Hermione Quotes in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)

Hermione: Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed - or worse, expelled.

Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities!

Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great wizard. You really are.

Harry: Not as good as you.

Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful.

Hermione: Harry, no way! You heard what Madam Hooch said. Besides, you don't even know how to fly!

[Harry ignores Hermione and he flies up]

Hermione: What an idiot!

Hermione: Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this.

[raises her wand]

Hermione: Petrificus Totalus!

[Neville's arms snap to his sides, and he drops to the floor, frozen stiff as a board]

Ron: You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary.

Ron: Immortal?

Hermione: It means you'll never die.

Ron: [angry] I know what it means!

Hermione: [after Hermione and Harry sink in the Devil's Snare, Ron is still panicking] He's not relaxing, is he?

Harry: Apparently not.

Hermione: I've gotta do something!

Harry: What?

Hermione: Oh, I remember reading something in herbology... um...

Ron: Hel-!

Hermione: Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare..."It's deadly fun, but will sulk in the sun!" That's it! Devil's Snare hates sunlight! Lumos Solem!

[she conjures a type of sunlight from her wand; Ron falls to the ground below]

Harry: Ron, you okay?

Ron: Yeah.

Harry: Okay.

Ron: [sigh] Lucky we didn't panic.

Harry: Lucky Hermione pays attention in herbology.

[in the Devil's Snare]

Hermione: Stop moving, both of you. This is devil's snare! You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!

Ron: Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!

Ron: What do they think they're doing, keeping a thing like that locked up in a school?

Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?

Ron: I wasn't looking at its feet! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads... or maybe you didn't notice? There were three!

Hermione: [putting a large book on the table] I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.

Ron: This is light?

[during the final chess game; Harry looks around at the board]

Harry: Wait a minute!

Ron: You see it, don't you, Harry? Once I make my move, the Queen will take me. Then you're free to check the King.

Harry: No. Ron, NO!

Hermione: What is it?

Harry: He's going to sacrifice himself.

Hermione: No, you can't, there must be another way!

Ron: Do you want to stop Snape from getting that stone or not?

[Hermione looks stunned]

Ron: Harry, it's you that has to go on, I *know* it. Not me, not Hermione, YOU.

[Harry takes a deep breath and nods]

Ron: [after a deep breath] Knight to H3.

[Ron and his horse advance to the next square. Ron breathes deep]

Ron: Check.

[The white Queen turns, advances slowly upon him, then draws her sword and plunges it into his horse, throwing him violently to the ground]

Harry: RON!

[Hermione makes as if to run to him]

Harry: [to Hermione] NO! DON'T MOVE! Don't forget - we're still playing.

[Harry moves three squares diagonally to his left and turns to face the King]

Harry: CHECKMATE.

Hermione: Honestly, don't you two read?

Professor Severus Snape: What would three young Gryffindors such as yourselves be doing inside... on a day like this?

Hermione: Uh... well... we... we were just...

Professor Severus Snape: You ought to be careful. People will think you're...

[sees Harry staring at him]

Professor Severus Snape: Up to something.

[deleted scene]

Ron: [Neville comes hopping in, his legs apparently stuck together] Leg-Locker Curse?

Harry: Malfoy.

Ron: You have *got* to start standing up to people, Neville.

Neville Longbottom: [wobbling uncontrollably] How? I can barely stand at all!

Seamus Finnigan: [jumping up, wand at the ready] I'll do the counter-curse!

Neville Longbottom: No, that's all I need... you to set my bloody kneecaps on fire!

Seamus Finnigan: [slamming his wand down] I don't appreciate the insinuation, Longbottom. Besides, if anyone cares to notice, my eyebrows have completely grown back!

[stalks off angrily, showing a large chunk of hair missing from the back of his head]

Harry: I found him!

[hands Ron a Chocolate Frog card of Dumbledore]

Ron: 'Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the Dark Wizard Grindelwald in 1945-'

Harry: Go on.

Ron: '-for his discovery of the 12 uses of Dragon Blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner Nicolas Flamel!'

Harry: I knew the name sounded familiar, I read it on the train that day.

Hermione: [Beaming excitedly] Follow me!

[the Trio tears out of the Great Hall, leaving poor Neville still flailing around]

Neville Longbottom: Hey, wait, where are you going? What about the counter-curse?

[Before he can say another word he topples over backwards, sparking a fresh round of laughter from the other students]

[last lines]

Hermione: Feels strange to be going home, doesn't it?

Harry: [looking at Hagrid] I'm not going home. Not really.

Hermione: Look at you playing with your cards. Pathetic! We've got final exams coming up soon.

Ron: I'm ready! Ask me any question.

Hermione: All right, what are the three most crucial ingredients in a Forgetfulness Potion?

Ron: I forgot.

Hermione: And what, may I ask, do you plan to do if this comes up in the final exam?

Ron: Copy off you?

Hermione: No, you won't! Besides, according to Professor McGonagall, we're to be given special quills bewitched with an anti-cheating spell.

Hermione: I'm Hermione Granger and you're Harry Potter!

[to Ron]

Hermione: And you are?

Ron: [with his mouth full] Ron Weasley.

Hermione: [frowning] Pleasure.

