Iggy Quotes in Surf Ninjas (1993)

Zatch: Something not even money can buy: the knives of Kwantsu.

Iggy: Knives? Oh yeah, seriously. That's something money can't buy. Knives. Once I went to a cutlery store and said 'Here's $100,000, can I buy a knife?' They said, 'NO. Money can't buy knives.' Gee, I guess that's why you hardly ever see any of 'em around.

[Later]

Iggy: On the third day of the expedition they came across a giant rubber plant. Unfortunately, they could not cut it down, for as we know, money can't buy knives. Walking around the plant, they continued on the shores of Patusan.

Zatch: Is there no way we can shut this chattering monkey up?

Lt. Spence: You know, I'd cut him. But, I don't have a knife.

Johnny: [Johnny and Adam are about to surf the waves] Wooo, the waves our pumpin...

Iggy: Go.

Johnny: What, you're not coming with us?

Iggy: I'll be there in a minute, I just gotta wax the old "Man to wave friction reducing vehicle".

[Johnny and Adam stare at him with pause]

Iggy: ... Surfboard!

Johnny: Oh, so we'll see you after, Right?

Iggy: Sure, gotta put some wax on so I dont slip off, need a lotta wax.

Johnny: [Afterwards] Whoa, I think I fully dinged my board on a rock or somethin...

[Iggy starts walking towards the water]

Johnny: ... Bro we're leaving!

Iggy: What, now? Awww c'mon, I had some moves in me too!

Johnny: [Under his Breath] Yeah right, you never surfed a day in your Life.

Iggy: Look, tommorow we start off early, o.k.?

Adam: You know what they say - Chick's got a veil, dude better bail.

Johnny: If she covers her face, pick up the pace.

Iggy: She's afraid to show it. She's... probably not very attractive.

Adam: [after leaving the raid at their house] So... when can we go back home?

Zatch: Your home is Patusan.

Johnny: No! Our home, was that house, back on Ocean Park.

Iggy: Whoa, guys I don't think you really wanna go back there. I mean, our Buddy Long John Silver here left the GAS running in the House, real Bright! I mean, what if the house blows up...

[a big Explosion happens in the background]

Iggy: ...WHOA!

Adam: [Stunned] Our home!

Johnny: [Stunned also] He... blew up our home!

Zatch: [Regretably] I had no choice, and now you have no choice but to come with me, it's your Destiny.

Johnny: [Starts attacking Zatch] You had no choice... You had no CHOICE? Your INSANE!

Adam: [Helping Johnny] Get your rotten hands off my Brother!

Zatch: Stay calm your highnesses, you must know that there is no turning back!

Iggy: I can't believe... that I just DID that, I am Responsible for the Destruction of my best friends personal property!

Johnny: What are you talking about Iggy, you didn't do anything.

Iggy: I did too! Something happened, I don't know what it is, but now every time I say WHAT IF about something it comes true, and back there I said "What if the the house blows up", and it blew up!

[Convinced that He has Special Powers]

Iggy: Wow, I have this tremendous responsibility! What if I lose this power?

[Realization hits]

Iggy: Oh no, I just what if I lose this power! Damn it, I had it, then I lost it!

Zatch: [Annoyed by Iggy] But what of THIS one, the Commoner?

Adam: Why don't you just blow HIM up!

Johnny: While in Patusan, guests of The Revolution stay at the Mecrob Hilton.

Iggy: That's the Mecrob Hilton. Serving strange things and shells since 1207.

Iggy: [Walking across a hill] Woah, this trail is massively narrow. What if somebody fell?

[Lt. Spence and Adam suddenly fall down the hill]

Iggy: What if I said "I'm sorry"!

Iggy: ...because as we all know, money can't buy knives.

Iggy: What if I lose this power?

[realization hits]

Iggy: Oh my gosh... I just said "What if I lose this power?"

Mac: [Johnny and Mac are in Shock for a moment as the camera angle focuses on a hand holding a kitchen knife] I'd put that knife down if I were you!

[the Camera Angle starts pointing up revealing Iggy's Face]

Iggy: Seriously, if you don't want chives, I wont put em in.

Johnny: Well, I want chives bro.

Mac: Iggy, you're here every day, and every night, don't your Parents wonder where you've been?

Iggy: Mr. MC.Quinn, My Parents are locked up in a Bio-Screen in Arizona, Pimento?

Mac: Huh?

Iggy: ...It's like a little Tomato. Yes, Bio-Screen, lots of plants n animals, no one else allowed in anywhere around them. look, for it to be hard for me to explain it to a layman, like Yourself.

Mac: Iggy, You know what you need, is a professional listener.

Johnny: He visits the School shrink every day.

Mac: Not helping, and don't your parents ever feed ya, and don't they ever provide you with enough clothing besides MY BOXER SHORTS!

Iggy: [Looks down at the Shorts He's wearing] These are yours?

Mac: YES!

Adam: [shouts as he stands up in the moving vehicle] Motosurf!

Iggy: Motosurf!

Johnny: Motosurf!

Iggy: [after Zatch helped Johnny, Adam, and Iggy escape from the raid at the food hut] I just want you to know, that I felt completely safe in your arms, and I never said that to a man before.

