J.D. Sheldrake Quotes in The Apartment (1960)

C.C. Baxter: Sorry, Mr. Sheldrake.

J.D. Sheldrake: What do you mean, sorry?

C.C. Baxter: You're not going to bring anybody to my apartment.

J.D. Sheldrake: I'm not just bringing anybody; I'm bringing Miss Kubelik.

C.C. Baxter: Especially not Miss Kubelik.

J.D. Sheldrake: How's that again?

C.C. Baxter: [firmly] No key.

J.D. Sheldrake: Baxter, I picked you for my team because I thought you were a very bright young man. Do you realize what you're doing? Not to me, but to yourself? Normally, it takes years to work your way up to the twenty-seventh floor. But it only takes thirty seconds to be out on the street again. You dig?

C.C. Baxter: I dig.

J.D. Sheldrake: So what's it going to be?

[Baxter slowly reaches into his pocket for a key and drops it on Sheldrake's desk]

J.D. Sheldrake: Now you're being bright.

C.C. Baxter: Thank you, sir.

[Baxter goes back into his office, looks around, then reaches into his closet for his coat and hat. Sheldrake comes in moments later]

J.D. Sheldrake: Say, Baxter, you gave me the wrong key.

C.C. Baxter: No, I didn't.

J.D. Sheldrake: But this is the key to the executive washroom.

C.C. Baxter: That's right, Mr. Sheldrake. I won't be needing it because I'm all washed up around here.

J.D. Sheldrake: What's gotten into you, Baxter?

C.C. Baxter: Just following doctor's orders. I've decided to become a "mensch". You know what that means? A human being.

J.D. Sheldrake: Now, hold on, Baxter...

C.C. Baxter: Save it. The old payola won't work anymore. Goodbye, Mr. Sheldrake.

J.D. Sheldrake: Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?

C.C. Baxter: No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.

J.D. Sheldrake: Oh, I have a present for you. I didn't quite know what to get you. Besides, it's kind of awkward for me shopping, so here's a hundred dollars. You go and buy yourself something.

Sheldrake's Wife: What is it, Jeff? Who's on the phone?

J.D. Sheldrake: One of our employees had an accident. I don't know why they bother me with these things on Christmas day.