Hysterium Quotes in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (1966)

Hysterium: [He's dressed in women's clothing] My father will turn over his grave if he saw me like this.

Pseudolus: Your father is alive.

Hysterium: Well... this will kill him.

Hysterium: I live to grovel.

Pseudolus: Don't you think it's time we started trusting each other?

Hysterium: One of us isn't ready yet.

Domina: That breeder woman, has she been thrown a mate yet?

Hysterium: Alas, she refuses just any slave. She demands to choose.

Senex: Choose? She'll breed and like it, like everyone. Well, almost everyone.

Hysterium: Rather than let you down, I would die.

Domina: That is what I had in mind.

Hero: Hysterium, this is Philia.

Hysterium: Never mind who she is! Who IS she?

Pseudolus: We'll need a body. Anybody's body.

Hysterium: Can you get one from Gusto the Body Snatcher?

Pseudolus: He owes me a favor! But he died yesterday.

Hysterium: Uh - what about HIS body?

Pseudolus: Somebody snatched it. Uh, let's see... who do we know that's dead?

[He covers his eyes with his hand]

Hysterium: [sadly] I wish *I* was.

[Pseudolus uncovers his eyes, turns and grins madly at him as if to say, "Aha! That's it!"]

Pseudolus: [referring to Hero's being alone with Philia] What can happen in an hour or two?

Hysterium: At his age, the mind boggles!

Hysterium: How dare you call me a eunuch?

Pseudolus: You know it isn't true and I know it isn't true. So what do we care what they think?

Hysterium: Pseudolus...

Pseudolus: I'm Lycus!

Hysterium: But, Pseudolus...

Pseudolus: I'm Lycus!

Hysterium: But, Pseudolus - !

Pseudolus: I'm Lycus, and I still know where you keep that erotic pottery!

Hysterium: Well, Lycus - all right, Lycus! He's Lycus!