Ivan Quotes in RED 2 (2013)

Ivan: [noticing her shoeless foot] Ah, there is nothing more sexy in the whole world than a beautiful woman with an incredible gun.

Victoria: [taking out soldiers with scoped rifle] You're such a romantic.

Ivan: I love the way your toes curl right before you fire.

Victoria: Hopeless.

Ivan: [sniffs her boot] Oh!

Ivan: [on the phone in the lobby of the Federal Reserve Building, referring to John] He's here.

Simon: Perhaps you could be a little more specific.

Ivan: You're good.

Jason Stillwell: I get better.

Ivan: I'm the best!

Ivan: So it is you, son, is it not?

Jason Stillwell: But this time it will be different. Russian.

Ivan: It's a beautiful day for a skate-rape!

Ivan: Go the fuck home, everybody! And don't forget to wash your dicks!

Ivan: He made me cum!

Ivan: Turn that whore into a baby-factory!

Ivan: In fact, they're gonna make comic books out of my hate-crimes!

Ivan: Gettin' ripped instead of hustlin', man? Fuck me!

Orlando: I'd call that a gross abuse of your time.

Ivan: What little you have...

Orlando: ...and gettin' less.

Orlando: You miss the aforesaid deadline, man, Darren says you've to pay a particular price. Two bones to be broke, your decision which.

Ivan: And digits don't count, you understand?

Orlando: Fingers, toes...

Ivan: ...they don't count at all.

Ivan: Suggest you get ou and get lookin' then, Michael. Beg, borrow, steal...

Orlando: ...only get it and bring it. You've four mor hours before Perrier's judgement comes down.

Ivan: [dazed after slaughtering two backpackers] Jobs done, Pauly. Let's go.

Pauly Falzoni: [cluelessly] But, what's all the blood, man?

Ivan: Ah, kangaroo, mate.

[last lines]

Ivan: [voiceover] You know the rest. John made a film and became famous. I'm being prosecuted under Article 105 for killing civilians of the Russian Federation because I was already a civilian at that time. John told everything in the film - about the woman in the jeep, about the kid and the old man there, at Aslan's base. When did he have time to shoot it? He wrote a book as well - "My Life in Russia". He didn't come to the court case, of course. Gave evidence about me over there. But the brave Chechen shepherd Ruslan Shamayev came and told in detail how I tortured him, how I cynically slaughtered Chechen women and children. He lives in Moscow now. His son is studying at the Moscow University. Margaret never married John. It was back then that I gave the Captain all the money. He didn't want to take it but I knew what was going on in civilian life, so I gave him the money. His wife thanked me later, writing that they'd done several expensive operations. He's the only one who goes to bat for me. He's a good man. I don't think they'll put me away but who knows. Our Tobolsk dorks keep looking to Moscow. Now they listen to Putin speaking on the telly, then they are told about new legal reforms and this crap goes on. I still haven't seen that film. It'd be fun to watch it now.

[first lines]

Ivan: So, I'm Yermakov, Ivan and he's John, so we're, like, namesakes. So, I met him in the summer of 2001. It was the second month that I'd been in the village of Verkhniy Iskhoy at Aslan Gugayev's place. Back then none of us knew him. Just... His detachment is small. There were three of us there at the time: me, Fedka and a Jew, a commercial one. From Vladikavkaz, I think... Uh-huh. Called Semyon. Yeah, me and Fedka were sawing up wood when they brought them in on a truck. There were another two of our guys with them.

Ivan: You know that the younger man referred to you as the "mad monk"? I believe it to be an apt choice. Not so much because of your stubborn resistance to death and injuries, but because of the unusually painful methods that you have chosen to express your "worship".

Ivan: [with a thick Russian accent] If I find pet, you are evicted.

Ted, The Man with the Yellow Hat: E-what-ed?

Ivan: [enunciating] E-vic-ted

Ivan: [Somberly recounting the murder of the Czar Romanov royal family due to the Russian Revolution, recently happening in his home country] I should have been there.

Marco Segrain: Where?

Ivan: I was special guard, for royal family. I am away. They take them. I walk Russia. I cannot find them. July, this year, they kill them. All of them... ALL of them.

Benjamin: [around 113:00 celebrating wins in international tournament in Sudan the three are at a table drinking floats and eating french fries] We use to eat rice and beans in the village... look at what we are eating now mmm mmm mmm.

Ivan: Ketchup... it's the greatest thing ever invented !

[laughing the 3 hold up one french fry with ketchup on it in a toasting fashion and say "ketchup yeah... Cheers"]

Ivan: .

[last lines]

Ivan: He's dead. Boris, he's...

Bernard Berkman: You married?

Ivan: Nope.

Bernard Berkman: The whole thing's very complicated.

