Inspector Quotes in Antitrust (2001)

Inspector: [looking for fingerprints on a keyboard] Dust the colon and the backslash key! Only geeks use those keys.

Chen: Tell me the truth. No more lies. If I turn myself over to you, will you leave the Ching Wu School alone? The truth!

Inspector: You have my word on it. Don't worry, on my word of honor.

Chen: Now you hear this! I will accept punishment for the lives I took. You just leave this school alone!

Japanese consulate: Yes, of course! Of course!

Inspector: CID 07, you are officially off the counterfeit money case. I've already sent an undercover!

CID 07: Sir, do you have any other cases I can take care of?

Inspector: Yes, go to the park and catch litter bugs!

CID 07: [after accidentally stepping on Inspector's turtle] Sir, might as well send me to guard the reservoirs!

Inspector: [enraged] Reservoirs?! BETTER GET YOUR TRAFFIC UNIFORM READY!

Chris: Whoa! Whoa! Wha-what's goin' on?

Inspector: Inspections for drugs and alcohol.

Noah: What?

Adam: Since when?

Student: O'Brien from the eighth floor's in a coma.

Chris: So?

Student: So the board instigated some new policies.

Adam: [overlapping the next two lines] That-that-that-that-that-that-that...

Noah: This is whack!

Chris: Can they even DO this?

Adam: I'm callin' my father's lawyer. Our parents pay a lot of money for us to enjoy our college experience.

Inspector: You are playing God.

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: *Somebody* has to.

Onoff: If writers knew whose mouths would up spewing out their works, they'd cut off their hands.

Inspector: And it would be a pity.

Inspector: In my profession there is neither good nor bad. There is innocence and guilt. That's all.

Inspector: I'm sorry father but it's my duty to bring this man to justice.

Father Tom: That's the duty of all of us.

Inspector: Let's hear you read.

Apu: The Land of Bengal. Where is the greenest land of all - where the tender grass your feet must fall? Where the grain sways on sunny afternoons and the blushing lotus blooms? It is our very own Bengal, the greenest land of all. Where do thrush and robin sing? Where do fork-tailed drongos swing and where do elegant swans swim? Where do weaverbirds nest again and the swallows cry for rain? In our very own Bengal, the greenest land of all. In what land do they speak a tongue that fills your soul with yearning? Where do you hear the clear tones of a baul whose heart is singing?

Inspector: Van Helsing?

Detective Sergeant: Her grandfather is Professor Lorimer Van Helsing, London University. He helped us once.

Inspector: Oh, yes, that extortion mob. Money by blackmail. Something to do with witchcraft. Some cult or other.

Detective Sergeant: Yes, he's a specialist in that sort of thing.

Inspector: Witchcraft.

[plays with executive toy]

Inspector: Occult. Churchyards.

Professor Van Helsing: There is a Satan.

Inspector: Of course. Otherwise we wouldn't need a police force, would we?

Detective Sergeant: Any chance of a cup of coffee and a cheese roll, sir? I'm starving!

Inspector: Don't know if they're serving coffee and cheese rolls at Joe's party, but I'll see what I can do for you. Let's get over there and find out what they are doing... before it's all over.

Detective Sergeant: It's going to be a bit heavy going, sir, don't you think? Trying to interview a bunch of kids while there's a party going on?

Inspector: Sergeant, I'll bet you a pound to a pinch of shit... that there's a little piece of hash at that party... and if there is, I've got them. Means I can hold them. If I can hold them, I can talk to them, and I'll settle for that, for the moment.

Professor Van Helsing: You see.

Inspector: No, Professor Van Helsing, I don't see. I'm just a plain run-of-the-mill copper.

Inspector: How do you spell that word, "psychotic"?

Dr. Cordell: You may have to spell it M-U-R-D-E-R, murder, if you don't get someone over there quickly!

Inspector: I hope I'm not disturbing you so late at night.

Nikos: Don't you ever sleep?

Inspector: Nobody's ever caught me at it.

Nikos: Look, this is a bad time.

Inspector: That's okay, I've got bad news.

Sandhya: Mujhe Khoon Accha Lagtha Hai.

Inspector: You find the motive, you find the murderer.

Sandhya: Thakdeer ke bhi ajeeb khel hain. Jis ko hasna chaahiye woh roh raha hai.

Inspector: A lot of funny people live in Soho.

Inspector: [part of long, mock Churchillian speech] ... the lion shall lie down with the lamb, the goat shall give suck to the tiny bee...

Inspector: And what chess piece are you?

Cesar: Your guess is as good as mine, inspector. We never seem to find out until after we're dead.