Howard Marner Quotes in Short Circuit (1986)

Howard Marner: Crosby, we're going to have to ask you to surrender the robot.

Newton Crosby: Stat?

Howard Marner: Stat!

Newton Crosby: What does that mean, anyway?

Howard Marner: I don't know. But that's not the point.

Skroeder: ...and I'm going to need some Hueys.

Howard Marner: Some what?

Skroeder: HELICOPTERS, Howard. Jesus Christ!

Howard Marner: I thought they were choppers.

Skroeder: Well, now they're called Hueys.

Howard Marner: Well, why wasn't I notified?

Howard Marner: What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?

Benjamin Jabituya: Nun soup?

Howard Marner: Hey! Who told you you could take Number One?

Newton Crosby: Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five - this is the best weapon we could have.

Howard Marner: Great. Great. So, instead of 11 million dollars on the loose - we're gonna have twenty-two.

Ben Jabituya: And plus, we are needing gas money.

Howard Marner: Don't tell me its laser is still armed.

Ben Jabituya: Bimbo.

Howard Marner: Where is he? I need him! Stat!

Ben Jabituya: Excuse me, sir? Crosby? He is hiding in the toilet, sir.

Howard Marner: Public relations is everybody's job.

Ben Jabituya: He's saying that the crowds, they are making him dog sick, sir...

Howard Marner: Look, he's supposed to be here, I want him here, I *pay* him to be here.

Ben Jabituya: Well, the last time I'm seeing him, he is busy womiting, sir.

Howard Marner: Well, clean him up and send him out, to hobnob. Stat!

Ben Jabituya: "Unable. Malfunction."

Howard Marner: How can it refuse to turn itself off?

Skroeder: Maybe it's pissed off.

Newton Crosby: It's a machine, Schroeder. It doesn't get pissed off. It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.

Newton Crosby, Ben Jabituya: [in unison] It just runs programs.

Howard Marner: It usually runs programs.

Howard Marner: Crosby, what's it gonna do?

Newton Crosby: Howard it's hard to say, it's malfunctioning, it may not do anything.

Skroeder: But it COULD decide to blow away anything that moves, couldn't it? COULDN'T IT CROSBY?

Skroeder: What the hell does it need input for?

Newton Crosby: I don't know; I guess it can't triangulate its position.

Howard Marner: That's a simple function.

Newton Crosby: Can you triangulate YOUR position, Howard?

Howard Marner: No.

Newton Crosby: Well, then - there you go!

Howard Marner: No, I'm sure we'll all agree that Dr Crosby has designed a weapon which will keep our world safe for all time.

Newton Crosby: Howard, what's so safe about blowing people up?

[after Number 5 is seemingly destroyed]

Skroeder: [cheerfully] Now that, my friend, is how you kick ass!

Howard Marner: Years of research are down the tubes, and you're happy as a pig in slops.

Skroeder: [proudly] Just doing my job, sir.

Howard Marner: Maybe from now on you can do it somewhere else.

Howard Marner: [On CB] Crosby, it's Howard. If you don't have my van back in 15 minutes...!

[Number 5 blows up CB]

Howard Marner: [to Newton; screaming hysterically, banging his fists on the table] I AM NOT HAVING THIS ANYMORE, CROSBY! IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU HAD TO TALK TO THESE PEOPLE!