Hotel Clerk Quotes in Minority Report (2002)

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Hotel Clerk Quotes:

  • John Anderton: [John is in the hotel searching for Crow's room] Mind if I look at the registry.

    Hotel Clerk: Yeah I do.

    John Anderton: [Pulls out gun] How about now.

  • Will Salas: Hi, we're looking for a quiet place to stay.

    Hotel Clerk: Mmm, how many rooms?

    Will Salas: All of them.

  • Mortdecai: [arrives hotel] Jock. Dear, sweet, sperm-heavy Jock. Behold this America, this new colossus, this fair land of the free!

    Mortdecai: [entering hotel lobby, sees girls on bikinis] What kind of hell-place is this? I feel as though we've made a wrong turn and arrived on the set of a pornographic film.

    [asks hotel clerk]

    Mortdecai: Have we taken a wrong turn and arrived on the set of a pornographic film?

    Hotel Clerk: Checking in?

    Mortdecai: I am Mortdecai, Lord of Silverdale. I should like to request a bucket of ice, "Do Not Disturb" sign, and a bulldozer.

    Hotel Clerk: Checking in?

    Jock: Yeah, we're checking in.

    Mortdecai: I suspect I may need to redecorate.

    Hotel Clerk: Room 326, overlooks the pool.

    Mortdecai: [holds hotel door card] So all I must do is show up, and I'm presented with a credit card. No wonder your country's in financial ruin.

    Hotel Clerk: Do you need help with your bags?

    Mortdecai: No, I do not need help with my bags. I have a fucking manservant. Strange country.

  • Hotel Clerk: [as Mason goes to his hotel room] Hey, you wash yo' nasty ass before you get in that bed... you make sure you wash yo' nasty ass.

  • [a hotel employee hands Nick Schaffer his bill]

    Nick Schaffer: What's this $110?

    Hotel Clerk: Those are your in-room movies.

    Nick Schaffer: No, I didn't watch any movies.

    Hotel Clerk: Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.

    Nick Schaffer: Afro Whores?

    Hotel Clerk: You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.

    Nick Schaffer: No, no, no...

    Hotel Clerk: Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.

    Nick Schaffer: I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. You have to take that off my record.

    Hotel Clerk: This is not a record, sir.

    Nick Schaffer: It... It's a delete.

    Hotel Clerk: Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?

    Nick Schaffer: None! I didn't watch it!

    Hotel Clerk: Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters... "

    Nick Schaffer: [screaming] I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it!

    [hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]

    Nick Schaffer: I didn't.

  • Tina Turner: [Walks up to the hotel counter bruised and bloodied] I need to speak to your manager

    Hotel Clerk: yes ma'am, right away

    Tina Turner: [George turns around] My name is Tina Turner, my husband and I just had a fight, I'm suppose to perform at the academy tonight.

    Tina Turner: But if you would give me a room, I SWEAR I will pay you back,

    George (the Ramada Inn Manager): [she starts to take off her jewelry] that wont be necessary Ms. Turner, I'd be honored.

  • Kevin Copeland: I'm gonna have a BF!

    Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she's gonna have a bitch fit!

    Hotel clerk: No, don't d-d-d-don't have a, a, a BF now.

    Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!

    Marcus Copeland: You, are in big, trouble!

    Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.

  • Vinny Gambini: Does that freight train come through here at 5:00 A.M. every morning?

    Hotel Clerk: No, sir, it's very unusual.

    Vinny Gambini: [the next day, after Vinny was awakened by the train] Yesterday you told me that freight train hardly ever comes through here at 5:00 A.M. in the morning.

    Hotel Clerk: I know. She's supposed to come through at ten after 4:00.

  • Hotel Clerk: Do you have seventeen dollars and a good watch?

    Del: No I don't. I have uh... two dollars... and a Casio.

    Hotel Clerk: I'm going to have to say goodnight, so...

  • Neal: I'd like one room for the night.

    Del: If you're upset, maybe we should get separate rooms.

    Neal: You get your own room.

    Hotel Clerk: Will you be paying with credit card?

    Neal: Yes. I have a Visa card... Diner's Club card... and a gasoline card.

    [he lays them out - all of them are burned]

    Hotel Clerk: [chuckles] These aren't... these aren't credit cards.

    Neal: Do you take cash?

    Hotel Clerk: Forty-two fifty.