Iggy: All right, Kids, come in here and Clean up Yer Bloody Room! I know well, cuz I'm 37, and don't make Me beat You with Leg of Mine that no longer Works cuz I'll do it!

Zatch: They have taken him.

Adam: Woah! How'd he do that?

Iggy: Like this: They have taken him.

Adam: Say, Johnny, what if what that Zatch guy said was true? I mean, about Your Destiny to become a Warrior, and Mine to be a Seeker...

[Iggy interupts from behind the couch holding a Playboy Magazine]

Iggy: ...and don't forget, I'm the King, seriously, you guys couldn't of missed these Magazines, there is a whole stack of em underneath Your Bed...

Johnny: Iggy, you can't be the King of Patusan.

[Iggy looks at Him Discouragingly]

Johnny: You're not Asian.

Iggy: Hey, two words for you; David Carradine, and Kung Fu.

Spike: [has had his brain evolved to higher intelligence] Ignatius, do you know what the square root of 36,481 is?

Iggy: What are you talking about?

Spike: 191!

King Koopa: I am very disappointed in you, cousins.

Spike: Fascist!

Iggy: Oppressor of the proletariat!

King Koopa: Guy in charge!

Lena: Hello, morons.

Iggy, Spike: Hello!

King Koopa: Now... where's the rock?

[Iggy and Spike look at each other, then at Koopa]

Iggy: [together] Rock, sir?

Spike: [together] Rock, sir?

King Koopa: The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck, and I told you not to forget it!

Spike: That rock!

Iggy: I told you not to forget it!

King Koopa: And I told *you* to remind him! Without that rock, the meteorite lays dormant! I'll not be able to merge the dimensions! Where is it?

Iggy: [together] ... The plumbers took it.

Spike: [together] ... The plumbers took it.

King Koopa: [whispers] Plumbers?

[to Lena]

King Koopa: Plumber alert!

[Iggy and Spike have become more intelligent]

King Koopa: Both of you, go to the desert!

Iggy: Excuse me, excuse me. That hardly seems logical, does it? Perhaps we should stay here and formulate our own strategy. Tete-tete, inner circle, that sort of thing.

King Koopa: Here's what's logical to me: If you do not return with the plumbers and the rock... I shall personally... kill you.

Iggy: ...We're going.

Spike: We were wrong again. How many times have we got this wrong?

Iggy: *You've* gotten it wrong five times.

Spike: Home for five. Home for five. What percent is that?

Iggy: I dunno. Let me think.

[pause]

Iggy: I dunno. But it's not good.

Spike: If we get it wrong one more time, he's gonna kill us.

Iggy: He's not gonna kill us. He's not that nice.

Luigi: By the bar, that big lady with the red spikes took the rock.

Iggy: Was she corpulent? Very corpulent?

Luigi: No no, she was just really round.

Spike: Ah-ha!

[snapping fingers]

Spike: Big Bertha! The bouncer at the Boom-Boom Bar!

Mario: If you 2 don't start talkin' we're gonna leave ya to these guys... for lunch.

Luigi: Now, where's Daisy?

Spike: No, no, no, no. Where's the rock, Scalywag?

Luigi: Where's Daisy, Butt-Breath?

Iggy: Where's the rock, Overweaning-Rogue?

Luigi: Not till ya give us Daisy, Biscuit-Head!

Spike: WHERE IS THE ROCK?

Mario: SHUT UP!

[Entering the Boom Boom Bar]

Luigi: Isn't this a little bit feminine?

Iggy: Yes, I know. It was my ex wife's.

Mario: But you wear this stuff?

Spike: Yes. On occasion, we have a... date.

Mario: Who do you date, a canary?

Iggy: [Iggy and Spike mistake Daniella for Daisy] Where are you going?

Spike: I'm gonna get the girl.

Iggy: That's not the girl.

Spike: Yeah, it is, she's wearing a disguise. I could spot her a mile away.

Iggy: Of course she's wearing a disguise. She thinks she can fool us. I'm gonna go get her.

Spike: *I'm* gonna go get her.

Iggy: Wait a minute. We'll follow her and then we'll both go get her.

Spike: Good idea. I'll bag her, you grab her.

Iggy: No, *I'll* grab her, *you* bag her.

Spike: That's what I said.

Iggy: Exactly.

[after the ending credits]

Japanese Salesman 1: Well, I must say, we have a very generous proposal.

Japanese Salesman 2: A video game based on your many adventures.

Japanese Salesman 1: What would you call it?

[We now see that they are addressing, not Mario and Luigi, but Iggy and Spike]

Iggy: "Iggy's World".

Spike: [shakes head] "The Indomitable Spike".

Iggy: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!

Spike: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!

Iggy: Between us, Spike doesn't have a thought in his brain, sir!

Spike: Ha, ha, ha! He's a liar, sir. Between us, Iggy doesn't have a brain in his head!

King Koopa: I agree.

Iggy: Would you swim in an integrated swimming pool?

Tracy Turnblad: I sure would, Iggy. I'm a modern kind of girl, I'm all for integration.

