Interviewer Quotes in The Way of the Gun (2000)

Longbaugh: I've... never killed a man.

Interviewer: I beg your pardon?

Longbaugh: I said I never killed a man.

Interviewer: I didn't ask if you had.

Longbaugh: You asked why I thought I was qualified, I think of that as qualification.

Interviewer: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.

Longbaugh: I would say thats a big fucking qualification - excuse me, a very important qualification.

Interviewer: No one's ever said that before.

Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?

Interviewer: No.

Longbaugh: You should.

Interviewer: Heterosexual?

Parker: Can I ask you something? Are you a faggot? See, you asked me if I was heterosexual; I asked you the same question, only I was clear about the answer I was looking for.

Longbaugh: Why's that such a big deal?

Interviewer: Because no one brings up sex with dead people!

Longbaugh: 'Course they don't, it's sick.

Interviewer: You brought it up!

Longbaugh: Only to say I never did it.

Interviewer: I didn't ask you that.

Longbaugh: [smiling] You should.

Mike Walker: There's a mountain range over there that, as far as we know, has never been climbed.

Interviewer: And you're one of the best climbers in the world, so you want to take a shot at it, right?

Mike Walker: No, I don't want to take a shot at it, I want to do it.

[from trailer]

Interviewer: David, what makes you sad?

David: War, poverty, cruelty, unneccessary violence. I understand human emotions, although I do not feel them myself. This allows me to be more efficient and capable, and makes it easier for my human counterparts to interact with me.

[from trailer]

David: Hello. I'm David.

Interviewer: What can you do, David?

David: I can do almost anything that could possibly be asked of me. I can assist your employees. I can make your organization more efficient. I can carry out directives that my future counterparts might find distressing or unethical. I can blend in with your workforce effortlessly.

[from trailer]

Interviewer: What is it about robots that make them so robotic? At Weyland Industries, it has long been our goal to create artifical intelligence that is almost indistinguishable from mankind itself.

[from trailer]

Interviewer: Is there anything you would like to say, David?

David: I would like to express gratitude to those who created me. Happy Birthday, David, from Weyland Industries.

[from trailer]

Interviewer: Eighth-generation Weyland TIPE: Technological, Intellectual, Physical...

David: Emotional.

Interviewer: HAL, you have an enormous responsibility on this mission, in many ways perhaps the greatest responsibility of any single mission element. You're the brain, and central nervous system of the ship, and your responsibilities include watching over the men in hibernation. Does this ever cause you any lack of confidence?

HAL: Let me put it this way, Mr. Amor. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.

Interviewer: HAL, despite your enormous intellect, are you ever frustrated by your dependence on people to carry out your actions?

HAL: Not in the slightest bit. I enjoy working with people. I have a stimulating relationship with Dr. Poole and Dr. Bowman. My mission responsibilities range over the entire operation of the ship so I am constantly occupied. I am putting myself to the fullest possible use which is all, I think, that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Interviewer: Dr. Poole, what's it like living for the better part of a year in such close proximity with HAL?

Dr. Frank Poole: Well, it's pretty close to what you said about him earlier. He is just like a sixth member of the crew. You very quickly get adjusted to the idea that he talks and you think of him really just as another person.

Interviewer: In talking to the computer one gets the sense that he is capable of emotional responses. For example, when I asked him about his abilities, I sensed a certain pride in his answer about his accuracy and perfection. Do you believe that HAL has genuine emotions?

Dave Bowman: Well, he acts like he has genuine emotions. Um, of course he's programmed that way to make it easier for us to talk to him. But as to whether he has real feelings is something I don't think anyone can truthfully answer.

Interviewer: [recorded broadcast on the BBC news] The crew of Discovery One consists of five men and one of the latest generation of the HAL-9000 computers. Three of the five men were put aboard asleep, or to be more precise a state of hibernation. They were Dr. Charles Hunter, Dr. Jack Kimball and Dr. Victor Kaminsky. We spoke with mission commander Dr. David Bowman and his deputy, Dr. Frank Poole. Well, good afternoon gentlemen, how is everything going?

Interviewer: Name, occupation?

Pamela: Pamela Morrison, ornament.

Interviewer: Name, occupation?

Robby Krieger: Robby Krieger, guitar player.

Interviewer: Name, occupation?

John: John Densmore, percussionist, 23 years old. Far out, man!

Interviewer: Name, occupation?

Ray Manzarek: Raymond Daniel Manzarek, born February 12th 1939, musician, organist.

Interviewer: Name, occupation?

Jim Morrison: Uh, Jim.

