Jack Holden Quotes in 3 Men and a Baby (1987)

Jack Holden: You're a good man, Peter.

Peter Mitchell: I'm a goddamn saint.

Jack Holden: Saint's a little much.

Jack Holden: Angelyne! Whew! Boy, you look different. What happened?

Angelyne: I'm dressed.

Jack Holden: [On the phone] I'll bring you guys something back from Turkey. Maybe a drumstick.

Jack Holden: [changing Mary] How do you put on these goddamn things?

Peter Mitchell: Figure it out for yourself, dickhead.

Jack Holden: Oh, no! Not on the silk sheets! Not on the silk sheets!

Peter Mitchell: Look at this.

[Peter hands Jack a news clipping]

Peter Mitchell: This is your friend Paul Milner! 'Don't let this happen to you!'

Jack Holden: 'Commercial Director Hospitalized After Mugging'... they're trying to intimidate us, I hate that!

Peter Mitchell: I've had enough of this doo-doo!

Michael Kellam: I want to FINISH this, okay?

Jack Holden: Somebody leaves a baby at the door and you automatically assume it's mine? The baby doesn't look anything like me! I'm bigger... and I've got more hair!

Peter: [reads note that came with Mary] "Dear Jack, here is our baby. I'm sorry I can't handle this right now..."

Jack Holden: [snatches note from Peter and reads] S-S-Sylvia?... Stratford! A year and a half... a year and a half ago. I did 'Taming of the Shrew'; she was the Shrew! I did some of my best work in that one... got great reviews!

Michael Kellam: Jack, you're such a jerk. You're always thinking of yourself! I wanna kill you...

Peter: [holds Michael back] Don't worry, Michael, you won't have to. Jack, I would like to introduce you to your daughter, Mary.

Jack Holden: But... uh... what am I supposed to do with it?

Peter: We've put our lives on hold, Jack, taking care of this kid. And now, it's your turn.

Jack Holden: Okay... okay... I'm an actor. I can do a father. Shouldn't be that hard.

Michael Kellam: Goodnight, Jack.

Jack Holden: [as Mary begins to cry] Wait, what's wrong with her?

Peter, Michael Kellam: [walking back to bed] Goodnight, Jack.

[Jack, Michael, and Peter are waiting by a pay phone with Mary for the drug dealers to call. They are helping the police set a trap. The phone rings, Peter answers]

Peter: Hello!... Yeah, we got your message!... Uh uh! No good! We do it our way!... 'Cause we've got the stuff! And, if you don't do it our way...

Jack Holden: [whispering as Peter gathers himself] Say it, say it!

Peter: We FLUSH it down the toilet! Now, listen, there's a construction site...

Jack Holden: You love Sylvia and she loves you.

Peter Mitchell: She loves me?

Jack Holden: Yes!

Peter Mitchell: Then why is she marrying Edward?

Jack Holden: Because you never asked her.

Edward Hargreave: [recovered from the punch Peter gave him] Forgive me for bringing up a sticky point, but we are married.

Sylvia: Oh, God, he's right.

Jack Holden: [as the vicar running down the aisle] I beg to differ with you young man. But the ceremony is not officially over.

Edward Hargreave: Shut up, you old fool!

Jack Holden: Oh! He called me an old fool! I can hardly believe my ears!

[he pulls at his ears and pulls them off]

Jack Holden: [Peter, Sylvia, and Michael want Jack to be on time to the school interview] Have I ever let you down before?

[everyone looks at him as if to say, "yes"]

Peter Mitchell: I think she knows that actors are just like regular people.

Jack Holden: [Enters dressed as Dracula] Good afternoon.

Peter Mitchell: Where are you gonna live?

Sylvia: London.

Jack Holden: London, England?

Michael Kellam: [Sarcastically] No, London, New Jersey.

Jack Holden: [Jack and Michael have come up with a list of potential husbands for Sylvia and Peter has rejected every one of them] Bill, Billy Bob, Billy Joe? Come on, Peter, we're not asking you to marry the guy!

