Jack Putter Quotes in Innerspace (1987)

Dr. Greenbush: Nice wedding. You know, Jack, next week, I'd like you to swing by the office. I have some new tests I'd like to run on you...

Wendy: Jack, I think we should try dating. Maybe not exclusively at first, at least for me, but...

Mr. Wormwood: Jack, since you're not going on the cruise, I sure could use you at the store on Monday

Jack Putter: [realization dawns on him] That was the Cowboy.

[runs away]

Lydia's Editor: Who's the Cowboy?

Dr. Niles: It's um... classified.

Jack Putter: [stops and turns around - to Doctor Greenbush] Doc, I'm cured!

Jack Putter: [to Wendy] Wendy, not a chance!

Jack Putter: [to Mr. Wormwood] And Mr. Wormwood, thank you! And I quit.

[runs and jumps into Tuck's car]

[Jack hears Tuck talking to him in the doctor's office]

Jack Putter: Did you hear that?

Waiting Room Patient: Hear what?

Jack Putter: You didn't hear that then?

Waiting Room Patient: Noooo, I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything. Are you feeling all right?

Jack Putter: Would I *BE* in a *DOCTOR'S OFFICE* if I *WAS* feeling all right?

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: [instructing him to get his jacket/car keys out of his locker] See that door?

Jack Putter: Yeah.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Use it.

[Jack turns away from it]

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Well what are you waiting for?

Jack Putter: Look, don't rush me, okay? Just... just be quiet for a second, let me think this through.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Jack, excuse me, but I want you to factor this into your thinking, alright? You heard the man! My air supply's running out! If you don't help me, you're going to wind up with this miniaturized submersible pod floating around your insides with this teeny tiny human skeleton at the helm.

Jack Putter: [very disgusted] ... ugh.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Not a pretty thought!

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: I'm right here, INSIDE you INSIDE YOUR BODY!

Jack Putter: [stands up] Oh God! Somebody help me! I'M POSSESSED!

Dr. Greenbush: Uh, good news Jack! I think we can rule out demonic possession right off the bat.

Jack Putter: But, the little voice from inside was talking to me.

Dr. Greenbush: See, that proves it: demons talk THROUGH you - not TO you.

Jack Putter: [Regarding the "theistic hysteria" Jack seems to be suffering from] H-how do you treat that?

Dr. Greenbush: Well the medieval remedy was to flay the skin off your body with brands of fire. I have no idea what the current technique is.

Jack Putter: We've got the chip!

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right!

Jack Putter: We're on the way to the lab!

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right!

Jack Putter: But I think they put someone in there with you!

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All... what?

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: [after Tuck shorted out the TV in Jack's apartment to get his attention, setting it on fire] Oh, Jack.

[Jack jumps at the sound of his voice, accidentally setting off the fire extinguisher in his hands]

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: You do see that I am real. You do believe me now, don't you? Huh?

Jack Putter: [weary] I... I don't know what to believe.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Believe it, Jack. Believe it because it's true. Now I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen good. Because we're in this together. And we've gotta' help each other out. Alright?

Jack Putter: Yes.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Right. You don't work at the lab, do you?

Jack Putter: Lab? No, I work at Safeway.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: And you don't know anything about the experiment?

Jack Putter: What experiment?

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: [to himself] Oh, God. The miniaturisation experiment.

Jack Putter: No.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Alright. Jack, my name is Lt. Tuck Pendleton. I've been miniaturised. I was supposed to be injected into the body of a laboratory rabbit and somehow I got inside you instead.

Jack Putter: What do you mean somehow? How?

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All I know is I was inside a syringe, and now I'm inside you.

Jack Putter: [to himself, thinking back to his encounter with Ozzie at the mall] Syringe.

[reading from computer, how to enlarge a person]

Jack Putter: Eat me, drink me? What is that? From The Exorcist? No, Alice in Wonderland! Alice she drank something to be big and ate something to be small.

Jack Putter: I'm possessed!

Jack Putter: Jack Putter to the rescue!

Jack Putter: What exactly are we doing here?

Lydia Maxwell: We're waiting for someone.

Jack Putter: oh, who are we we waiting for?

Lydia Maxwell: The Cowboy. I've been tracking his movements for months and he got to the airport about an hour ago and he always stays here.

[points to the hotel]

Lydia Maxwell: I have a feeling he's gonna lead us right to that chip we need.

Jack Putter: Why do you think that?

[looking at her legs]

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: [noticing Jack is ogling Lydia] Hey, knock it off!

Lydia Maxwell: 'Cause he's a fence. He deals in stolen technology, Western technology almost exclusively, which he then sells overseas to the highest bidder. Who do you think introduced Velcro to the Persian Gulf?

Jack Putter: Really?

Lydia Maxwell: [nodding] Mm hmm.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Hey, Jack, Jack! Go to the mirror in the bedroom, will ya?

Jack Putter: Why?

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: I just realized I don't know what the hell you look like.

Jack Putter: Sure.

[He gets up tipsily and hiccups]

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Are you drunk?

Jack Putter: No, no, I just got up a little too fast, that's all.

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Sure.

[Jack face-plants into the mirror]

Jack Putter: How's this?

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: Little too close, Jack.

Jack Putter: [leans back] Too close, how's this?

[Tuck gets a good look at Jack's face]

Lt. Tuck Pendleton: You know what? We're gonna need a lot more help.