[smiles]

Interviewer: Do you believe in drugs?

Jim Morrison: I believe in excess...

Interviewer: You've been married to your high school sweetheart for sixteen years.

Bob Crane: Fifteen, actually.

Interviewer: Fifteen years. How do you do it? What's your secret?

Bob Crane: Three words: Don't... make... waves. As every sailor knows, when one set of waves meets another set of waves, it can set up some chop. And when three sets of waves come together, it can make for some mighty rough sailing. It also helps sometimes to have a harmless safety valve. So when I get tense, I blow off steam. And so, when it comes to my own family, I don't make waves.

Interviewer: That's inspirational. You're a fortunate man.

Bob Crane: Yes. Yes, I am.

interviewer: How do you respond to some of your critics? They have said a mop of tangled hair, a child's contour map of the battle of Gettysburg, cathartic disintegration, degenerate. What do you say to that?

Jackson Pollock: You forgot baked macaroni.

interviewer: How do you know when you're finished with a painting?

Jackson Pollock: How do you know when you're finished making love?

Interviewer: You've written a best-seller...

Chopper: Yeah, I know - and I can't even bloody spell. What about those poor bloody academics, those college graduates, battling their guts out to write some airy-fairy piece of exaggerated artwork? And here's a bloke, sitting in a cell, who can't spell, and he's written a best-seller. It's sold two hundred and fifty thousand copies. And it's still selling. And he's writing another one. And I can't even spell. I'm semi-bloody-illiterate.

[after James' phone conversion with Michael, who is in prison]

Interviewer: I can't believe you still talk to him.

James: Well, when was the last time you heard of a pea changing its pod?

Interviewer: What is it like? Being a husband?

Frankie Wilde: An arse-band?

Interviewer: Where did you go to school?

Josh: It was called George Washington.

Interviewer: Oh G.W. My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?

Josh: Yes. Every morning.

Interviewer: What do you think about the El Nino phenomenon?

Bridget: It's a blip. Latin music's on its way out.

Interviewer: When you began your career, you must've had heroes, role models?

Jane: Who are my heroes? Well, when I first started in this business, my heroes were politicians and leaders. And then I met them.

Interviewer: What's the difference between Orgazmo and your previous porn titles, like Schindler's Fist?

Maxxx Orbison: I really think history will describe Orgazmo better than I possibly could.

Interviewer: [wrapping up a news segment on the new film "Chucky Goes Psycho"] Thanks for the interview, Chucky.

Chucky: Fuck you very much.

Dupree: [during his job interview] I'm a people person, very personable. I absolutely insist on enjoying life. Not so task-oriented. Not a work horse. If you're looking for a Clydesdale I'm probably not your man. Like I don't live to work, it's more the other way around. I work to live. Incidentally, what's your policy on Columbus Day?

Interviewer: We work.

Dupree: Really? The guy discovered the new world. I'm afraid to even ask about Victory Over Japan Day.

Interviewer: Sir, how often should one evacuate one's bowels?

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: One should never, ever, interrupt one's desire to defecate. I have inquired at the Bronx and London Zoos as to the daily bowel evacuations of primates. It is not once, twice, or three times, sir, but four. At the end of an average day, their cages are filled with a veritable mountain of natural health.

Interviewer: And, sex?

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: Sex is the sewer drain of a healthy body, sir! Any use of the sexual act other than procreation is a waste of vital energy! Wasted seeds are wasted lives!

Interviewer: Uh, eating meat?

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: "He that killeth the ox is as if he slew a man." Each juicy morsel of meat is alive, and swarming with the same filth as found in the carcass of a dead rat. Meat eaters, sir, are drowning in a tide of gore. What is a sausage? A sausage is an indigestible balloon of decayed beef, riddled with tuberculosis. Eat and die! For I have seen many a repentant meat glutton his body full of uric acid and remorse, his soul adrift on the raft in the ocean of poisonous slime, sloshin' against the walls of the body's kitchen.

Interviewer: Smoking?

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: The liver is the only thing standing between the smoker and death! Also certain other things have to be avoided... like, uh, feather beds, and romantic novels... and the, uh, touching of one's organs. Masturbation is the silent killer of the night! The vilest sin of self-pollution! It is the sin of Onan!

Interviewer: Uh, Dr. Kellogg, how did you come to invent the corn flake?

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: The corn flake, sir, is just one of my 75 creations for heathy livin', among them peanut butter and the electric blanket.

Interviewer: And what about your imitators? There are 103 other corn flakes presently being manufactured here in Battle Creek!