Hermione: You've got dirt on your nose, by the way. Did you know? Just there.

Hermione: Ron, you don't suppose this is going to be like... *real* wizard's chess, do you?

Ron: [looks around] You there, D5!

[one of the giant black pawns crosses the board, the white pawn smashes it with a violent blow]

Ron: [swallows] Yes, Hermione, I think this is gonna be *exactly* like wizard's chess.

[stepping over Neville lying on the floor, whom Hermione has petrified using the "Petrificus Totalus Curse"]

Harry: Sorry.

Hermione: Sorry.

Ron: It's for your own good, you know.

Ron: [looking for information about Nicholas Flamell] We've looked a hundred times.

Hermione: [leaning closer] Not in the restricted section. Happy Christmas.

Ron: Wingardium leviosar!

Hermione: Stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's LeviOsa, not LeviosAR!

[after seeing Ron's queen destroy Harry's knight]

Hermione: That's totally barbaric!

Ron: That's wizard's chess.

Dumbledore: Yes,Yes well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin, however recent events must be taken into account, and I have a few last minute points to award.

Dumbledore: To Miss Hermione Granger, for the cool use of intellect when others were in great peril, 50 points.

Dumbledore: Second to Mr. Ronald Weasley, for the best played game of chess that Hogwarts has seen these many years, 50 points.

Dumbledore: And third to Mr. Harry Potter, for pure nerve and outstanding courage, I award Gryffindor House 60 points.

Hermione: We're tied with Slytherin!

Dumbledore: And finally, it takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends, I award 10 points, to Mr. Neville Longbottom.

Dumbledore: Assuming that my calculations are correct, I believe a change in decoration is in order.

Dumbledore: Gryffindor wins the house cup!

Hermione: Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?

Hagrid: Who told you about Fluffy?

Ron: Fluffy?

Hermione: That thing has a name?

Hermione: [walks into the girls bathroom and sees a troll, which attacks her with a club as soon as Harry and Ron rush in]

Harry: HERMIONE, MOVE!

[he and Ron throw pieces of broken wood at the giant troll, which doesn't notice and grabs Hermione]

Ron: Hey, pea brain!

[throws a giant peace of wood at the troll, which drops Hermione, but attacks her with the club]

Hermione: Help!

[Harry jumps onto the troll's club and then onto its head, which makes the troll jerk around its head]

Harry: [puts his wand into the troll's nose, while the troll grabs Harry and holds him upside down] Do something!

[the troll tries to hit Harry with the club]

Ron: What?

Harry: Anything!

[Ron pulls out his wand]

Harry: Hurry up!

Hermione: [to Ron] Swish and flick!

Ron: Wingardium Leviosa!

[the troll's club comes out of its hand and drops on his head, which knocks it out and leaves a pile of dust]

Hermione: Is it... dead?

Harry: I don't think so, just knocked out.

Harry: [Harry, Ron, and Hermione sneak down the stairs, and Harry sees Trevor the toad] Trevor.

Ron: [Trevor croaks] Trevor! Go! You shouldn't be here!

Neville Longbottom: [appears] Neither should you. You're sneaking out again, aren't you!

Harry: Now, Neville, listen, we were...

Neville Longbottom: No! I won't let you! You'll get Gryffindor into trouble again! Uh, I-I'll fight you!

Hermione: Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this, but Petrificus Totalus!

[takes wand out and uses the Full Body-Bind Curse on Neville, who freezes and falls on the floor]

Ron: [gulps] You're a little scary sometimes, you know that. Brilliant, but scary.

Harry: Let's go.

Harry: [to Neville] Sorry.

Hermione: [to Neville] Sorry.

Ron: [to Neville] It's for your own good, you know.

Hermione: It's Wingardium LevioSA, not LevioSAR.

Hermione: Victor's gone to get drinks. Would you care to join us?

Ron: No, we would not care to join you and *Victor*.

Hermione: What's got your wand in a knot?

Ron: He's from Durmstrang! You're fraternizing with the enemy!

Hermione: The enemy? Who was it wanting his autograph? Besides the whole point of the tournament is international magical cooperation. To make friends!

Ron: I think he's got a bit more than friendship on his mind. He's using you.

Hermione: How dare you! Besides, I can take care of myself!

Ron: Doubt it. He's way too old.

Hermione: What? That's what you think?

Ron: Yeah, that's what I think.

Hermione: You know the solution, then, don't you?

Ron: Go on.

Hermione: Next time there's a ball pluck up the courage to ask me before someone else does! And not as a last resort!

Ron: Well... that... that's completely off the point...

Ron: [discussing inviting dates to the Yule Ball] This is mad! At this rate, we'll be the only ones in our year without dates! Well, us and Neville.

Harry: [laughing] Yeah, but then again he could take himself.

Hermione: It might interest you to know that Neville's already got someone.

Ron: What? Now I'm really depressed. Oi, Hermione... you're a girl.

Hermione: [haughtily] Very well spotted.

Ron: Come with one of us! It's one thing for a bloke to show up alone, but for a girl it's just sad.

Hermione: [angrily] I won't be going alone, because believe it or not, someone's asked me! And I said yes!

[exits]

Ron: Bloody hell. She's lying, right?

