between me and Alonzo.

Jack Walsh: I've known you for all of two mins & already I don't like you

Jonathan Mardukas: gee that's too bad coz I really like you

Jonathan Mardukas: Why would you eat that?

Jack Walsh: Why? 'Cause it tastes good.

Jonathan Mardukas: But it's not good for you.

Jack Walsh: I'm aware of that.

Jonathan Mardukas: Why do something that you know is not good for you?

Jack Walsh: Because I don't think about it.

Jonathan Mardukas: Well, that's living in denial.

Jack Walsh: Living in denial?

Jonathan Mardukas: Yeah.

Jack Walsh: I'm aware of that.

Jonathan Mardukas: So you're aware of all your behavior?

Jonathan Mardukas: yet you continue to do things that aren't good for you.

Jonathan Mardukas: That sounds sort of foolish. Don't you think, Jack?

Jack Walsh: You can FLY, you son of a bitch?

Jack Walsh: What am I telling you for... What am I telling you for... What am I... I'll tell you what I'm telling you for

Eddie Moscone: [on the phone with Jack] Where the hell are you?

Jack Walsh: Where am I? I'm at the airport! And guess who I'm with? I'm with the Duke!

Eddie Moscone: [raises his voice excitedly] You got him! Oh! You got him, Jack! I love you!

Jack Walsh: Yeah, you wanna say hello?

Eddie Moscone: Yeah, put him on.

Jack Walsh: Yeah, say hello!

[gives the receiver to Jon]

Jonathan Mardukas: Hello.

Eddie Moscone: Hello, you son of a bitch! We got you, you son of a bitch!

Jack Walsh: [gets back on] Yeah! Now say goodbye, you lying little piece of shit, because I'm letting him go!

[hangs up]

Eddie Moscone: [jiggling the switch hook on his phone, starting to panic] Jack?

Jack Walsh: So like I said, congratulations. Congrats!

[toasts her with a bottle of beer]

Kay Walsh: For what?

Jack Walsh: You know... What did you say your were making?

Kay Walsh: $1.35 an hour.

Jack Walsh: What did you say about overtime?

Kay Walsh: I didn't.

Jack Walsh: [looks deflated] Beats me anyway. Beats me all to hell! Here's to ya', kiddo.

Jack Walsh: That guy you work with... what's his name?

Kay Walsh: Lucky?

Jack Walsh: There's no question about that.

Kay Walsh: What do you mean?

Jack Walsh: Well, he's stateside, he's not in uniform... how lucky can you get?

Kay Walsh: I don't think he'd call it lucky.

Jack Walsh: Well, the next time you go to work ask him what he'd call it and where I might stand in line to get it.

Kay Walsh: What would you call it, Jack?

Jack Walsh: I'd call it cheating, Kay.

Jack Walsh: Didn't it mean anything... that... that you're my wife?

Kay Walsh: Of course it meant something.

Jack Walsh: Blame it on the war - it's everybody's excuse.