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: Sir, corn is the injuns gift to the new world, and the corn flake is my gift to the entire world.

Interviewer: And what do you think about your brother?

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: My brother, W.K. Kellogg, worked for me as a low-paid assistant for many years. Now he's off on his own and amassin' fortunes with my corn flake invention. Unfortunately, he has chosen the family name to promote it. But the whole world knows only one Kellogg: me, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg! Surgeon, inventor, author, and crusader for biological livin'! I do not seek monetary rewards, for I am called to a greater glory. Here at the Battle Creek Sanitarium, the spirits soar, the mind is educated, and the bowels - -the bowels are born again!

Interviewer: But wasn't that you on the cover of Playboy magazine?

[On finding out that her husband, with whom she separated recently, had been cheating on her]

Sally: It was a huge blow to my ego. You know, I thought he loved me, that, uh, that we were experimenting, you know.

Interviewer: But if you had met someone first?

Sally: [smiling] Probably right. Probably would have done the same thing.

Interviewer: Can you tell us about your new movie?

Julie: "Meet Pamela" is the story of a British girl who falls in love with her husband's father. I think it's based on a true story.

Interviewer: I didn't really call you "Eddie Baby", did I, sweetie?

Sir Edward Ross: Don't call me "Sweetie"!

Interviewer: Can I call you "Sugarplum"?

Sir Edward Ross: No!

Interviewer: Pussycat?

Sir Edward Ross: No!

Interviewer: Angel Drawers?

Sir Edward Ross: No, you may not! Now get on with it.

Interviewer: Can I call you Frank?

Sir Edward Ross: Why Frank?

Interviewer: Frank's a nice name. President Nixon's got a hedgehog called Frank.

Sir Edward Ross: What is going on?

Interviewer: Frank, Frankie, Fran, Frannie... little Frannie boo...

Interviewer: Half time, and England trail Mexico by 2-0.

Mike: Have you heard what the crowd are fucking shouting? "Fuck Bassett!" "Bassett's a cunt!" "Bassett's a bastard!" "Bassett's a wanker!" They shouldn't be fucking shouting at me, they should be shouting at you, and do you know why? Because it's fucking half-time, and we're fucking 2-0 down to the fucking Mexicans! What the fuck's wrong with you? Get your fucking fingers out! Where's your bottle fucking gone?

[hurls piece of equipment at the goalkeeper]

Mike: And fucking pay attention you cunt, when I'm fucking talking to you! If you don't wanna wear the shirt, fucking take it off! There's thousands of kids out there who'd die to put that fucking shirt on. Get back on the fucking field, show those bastards what you can fucking do, or you can fuck off home on the fucking plane! You got that?

Interviewer: England lose 4-0.

Interviewer: ...And what would your father say if he could see you now?

Mike: Oh, he'd probably quote Kipling or something, 'Walk with kings and all that' You see, he was like a father figure to me

Interviewer: Well, obviously...

[last lines]

Interviewer: [after Mike and the team leave the plane] Are you going to stay on?

Mike: Four more years!

[cheers from crowd]

Mike: I'm staying on!

Interviewer: [some time into the credits] Anyone else?

Pelé: Maybe Korea, Japan...

Interviewer: Japan? What about England?

Pelé: Not England though.

Interviewer: But they've qualified, Pelé!

Pelé: England?

[laughs]

Interviewer: [in interviews with Pelé as he refuses to mention England] What about England?

Gazenga: My country is currently investing to attract more Doctors.

Interviewer: In research facilities?

Gazenga: No, Golf Courses.

[first lines]

Interviewer: So, where do you want to begin?

Alex: Where things always begin. In bed.

[first lines]

Interviewer: Mr. Kurtainbaum, why did you decide to continue production on The Game of Death?

Interviewer: Well, are you gonna conduct another search to find the replacement for Bruce Lee?

Martey Kurtainbaum: Search. What search you talking about? I could go down to fucking Chinatown and find someone who looks just like him... Five minutes.

Interviewer: Yeah, but do you think that would be the, the right person for the part?

Martey Kurtainbaum: Faster than you can say, "Egg foo young."

Interviewer: Egg foo young.

Martey Kurtainbaum: I found him. And his brother.

[last lines]

Interviewer: So Cole and Saraghina... what's been happening with you two?

Colgate Kim: Well, we were having a few problems, but we worked them out.

Saraghina Rivas: Mm-hmm, we're getting married.

Colgate Kim: I just can't imagine my life without her.

Interviewer: So, with all that pressure and workload, how do you keep a balance between work and life?

