Hellboy Quotes in Hellboy (2004)

Abe Sapien: [while stitching up Hellboy's forearm] How long did he touch you?

Hellboy: I don't know? About 5 seconds?

Abe Sapien: [pulls three eggs out of his forearm] Touched you five seconds, laid three eggs.

Hellboy: Didn't even buy me a drink.

[talking to Liz, re: his appearance]

Hellboy: I wish I could do something about this. But I can't. But I can promise you two things. One: I'll always look this good.

[Liz laughs]

Hellboy: Two: I'll never give up on you... ever.

Liz Sherman: I like that.

Hellboy: Good.

[Hellboy grabs Sammael's tongue]

Hellboy: Second date, no tongue!

Hellboy: Hey Myers, you're a talker. What's a good word, a solid word for "need"?

John Myers: Well, "need" is a good, solid word.

Hellboy: Nah. Too needy.

Liz Sherman: In the dark I heard your voice, what did you say?

Hellboy: I said, "Hey, you, on the other side - let her go. Because for her I will cross over, and then you'll be sorry!"

Hellboy: [carrying the torso of a re-animated corpse over his shoulder] How you doing back there, Ivan?

Ivan Klimatovich: [in Russian] If I still had legs, I'd kick your ass!

Hellboy: [to agent] Could you hold this guy for a while? He is so negative.

Abe Sapien: [about Sammael] Harbinger of Pestilence, Seed of Destr...

Hellboy: Cut to the end, will ya? How do I kill it?

Abe Sapien: Hmm, doesn't say.

Abe Sapien: Remind me why I do this again.

Hellboy: Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind.

Abe Sapien: Ah!

Hellboy: Look, Sammy, I'm not a very good shot...

[holds up his huge revolver]

Hellboy: ...but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets.

[Hellboy is going back to confront Behemoth]

John Myers: Are you going to be... okay? Alone?

Hellboy: How big can it be?

[a tentacle grabs Hellboy and pulls him back]

Abe Sapien: [after probing the sealed door] Behind this door, a dark entity. Evil, ancient and hungry.

Hellboy: [sighs] Oh, well. Let me go in and say hi.

Kid on Rooftop: Just go down there and tell her how you feel.

[Hellboy is silent]

Kid on Rooftop: My mom always says...

Hellboy: It's not... it's not that easy. Plus, you're nine. You're not old enough to be giving me advice.

Hellboy: [hears the alarm in his room, to Myers] Hey. Hey. Hey. They're playing our song.

[spying on Liz and Myers]

Hellboy: She took his picture. DAMN. She took his picture. She took his picture.

[communicating on radio]

Liz Sherman: Sparky to Big Red...

Hellboy: Sparky? Who came up with that? Myers?

[holding his stone hand up to a moving car]

Hellboy: Red means stop!

[punches the car into the air]

Hellboy: I'm gonna be sore in the mornin'!

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: A 16-century statue was destroyed. Saint Dionysius the Areopagite.

Hellboy: Who wards off demons.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: The statue, however, was hollow.

Hellboy: A reliquary?

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: A prison. The Vatican thought its occupant dangerous enough to include it on the list of Avignon, of which, by the way, we hold a copy.

[Hellboy holds up a speed-loader of giant glass bullets]

Hellboy: Perfect job for these babies. Made 'em myself. Holy water, clover leaf, silver shavings, white oak... the works.

Hellboy: Are you okay?

[manning nods weakly. Hellboy brings out a cigar and fires up his Zippo]

Hellboy: You'd better stay here. I'll find a way out. We'll come back for you.

Tom Manning: You call that thing a cigar?

Hellboy: Yup.

Tom Manning: You never, ever light a cigar that way.

Tom Manning: [he digs out one of his fine cigars, cuts it and hands it to Hellboy] Use a wooden match. It preserves the flavor.

Hellboy: [he lights it for him and Hellboy grins] Thank you.

Tom Manning: [smiles] My job.

Hellboy: I'm fireproof, you're not.

Hellboy: Mmmmmm nachos.

[repeated line]

Hellboy: Aw, crap.

Hellboy: You killed my father, your ass is mine!

Abe Sapien: [as Hellboy walks away from Sammael's corpse] Red, you need to hear the rest of the information.

Hellboy: Nah, he's taken care of.

Abe Sapien: No, listen to this. Sammael, the Desolate One, Lord of the Shadows, Son of Nergal...

[Hellboy starts to make "blah blah" motions with his hand]

Abe Sapien: ...hound of resurrection.

Hellboy: [stops] See, I don't like that.

Abe Sapien: What? Hound of resurrection?

Hellboy: [turns around; Sammael is gone] Mmm.

Hellboy: Outside. I could be outside.

Abe Sapien: You mean, outside with her.

Hellboy: Don't get psychic with me, fella.

Abe Sapien: Nothing psychic about it. You're easy.

Hellboy: How am I gonna get a girl? I drive around in a garbage truck.

Abe Sapien: Liz left us, Red. Take the hint.

Hellboy: [picks up his gun] We don't take hints.

Hellboy: Open wide!

[breaks Sammael's lower jaw]

[in a large cemetery, searching for Rasputin's mausoleum]

Tom Manning: Where are you going?

Hellboy: To ask for directions.

[opens an amulet]

Hellboy: Come on, find me a talker...

Hellboy: I hate those comic books. They never get the eyes right.

Hellboy: Hey, Sparky... tell everyone to turn on their locator belts if anyone sees anything.

John Myers: Are you sure about this?

Hellboy: On a scale of one to ten, two.

Tom Manning: [two government agents have died under Hellboy's command and Manning is displeased] You know what my problem with you is? You're reckless. Those two men trusted you to lead them as a team. Where were you?

