Inspector Lestrade Quotes in Sherlock Holmes (2009)


Inspector Lestrade Quotes:

  • Inspector Lestrade: You know, in another life, you'd have made an excellent criminal.

    Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and you, sir, an excellent policeman.

  • Sherlock Holmes: What of the coffin, Lestrade?

    Inspector Lestrade: Well, we are in the process of bringing it up.

    [Holmes looks at the unmoving constables]

    Sherlock Holmes: Indeed? What stage of the process? Contemplative?

  • [Blackwood's coffin is opened]

    Inspector Lestrade: That's not Blackwood!

    Sherlock Holmes: Well, now we have a firm grasp of the obvious.

  • Inspector Lestrade: And you were supposed to wait for my orders.

    Sherlock Holmes: If I had, you'd be cleaning up a corpse and chasing a rumor. Besides, the girl's parents hired me, not the Yard. Why they thought you'd require any assistance is beyond me.

  • [Lestrade brings Holmes, handcuffed, before the Home Secretary, Lord Coward]

    Inspector Lestrade: Excuse me, my lord. I know it's unorthodox, but Mr. Holmes here has been making some serious accusations about you...

    [Lestrade lifts his lapel, showing a membership pin from the Temple of the Four Orders]

    Inspector Lestrade: ...and the Order, sir.

    Lord Coward: I see.

    Sherlock Holmes: Well, at least that solves the great mystery of how you became Inspector.

    [Lestrade turns and punches Holmes in the stomach]

    Inspector Lestrade: Begging your pardon, my lord, but I've been wanting to do that for a long time.

  • Inspector Lestrade: [From inside Blackwood's tomb] You took your time, Holmes.

    Sherlock Holmes: [portentously] And on the third day...

  • Inspector Lestrade: [finding Holmes standing in the center of a pentagram] Did the Devil turn up?

  • Holmes: As a matter of fact, Lestrade, You can be some help.

    Inspector Lestrade: Of course!

    Holmes: Hold my coat, it's hot in here.

  • Dr. Watson: Believe it or not, I'm every bit Holmes's equal as a detective.

    Lord Smithwick: [scoffing] Dr. Watson...

    Dr. Watson: Ha ha, I happen to know that you recently recovered from an illness; that you smoke a pipe, ah!, probably, uh, rosewood; and you spent time in China...

    Inspector Lestrade: [interrupting] Sorry, doctor, this is no time for parlor games.

    Dr. Watson: I'm not playing parlor games-...

    Inspector Lestrade: Doctor, this is a matter for professionals!

    Sherlock Holmes: [bursting in] You've got to help me! There's two big men...

    Dr. Watson: Holmes, you're back - so good to see you! My, this is a clever disguise - a drunken lout. Ha, very realistic.

    Sherlock Holmes: There's two - this one big fellow...

    Dr. Watson: Ah, excuse us just a moment.

    [He whisks Holmes into the next room; after some banging about they return, now calm]

    Dr. Watson: Gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

    Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Lestrade. It's good to see the department's letting you out at night again. Lord Smithwick - trouble at the exchequer?

    Lord Smithwick: Well, to be honest - Wait, how did you know?

    Sherlock Holmes: The same way that I can tell you recently recovered from an illness; smoke a pipe, probably rosewood; and have spent some time in...

    Dr. Watson: [prompting] China.

    Sherlock Holmes: China.

    Lord Smithwick: AMAZING!

    Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. Uh, uh, Lord, uh, Smithwick, um, before we start, perhaps a... little sherry?

    Lord Smithwick: I wish we could. But the matter which brings me here involves the fate of the entire Empire.

    Sherlock Holmes: I see. Perhaps a whiskey, then?

  • Inspector Lestrade: Half a tick, Mr. Holmes. Ye can't go walkin' into someone's residence, pokin' about their personal possessions, disruptin' their privacy... That's for Scotland Yard.

  • Inspector Lestrade: His Lordship wishes to see Mr. Holmes.

    Dr. Watson: I'm sorry to say he's not here at the moment.

    Lord Smithwick: Oh, how disappointing.

    Inspector Lestrade: Sir, as I said before, I really don't think Mr. Holmes' involvement in this case is at all necessary.

    Dr. Watson: I quite agree.

    Inspector Lestrade: You do?

    Dr. Watson: However, the Crime Doctor is at your disposal.

    Inspector Lestrade: Who the deuce is the Crime Doctor?

  • Inspector Lestrade: You're alive!

    Watson: Astounding observation, Inspector. We must discuss it.

  • Sherlock Holmes: The young lady is taking her mother to Scotland for burial.

    Inspector Lestrade: In a coffin?

    Sherlock Holmes: That is the customary method, I believe.

  • Lady Margaret Carstairs: I shall report you both to Scotland Yard.

    Inspector Lestrade: ...But I *am* Scotland Yard.

  • Prof. William Kilbane: You come pounding on this door again and I'll have the law on you.

    Inspector Lestrade: I am the law.

    Prof. William Kilbane: Then stop barging in and out of my room like a chambermaid.

  • Sherlock Holmes: The Inspector's going to Scotland to fish for salmon!

    Dr. John H. Watson: [to Lestrade] Oh really? The season doesn't start for another month, but you wouldn't know that, would you?

    Inspector Lestrade: 'Oo says I'm gonna fish fer salmon?

    Dr. John H. Watson: 'Oo? 'Im!

  • Inspector Lestrade: When a lady gets hysterical...

    Sherlock Holmes: She may do many desperate things but, my dear Lestrade, she does not run around the walls like a mouse.

  • Doctor Murray: That is mere conjecture, Holmes.

    Sherlock Holmes: All circumstantial evidence is conjecture, Murray, but it is often right.

    Inspector Lestrade: Mr. Holmes is usually right.

  • Inspector Lestrade: You know, Watson, although I've known Holmes for some years, I sometimes wonder if he's all there.

  • Sherlock Holmes: [on the pyjama suicides] Indubitably, these murders are the work of a well-organized gang and directing them is one of the most fiendishly clever minds in all Europe today.

    Inspector Lestrade: Any notion who?

    Sherlock Holmes: I suspect a woman. Do you have tobacco around this place, Watson?

    Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, I've packed it. A woman? You amaze me, Holmes. Why a woman?

    Sherlock Holmes: Because the method, whatever it is, is particularly subtle and cruel. Feline, not canine.

    Inspector Lestrade: Poppy-cock. Canine, feline, quinine, when a bloke does himself in, that's suicide.

    Sherlock Holmes: Unless the bloke is driven to suicide and then in that case it's murder.

    Dr. John H. Watson: Driven? That *sounds* like a woman, doesn't it?

    Sherlock Holmes: Definitely, a female Moriarty. Clever, ruthless... and above all, cautious.

  • Inspector Lestrade: Him and his meet me here and meet me there. Where the... Where is he anyhow?

    Dr. John H. Watson: I'm blessed if I know. He said wait here by the shooting gallery and look inconspicuous.

    Inspector Lestrade: Inconspicuous? Oh...

    [Lestrade starts whistling and inspecting the ceiling]

    Dr. John H. Watson: He said inconspicuous, Lestrade, not half-witted.

  • Sherlock Holmes: You came to see me professionally.

    Inspector Lestrade: Well, er, unofficially.

    Sherlock Holmes: I see. Heads you win, tails I lose.

Browse more character quotes from Sherlock Holmes (2009)