Hero Quotes in Feast (2005)

Hero: Listen to me. A storm o'hell's coming down on this place any second. I don't know what they are, I don't know where they came from. All I do know is that these fuckers are fast, nasty, and hungry... and there's four of 'em. They got claws like Ginsu knives and more teeth than a chainsaw. They're comin'... right now. So we gotta lock this bar down. That means doors, windows, drains, and zippers, and we gotta do it now. You! Get a phone, call the cops, National Guard, townies, anybody who kicks ass, and get 'em out here. Any questions?

Bartender: Yeah. Who the hell are you?

Hero: I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass.

[a monster immediately reaches through the window and kills him]

Hero: [growls upon seeing Prince Cornelius]

Thumbelina: Oh! Oh, no, Hero. See? He's nice.

[to Cornelius]

Thumbelina: Hello. My name is Thumbelina.

[curtsies]

Thumbelina: How do you do, sir? Thank you... thank you for... coming to visit.

Prince Cornelius: Oh, no trouble at all.

[bows]

Prince Cornelius: The pleasure is mine.

Hero: [stops growling and falls asleep]

Thumbelina: Ooh. Sorry about that.

Prince Cornelius: Thumbelina... it's a lovely name.

Thumbelina: Thank you.

Prince Cornelius: I'm Cornelius.

Thumbelina: C... Cornelius.

[laughs]

Thumbelina: Well, that's a funny name! Oh! I mean, I mean it's perfect.

Beatrice: Is Signior Mountanto returned from the wars or no?

Messenger: I know none of that name, lady.

Hero: My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

Messenger: Oh, he's returned and as pleasant as ever he was.

Beatrice: I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath he killed? For indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

Messenger: He hath done good service and a good soldier too, lady.

Beatrice: And a good soldier to a lady. But what is he to a lord?

Messenger: A lord to a lord. A man to a man, stuffed with all honorable virtues.

Beatrice: It is so, indeed. He is no less than a stuffed man.

Leonato: You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet, but there's a skirmish of wit between them.

Beatrice: Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

Messenger: He is most in the company of the right and noble Claudio.

Beatrice: O lord! He will hang upon him like a disease. He is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere he be cured.

Messenger: I will keep friends with you, lady.

Beatrice: [Chuckles] Do, good friend.

Leonato: You will never run mad, niece.

Beatrice: No, not till a hot January.

Hero: Nature never framed a woman's heart of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice - disdain and scorne ride sparkling in her eyes.

Benedick: Soft and fair, friar. Which is Beatrice?

Beatrice: [Pushed out of crowd by Antonio. Removes veil, clears throat] I answer to that name.

[Appraoches Benedick]

Beatrice: What is your will?

Benedick: Do not you love me?

Beatrice: Why, no. No more than reason.

Benedick: Well, then your Uncle, the prince and Claudio have been deceived. They swore you did.

Beatrice: Do not you love me?

Benedick: Why, no. No more than reason.

Beatrice: Why, then my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula are much deceived for they swear you did.

Benedick: They swore you were almost sick for me.

Beatrice: They swore you well nigh dead for me.

Benedick: 'Tis no such matter. Then... you... do not love me?

Beatrice: No, truly, but in friendly recompense.

[Shakes Benedick's hand]

Leonato: Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman.

Claudio: I'll be sworn upon he loves her, for here's a paper written in his hand a halting sonnet of his own pure brain, fashioned to Beatrice.

Hero: And here's another...

Beatrice: No!

[Slaps Hero's hand]

Hero: ...writ in my cousin's hand, stolen from her pocket containing her affection unto Benedick.

Benedick: A miracle! Here's our own hands against our hearts. Come, I will have thee. But, by this light, I take thee for pity.

Beatrice: I would not deny you. But, by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption.

Benedick: Peace! I will stop your mouth.

[Kisses Beatrice]

Hero: [discussing Don John] He is of a very melancholy disposition.

Leonato: Are you yet determined to marry with my brother's daughter?

[Claudio nods]

Leonato: Call her forth, brother. Here's the friar ready.

[Four veiled ladies are presented]

Claudio: Which is the lady I must seize upon?

Antonio: [Brings forth one lady] This same is she and I do give you her.

Claudio: Sweet, let me see your face.

Leonato: No, that you shall not till you take her hand before this friar and swear to marry her.

Claudio: [Kneels] Give me your hand, before this holy friar. I am your husband if you like of me.

Hero: [Removes veil]

Don Pedro: Hero that is dead.

Leonato: She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived.

Hero: And when I lived, I was your other wife. And when you loved you were my other husband. One Hero died defiled, but I do live and surely as I live, I am a maid.

Hero: Pseudolus, people do not go around freeing slaves every day.

Pseudolus: Be the first. Start a fashion.

Pseudolus: Wait!

Hero: Yes?

Pseudolus: A brilliant idea!

Hero: Yes!

Pseudolus: That's what we need, a brilliant idea.

Hero: For us there will never be happiness.

Philia: We must learn to be happy without it.

Pseudolus: [Speaking of the girl Hero says he loves] A common courtesan in the house of Lycus?

Hero: Is that disgraceful?

Pseudolus: There's no way to make it sound like an achievement!

Hero: Hysterium, this is Philia.

Hysterium: Never mind who she is! Who IS she?

Pseudolus: You must never know what goes on in that house.

Hero: But I do know.

Pseudolus: You do? Isn't it amazing.

Lycus: She was sold just this morning.

Hero: Sold! Then receive, oh bosom, thy fatal blade!

[tries to stab himself and misses]

Pseudolus: [takes the blade] Behave yourself!

Lycus: [resuming] He'll pick her up within the hour.

Hero: Then receive, oh bosom, thy fatal blade!

[takes another knife out, tries to stab himself, and misses yet again]

Pseudolus: Put your bosom away!