Immigration Officer Quotes in Total Recall (1990)

Immigration Officer: [to the Fat Lady] Have you brought any fruits or vegetables on the planet?

Fat Lady: [with a big smile] Two weeks.

Immigration Officer: Excuse me?

Fat Lady: [ticcing with her mouth] Two weeks. Twooo weeeks! Wweeeoo...

Richter: [walks by and looks back to the Fat Lady]

Fat Lady: Two...

[moving her lips with her hands, then moving her head uncontrollably]

Richter: Quaid.

[yelling]

Richter: That's Quaid!

Everett: Where?

Richter: That woman! Get him! Her!

[runs to her]

Everett: Arrest that woman!

Richter: Get that woman!

[a disorder in the hall]

Fat Lady: [screaming and moving her head, touches her ear as if it is a switch, her wig fells off]

[the masks opens and Quaids head becomes visible]

Douglas Quaid: Catch!

[and throws the mask to the soldiers]

Fat Lady: Get ready for a surprise!

[and the mask explodes in the soldiers' faces]

Immigration Officer: How long will you be staying in this country, sir?

Wallace: That's a very good question.

Immigration Officer: Yes, I thought so, too.

Immigration Officer: Are you here for business or pleasure?

Heymar 'Wulfgar' Reinhardt: Pleasure, I hope.

Immigration Officer: Welcome to the United States.

Immigration officer: Where were you born?

Rudy: What?

Immigration officer: Read my lips, El Paco. Where were you born?

Rudy: I was born in East L.A., man.

Immigration officer: Sure, sure. If you were born in East L.A., then who's the president of the United States?

Rudy: I-I don't know, that guy, that guy who was on T.V., the guy in the cowboy hat... he used to be on "Death Valley Days"... uh, John Wayne!

Immigration officer: Get him out of here.

Immigration officer: What do we got here? Looks like a bean in a beanbag.

Immigration officer: I don't know where you learned to speak English so good, Rudy Roo or Loopty Loo, or whatever your name is!

Immigration Officer: Is that some kind of Beatles haircut?

Immigration Officer: What is your purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom?

Emmannuelle Prevert: To make some friends with ze British.

Immigration Officer: Is the purpose of your visit business or pleasure?

Emmannuelle Prevert: Pleasure... definitely.

Immigration Officer: What is your husband's occupation?

Emmannuelle Prevert: I am!

[Tanya and Artyom have just arrived at Heathrow International Airport]

Immigration Officer: How long do you intend to stay in the U.K.?

Tanya: I don't know, yet.

Immigration Officer: How much money do you have?

Tanya: [To Artyom] Skol'ko u nas deneg tochno? (Exactly how much money do we have?)

Artyom: [To Immigration Officer] Uhh... eighty-five dollars.

Immigration Officer: Not very much, is it?

Tanya: Yes.

[Tanya's English fiancé, Mark Wallow, has failed to meet her and Artyom at Heathrow]

Tanya: I'm sorry... just for... few... wo-words. I need political as-asylum.

Immigration Officer: Political asylum?

Tanya: Yes. Because... because my life is very dangerous in Moscow.

Artyom: [Watching through a glass partition] Okhuyela chto li? (Has she fucking lost it?)