Hiss Quotes in Robin Hood (1973)

[the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]

Sheriff of Nottingham: He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!

[to Sir Hiss]

Sheriff of Nottingham: [speaking] Am I right?

Hiss: [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.

[lowers his voice]

Hiss: [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!

[sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]

Hiss: The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.

Sheriff of Nottingham: Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measely, Weaseling.

Prince John: [shouts] Enough!

[throws the glass jug at the Sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]

Sheriff of Nottingham: But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.

Prince John: Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!

[grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]

Prince John: Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.

[Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]

Hiss: I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.

[Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]

Hiss: Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...

[Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]

Hiss: Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.

Prince John: Ahh! Mommy!

[sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]

Prince John: I've got a dirty thumb.

Hiss: A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...

Prince John: Don't overdo it, Hiss!

Prince John: Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!

Hiss: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.

[chuckles]

Prince John: To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.

Hiss: [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.

[starts to hypnotize him]

Hiss: Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.

Prince John: [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!

Hiss: Well, I was only trying to help.

Prince John: I wonder. Silly serpent.

Hiss: Silly serpent?

[after being stuffed into a barrel full of ale]

Hiss: Please! Please! I don't drink!

Little John: [after sitting on Hiss] Oh, excuse me, Buster.

Hiss: Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!

Prince John: [laughs] Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?

Prince John: Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

[clears his throat]

Prince John: I've been robbed.

Hiss: Of course you've been robbed!

Prince John: One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.

Hiss: [to himself] Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.

Hiss: How nobly King Richard's crown sit on your royal brow.

Prince John: Doesn't it? King Richard?

[wrings Hiss' neck]

Prince John: I told you never to mention my brother's name!

Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.

Prince John: Hiss! You're never around when I need you!

Hiss: Coming, coming.

[begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]

Hiss: Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.

Prince John: Robin Hood?

[screams angrily]

Prince John: [ties Hiss around a pole]

Prince John: Get out of that if you can.

Prince John: My trap is baited and set! And then, revenge! Ahh.

[screams so loud it almost blows off Hiss' skin]

Prince John: Revenge!

Hiss: Shh! Not so loud, sire! Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.

Hiss: Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.

Prince John: [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on. Did you say, Friar Tuck?

Hiss: Did I? Y-yes, I did.

Prince John: Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.

Hiss: Another trap?

Prince John: Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.

Hiss: B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?

Prince John: Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric

[laughs evilly]

Prince John: my men will be ready.

[laughs evilly]

Hiss: Sire, sire, they may be bandits.

Prince John: Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Um, um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like, first.

Hiss: What cheek! Creepy? Buster? Long one? Who does that dupey duke think he is?

Hiss: I tried to tell you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. And now look what you've done to your mother's castle.

Prince John: That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!

Hiss: I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.

Prince John: Enough!

[swings at Hiss, who dodges him]

Prince John: Hiss, you deliberately dodged.

Hiss: But, but, but Sire, please.

Prince John: Stop sniveling and hold still.

[Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]

Hiss: [dazed] Thank you, Sire.

Hiss: [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]

Prince John: [screams and chuckles] Hiss oh you have hissed your last hiss.

Hiss: [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]

Prince John: Suspicious snake.

Prince John: What is the next stop Sir Hiss?

Hiss: Let's see. I. Oh the next stop is Nottingham, sire.