Harry: If you say so.

Hermione: It's not going to work.

Fred: Oh yeah?

George: Why's that, Granger?

Hermione: You see this?

[gestures to a glowing circle on the floor]

Hermione: This is an age line. Dumbledore drew it himself.

Fred: So?

Hermione: So a genius like Dumbledore couldn't possibly be fooled by a dodge as pathetically dim witted as an ageing potion.

Fred: Ah, but that's why it's so brilliant!

George: Because it's so pathetically dim witted.

Ron: Do you think we'll ever just have a quiet year at Hogwarts?

Hermione, Harry: No.

Ron: Yeah, didn't think so. Oh well, what's life without a few dragons?

Hermione: Everything's going to change now, isn't it?

Harry: Yes.

Hermione: Promise you'll write this summer, both of you.

Ron: Oh, I won't. You know I won't.

Hermione: Harry will, won't you?

Harry: Yeah, every week.

Ginny: [helping a speechless and queasy looking Ron into the common room] It's ok, Ron. It's alright. It doesn't matter.

Harry: What happened to you?

Ginny: He just asked Fleur Delacour out.

Hermione: What?

Harry: What did she say?

Hermione: No, of course.

[Ron shakes his head in pained embarrassment]

Hermione: She said yes?

Ron: Don't be silly. There she was, just walking by... you know how I like it when they walk... I couldn't help it... it just sort of slipped out!

Ginny: Actually, he sort of screamed at her. It was a bit frightening.

Harry: What did you do then?

Ron: What else? I ran for it!

Ron: Oh look, Mum's sent me something.

[pulls some frilly robes from the package]

Ron: Mum sent me a dress!

Harry: Well, it does match your eyes. Is there a bonnet?

[pulls out more lace]

Harry: Ah ha!

Ron: Nose down, Harry. Ginny, this must be for you.

Ginny: I'm not wearing that, it's ghastly.

Hermione: [laughing] They're not for Ginny, they're for you. Dress robes.

Ron: Dress robes? For what?

Hermione: Look at this! I can't believe it, she's done it again!

[reading from the Daily Prophet]

Hermione: 'Miss Granger, a plain but ambitious girl, seems to be developing a taste for famous wizards. Her latest prey, sources report, is none other than the Bulgarian bon-bon Viktor Krum. No word yet on how Harry Potter's taking this latest emotional blow.'

Professor Moody: Alastor Moody. Ex-Auror, Ministry malcontent, and your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I am here because Dumbledore asked me. End of story, goodbye, the end! Any questions? When it comes to the Dark Arts I believe in a practical approach. But first, which of you can tell me how many Unforgivable Curses there are?

Hermione: Three, sir.

Professor Moody: And they are so named?

Hermione: Because they are unforgivable. The use of any one of them will...

Professor Moody: Earn you a one-way ticket to Azkaban. Correct. The Ministry says you are too young to see what these curses do. I say different! You need to know what you're up against. You need to be prepared...

[as he turns to the blackboard again, Seamus ducks under his desk]

Professor Moody: You need to find another place to put your chewing gum besides the underside of your desk, Mr. Finnegan!

Seamus: [whispering] No way, the old codger can see out of the back of his head!

Professor Moody: [throws a piece of chalk at him] And hear across classrooms!

Hermione: Harry, you told me you'd figured that egg out weeks ago! The task is two days from now!

Harry: [sarcastically] Really? I had no idea. I suppose Viktor's already figured it out.

Hermione: Wouldn't know. We don't actually talk about the tournament. Actually, we don't really talk at all. Viktor's more of a physical being.

[Harry laughs and Hermione blushes]

Hermione: I just mean he's not particularly loquacious. Mostly, he watches me study. It's a bit annoying, actually. You are trying to figure this egg out, aren't you?

Harry: What's that supposed to mean?

Hermione: It just means these tasks are designed to test you. In the most brutal way, they're almost cruel. And... I'm scared for you. You got by the dragons mostly on nerve. I'm not sure it's going to be enough this time.

Hermione: Ronald would like me to tell you that Seamus told him that Dean was told by Parvarti that Hagrid's looking for you.

Harry: Is that right? Well... what?

Hermione: Uh... Dean was told by Parvarti... please don't ask me to say it again. Hagrid's looking for you.

Harry: Well you can tell Ronald...

Hermione: I'm not an owl!

Hermione: Harry? Is that you?

Harry: Yeah.

Hermione: How are you feeling? Ok? The key is to concentrate. After that, you just have to...

Harry: Battle a dragon.

Hermione: [gasps and starts hugging Harry. Then a camera flash breaks them apart]

Rita Skeeter: Young love! How... stirring. If everything goes unfortunately today, you two may even make the front page!

Viktor Krum: You have no business here! This tent is for champions, and friends.

Rita Skeeter: No matter. We got what we wanted.

[after Harry almost dies in the First Task]

Ron: I reckon you'd have to be barking mad to put your own name in the Goblet of Fire.

Harry: [coldly] Caught on, have you? Took you long enough.

Ron: I wasn't the only one who thought you'd done it. Everyone was saying it behind your back.

Harry: [sarcastically] Brilliant. That makes me feel loads better.