Ivan: Is bomb.

[Ivan has just beat Snake and Eddie with a baseball bat]

Puggy: Aluminum?

Ivan: We sponsor a girl's softball team.

Ivan: So, what do you want to do?

Adam Pedersen: [ironically] I wanna bake an apple pie.

Ivan: [seriously] Okay, you'll bake an apple pie! That's your task.

Ivan: Bila jednom jedna zemlja. Once upon a time... there was a country...

Ivan: You, you've got no ambition! You're content just existing! You need what I've got, brother.

Josh: Herpes?

[Ivan & Josh explain their tardiness to their security boss]

Ivan: Anybody else who'd save Pablo Casales - perhaps the greatest cellist in the world with the possible exception of Yo-Yo Ma - from a fiery car wreck on Sunset Boulevard would be bragging about it, but not Josh. He didn't want to spoil the 11 o'clock news for you.

Norton: Don't bullshit me. I'm a big cello fan! Casales died years ago!

Ivan: I have done many terrible things in my life but I have never put another man's wife in my bed.

Larry Kotzwinkle: Wasn't she married to that Spanish painter when you slept with her?

Ivan: Don't prove me wrong, Larry, I hate it when I'm proven wrong.

Ivan: [from trailer] I had a lousy day today. I turned 42, I fired a director, I beat my kids...

[his children look up, clearly alarmed]

Ivan: I forgot to beat my kids!

[a family pillowfight ensues in the living room]

Ivan: Eat it. It's healthy. You'll live longer.

Kreplich: I have a miserable life. I don't want to live longer.

Ivan: [finding Alice at a table with three champagne flutes; a single aspirin is in front of each] Why all the champagne?

Alice: I need it to take the aspirin.

Ivan: Why do you need aspirin?

Alice: Oh, champagne gives me a headache.

Seth Shapiro: [helping her on with her fur coat] What a fabulous look! What's it called?

Alice: Peach Divine.

Seth Shapiro: Is it edible?

Alice: Do you think he's bi-sexual?

Ivan: He never looked at a woman in his life!

Gloria Travalian: Larry is a wonderful man.

Ivan: I'm thrilled to hear this.

Gloria Travalian: Larry is a wonderful man, but he's not you.

Ivan: That's what I figured when he scratched his leg and I felt nothing. 'This man is not me.'

Gloria Travalian: [Snobs] How can you joke at a time like this?

Ivan: I joke, You snob. What difference does it make? We're both miserable.

Gloria Travalian: Larry and I are moving to the Good Harbor Beach Inn in Massachusetts. We've agreed to live there for a three month trial period and if it works, we'll be married on Larry's birthday in March.

Ivan: Okay... okay-I guess I'll be heading back to rehearsal. Enough taking time off from work for fun, huh? You can keep the night table, Gloria.

Gloria Travalian: No...

Ivan: I just wanna say that you are the craziest person I've met since the guy blocking the bank door. He was wearing a Superman cape and pantyhose... crazier than you... maybe not.

Bonnie: Oh good my cheesy I love my cheesy!

Ivan: Bonnie, act your age.

Bonnie: I'm eleven.

Ivan: Act it.

Bonnie: How the hell do you act eleven?

Ivan: That's better.

Gloria Travalian: Oh, Ivan. I'm hurting you.

Ivan: That's the kindest thing you've said to me in six months, "Oh, Ivan, I'm hurting you."

Ivan: Class dismissed!

Ivan: Okay, Gloria!

[picking up a table]

Ivan: Sit down or I'm gonna hit you with this chair!

Gloria Travalian: That's a table.

Ivan: GLORIA! GLOOOORIAAAAA!

Gloria Travalian: You're at the goddamn typewriter 14 hours a day...

Ivan: I'M AT THE GODDAMN TYPEWRITER, GLORIA... BECAUSE I'M A GODDAMN WRITER, GLORIA!

Jack: Yo guys, watch out for booby traps!

Ivan: Watch out for what?

Jack: Booby traps.

Jade: What? Where?

Ivan: What fucking booby...

[a redneck throws a bottle at Ivan's head]

Ivan: I'm Rambo. I am Rambo.

Ivan: I want to fucking kill these guys, man.

Jack: You might not wanna do that, bro.

Ivan: Why? There's three of us, three of them.

Jack: I'm a lover, not a fighter, man. Plus, it's a well-known fact that rednecks love their guns.

Ivan: Don't be a pussy.

Jack: I enjoy being a pussy.

Ivan's Mother: Ivan, my son.

Ivan: Yes mama, what is it now?

Ivan's Mother: You must take care!

Ivan: Don't worry!

Ivan's Mother: You musn't forget your mother, Ivan!

Ivan: Don't worry!

Ivan's Mother: You mustn't harm the weak!

