J. Jonah Jameson Quotes in Spider-Man (2002)

Peter Parker: You don't trust anyone, that's your problem.

J. Jonah Jameson: I trust my barber.

[the Goblin crashes through the Daily Bugle office]

Green Goblin: [grabbing Jameson by the throat] Jameson you slime! Who's the photographer who takes pictures of Spider-Man?

J. Jonah Jameson: I don't know who he is! His stuff comes in the mail!

Green Goblin: YOU'RE LYING!

J. Jonah Jameson: I swear!

Green Goblin: He's the one who can take me to him!

J. Jonah Jameson: I don't know who he is!

Green Goblin: [preparing to punch Jameson] You are useless you...!

Spider-Man: [appears upside-down outside the window] Settle down, tough guy.

Green Goblin: [drops Jameson and turns around on the glider] Speak of the Devil!

Peter Parker: Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander.

J. Jonah Jameson: It is not. I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel.

Hoffman: Mr. Jameson they are very important clients, they can't wait.

J. Jonah Jameson: They're about to.

Hoffman: We've got a page six problem.

J. Jonah Jameson: We've got a page one problem, shut up.

J. Jonah Jameson: [about Peter's pictures of Spider-Man] They're crap. Crap, crap, megacrap. I'll give you two hundred bucks for all of 'em.

J. Jonah Jameson: He doesn't want to be famous? Then I'll make him infamous.

J. Jonah Jameson: If we can get a picture of Julia Roberts in a thong, we can certainly get a picture of this weirdo.

J. Jonah Jameson: Hoffman, run down to the patent office, copyright the name "Green Goblin." I want a quarter every time someone says it.

Hoffman: How about "Green Meanie"?

J. Jonah Jameson: Who is Spider-Man? He's a criminal that's who he is! A vigilante! A public menace! What's he doing on MY front page?

J. Jonah Jameson: [describing a headline] "Spider-Man, Hero or Menace? Exclusive Daily Bugle Photos".

Peter Parker: Menace? He was protecting that armored truck...

J. Jonah Jameson: Tell you what Atticus, you take the pictures, I'll make up the headlines! Ok? Is that ok with you?

Peter Parker: Yes sir.

J. Jonah Jameson: Goody.

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: We sold out four printings.

J. Jonah Jameson: Sold out?

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: Every copy.

J. Jonah Jameson: Tomorrow morning, Spider-man page one, with a decent picture this time...

J. Jonah Jameson: No jobs! Freelance! Best thing in the world for a kid your age. You bring me some more pictures of that newspaper-selling clown, maybe I'll take 'em off your hands. But I never said you have a job. *Meat*. I'll send you a nice box of Christmas meat. It's the best I can do - get out of here.

Miss Brant: [beeps on speaker phone, shaking desk] Your blood pressure, Mr. Jameson. Your wife told me to tell you to watch the anger.

J. Jonah Jameson: YOU TELL MY WIFE...

[calms down]

J. Jonah Jameson: [speaks into phone] Thank you.

[turns to Hoffman]

J. Jonah Jameson: Continue.

Miss Brant: [buzzes phone and shakes desk again] Time to take your pill.

Miss Brant: [buzz] Not that one.

Miss Brant: [buzz] Not that one.

J. Jonah Jameson: [points to jar of pills]

Miss Brant: [nods and buzzes phone] Drink plenty of water.

J. Jonah Jameson: [sigh] Thank you.

J. Jonah Jameson: [referring to Eddie and Peter] You want a staff job, and you want a staff job, anybody care about what I want?

Hoffman: [opens Jameson's office door and quickly answers] I do.

J. Jonah Jameson: [calmly] Shut up. Get out.

J. Jonah Jameson: Parker? Parker, where - ? I need a photographer.

[looks at the girl with the camera]

J. Jonah Jameson: Hey, kid, you want a job?

Girl with Camera: Why would I wanna job? I'm just a kid.

J. Jonah Jameson: All right, how much for the camera?

Girl with Camera: One hundred bucks.

J. Jonah Jameson: A hundred bucks?

[looks up again]

J. Jonah Jameson: All right, you little crook. Here.

[gives the money to the girl and gets the camera]

J. Jonah Jameson: [tries to shoot, but the camera's empty] What the - ?

[looks at the girl]

Girl with Camera: Film's extra.

Miss Brant: Your shots are so good.

Peter Parker: I'd love to shoot you sometime.

Miss Brant: Peter Parker... oh, Peter...

J. Jonah Jameson: Brant, that's not the position I hired you for!

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: [examining photos] Black-suit Spider-Man! We gotta have these, Jonah.

J. Jonah Jameson: I'll pay you the usual rate.

Peter Parker: You want the photos, I'll take the staff job. Double the money.

J. Jonah Jameson: [Catching Betty Brant and Peter Parker about to kiss] Parker! Miss Brant! That's not the position I hired you for!