Ron: At least I warned you about the dragons.

Harry: Hagrid warned me about the dragons.

Ron: No, I did! Don't you remember? I told Hermione to tell you that Seamus told me that Parvati told Dean that Hagrid was looking for you! Seamus never actually told me anything, so it was really me all along. I thought we'd be alright, you know, after you figured that out.

Harry: Who... who could possibly figure that out? It's completely mental.

Ron: Yeah... it is, isn't it. I suppose I was a bit distraught.

Harry: [smiles weakly]

Hermione: [in disbelief] Boys!

[referring to Professor Moody]

Ron: Brilliant, isn't he? Completely demented, of course. Terrifying to be in the same room with him. But he's really been there, you know? He's looked evil in the eye!

Hermione: [darkly] There's a reason those curses are unforgivable.

Hermione: Harry! Are you alright? You must be freezing! Personally, I think you behaved admirably.

Harry: I finished last, Hermione.

Hermione: [kisses him on the top of the head] Next to last. Fleur never got past 'ze grindylows'!

Professor Moody: Let's have another curse. C'mon, c'mon.

[Neville's hand slowly goes up, and Moody calls on him]

Professor Moody: Longbottom, isn't it? Professor Sprout tells me you have an aptitude for Herbology.

Neville: Th-there's um... the Cruciatus Curse.

Professor Moody: Correct! Correct! Particularly nasty.

[he leads Neville up to his desk and puts the spider down in front of him]

Professor Moody: The torture curse. CRUCIO!

[the spider begins to squeak and writhe in pain. Neville flinches, almost unable to watch as the spider continues to curl itself up in agony]

Hermione: Stop it! Can't you see it's bothering him? STOP IT!

[Moody lifts the curse, and again palms the spider. Neville is left standing at the desk, looking shell-shocked]

Ron: What do you suppose is on Karkaroff's arm?

Harry: I dunno.

Hermione: Boomslang skin and Lacewing flies... you're sure those are the two ingredients Snape mentioned?

Harry: Positive, why?

Hermione: Well, he thinks we're brewing Polyjuice Potion doesn't he?

Harry: I don't care what Snape thinks, I've got bigger problems than detention. Something's coming closer.

[touches his stinging scar]

Harry: I can feel it.

Arthur Weasley: [after the trio is nearly hit by several Stunning Spells] Stop! That's my son!

[he runs up to the kids]

Arthur Weasley: Ron, Harry, Hermione are you alright?

Ron: We came back for Harry.

Barty Crouch: [Whipping out his wand and pointing it threateningly between the three kids] Which of you conjured it?

Arthur Weasley: Barty, you can't be serious...

Barty Crouch: DO NOT LIE! You have been discovered at the scene of the crime!

Harry: Crime?

Arthur Weasley: Barty, they're just kids.

Harry: What crime?

Hermione: It's the Dark Mark, Harry. It's HIS Mark.

Harry: [glances up at the huge skull and snake in the air] Voldemort? Those people, in the masks, they're his too aren't they? His followers.

Arthur Weasley: Death Eaters.

Barty Crouch: [to the rest of the Ministry Wizards] Follow me.

Harry: Uh, there was a man, earlier.

[he points in the direction where he saw Crouch, Jr]

Harry: There.

Barty Crouch: All of you, this way!

Arthur Weasley: A man, Harry? Who was he?

Harry: I don't know. I didn't see his face.

Harry: 'Come seek us where our voices sound'.

Hermione: The Black Lake, that's obvious.

Harry: 'An hour long you'll have to look'.

Hermione: Again, obvious. Though admittedly potentially problematic...

Harry: Potentially problematic? When was the last time you held your breath underwater for an hour, Hermione?

[the Trio sits around the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, digesting the murder of Barty Crouch, Sr. that has just taken place]

Ron: They'll cover this up, you watch. Fudge'll sell his soul before this gets out in the Daily Prophet.

Harry: But why?

Ron: Look, nobody liked Crouch. I know this from my father. Loads of people wanted him dead. But, he was a Ministry Official. It's not even like he turned up stiff in Knockturn Alley. He was murdered at Hogwarts. This is a big deal.

Hermione: It can't be coincidence... Harry's dreams, his scar hurting, the Dark Mark, his name coming out of the Goblet of Fire. Surviving the Tournament isn't the answer anymore Harry. It's bigger than this. And I really think you should go to Dumbledore.

Ron: Yeah.

Hermione: Ron, you spoiled everything!

Hermione: Your wand, Harry! Your wand!

[referring to the mayhem at the World Cup and the Dark Mark]

Hermione: This is horrible! How can the ministry not know who conjured it? Wasn't there any security?

Ron: Loads, according to Dad. That's what worries them so much. It happened right under their noses.

Hermione: How are you feeling, Harry?

Malfoy: Ah, come to see the show?

Hermione: [shouts] You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!

[Hermione raises her wand at Malfoy. He backs against the wall, whimpering]

Ron: Hermione, no! He's not worth it.

[Hermione lowers her wand and turns away. Malfoy starts laughing, she spins around and socks him in the nose]

Vincent Crabbe: Malfoy! Are you okay? Come on, let's go!

Malfoy: [running away] Quick! Not a word to anyone! Understood?

