Jack Swigert Quotes in Apollo 13 (1995)

[US income tax returns are due in 2 days, but Swigert is 200,000 miles away]

Jack Swigert: Uh, well, if anyone from the, uh, from the IRS is watching, I... forgot to file my, my, my 1040 return. Um, I meant to do it today, but, uh...

Sy Liebergot: [back at Mission Control] That's no joke. They'll jump on him!

Jack Swigert: So long, Earth. Catch you on the flip side.

Fred Haise, Sr.: I know why my numbers were wrong. I only figured it for two people.

Jack Swigert: Maybe I should just hold my breath.

Jack Swigert: [about to turn power back on in the capsule] Ken, there's an awful lot of condensation on these panels. What's the story of them shorting out?

Ken Mattingly: Umm... We'll just have to take that one at a time, Jack.

Jack Swigert: [to himself] Like trying to drive a toaster through a car wash.

[Swigert has just successfully powered up the Command Module]

Jack Swigert: Uplink completed. We got her back up, Ken. Boy, I wish you were here to see it.

Ken Mattingly: I'll bet you do.

Jim Lovell: [pointing to a large "NO" note on the control panel] What is that?

Jack Swigert: Oh, I was getting a little punchy and I didn't want to cut the LEM loose with you guys still in it.

Jim Lovell: That's good thinking.

Jack Swigert: [Swigert bumps his head on the ceiling of the crowded lunar module] Oww! Goddamn this piece of shit!

Fred Haise, Sr.: Hey! this piece of shit's going to get you home! That's 'cause that's the only thing we've got left, Jack.

Jack Swigert: Well, what are you saying, Fred?

Fred Haise, Sr.: Oh, I think you know what I'm saying...

Jack Swigert: Now wait a minute... all I did was stir those tanks...

Fred Haise, Sr.: What was that gauge reading before you hit the switch?

Jack Swigert: Hey, don't tell me how to fly the damned CM, all right? They brought me in here to do a job, they asked me to stir the damned tanks, and I stirred the tanks!

Fred Haise, Sr.: You didn't know what you were doing, do you?

Jim Lovell: Jack, quit kicking yourself in the ass.

Jack Swigert: This is NOT MY FAULT!

Jim Lovell: No one is saying it is. If I'm in the left-hand seat when the call comes up, *I* stir the tanks.

Jack Swigert: Yeah, well, tell *him* that.

Fred Haise, Sr.: I just asked you what the gauge was reading. AND YOU DON'T KNOW!

Jim Lovell: All right, we're not doing this, gentlemen. We are *not* going to do this. We're not going to go bouncing off the walls for ten minutes, 'cause we're just going to end up back here with the same problems! Try to figure out how to stay alive!

Jack Swigert: I've been going over the numbers again. Have they called up with a re-entry plan yet? 'Cause we're coming in too shallow, we're coming in too damn fast.

Jim Lovell: We're working on something, Jack, just hold on.

Jack Swigert: Listen, listen, they gave us too much delta vee, they had us burn too long. At this rate, we're going to skip right out of the atmosphere and we're never going to get home.

Fred Haise, Sr.: What are you talking about? How'd you figure that?

Jack Swigert: I can add.

Jim Lovell: Jack, they've got half the Ph.D.'s on the planet working on it.

Fred Haise, Sr.: Houston says we're right on the money.

Jack Swigert: And what if they had made a mistake, all right? And there was no way to reverse it, you think they would tell us? There's no reason for them to tell us!

Fred Haise, Sr.: What do you mean they're not going to tell us? That's bullshit!

Jim Lovell: All right, there's a thousand things that have to happen in order. We are on number eight. You're talking about number six hundred and ninety-two.

Jack Swigert: And in the meantime, I'm trying to tell you we're coming in too fast. I think they know it, and I think that's why we don't have a God-damned reentry plan.

Jim Lovell: That's duly noted, thank you Jack.

Fred Haise, Sr.: [NASA need the crew to fabricate an air filter to clear the excess CO2 from the LEM with nothing but odds and ends] They want you to rip the cover off the flightplan.

Jack Swigert: With pleasure.

Jim Lovell: [Jack has just killed himself, Jim and Fred in the NASA simulator during a failed attempt at reentry] So what happened?

Jack Swigert: [morosely] Came in too steep. We're dead.

Fred Haise, Sr.: [even more morose] No shit.

Fred Haise, Sr.: [after faultlessly performing numerous crucial operations that it was never designed for, thereby saving the astronauts' lives, the crew must jettison their Lunar Excursion Module, "Aquarius". Fred watches through the window as it drifts off into space] She sure was a good ship.

Jack Swigert: Farewell, Aquarius, and we thank you.