Inspector Lestrade Quotes in Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Inspector Lestrade Quotes:
Inspector Lestrade: You know, in another life, you'd have made an excellent criminal.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and you, sir, an excellent policeman.
Sherlock Holmes: What of the coffin, Lestrade?
Inspector Lestrade: Well, we are in the process of bringing it up.
[Holmes looks at the unmoving constables]
Sherlock Holmes: Indeed? What stage of the process? Contemplative?
[Blackwood's coffin is opened]
Inspector Lestrade: That's not Blackwood!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now we have a firm grasp of the obvious.
Inspector Lestrade: And you were supposed to wait for my orders.
Sherlock Holmes: If I had, you'd be cleaning up a corpse and chasing a rumor. Besides, the girl's parents hired me, not the Yard. Why they thought you'd require any assistance is beyond me.
[Lestrade brings Holmes, handcuffed, before the Home Secretary, Lord Coward]
Inspector Lestrade: Excuse me, my lord. I know it's unorthodox, but Mr. Holmes here has been making some serious accusations about you...
[Lestrade lifts his lapel, showing a membership pin from the Temple of the Four Orders]
Inspector Lestrade: ...and the Order, sir.
Lord Coward: I see.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, at least that solves the great mystery of how you became Inspector.
[Lestrade turns and punches Holmes in the stomach]
Inspector Lestrade: Begging your pardon, my lord, but I've been wanting to do that for a long time.
Inspector Lestrade: [From inside Blackwood's tomb] You took your time, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: [portentously] And on the third day...
Inspector Lestrade: [finding Holmes standing in the center of a pentagram] Did the Devil turn up?
Holmes: As a matter of fact, Lestrade, You can be some help.
Inspector Lestrade: Of course!
Holmes: Hold my coat, it's hot in here.
Dr. Watson: Believe it or not, I'm every bit Holmes's equal as a detective.
Lord Smithwick: [scoffing] Dr. Watson...
Dr. Watson: Ha ha, I happen to know that you recently recovered from an illness; that you smoke a pipe, ah!, probably, uh, rosewood; and you spent time in China...
Inspector Lestrade: [interrupting] Sorry, doctor, this is no time for parlor games.
Dr. Watson: I'm not playing parlor games-...
Inspector Lestrade: Doctor, this is a matter for professionals!
Sherlock Holmes: [bursting in] You've got to help me! There's two big men...
Dr. Watson: Holmes, you're back - so good to see you! My, this is a clever disguise - a drunken lout. Ha, very realistic.
Sherlock Holmes: There's two - this one big fellow...
Dr. Watson: Ah, excuse us just a moment.
[He whisks Holmes into the next room; after some banging about they return, now calm]
Dr. Watson: Gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Lestrade. It's good to see the department's letting you out at night again. Lord Smithwick - trouble at the exchequer?
Lord Smithwick: Well, to be honest - Wait, how did you know?
Sherlock Holmes: The same way that I can tell you recently recovered from an illness; smoke a pipe, probably rosewood; and have spent some time in...
Dr. Watson: [prompting] China.
Sherlock Holmes: China.
Lord Smithwick: AMAZING!
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. Uh, uh, Lord, uh, Smithwick, um, before we start, perhaps a... little sherry?
Lord Smithwick: I wish we could. But the matter which brings me here involves the fate of the entire Empire.
Sherlock Holmes: I see. Perhaps a whiskey, then?
Inspector Lestrade: Half a tick, Mr. Holmes. Ye can't go walkin' into someone's residence, pokin' about their personal possessions, disruptin' their privacy... That's for Scotland Yard.
Inspector Lestrade: His Lordship wishes to see Mr. Holmes.
Dr. Watson: I'm sorry to say he's not here at the moment.
Lord Smithwick: Oh, how disappointing.
Inspector Lestrade: Sir, as I said before, I really don't think Mr. Holmes' involvement in this case is at all necessary.
Dr. Watson: I quite agree.
Inspector Lestrade: You do?
Dr. Watson: However, the Crime Doctor is at your disposal.
Inspector Lestrade: Who the deuce is the Crime Doctor?
Inspector Lestrade: You're alive!
Watson: Astounding observation, Inspector. We must discuss it.
Sherlock Holmes: The young lady is taking her mother to Scotland for burial.
Inspector Lestrade: In a coffin?
Sherlock Holmes: That is the customary method, I believe.
Lady Margaret Carstairs: I shall report you both to Scotland Yard.
Inspector Lestrade: ...But I *am* Scotland Yard.
Prof. William Kilbane: You come pounding on this door again and I'll have the law on you.
Inspector Lestrade: I am the law.
Prof. William Kilbane: Then stop barging in and out of my room like a chambermaid.
Sherlock Holmes: The Inspector's going to Scotland to fish for salmon!
Dr. John H. Watson: [to Lestrade] Oh really? The season doesn't start for another month, but you wouldn't know that, would you?
Inspector Lestrade: 'Oo says I'm gonna fish fer salmon?
Dr. John H. Watson: 'Oo? 'Im!
Inspector Lestrade: When a lady gets hysterical...
Sherlock Holmes: She may do many desperate things but, my dear Lestrade, she does not run around the walls like a mouse.
Doctor Murray: That is mere conjecture, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: All circumstantial evidence is conjecture, Murray, but it is often right.
Inspector Lestrade: Mr. Holmes is usually right.
Inspector Lestrade: You know, Watson, although I've known Holmes for some years, I sometimes wonder if he's all there.
Sherlock Holmes: [on the pyjama suicides] Indubitably, these murders are the work of a well-organized gang and directing them is one of the most fiendishly clever minds in all Europe today.
Inspector Lestrade: Any notion who?
Sherlock Holmes: I suspect a woman. Do you have tobacco around this place, Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, I've packed it. A woman? You amaze me, Holmes. Why a woman?
Sherlock Holmes: Because the method, whatever it is, is particularly subtle and cruel. Feline, not canine.
Inspector Lestrade: Poppy-cock. Canine, feline, quinine, when a bloke does himself in, that's suicide.
Sherlock Holmes: Unless the bloke is driven to suicide and then in that case it's murder.
Dr. John H. Watson: Driven? That *sounds* like a woman, doesn't it?
Sherlock Holmes: Definitely, a female Moriarty. Clever, ruthless... and above all, cautious.
Inspector Lestrade: Him and his meet me here and meet me there. Where the... Where is he anyhow?
Dr. John H. Watson: I'm blessed if I know. He said wait here by the shooting gallery and look inconspicuous.
Inspector Lestrade: Inconspicuous? Oh...
[Lestrade starts whistling and inspecting the ceiling]
Dr. John H. Watson: He said inconspicuous, Lestrade, not half-witted.
Sherlock Holmes: You came to see me professionally.
Inspector Lestrade: Well, er, unofficially.
Sherlock Holmes: I see. Heads you win, tails I lose.
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