Hermione: That felt good.

Ron: Not good, brilliant!

Ron: [when Harry and Hermione reappear] How did you get there? I... I was talking to you there! And now you're there!

Hermione: What's he talking about Harry?

Harry: I dunno. Honestly Ron, how can people be in two places at once?

Hermione: It's meant to be the most haunted building in Britain. Did I mention that?

Ron: Twice.

Hermione: Oh. Do you want to move a bit closer?

Ron: Huh?

Hermione: To the Shrieking Shack.

Ron: Oh, no. I'm fine here.

Hermione: [howls]

Harry: What are you doing?

Hermione: Saving your life!

Harry: Thanks!... Great, now he's coming at us!

Hermione: Yeah, didn't think about that... run!

Ron: Who do you think that is?

Hermione: Professor R. J. Lupin.

Ron: Do you know everything?

[to Harry]

Ron: How is it she knows everything?

Hermione: [annoyed] It's on his suitcase, Ronald.

Ron: Oh.

Hermione: Headmaster, you've got to stop them! They've got the wrong man!

Harry: It's true, sir! Sirius is innocent!

Ron: It's Scabbers who did it.

Dumbledore: Scabbers?

Ron: He's my rat, sir. Well he's not really a rat. Well, he was a rat, he was my brother Percy's rat, but then they gave him an owl, and I got...

Hermione: The *point* is, we know the truth. Please believe us.

Hermione: [after Hagrid gives Ron Scabbers back] I think you owe someone an apology.

Ron: Right. Next time I see Crookshanks, I'll let him know.

Hermione: [annoyed] I meant me!

Harry: Before, down by the lake when I was with Sirius, I did see someone. That someone made the Dementors go away.

Hermione: With a patronus? I heard Snape telling Dumbledore. According to him, only a really powerful wizard could've conjured it.

Harry: It was my dad. It was my dad who conjured the patronus.

Hermione: But Harry, your dad's...

Harry: Dead, I know. I'm just telling you what I saw.

Harry: Egypt, huh? What's it like?

Ron: Brilliant! Loads of cool stuff. Mummies, tombs. Even Scabbers enjoyed himself.

Hermione: You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats.

Ron: Yeah, along with the dung beetle.

[the Whomping Willow has just deposited Harry in the secret passageway]

Harry: AHHH!

[He starts to get up and Hermione lands on top of him]

Hermione: AHHH! Oh I'm sorry!

Harry: That's all right.

[they get to their feet]

Hermione: Where do you suppose this goes?

Harry: I have a hunch. I just hope I'm wrong.

Hermione: Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?

[Harry and Hermione have Time-Turned and are hiding behind the pumpkins. Hermione throws the second rock, which hits the Harry inside Hagrid's hut on the back of his head]

Harry: [inside Hagrid's hut] Ow!

Harry: [outside next to Hermione, rubbing the back of his head] Ow. That hurt!

Hermione: Sorry.

Hermione: Ow! That looks really painful.

Ron: So painful. They... they might chop it.

Hermione: I'm sure Madame Pomfrey can fix it in a heartbeat.

Ron: It's too late. It's ruined. It'll have to chopped off.

Ron: I'm warning you Hermione! Keep that bloody beast of yours away from Scabbers or I'll turn it into a tea cozy!

Hermione: It's a cat, Ronald! What do you expect? It's in his nature.

Ron: A cat? Is that what they told you? It looks more like a pig with hair if you ask me.

Hermione: That's rich, coming from the owner of that smelly old shoe brush. It's alright, Crookshanks. Just ignore the mean little boy.

Hermione: [laughing, mocking Professor Trelawney] Broaden your minds! Use your inner eye to see the future!

[Hermione looks at Ron's broken leg, and they flirt by mimicking Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson]

Hermione: Ow! That looks really painful.

Ron: It's sorta painful. They uh, they might... chop it.

Hermione: I'm sure Madame Pomfrey will fix it in a heartbeat.

Ron: It's too late, it's ruined. It'll have to be chopped off.

Harry: I didn't mean to blow her up, I just... lost control.

Ron: Brilliant!

Hermione: Honestly Ron, it's not funny! Harry was lucky not to be expelled.

Harry: I think I was lucky not to have been arrested actually.

Ron: I still think it's brilliant.

Hermione: [to Harry] Look who it is... Madame Rosmerta. Ron fancies her!

Ron: That's not true!

Hermione: Harry, Harry!

Shrunken head 1: I say! No underage wizards allowed in today.

[shouts]

Shrunken head 1: Shut the damn door!

Hermione: So rude!

Ron: Thick-heads.

Shrunken head 2: Thick-heads... how dare they. Who are they calling Thick-heads? Young whippersnappers!

Hermione: This is a time turner, Harry. McGonagall gave it to me first term. This is how I've been getting to my lessons all year.

Harry: You mean we've gone back in time?

Hermione: Yes. Dumbledore obviously wanted us to return to this moment. Clearly something happened he wants us to change.

Ron: Harry, what did you just do?

Hermione: You attacked a teacher!

Ginny Weasley: The Fat lady... she's gone!

Ron: Serves her right. She was a terrible singer...

