Hercule LaJoy Quotes in A Shot in the Dark (1964)

Clouseau: Listen to me, Hercule, and you will learn something. Now then, the facts in this case are: the body of the chauffeur was found in the bedroom of the second maid. Fact! Cause of death: Four bullets in the chest. Fact! The bullets were fired at close range from a .25 caliber Beretta automatic. Fact! Maria Gambrelli was discovered with the murder weapon in her hand. Fact! The murder weapon was registered in the name of the deceased, Miguel Ostos, and was kept, mind you, in the glove compartment of the Ballon Rolls-Royce. Fact! Now then, members of the household staff have testified that Miguel Ostos beat...

[snaps his pointing stick]

Clouseau: You fool! You have broken my pointing stick! I have nothing to point with now!... have testified that Miguel Ostos beat Maria Gambrelli frequently. And now, finally comes the sworn statement of Monsieur and Madame Ballon, as well as all the members of the staff, each of them with perfect alibis. Now then, Hercule, What is the inescapable conclusion?

Hercule LaJoy: Maria Gambrelli killed the chauffeur.

Clouseau: What? You idiot! It's impossible. She's protecting someone.

Hercule LaJoy: How do you know that?

Clouseau: Instinct!

Hercule LaJoy: But that facts...

Clouseau: You are forgetting the most important fact - motive.

[Hercule enters Clouseau's office after Clouseau summons him]

Clouseau: What do you want?

Hercule LaJoy: You sent for me.

Clouseau: Of course I sent for you!

Clouseau: You are forgetting the most important fact: motive!

Hercule LaJoy: He beat her.

Clouseau: He was Spanish!

Hercule LaJoy: He tore her dress off.

Clouseau: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Would you kill someone who tore your dress off?

Hercule LaJoy: No, I suppose not.

Hercule LaJoy: No, of course not! No, no. No, there is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, Hercule. Maria Gambrelli is most definitely protecting somebody. Find that somebody, and you have found the murderer. And I shall find the murderer before the day is out. Maria Gambrelli will tell me who he is. Oh, yes.

Clouseau: Facts, Hercule, facts, behind them lays the whole fabric of deductive truth. Now, Hercule let us examine these facts: One...

[holding up one finger]

Clouseau: She was found with the murder weapon in her hand, Two...

[holding up three fingers]

Clouseau: The murder weapon was fresh with blood, Three...

[holding up four fingers]

Clouseau: There were no fingerprints on the murder weapon other then hers and Four...

[holding up all five fingers]

Clouseau: All the members of the Ballon household staff have perfect alibis. Now then, Hercule what do these facts add up to?

Hercule LaJoy: Maria Gambrelli killed Georges the gardener.

Clouseau: You are an idiot, only a fresh faced novice would come up with a conclusion like that.

Hercule LaJoy: But the facts...

Clouseau: Listen, who even killed Miguel, killed Georges the gardener and he did it to cover up the first crime. Now, what he is trying to do is lay the blame at the foot of this, this poor servant girl.

Hercule LaJoy: Well, who do you suspect?

Clouseau: I suspect everyone.

Hercule LaJoy: Well... I suppose that is possible.

Clouseau: Possible? What do you mean possible? I deal in certainties.

Marie Jouvet: I don't know why, but I have the distinct impression that I was expected.

Hercule Lajoy: Clouseau has disappeared. You're a reporter? Elementary.

Marie Jouvet: Spoken like a true policeman.

Hercule Lajoy: A retired policeman.