Ippolit Vorobyaninov Quotes in The Twelve Chairs (1970)

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: You're not worth spitting on!

Father Fyodor: Oh yeah? Well, you are!

[spits]

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?

Father Fyodor: It's not yours.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then whose is it?

Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property. It belongs to the workers

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you said the workers?

Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the holy father is a member of the communist party.

Father Fyodor: Maybe.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the party is for atheists. How can a priest join the party?

Father Fyodor: The church must keep up with the times.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: I am cousin Kiev, from Vorobyaninov. All of the Michaels are dead.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why are you after my chair?

Father Fyodor: It's not yours!

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Then who's is it?

Father Fyodor: It's nationalized property! It belongs to the workers?

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Did you say "the workers"?

Father Fyodor: Yes, the workers!

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Maybe the Holy Father is a member of the Communist Party?

Father Fyodor: Maybe...

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: But the Party is for atheists. How can a priest join the PARTY?

[Kicks the priest in the shin]

Father Fyodor: [Grimacing from the kick] Mm... The Church must keep up with the times...

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [referring to Father Fyodor's being in drag and trying to steal one of the chairs] This is disgusting!

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [screaming at his dying mother-in-law for hiding her jewels in a chair] Heaven knows who may sit in that chair... *if* it's still a chair!

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [They've torn one of chairs to pieces when Vorobyaninov realizes] How did you find out about the jewels?

Father Fyodor: [pause, then] People talk.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Why, you disgusting creature! You used the sacred sacrement of confession to further your own ends!

Father Fyodor: Not really.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: Well, you are just about the most contemptible creature it has even been my misfortune to meet! You're not worth spitting on!

Father Fyodor: Well, you are!

[He spits on Vorobyaninov]

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [upon learning that his mother-in-law is dying] Bozhe moi, that poor woman! That poor woman! Who is going to care of me?

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: [Father Fyodor is on the top of a mountain, ripping a chair apart] It's very quiet... what do you supposed he's doing? Do you think he found the jewels?

Ostap Bender: In a moment, the jury will bring in a verdict.

[They wait]

Father Fyodor: Oh Lord, you're so strict!