Hermione: That's not funny, Ron!

Ron: Let me get this strait. Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban to come after you?

Harry: Yeah.

Hermione: But they'll catch Black, won't they? I mean, everyone's looking for him.

Ron: Sure. Except no one's ever broken out of Azkaban before, and he's a murderous raving lunatic.

Harry: Thanks, Ron.

Hermione: [watches as Harry and Sirius are being attacked by Dementors from the other side of the lake]

[speaks calmly]

Hermione: This is horrible.

Hermione: [gazing at a crystal ball] Can I give it a try?

Professor Trelawney: Yes, sure!

Hermione: The grim. Possibly.

Professor Trelawney: You know, my dear, the moment I looked into your eyes I knew that you did not have the mind for the noble art of Divination.

[looking at her palm]

Professor Trelawney: See? Right here. You may be young in years but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave.

[Hermione gets up and leaves, angrily]

Professor Trelawney: Have I said something?

Harry: And now we wait?

Hermione: And now we wait.

[they sit down end of scene]

Hermione: If you're going to kill Harry you'll have to kill us too!

Sirius Black: No, only one will die tonight.

Harry: Then it'll be you!

Hermione: Beautiful day.

Ron: Gorgeous. Unless of course you've been ripped to pieces.

Harry: Ripped to pieces? What are you talking about?

Hermione: Ronald has lost his rat.

Ron: I haven't lost anything! Your cat killed him!

Hermione: Rubbish!

Ron: Harry, you've seen the way that blood thirsty beast of hers is always lurking about. And now Scabbers is gone!

Hermione: Well maybe you should learn to take better care of your pets!

Ron: Your cat killed him!

Hermione: Did not!

Ron: Did.

Hermione: Didn't.

Harry: Now what?

Hermione: We save Sirius.

Harry: How?

Hermione: No idea.

Hermione: [to Lupin] I trusted you! And all this time you've been his friend!

Harry: There's Pettigrew.

Hermione: Harry, you can't!

Harry: Hermione, that's the man who betrayed my parents! You don't expect me to just sit here!

Hermione: Yes, you must! Harry, you're in Hagrid's hut now. If you just go bursting in you'll think you've gone mad! Awful things happen to wizards who've meddled with time. We can't be seen.

Harry: You were right, Hermione! It wasn't my dad I saw earlier! It was me! I saw myself conjuring the patronus before! I knew I could do it this time, because... well, because I'd already done it! Does that make sense?

Hermione: No! But I DON'T LIKE FLYING!

[screams as Buckbeak dives]

Harry: What happened to me?

Ron: Well, you sort of went rigid. We thought maybe you were having a fit or something.

Harry: And did either of you two, you know, pass out?

Ron: No... I felt weird though, like I'd never be cheerful again.

Harry: But someone was screaming... a woman...

Hermione: No one was screaming, Harry.

[about Malfoy]

Ron: Listen to the idiot! He's really laying it on thick, isn't he?

Harry: At least Hagrid didn't get fired.

Hermione: Yeah, but I hear Draco's father's furious. We haven't heard the end of this.

Hermione: [to Buckbeak] Come on Buckbeak! Come and get the nice dead ferret!

Hermione: At least somebody's enjoying himself.

Harry: Good punch.

Hermione: Thanks.

Ron: [as Harry lays unconcious] Looks a bit peaky, doesn't he?

Fred Weasley: Peaky? What'd you expect him to look like? He fell fifty feet.

George Weasley: Yeah, c'mon, Ron. We'll walk you off the Astronomy Tower and see how you come out looking.

Harry: Probably a right sight better than he normally does.

[he opens his eyes to see everyone is with him]

Hermione: Harry! How are you feeling?

Harry: [he slips on his glasses] Brilliant.

Fred Weasley: Gave us a right good scare, mate.

Harry: What happened?

Ron: You fell off your broom.

Harry: Really? I meant the match. Who won?

[silence, no one is answering]

Hermione: No one blames you, Harry. The Dementors aren't meant to come on the grounds. Dumbledore was furious. After he saved you, he sent them straight off.

Ron: There's something else you should know, Harry. Your Nimbus - when it blew away? - it sort of landed in the Whomping Willow. And well...

[he hands Harry his broken broom stick]

Malfoy: Potter! Is it true you fainted? I mean, you actually fainted?

Ron: Shove off, Malfoy.

Harry: How did he find out?

Hermione: Just forget it.

Professor Lupin: [as Snape points his wand at Sirius's throat] Severus, don't be a fool...

Sirius Black: He can't help it, it's habit by now.

Professor Lupin: Sirius, be quiet.

Sirius Black: Be quiet yourself, Remus!

Professor Snape: Listen to you two, quarreling like an old married couple...

Sirius Black: [in a mocking voice] Why don't yo run along and play with your chemistry set?

[Snape pushes wand harder on Sirius's throat]

Professor Snape: I could do it, you know. But why deny the Dementors? They're so longing to see you... do I detect a flicker of fear? Ah, yes, the Dementor's Kiss. One can only imagine what that must be like to endure. It's said to be nearly unbearable to witness, but I'll do my best.

[Harry unnoticeably pulls Hermione's wand out of her pocket]

Sirius Black: Severus, please!