    Neal: [lays money on the table] How about seventeen dollars...

    Hotel Clerk: I can't do that.

    Neal: Please. Have mercy. I've been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday.

    Del: I can vouch for that.

    Hotel Clerk: I don't own the place, I...

    [gestures towards the management office behind him]

    Neal: Seventeen dollars...

    Neal: [unstraps wristwatch] ... and a hell of a nice watch?

  • [first lines]

    Felix Ungar: A room, please.

    Hotel clerk: You alone?

    [Felix nods]

    Hotel clerk: Luggage?

    [Felix shakes his head]

    Hotel clerk: How long do you want it for?

    Felix Ungar: Oh, not very long.

    Hotel clerk: Five dollars.

    [Felix isn't paying attention]

    Hotel clerk: Five dollars!

    [Felix hands him a five-dollar bill. The clerk looks it over and goes to fetch a key]

    Hotel clerk: 307.

    Felix Ungar: Uh, have you got anything, uh, higher?

    Hotel clerk: Higher?

    [Felix nods, the clerk takes the key, goes back and checks]

    Hotel clerk: 914?

    [Felix nods and accepts the key]

  • Tad: Do you guys have any suites?

    Hotel Clerk: Sure we got sweets. We got some lollies down here by the register, if you wanna pop on by and get yourself a lolly.

  • Clouseau: Does your dog bite?

    Hotel Clerk: No.

    Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.

    [Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]

    Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!

    Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.

  • Clouseau: Tell me do you have a reum?

    Hotel Clerk: I do not know what a 'reum' is.

    Clouseau: [looks up the word 'room' in his German dictionary] Zimmer.

    Hotel Clerk: Ah, a 'room'.

    Clouseau: That is what I have been saying, you idiot. Reum. Zimmer.

  • Daniel McTeague: These pills only work if I give them to him myself.It's a very rare condition.

    Hotel Clerk: Excuse me sir,does this say moron?

    Daniel McTeague: Ok I'll be honest with you I'm his nephew.

    Hotel Clerk: Oh his nephew?

    Daniel McTeague: Yes.

    Hotel Clerk: Because he specifically said that his room number wasn't to be given to any of his relatives.

    Daniel McTeague: What the hell's the matter with you.Do you not care about this hotel's reputation?You know there is an old man shacked up here with a very young girl.

    Hotel Clerk: Sir most of these rooms have old men with young girls this is Washington.

  • Hotel clerk: There's no phone number, but I have a forwarding address.

    Jonathan Forbes: 241 Stoneybrook Road.

    Hotel clerk: Why yes sir.

    Jonathan Forbes: [slams counter] And you let her go.

    Hotel clerk: Well, it wasn't my place...

    Jonathan Forbes: No, it's my place, and I helped him pack.

  • Nick Arden: I came here with my wife... hum... my bride really. Now my wife, not my bride... my wife... Why should I bore you with details?

    Hotel clerk: I won't be bored.

    Nick Arden: Listen, it's just simple as A B C.

    Hotel clerk: Don't tell me you got someone in B?

  • Hotel Clerk: If you're gonna cry like Baby Jesus, I can put you out back in the manger.

  • Hotel Clerk: [Clouseau rings the bell for service] Yes?

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Do you have for me the 'massage'?

    Hotel Clerk: Oh. You want a massage, ey?

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: If you have one for me, yes.

    Hotel Clerk: Here. Why don't you try Tokyo Lil at the end of the block. Ask for Passionflower Shirley, the Yokohama Butterfly.

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And why should I do that?

    Hotel Clerk: Well, you want a massage, don't you?

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, but I want it from you.

    Hotel Clerk: Sir, I don't give massages.

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: But you gave me one early this morning.

    Hotel Clerk: Sir, you're mistaken.

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Look! Don't you try the tricks anglais with me, Monsieur. I receieved a 'massage' this morning from Inspector Quinlan of the Yard of Scotland.

    Hotel Clerk: The massage!

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: And it was you that gave it to me.

    Hotel Clerk: Message.

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: What?

    Hotel Clerk: You mean message.

    Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Look, I know what I mean, you lunatic. Now do you, or do you not have for me, the 'massage'?

    Hotel Clerk: No, Sir. For you, there is no massage.

  • hotel clerk: How long will you be staying with us?

    Trabucco: I'll let you know.

