Hoffman Quotes in Spider-Man (2002)

Hoffman: Mr. Jameson they are very important clients, they can't wait.

J. Jonah Jameson: They're about to.

Hoffman: We've got a page six problem.

J. Jonah Jameson: We've got a page one problem, shut up.

J. Jonah Jameson: Hoffman, run down to the patent office, copyright the name "Green Goblin." I want a quarter every time someone says it.

Hoffman: How about "Green Meanie"?

J. Jonah Jameson: [referring to Eddie and Peter] You want a staff job, and you want a staff job, anybody care about what I want?

Hoffman: [opens Jameson's office door and quickly answers] I do.

J. Jonah Jameson: [calmly] Shut up. Get out.

[brainstorming a catchy 'super-villain' nickname for Dr. Otto Octavius]

J. Jonah Jameson: What are we gonna call this guy?

Hoffman: 'Doctor Octopus'?

J. Jonah Jameson: That's crap.

Hoffman: 'Science Squid'?

J. Jonah Jameson: Crap.

Hoffman: 'Doctor Strange'.

J. Jonah Jameson: That's pretty good.

[Hoffman looks proud]

J. Jonah Jameson: But it's taken! Wait, wait! I got it! 'Doctor Octopus'.

Hoffman: But... uh...

[gives up]

Hoffman: I like it.

J. Jonah Jameson: Of course you do. 'Doctor Octopus'. New villain in town: 'Doc Ock'.

Hoffman: Genius.

J. Jonah Jameson: What, are you looking for a raise? Get out!

J. Jonah Jameson: Get a picture of a rancid chicken. Headline, "Food Poisoning Scare Sweeps City!"

Hoffman: [walks in] Some food got poisoned?

J. Jonah Jameson: [glares over] I'm a little nauseous, yeah!

Hoffman: And you and Frank Martin are friends, right?

Tarconi: A friend? I wouldn't say exactly a friend... I know him, we have a relationship...

Hoffman: A long relationship?

Tarconi: Mm... not so long...

Hoffman: But they found you cooking in his house!

Tarconi: I'm French!

Hoffman: So?

Tarconi: We don't need to know someone for longtime, you know, to cook for them... It's our way of breaking the ice.

Hoffman: Even if you play by the rules, nothing ever gets solved!

[loading the sex-crazed Schmilap onto the return vessel]

Pete Mattemore: When do you untie him?

Hoffman: When I rendezvous with Deuce in the main ship, and get some help.

Schmidlap: NOTHIN'S gonna help ya Hoffman! You no good dir...

[Hoffman yanks the cord on Schmidlap's suit radio. Schmidlap continues shouting in silence, until quieted by a few blows by Hoffman to the side of his helmet]

Pete Mattemore: What happens when Schmidlap gets back, and there's girls all over the place?

Hoffman: Oh I don't know... I honestly don't know... If I could just get him to go back to Divinity school...

Hoffman: Has your guy talked?

James Donovan: Excuse me?

Hoffman: You met him. Has he talked? Has he said anything yet?

James Donovan: We're not having this conversation.

Hoffman: Of course not.

James Donovan: No, I mean we are really not having it. You're asking me to violate attorney-client privilege.

Hoffman: Aw, come on, counselor.

James Donovan: You know, I wish people like you would quit saying, 'Aw, come on, counselor'. I didn't like it the first time it happened today. A judge said it to me twice. The more I hear it, the more I don't like it.

Hoffman: OK, well, listen, I understand attorney-client privilege. I understand all the legal gamesmanship, and I understand that's how you make your living, but I'm talking to you about something else, the security of your country. I'm sorry if the way I put it offends you, but we need to know what Abel is telling you. You understand me, Donovan? Don't go Boy Scout on me. We don't have a rule book here.

James Donovan: You're Agent Hoffman, yeah?

Hoffman: Yeah.

James Donovan: German extraction.

Hoffman: Yeah, so?

James Donovan: My name's Donovan. Irish, both sides. Mother and father. I'm Irish and you're German. But what makes us both Americans? Just one thing. One. Only one. The rule book. We call it the Constitution, and we agree to the rules, and that's what makes us Americans. That's all that makes us Americans. So don't tell me there's no rule book, and don't nod at me like that you son of a bitch.

[Gets up to leave]

Hoffman: Do we need to worry about you?

James Donovan: Not if I'm left alone to do my job.

James Donovan: I think they have...

Hoffman: What?

James Donovan: ...snipers.

Hoffman: I'm sure they do.

James Donovan: How are you sure they do?

Hoffman: Because *we* have snipers.

Hoffman: Look at the map now. You shouldn't take it with you. You're looking at a map, you're an American, you're a spy. You could well be detained. Just avoid interacting with people generally. You don't belong, so don't stick out. Food is scarce over there and things have started to fall apart. There are gangs, and rule of law is less firmly established over there. And definitely stay away from the Wall. On their side, there's a line cleared of buildings along the Wall. They call it the "Death Line." Cross it and you'll be shot.

James Donovan: Is there any outcome here where I'm not either detained or shot?

Hoffman: Don't worry too much about what Michener said.

James Donovan: No, I'm worried about what you're saying.

Hoffman: I used to think so much of myself... What I'd make of my life. We can't know what we're capable of, any of us. How can you know what you'd do to stay alive, until you're really asked? I know this now. For most of us, the answer... is anything. It's so easy to forget who we were before... who we'll never be again. There was this old man, he pushed the carts, and on our first day, when we had to burn our own convey, his wife was brought up on the elevator. Then his daughter... and then both his grandchildren. I knew him. We were neighbors. And in 20 minutes, his whole family, and all its future, was gone from this earth. Two weeks later, he took pills and was revived. We smothered him with his own pillow, and now I know why. You can kill yourself. That's the only choice. I want them to save you. I want them to save you more than I want anything. I pray to God we save you.

Hoffman: Why kill us now? We're the best kommando you've had.

SS-Oberscharfuhrer Eric Muhsfeldt: Did I say kill?

Hoffman: We both know what we're saying.

SS-Oberscharfuhrer Eric Muhsfeldt: So I'm a liar.

Hoffman: You're what you are.

Hoffman: [outside the gas chamber] You're all fine! The quicker you get undressed, the quicker you'll be clean, settled and reunited with your families.

Morris, Man with Watch: Filthy liar.

Hoffman: Remember the number of the hook you hang your clothes on!

Morris, Man with Watch: He's a liar! I can't believe it's Jews doing this!

Hoffman: You wanna know the only thing wrong with killing you, Jill? I can only do it once.

Hoffman: Hello, Gibson. Been a long time. What I want is simple. Give me Jill Tuck. You're protecting her despite the fact that she had direct knowledge throughout, which makes her complicit in every death. I'll make you a deal. Give her to me, the game stops, no one else dies. If not, everyone dies and you'll be to blame. Make your choice. The clock's ticking.

Hoffman: You don't ever go through an unsecure door. Ever.

Hoffman: Game over.

Agent Perez: [after Rigg walks out] Who's he?

Hoffman: Lieutenant Rigg, the SWAT commander.

Agent Strahm: What's his problem?

Hoffman: Everyone around him keeps dying.

Hoffman: Everyone around him keeps dying.