Professor Snape: After you.

[gestures Sirius toward door]

Harry: [to Snape] Expelliarmus!

[Snape flies backwards onto a bed, unconscious]

Ron: Harry! What did you just do?

Hermione: You attacked a teacher!

Harry: [to Lupin] Tell me about Peter Pettigrew!

Professor Lupin: He was at school with us! We thought he was our friend!

Harry: No, Pettigrew's dead!

[whirls around at Sirius]

Harry: You killed him!

Professor Lupin: [jumps in front of Sirius] No he didn't! I thought so, too until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew on the map!

Harry: The map was lying, then!

Sirius Black: That map never lies! Pettigrew's alive! And he's right there!

[points at Ron]

Ron: Me? He's mental!

Sirius Black: Not you! Your rat!

Ron: Scabbers has been in my family for...

Sirius Black: Twelve years! Curiously a long life for a rat! He's missing a toe, isn't he?

Ron: So what?

Vincent Crabbe: [as Harry, Ron, and Hermione arrive] Look who's here.

Malfoy: Ah, come to see the show?

Hermione: You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!

Ron: [Hermione points wand at Malfoy, who staggers backwards into tree, wincing] Hermione, no! He's not worth it!

[Malfoy whimpers]

Vincent Crabbe: [Hermione lowers wand, while Malfoy laughs, making Hermione punch him in the face] Malfoy! Are you okay? Let's go!

[Malfoy, Goyle, and Crabbe run away]

Vincent Crabbe: Quick!

Malfoy: Run!

[he, Goyle, and Crabbe mutter various things while running away]

Hermione: That felt good.

Ron: Not good, brilliant!

[looks at Harry]

Harry: [in the Shrieking Shack with Hermione trying to find Ron] Ron!

[runs into room]

Hermione: Ron, you're okay!

Ron: Harry, it's a trap! And he's a dog, he's an Animagus!

[Harry and Hermione look at paw prints, which leads them to looking at Sirius Black]

Hermione: If you're going to kill Harry you'll have to kill us, too!

Hermione: Look, Hagrid's our friend, why don't we just go and ask him about it?

Ron: That would be a cheerful visit. "Hello Hagrid! Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?"

[Hagrid has walked up behind them]

Hagrid: Mad and hairy? You wouldn't be talkin' about me, now would ya?

Hermione, Ron, Harry: No.

[Snape blasts Lockhart off his feet in a practice duel]

Hermione: Do you think he's all right?

Ron: Who cares?

[deleted scene]

Fred Weasley: Look everyone, it's the heir of Slytherin!

George Weasley: Be careful! He's a seriously evil wizard.

Ron: Come on, Harry. Fred and George were just having a laugh.

Harry: They're the only ones.

Ron: Okay, so half the school thinks you're nipping off to the Chamber of Secrets every night. Who cares?

Harry: Maybe they're right.

Hermione: Harry! Harry? Oh, come on!

Harry: Look, I didn't know I could speak Parseltongue! What else don't I know about myself? Look. Maybe you can do something, even something horrible and not know you did it.

Hermione: You don't believe that, Harry. I know you don't. And if it makes you feel any better, Malfoy's staying for the holidays, too.

Ron: Why would that make anyone feel any better?

Hermione: Because, in a few days the Polyjuice Potion will be ready! In a few days, we may truly know who is the heir of Slytherin.

Lucius Malfoy: Mr. Potter! Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.

Harry: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer.

Lucius Malfoy: You must be very brave to mention his name. Or very foolish.

Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.

Lucius Malfoy: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you. And your parents. Muggles, aren't they? Let me see. Red hair... vacant expressions... tatty second hand book... you must be the Weasleys.

Arthur Weasley: Children, it's mad in here. Let's go outside.

Lucius Malfoy: Well, well, well. Weasley senior.

Arthur Weasley: Lucius.

Lucius Malfoy: Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur, all those extra raids? I do hope they're paying you overtime. Though judging by the state of this, I'd say not. What's the use in being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?

Arthur Weasley: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.

Lucius Malfoy: Clearly. Associating with muggles. And I thought your family could sink no lower.

Hermione: Professor, I was wondering if you could tell us about the Chamber of Secrets.

Professor Minerva McGonagall: [seeing everyone's faces] Very well. Well, you all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago, by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. Now three of the founders co-existed quite harmoniously. One did not.

Ron: Three guesses who.

Professor Minerva McGonagall: Salazar Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed magical learning should be kept within all magic families. In other words, pure bloods. Unable to sway the others, he decided to leave the school. Now according to legend, Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in this castle, known as the Chamber of Secrets. Though shortly before departing, he sealed it until that time when his own true heir returned to the school. The heir alone would be able to open the chamber and unleash the horror within, and by so doing, purge the school of all those who, in Slytherin's view, were unworthy to study magic.

Hermione: Muggle-borns.

Professor Minerva McGonagall: Well naturally the school has been searched many times. No such chamber has been found.

Hermione: Look at my face.

Ron: Look at your tail.

Moaning Myrtle: *I'm* Moaning Myrtle! I wouldn't expect you to know me! Who would ever talk about ugly, miserable, moping, Moaning Myrtle? AHHHHHHHHHH!