Sylvia: Someone going to come to the airport to help me pick up my mother?

Peter Mitchell: Jack can you do it?

Jack Holden: Oh damn, I got that kidney operation this afternoon! What about you, Peter?

Peter Mitchell: Michael, I'll give you $1,000 if you'll do it!

Jack Holden: You love Sylvia, don't you?

Peter Mitchell: Why do you say that?

Jack Holden: Don't you. Oh come on Peter, just say how you feel.

Peter Mitchell: All right, I love her.

Jack Holden: Yes! Man, I wish there was a category like this on Jeopardy, I'd clean up. So why don't you tell her?

Peter Mitchell: I'm scared.

Jack Holden: Of what? Getting married again?

Peter Mitchell: Yes. I love Sylvia. There, I've said it. I love her, I love her so much it hurts. But I'm scared, I'm scared of hurting her and Mary and you and Michael. And me.

Michael Kellam: [referring to Peter and Sylvia] I think they're really starting to hate each other.

Jack Holden: Don't kid yourself... I'm still in love with the first woman who hit me.

Jack Holden: [Sylvia hands him a plate of burnt eggs and bacon] Did I say overnight? I meant over light.

Jack Holden: [pretending to be a vicar marrying Edward and Sylvia] If there be anyone who knows why this lovely couple should not be joined in holy matrimony? You might as well lay it out on the table right now... Anyone? Anyone?

Edward Hargreave: I think it's safe to continue!

Jack Holden: Oh is that your hand back there? One, two, three, four, FIFTH from the left! Oh, I'm sorry! That's your hat!

Edward Hargreave: Can we get on with it!

Jack Holden: Where are they getting these hats from? Just think a piece of millinery almost kept you from getting married.

Jack Holden: [disguised as the vicar] Today, we join in holy matrimony, Edward and... oh no... oh dear.

Edward Hargreave: [prompting the vicar] Sylvia.

Jack Holden: Oh yes. Today, we join in holy matrimony Ed and Sylvia... I knew a Slyvia once... no... she's dead...

[to Sylvia]

Jack Holden: that's not you.

Jack Holden: [Edward is helping Sylvia pull her veil from her face] Oh what a beautiful bride. You know it's not too late... you can always change your mind... I'm available.

Peter Mitchell: The primary school is...

Peter Mitchell, Michael Kellam, Jack Holden: ...the first watershed in a child's life.

Peter Mitchell: Have I said that before?

Peter Mitchell: Not in the last five minutes, Pete.

Jack Holden: [seeing the amount of luggage Vera brought with her] What? No furniture?

Jack Holden: [arrives to Mary's school interview in a vampire costume] I'm doing a commercial for margarine. I'm Count Cholesterol.

Peter Mitchell: Time to fish or cut bait.

Jack Holden: Oh that's really romantic. Honey it's time to fish or cut bait.

Sylvia: I'd like a man who sweeps a girl off her feet.

Jack Holden: Kinda like I swept you off your feet.

Sylvia: Knocked me off my feet is more like it.

Michael Kellam: [Mrs. Bennington has just arrived] Couldn't you stay a little longer, Vera?

Peter Mitchell: I tried to change her mind.

Jack Holden: Did someone open a window in here? Burrr!

Michael Kellam: [Peter, Michael, and Jack are discussing potential suitors for Sylvia] What about Edward?

Peter Mitchell: He's English.

Michael Kellam: So is Sylvia!

Jack Holden: Oh, no, that's an actor/director thing. They never last.

Vera Bennington: I'm leaving the day after tomorrow.

Jack Holden: Aw gee... so soon.

[Peter and Michael also feign disappointment]

Jack Holden: Do you want to marry me?

Peter Mitchell: Jack!

Jack Holden: [to Sylvia] Wanna sleep on it?

Michael Kellam: She did that once before, Jack!

Jack Holden: Hey, shut up!

[turns back to Sylvia]

Jack Holden: Do you want to marry me?

Sylvia: No... but thank you for asking.