Karen Crowder: Balance?

[laughs]

Karen Crowder: I think that's, um, that's something that you search for your whole life, isn't it? Um,

[Scene cuts to Karen getting ready]

Karen Crowder: It's a shifting balance, really. It's, um, you know. You try to, um...

[She stops, rubs her temples, then the scene cuts again to when she's more fully dressed, looking in the mirror]

Karen Crowder: When you really are enjoying what it is you do, who needs balance? There's your balance! There's your balance. When you're really enjoying what it is you do, there's your balance.

[first lines]

Interviewer: Dr. Harber, before we're live, I just wanted to say thank you for choosing me.

Thomas: [warming up his voice] Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

Interviewer: The rich history you have with other journalists...

Thomas: I chose you precisely because we don't have a history. Now, don't fuck it up.

Producer: Fifteen seconds...

Interviewer: Death used to be something we just had to live with, and now it's a convenient way to escape pain. That's okay.

Will: That's okay? Another plane of existence, maybe. Who knows? But I look around, I see a lot of people jumping out of planes hoping they're gonna grow wings. And reality and fantasy are mutually exclusive. They don't exist in the same space.

Interviewer: I'm sure you had some wonderful experiences in Europe.

Nickie Ferrante: Yes.

Interviewer: Would you care to expand on that statement?

Nickie Ferrante: No.

[Regarding the interviewer's question whether Drago had been given steroids as part of his training]

Ludmilla: Ivan is naturally trained.

Interviewer: Then how do you account for his freakish strength?

Ludmilla: Like your Popeye, he ate his spinach every day.

[everyone else laughs, including Koloff]

Interviewer: [at the Drago-Creed press conference] Rocky, how do you think Apollo should fight Drago?

Rocky: [commenting on Drago's imposing stature] Well, what I think we should do first is get Apollo a ladder.

[everybody chuckles]

Interviewer: Do you hate Rocky?

Clubber Lang: No, I don't hate Balboa. I pity the fool, and I will destroy any man who tries to take what I got!

Interviewer: What's your prediction for the fight?

Clubber Lang: My prediction?

Interviewer: Yes, your prediction.

[Clubber looks into camera]

Clubber Lang: Pain!

Interviewer: Do you have a criminal record?

Rocky Balboa: Nothin' worth braggin' about.

[first lines]

Interviewer: [off-screen] Just tell me when you're rolling.

Interviewer: I see you have a scar on your neck.

Beth: Car accident.

Interviewer: Were you drinking?

Beth: Yeah - but I wasn't driving.

Chelsea: Sometimes clients think they want the real you, but at the end of the day, they say they don't. They want what... they want what you want to be. They want you to be something else. They don't want you to be yourself.

Interviewer: Suppose I'm that rare client that really wants to...

Chelsea: If they wanted you to be yourself, they wouldn't be paying you.

Interviewer: We agreed to meet here and have this kind of situation, which is a transactional situation like the one you deal with all the time in your business, right? Now, we're up to this part where I'm asking you something that would actually be intresting to me, and I feel that you're holding out on me. I mean, the thing is that the inner you is really... I mean, there's... in this business it's all about appearance, right? If you weren't beautiful, nobody would be paying to bang you, right? To put it grossly, right? So the thing is that if you weren't beautiful, you wouldn't be in this business. Is that right? Do we agree on that? So, suppose I like your looks, but I'm really much more intrested in the real you because I get a sense from looking at your picture on your web site... I'm not talking about myself, but I'd say somebody else... I got a feeling looking at your picture and also looking into your eyes right now and the way your doing that with your hair and the way you're wearing your little outfit there and all that other stuff... and I like your earings. And here's someone I really would like to get to know a little better. So, is that iron door of yours always gonna be closed?

Chelsea: For most people, yes.

Interviewer: Most? For some people, is it possible that there might be a crack in that little door you could walk through? This kind of thing that you could possibly get through? I assume the armor in your situation must be very thick just because it has to be, right? So, what kind of guy would it have to be?

Interviewer: What I'm trying to build up to here is to see the role this guy plays in your life. Not necessarily your relationship between you... I'm not intrested in the intimate details between these two people... you and your boyfriend. I'm intrested in the kind of relationship somebody in your business would have with someone they actually love.

Chelsea: You'll have to ask him on that.

Interviewer: Tell me. Joe or Joseph, why do you want to be a doctor?

Joe Slovak: That's easy. I want to help people.

Interviewer: Come one Joe, you can be honest with me. Why do you want to be a doctor?

Joe Slovak: Well, uh, I want to make lots of money.