[she lets out a piercing shriek and dive-bombs into one of the toilets, disappearing with a splash]

Hermione: She's a little sensitive.

Hermione: He called me a mudblood.

Hagrid: He did not!

Harry: What's a mudblood?

Hermione: It means dirty blood. Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who's muggle born. Someone with non-magic parents. Someone like me. It's not a term one usually hears in civilized conversation.

Hagrid: See the thing is, Harry, there's some wizards, like the Malfoy family, who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call "pure blood."

Harry: That's horrible!

Ron: [burps up another slug] It's disgusting.

Hagrid: And it's codswallop to boot. "Dirty blood." Why, there isn't a wizard alive today that's not half-blood or less. More to the point, they've yet to think of a spell that our Hermione can't do. Come 'ere. Don't you think on it, Hermione. Don't you think on it for one minute.

Ron: You're a parselmouth! Why didn't you tell us?

Harry: I'm a what?

Hermione: You can talk to snakes!

Harry: I know. I mean, I accidentally set a python on my cousin Dudley at the zoo once. Once. But so what? I bet loads of people here can do it.

Hermione: No, they can't! It's not a very common gift, Harry. This is bad.

Harry: What's bad? If I hadn't told that snake not to attack Justin...

Ron: Oh, that's what you said to it?

Harry: You were there! You heard me!

Ron: I head you speaking parseltongue. Snake language.

Harry: I spoke a different language? But I didn't realize... how can speak a language without knowing I can?

Hermione: I don't know, Harry, but it sounded like you were egging the snake on or something. Harry, listen to me. There's a reason the symbol of Slytherin house is a serpent. Salazar Slytherin was a parselmouth, he could talk to snakes too.

Ron: Exactly! Now the whole school is gonna think you're his great-great-great-grandson or something.

Harry: But I'm not! I can't be.

Hermione: He lived a thousand years ago. For all we know, you could be.

Ron: Do you think it's true? Do you think there really is a Chamber of Secrets?

Hermione: Yes. Couldn't you tell? McGonagall's worried. All the teachers are.

Harry: But if there really is a Chamber of Secrets, and it really has been opened, then that means...

Hermione: The heir of Slytherin has returned to Hogwarts. The question is; who is it?

Ron: [sarcastically] Let's think. Who do we know who thinks all muggle borns are scum?

Hermione: If you're talking about Malfoy...

Ron: Of course! You heard him. 'You'll be next mudbloods'.

Hermione: I heard him. But Malfoy, the heir of Slytherin?

Hermione: It's a bit strange, isn't it?

Harry: Strange?

Hermione: You hear this voice, a voice only you can hear, and then Mrs. Norris turns up petrified? It's just... strange.

Harry: Do you think I should have told them? Dumbledore and the others, I mean.

Ron: Are you mad?

Hermione: No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign.

Ron: Enlighten me. Why are we brewing this potion in broad daylight, in the middle of a girls lavatory? Don't you think we'll get caught?

Hermione: No. No one ever comes in here.

Ron: Why?

Hermione: Moaning Myrtle.

Harry: [a rogue Bludger starts chasing Harry during the Quidditch match]

Ron: [Getting his wand out] I'll stop it!

Hermione: No! Even with a proper wand, it's too dangerous - you might hit Harry!

[about Crabbe and Goyle]

Ron: Maybe we could trick them into telling.

Hermione: Even *they* aren't that thick.

[Hermione reveals that it will take a month to produce the Polyjuice potion]

Harry: A month!

[lowers his voice]

Harry: But Hermione, if Malfoy *is* the Heir of Slytherin, he could attack half the Muggle-borns in the school by then!

Hermione: I know, but it's the only plan we've got.

Ron: [from trailer] So it really is a chamber of secrets.

Hermione: Yes. McGonagall's worried, all the teachers are.

Hermione: [from trailer] Here's the plan, you disguise yourselves as Crabbe and Goyle.

[to Harry and Ron]

Gilderoy Lockhart: [to class] I must ask you not to scream, it might REMOTE THEM!

[pulls cloth off of cage, which reveals pixies]

Seamus Finnigan: Cornish pixies?

Gilderoy Lockhart: [Draco Malfoy and Crabbe snigger] Freshly caught Cornish pixies.

[more people chuckle]

Gilderoy Lockhart: Laugh after you, Mr. Finnigan. The pixies can be devilishly tricky little things. See what you make of them.

[releases pixies, which attack students]

Gilderoy Lockhart: Round them up! Round them up! Round up the pixies

[pixies ruin Lockhart's books and two of them lift Neville by the ear and drop him on the light on the ceiling]

Neville Longbottom: Hey, get me down!

Hermione: Get off me!

Harry: No, stop, hold still!

[hits pixie with book]

Gilderoy Lockhart: Peskipiksi Pesternomi!

[pixie grabs Lockhart's wand and cuts off chain of dinosaur skeleton, which falls]

Gilderoy Lockhart: [to Harry, Ron, and Hermione] I'll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into your case.

[runs away]

Ron: What do we do now?

Hermione: [takes out wand] Immobulus!

[freezes pixies]

Hermione: He called me a Mudblood.

Hagrid: He did not!