Iggy: Cigarettes and coffee, man, that's a combination.

Tom: Well... we could go to Taco Bell if that's more your style.

Iggy: You callin' me a Taco Bell kind of guy?

Iggy: Woman, you are drunk!

Loretta Lee: Yes, I believe I *am*!

Landlady: Hold it! Who do you think you're kidding?

Iggy: What do you mean?

Landlady: You think I don't know what's going on upstairs?

Iggy: You do?

Landlady: I didn't come in from Stupidsville on last night's bus! You've got a woman in that apartment.

Iggy: Wow, hold it! What kind of talk is that?

Landlady: Don't double-talk me! I've got ears, haven't I?

Iggy: It's Dan's mother, you see she came down all un-expected like.

Landlady: I don't care if it's Pocahontas!

[after Iggy turns fan on to clear away the smoke, the numerous dollar bills of money start flying out of the suitcase]

Dan: [irately, after turning fan off] What goes on in that pea brain of yours?

Iggy: [weak smile] I forgot about the loot! Forgot. Forgot.

Iggy: Hey, it was a quarter million, wasn't it?

Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller, gagged, shook her head, no]

Iggy: Two hundred grand?

Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller, gagged, shook her head, no again]

Iggy: Not one lousy hundred and sixty?

Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller, gagged, nodded her head, yes this time]

[Iggy then made a fist, threatening to hit Margaret Mitchell in her mouth, but Dan prevented it]

Iggy: [to Margaret Miller] Make mine well. I can't stand the sight of blood.

Dan: [to Margaret Miller] Some desperate character I got for a partner, huh Mom?

[first lines, after introductory song concluded]

Iggy: [as Iggy buys four different newspapers, Iggy sees DC smelling the salmon, he had just purchased] Hey, what do you say fella? Hey, you're taking my food, huh?

Margaret Miller: [looking out a window]

Dan: [Dan pulled Margaret Miller, away from window] Back away from that window!

Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller retreats back]

Dan: [to Iggy who's oblivious reading a newspaper] Why don't you just let her stick her head out the window and yell for help, you meathead?

Iggy: [still oblivious] What'd I do?

[after seeing DC again]

Iggy: [happily] Hey, fella, where did you come from, huh? I got a little business to do, then I'll give you some milk.

Dan: [by DC's collar, after DC went in the apartment building, Zeke Kelso located Margaret Miller's kidnappers, hearing Dan's remark] Get rid of that cat, go in and finish her off.

Iggy: Think it's better to do the job here, or in the truck?

Dan: Here. So we don't have to fight her down the stairs.

Zeke Kelso: This is it Control, 1-3-2 Eighth Street.

[Zeke Kelso spoke out the house number, 132 almost like spelling, saying the numerals slowly as one-three-two: 132 Eighth Street]

Supervisor, Mr. Newton: Kelso, you hold off 'til we get there.

Zeke Kelso: [upon hearing Margaret Miller's voice] I can't wait sir. I've got a situation, that's breaking wide open.

Dana: Okay, so we need to stick together from now on.

Iggy: Right.

Alexandra: Yeah, good. So, um, I got my stuff downstairs, and I'm gonna go get it, and then I'm gonna meet you guys.

Dana: Right.

Iggy: Zombie! Carl's a zombie. No longer a soulless, mindless, walking-dead corporate zombie, but a real zombie.

Iggy: [as Dana is about to attack the zombie] Wait, wait! Is this a Romero zombie or one of the new virus zombies?

Alexandra: What the hell are you talking about?

Dana: Okay, okay, now the old zombies are like, stiff.

Iggy: They lumber.

Dana: Whatever!

Iggy: No, no, not whatever, they lumber, it's important. The new ones are, like, super-fit sport zombies. Old zombies, we can take this guy; new zombies... we may be fucked.

Dana: [after just escaping into the attic from a small zombie horde] I think we lost them. Where's Alexandra?

Iggy: They ate her!

Dana: ...so we're the only ones left?

Iggy: I think it's just you and me, two mere mortals against evil unknown fighting the preternatural powers of a hell-spawn succubus!

Dana: F**k her! F**k her and the forces of darkness that created her, f**kin' she-bitch from hell. Hateful, evil murderous bitch with no friends and BAD SKIN!

[inhales sharply and slaps her bicep]

Dana: We can DO THIS! What do we have?

Iggy: For what?

Dana: ...like weapons to fight off the supernatural forces of darkness?

Iggy: Nothing.

Dana: Ughh. Something holy?

Iggy: Nope.

Dana: Spells, incantations?

Iggy: Bupkus.

Dana: Protective amulets?

Iggy: Big negatory.

Dana: There's gotta be some kind of magic charm to command the evil!

Iggy: I don't know, man.

Dana: [grabbing Iggy by the collar and shaking him] There's ALWAYS a magic charm to command the evil!

Iggy: [pauses and points at Dana before calmly saying] That just sounds gay.

Dana: There's gotta be something. ANYTHING!

Iggy: We got nothing, man. Nothing.

[whispers]

Iggy: Nothing.

Dana: [looks off as if she has an idea] ... and THAT is the best weapon we have.