J. Jonah Jameson: Well, we do have an opening. Johnson quit, remember?

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: You fired him.

J. Jonah Jameson: Whatever.

Miss Brant: Boss, your wife's on the line, she said she lost her checkbook.

J. Jonah Jameson: Thanks for the good news!

Peter Parker: Mr. Jameson, please, isn't there any of these shots you can use? I really need the money.

J. Jonah Jameson: Awww. Miss Brant?

Miss Brant: Yeah?

J. Jonah Jameson: Get me a violin.

J. Jonah Jameson: [John Jameson has just been left at the altar by Mary Jane] Call Debra.

Mrs. Jameson: The caterer?

J. Jonah Jameson: Tell her not to open the caviar.

[brainstorming a catchy 'super-villain' nickname for Dr. Otto Octavius]

J. Jonah Jameson: What are we gonna call this guy?

Hoffman: 'Doctor Octopus'?

J. Jonah Jameson: That's crap.

Hoffman: 'Science Squid'?

J. Jonah Jameson: Crap.

Hoffman: 'Doctor Strange'.

J. Jonah Jameson: That's pretty good.

[Hoffman looks proud]

J. Jonah Jameson: But it's taken! Wait, wait! I got it! 'Doctor Octopus'.

Hoffman: But... uh...

[gives up]

Hoffman: I like it.

J. Jonah Jameson: Of course you do. 'Doctor Octopus'. New villain in town: 'Doc Ock'.

Hoffman: Genius.

J. Jonah Jameson: What, are you looking for a raise? Get out!

J. Jonah Jameson: Come here. Parker, what do you know about high society?

Peter Parker: Oh... well, I...

J. Jonah Jameson: Don't answer that. My society photographer got hit in the head by a polo ball. You're all I got. Big party tonight for an American hero, my son the astronaut.

Peter Parker: [serious] Could you pay me in advance?

[Jameson laughs hysterically for a few seconds]

J. Jonah Jameson: You serious? What, pay you for just standing there? Tomorrow night, the planeterium, 8:00. There's the door.

J. Jonah Jameson: I drove Spider-Man away. My god, he was a hero. Spider-Man truly was an asset to this city. He was...

J. Jonah Jameson: [a whooshing sound is heard and Jameson turns around - realizing that the Spider-Man costume is gone] ... a criminal! That's who he is! A burglar! He stole my suit! I want Spider-Man!

[sees an open window]

J. Jonah Jameson: I WANT SPIDER-MAN!

J. Jonah Jameson: I'll give you $150.00 for all of them!

Peter Parker: $300.00.

J. Jonah Jameson: That's outrageous! Done. Give this to the girl.

Miss Brant: [Walks in with Peter] Chief, I found Parker.

J. Jonah Jameson: 'Bout time, where were you? Crazy scientist blows himself up, and we don't have pictures!

Joseph 'Robbie' Robertson: I heard Spider-Man was there.

J. Jonah Jameson: [annoyed] And where were you, photographing squirrels? You're fired!

Miss Brant: [Peter turns to leave] Chief, the planetarium party.

J. Jonah Jameson: Oh right, you're unfired, get back here!

[repeated line]

J. Jonah Jameson: You're fired!

J. Jonah Jameson: Take a shot of my wife with the Minister here...

[Both pose with Minister]

Mrs. Jameson: Beautiful tie!

J. Jonah Jameson: Ohh, no get a shot with the DA.

Mrs. Jameson: Beautiful dress!

[Both pose with DA]

J. Jonah Jameson: Oh here get a shot of the Mayor and his girlfriend... wife.

[Both pose with Mayor]

Garbage Man: [on bringing in Spider-Man's discarded costume] Now look, uh, I think I deserve a little something for this.

J. Jonah Jameson: Give ya fifty bucks.

Garbage Man: I could get more than that on eBay.

J. Jonah Jameson: All right, a hundred. Miss Brant, give this man his money and throw in a bar of soap.

J. Jonah Jameson: Get a picture of a rancid chicken. Headline, "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"

Hoffman: [walks in] Some food got poisoned?

J. Jonah Jameson: [glares over] I'm a little nauseous, yeah!

J. Jonah Jameson: [to Peter Parker] Get your pretty little portfolio off my desk before I go into a diabetic coma!

J. Jonah Jameson: Guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs. Four mechanical arms welded right onto his body. What are the odds?

J. Jonah Jameson: [speaking to his wife over the phone] Dear, we agreed to put on a wedding, not go into bankruptcy... Caviar? Who are we inviting, the czar? Get some cheese and crackers... some of those little cocktail weenies...

J. Jonah Jameson: [discussing his son's wedding with his wife over the phone] Flowers? How much? If you spend any more on this thing, you can pick the daisies off my grave! Get plastic!