Ivan: Don't worry!

Ivan's Mother: Honour those who are old!

Ivan: Don't worry!

Ivan: The idea of drinking something that will kill you, but having time to carry on a conversation is, as they say, fraught with dramatic possibilities.

Edgar Allan Poe: You're mad.

Ivan: Really, Mr. Poe? You're one to talk.

Ivan: That's life, isn't it? So much less satisfying than fiction.

Katie: [whimpering and crying as she lays down bloodied and beaten on the ground; Ivan laughs] You're a sick fuck.

Ivan: No. Georgy is a sick fuck. Anna is crazy sick fuck. Nicolay is just sick. Me?

[pause]

Ivan: I'm just a fuck!

[Ivan smirks]

Ana: [screaming from the box] Please let me out!

[cries]

Katie: [glances at Ivan] Your mothers' calling.

Ana: Somebody please let me out! LET ME OUT!

Ivan: Shut up, Anna. Anna, shut up!

Katie: Now Ivan, you shouldn't talk to your mother that way!

[Ivan chuckles, Katie leans in]

Katie: What's so funny?

Ivan: She's not my mother. Father didn't stop raping her until after Nikky was born. I told you that she was the sick fuck.

Katie: Water...

Nicolay: [to Georgy] She speaks, man.

Katie: [cries out] I'm thirsty, please! I'm thirsty...

Nicolay: [Georgy walks out of the room to get water. Nikki unzips his pants and urinates on Katie; she rolls back and screams] Drink up, baby! It's refreshing, isn't it?

[he laughs]

Nicolay: [Georgy attacks Nicolay and they fight]

Ivan: [Ivan walks in] STOP IT! The both of you...

Georgy: [to Ivan] He was pissing on her!

Ivan: Is that so?

Nicolay: Hey, what's the difference?

[points to Katie]

Nicolay: She's a piece of trash!

[Katie looks up at him and cries]

Ivan: [to Katie as he chains her back up to the pole] No more running for you...

[he grabs her nipple breast and squeezes; she cries in pain]

Ivan: You think this hurts, yeah? You just wait!

Ivan: You'll stop this man.

[breaks a board on his desk with a karate chop]

Bob Fleming: [grabs a cigar out of Ivan's pocket] Thanks! The world keeps getting smaller and smaller. We seem to meeting a lot lately. We visit the same cities, the same hotels, the same night clubs. And now we're taking the same plane to Paris. It's mighty friendly.

Ivan: One of these days it seems likely you'll get the top blown off your head.

Bob Fleming: Perhaps it'll be your head instead of mine.

Ivan: Good evening, Mr. Fleming. Throw down your pistol. You may have noticed that I'm not alone.

Bob Fleming: Hmm! I noticed. You Russians never forget the masses, do you? Mass psychology, mass espionage...

Ivan: Turn around.

Ivan: Oh, no. You look like you seen a ghost.

Trevor Reznik: Funny you should say that. The guys at work don't think you exist.

Ivan: That's why I can't get a raise.

[first lines]

Ivan: Who are you?

Ivan: Looks like rain. Radio says there's a storm comin' in.

Trevor Reznik: Guess they're right.

Ivan: If you ask me, it's already here.

Ivan: You shooting coke or something? You look like a dope fiend to me. No offense.

Trevor Reznik: I don't use drugs. Normally, I don't even drink.

Ivan: How about abnormally?

[last lines]

Ivan: Look...

[shows a photo to Andrey]

Andrey: Hide it.

[Ivan puts the photo back]

Ivan: Andrey, my feet are wet.

Andrey: Take your shoes off.

Ivan: Mamma, there's a cuckoo up there!

Iván: I bet you got her naked.

Pau: No.

Iván: Yeah, right. You only took a pic of her face.

Pau: Yeah, the one i sent you.

Javi: I bet you peeked at her tits, pervert.

Pau: Yes. You wouldn't have done it?

Iván: ls she still in the hospital?

Pau: Until tomorrow. ln the mortuary. Wanna go?

Iván: Pack up. Let's go see her.

Ivan: There are two crooks here - and both of them are you!

Ivan: Tell me the truth.

Jerry Bernard Martin: The truth?

[laughs]

Jerry Bernard Martin: The last thing any man wants to hear from any woman!

Ivan: When you have grown old, you will be very, very sorry.

Jerry Bernard Martin: Yes, I know. I shall most likely push back the gray hairs, curse at the wrinkles and say - you did not allow the great Ivan to make love to you and now look at you.

Ivan: Jerry, darling, what you need is a great romance.

Jerry Bernard Martin: Oh, one more would be the death of me.

Ivan: In my position there's only one thing worse than a guy who can't make good on bets, and that's a guy who never loses bets.