  • [first lines]

    Narrator: Our vagabond camera takes us to beautiful Washington, D.C., the national capital of our United States, situated on the broad banks of the Potomac River. Living is pleasant and leisurely... for it is a city of formality and custom. Manners and courtesy are responsible for the well-ordered conduct of its daily affairs. The many fine restaurants of Washington are the delight of the epicurean and the gourmet, where one may enjoy to the full the rare dishes of the old south. Washington's beautiful homes have the quiet dignity of another day. Our trip would be incomplete if we neglected to visit the quiet, staid and dignified residential section. It is with pride that we view hospitable Washington, friendly Washington, welcoming us to her doorstep eagerly throwing wide her doors.

    Hotel Clerk: I'm sorry; there're no vacancies... positively no vacancies.

  • Hotel Clerk: [looks over Dingle's reservation] Senator Noonan engaged a suite beginning the 24th. Why, this is only the 22nd. You're two days early.

    Benjamin Dingle: Anything wrong with being two days early?

    Hotel Clerk: Why, no, sir.

    Benjamin Dingle: Everybody ought to be two days early. When this nation gets two days early we'll be getting somewhere.

    Hotel Clerk: Yes, sir. But unfortunately this suite won't be vacated until day-after-tomorrow.

    Benjamin Dingle: Can you connect me with Senator Noonan?

    Hotel Clerk: The Senator's out of town.

    Benjamin Dingle: Oh. When will he be back?

    Hotel Clerk: Well, he was due back, uh, day-before-yesterday, but he's, he's, uh...

    Benjamin Dingle: Two days late.

    Hotel Clerk: Yes, sir.

    Benjamin Dingle: Well when Senator Noonan gets back late, tell him I was here early.

    Hotel Clerk: Yes, sir.

  • Marge Gunderson: [to Radisson hotel concierge] I'm doing really super there, thanks. I am Mrs. Gunderson. I have a reservation.

    Hotel Clerk: Yep, you sure do, Mrs. Gunderson.

    Marge Gunderson: [smiling] Is there a phone down here, you think?

  • Hotel Clerk: [after Mary asks the desk clerk to ring for M. Lacoste, he shouts up the stairs for him, turns to Mary and says, sarcastically] "No - it's not the Ritz".

  • Bob Fleming: If it's quiet and clean, it's OK.

    Hotel clerk: Mm. That's strange. The last guest in room seventy-four was also named James Clark. Truly a coincidence.

    Bob Fleming: America's full of James Clarks.

  • Hotel Clerk: You're Mrs. Kane, ain't you?

    Amy: Yes.

    Hotel Clerk: You're leaving on the noon train?

    Amy: Yes.

    Hotel Clerk: But your husband ain't?

    Amy: No, why?

    Hotel Clerk: No reason, but it's mighty interesting. Now, me, I wouldn't leave this town at noon for all the tea in China. No, sir, it's going to be quite a sight to see!

  • Hotel Clerk: I'll send a woman up to make the bed directly.

    Vince Everett: Okay.

    Vince Everett: [sees him still standing there] What do you want?

    Hotel Clerk: It's custom to tip a man he brings you to your room.

    Vince Everett: Well, I'm startin' a new custom: no tip.

  • [In reference to Dave Hirsh's Brother, Frank]

    Hotel Clerk: You don't look like him.

    Dave Hirsh: Thanks

  • Hotel clerk: There's half as many baths as there is rooms. Half the rooms has bath and half hasn't; that's one way of looking at it. Another is - for each two rooms one has a bath in the middle and the other hasn't - or - you might say - there's a half a bath to each of two rooms.

  • Hotel Clerk: Madame says she will see you in exactly one hour, sir.

    Victor Le Maire: In an hour?

    Hotel Clerk: Yes, sir.

    Victor Le Maire: Did you tell her I had orchids?

    Hotel Clerk: Yes, sir.

    Victor Le Maire: And she was unmoved by orchids?

    Hotel Clerk: Apparently, sir.

    Victor Le Maire: Oh, this woman is going to be very difficult.

  • Reb Kittredge: Place a man can bed down for the night?

    Hotel clerk: I'll t-tell you Mr. Kittredge, there's a real nice hotel right down the street. Probably you'd like it a lot better down there.

    Reb Kittredge: Why?

    Hotel clerk: We, uh, we've got mice.

    Reb Kittredge: I won't bother them.

Browse more character quotes from Minority Report (2002)

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