Jack Taylor Quotes in One Fine Day (1996)
Jack Taylor Quotes:
Jack Taylor: Maggie, when you grow up and are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and possess a certain sweetness that's... that's like a distant promise to the brave, to the worthy, could you please not beat to a pulp every miserable bastard that comes your way simply because you can? Could you not do that?
Maggie Taylor: Okay Daddy.
Jack Taylor: I just want to find a fish who isn't afraid of my dark chocolate layer... and of course she'd have to love my cookie too.
[Melanie dials her cell phone]
Jack Taylor: Hello?
Melanie: Hi, it's me.
Jack Taylor: Me who?
Melanie: You have the kids?
Jack Taylor: What kids?
Melanie: [stands, alarmed] You didn't pick up the kids?
[Sammy and Maggie both yell "Hi" into the phone along with Jack]
Jack Taylor: Oh, you mean those kids.
Jack Taylor: You're asking me for help.
Melanie Parker: It would appear that way, wouldn't it?
Jack Taylor: I'll agree if you'll say, "Jack, please be my knight in shining armor."
Melanie Parker: Jack, don't be a shit-head. Go rescue our kids.
Jack Taylor: This is hard for you, isn't it?
Marla: I didn't know you had a daughter! She looks just like you!
Jack Taylor: Yeah, well, with any luck she'll grow out of it.
Jack Taylor: This fish was a fox, and she had her own cookie too. But what a female dog. She shoved her fish in my face.
Dr. Martin: In front of the cookie?
Jack Taylor: What?
Dr. Martin: What is she doing with another fish anyways? What is she AC/DC?
Jack Taylor: What are you talking about?
Dr. Martin: Fish with other fish in front of cookies...
Jack Taylor: Fish. *Fish* fish.
Dr. Martin: Oh I see.
Jack Taylor: I'm working on a story right now.
Kristen: You're always working on a story.
Jack Taylor: Well, Yeah. It's what I do.
Kristen: It's the same old one about an every-other-weekend, good-time father, for whom responsibility is a dirty word.
Jack Taylor: Here's a hint, Kristen. During an attempted manipulation, like the one that's in progress, I would have gone with flattery.
Kristen: Why do I always have to be the grownup where you always get to be the little boy?
Jack Taylor: Because in the beginning of the relationship when we were choosing up sides, you chose grownup first.
Jack Taylor: [curtly] My attitude is derived from your attitude.
Melanie: "Derived", you must be a writer.
Jack Taylor: [on the phone while she can hear him] A real superwoman. Can't open her door, won't shut her mouth.
Melanie: Excuse me, are you talking about me?
Jack Taylor: The first lady. We're thinking about doing a piece on her.
Jack Taylor: [to his daughter] That's one of the advantages of being an adult. You get to act like a kid anytime you feel like it.
Melanie: Men like you have made me the woman I am.
Jack Taylor: All the women I know like you have made me think all women are like you.
Melanie: Look, I just called...
Jack Taylor: You just called to check up on me, because you don't really trust me... Sammy, no! Put the gun down!
Jack Taylor: ...and you only asked me to watch Sammy out of sheer desperation. Part of you would feel safer leaving Sammy at the 9th Street Drop-in Center, *with* LSD, isn't that true?
Melanie: No, that is not true. I just called to warn you that Sammy can get in trouble faster than you can make most women smile. Just be careful, okay?
Jack Taylor: I won't let him out of my sight... hey, Sammy! Guns aren't toys!
Jack Taylor: It's not loaded.
Jack Taylor: You aren't going to fire me. My face is on buses.
Jack Taylor: Kick the mean boys in the shins.
Jack Taylor: You are like Roy Scheider at the end of Jaws, the moment I open the mouth you are gonna drop a bomb.
Maggie Taylor: I'm hungry.
Jack Taylor: Want a Tic Tac?
Maggie Taylor: No.
Jack Taylor: That's all I've got.
[Jack Taylor introduces his pet owl]
Jack Taylor: This is O.J.
Tom Stansfield: O.J.? Like the murderer?
Jack Taylor: No, like a football player. O.J. Simpson.
Jack Taylor: [to Audrey, his secretary] Are you retarded?
[She stares at him]
Jack Taylor: It's not a rhetorical question. Are you retarded?
Jack Taylor: Audrey, get in here!
Jack Taylor: What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47?
Tom Stansfield: Oh... well, I was just making a joke.
Jack Taylor: Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets?
Tom Stansfield: I never make fun of midgets!
Jack Taylor: You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.
Bruce Madsen: You want me to warm up your audience?
Jack Taylor: Of course, I'd be honored. Audience warm-up guys make a lot of money, Bruce.
Bruce Madsen: You want me to be your fluffer, Jack? That's fucking humiliating! I can't believe this is how you look at me.
Jack Taylor: I don't look at you that way, Bruce, that's how the business looks at you.
Bruce Madsen: Then fuck the business.
Jack Taylor: I don't get you man. You think this business is like a "Punt, Pass, and Kick" competition where all that matters is being funnier than everybody else.
Bruce Madsen: Isn't that what it's about... being funny?
Jack Taylor: Wake the fuck up, Bruce. Funny has, like a little bit to do with it... this much. It's like the figure skating compulsories. You go around, you do a figure-eight. Yeah, that's cool, but what you're judged on in this business is the long program.
Bruce Madsen: You're using figure skating analogies, Jack? You've changed, buddy.
Jack Taylor: And you haven't, Bruce. You never wanted to put in the work, the real work of building a career. So, instead, what do you do? You hide behind the rebel flag? You're fucking ClichÃ© Guevara, man! I'm offering you a job, Bruce. It's a good job. Take the job.
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