Hellboy: I knew those men better than you did.

Tom Manning: Ah, I see. That makes it all right then.

Hellboy: No, it doesn't make it all right, but I stopped that thing, didn't I?

Tom Manning: Yeah, that's what you do. That's why we need you. You have an insight. You know monsters.

Hellboy: What are you trying to say?

Tom Manning: This whole thing is a farce, because in the end, after you've killed and captured every freak out there - there's still one left: you.

Hellboy: [sighs and acts natural] Manning, I wish I could be more gracious, but...

[furiously pulls a machine from off the floor, lifts it and heaves it in Manning's direction]

Grigori Rasputin: Open the final lock.

[Hellboy moves to insert his stone hand into the second lock]

John Myers: Remember who you are!

[Meyers throws Professor Bruttenholm's rosary at Hellboy. He pauses]

Grigori Rasputin: Believe me, I have lived long enough to know! Not a tear will be shed for this world!

John Myers: You have a choice! Your father gave you that!

Grigori Rasputin: No, you don't! There is no choice! Now, open it! DO IT!

[Hellboy tears his horns off]

Grigori Rasputin: What have you done?

Hellboy: I CHOSE.

[stabs Rasputin with his horns]

Grigori Rasputin: You will never understand what kind of power you have.

Hellboy: I guess I'll have to find some way to live with that.

[Hellboy and Sammael fall through a vent]

Hellboy: YOU DAMNED MONSTER!

[Hellboy punches him]

[Hellboy pummels Sammael]

Hellboy: Hurts, doesn't it? You shouldn't hurt PEOPLE!

Hellboy: Didn't I kill you already?

[Hellboy breaks through a wall and sees Liz has returned to the B.P.R.D. with John]

Hellboy: Liz?

Liz Sherman: Some things never change.

Hellboy: LIZ!

[Liz walks away, leaving John]

Hellboy: You did it buddy! You DID IT!

[John walks away, leaving Hellboy]

Hellboy: Myers? Pop?

[nearby phone rings as Hellboy fights Sammael]

Hellboy: IT'S FOR YOU!

[Hellboy hits Sammuel with the phone]

[as Hellboy tries to board a train in pursuit of a monster, the driver beats him in the head with a fire extinguisher]

Hellboy: OW! HEY! I'm on your side!

Train Driver: Huh! Sure!

[hits Hellboy again]

John Myers: Did you ever lose track of him?

Hellboy: Well let's see - there was that moment, when I had the train on top of my head...

Hellboy: [while Sammael is eating] What you having? Six library guards, raw, plus belts and boots. Man, you're gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out.

[Clay examines his new hair implants]

Agent Clay: This doesn't really look like doll's hair! Be honest, what do you think, Red?

Hellboy: I'm thinking about doing it myself.

John Myers: [referring to stinger from Sammael's tongue on Hellboy's arm] What is that thing?

Hellboy: Ah crap!

[hands stinger to Myers]

Hellboy: I'll go ask!

[Myers fumbles with stinger and drops it while shuddering]

Abe Sapien: You've been burned by some kind of organic acid.

Hellboy: I'm lucky that way.

Hellboy: Look at them ugly suckers, Blue. One sheet of glass between us and them.

Abe Sapien: Story of my life.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: I wish you would take better care of yourself. I'm not going to be around for ever, you know.

Hellboy: DAD!

Tom Manning: Have you found them yet?

Hellboy: I got 'em right below me. Matter of minutes.

Tom Manning: Okay, good. Could you hurry up, because it's a... it's a little spooky in here.

Hellboy: [after punching through a brick wall] You guys comin' or what?

[holding a corpse by a noose over his shoulder]

Hellboy: This is Ivan Klimatovich. Say hi, Ivan.

Ivan Klimatovich: [in Russian] Go that way, Red Monkey!

Hellboy: What landed you this job, pushing "pamcakes"?

Hellboy: Hey! Stinky!

Hellboy: Mmmm... nachos!

Hellboy: [after spotting Sammael in railway tunnel] Waiting for me, chunk-face?

Hellboy: [as Abe is patching up Hellboy's arm after his first fight with Sammael, Abe accidentally hurts Hellboy] DAMN! Could you *please* be a little more careful?

Abe Sapien: Mm-hmm... big baby.

Hellboy: Let me ask her directions...

Tom Manning: What did it say?

[talking to samaël in the museum/library]

Hellboy: Hey stinkey! Kitchen 's closed!

Hellboy: Whatcha havin'? Six library guards raw, plus belts and boots?

Hellboy: Man... you're gonna need some heavy fibre to move that out.

Hellboy: [talking to Samaël in the museum/library] Hey stinkey! Kitchen 's closed! Whatcha havin'? Six library guards raw, plus belts and boots? Man... you're gonna need some heavy fibre to move that out.

Tom Manning: What's going on? What's going on?

Hellboy: I quit.

[gives Manning his belt and weapon]

Tom Manning: What? Are you serious?

Liz Sherman: Looks that way doesn't it?

[gives Manning her belt and weapon]

Tom Manning: What's wrong with you? You can't all just quit.

Abe Sapien: [gives Manning his belt and weapons] Watch us.

[pats Manning on the cheek and walks past him]

Hellboy: [comes back] On second thought...

[pulls out the Samaritan]

Hellboy: I think I'll keep this!

[walks away]

Tom Manning: Come on. Come on! Johann, they can't do this. Stop them.

Johann Krauss: Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

Hellboy: [looking at Liz sleeping; drunk] Look at her. She's it, Abe. She's it. She's my whole wide... You know?

Abe Sapien: [also drunk] Yeah. Yeah.

Hellboy: I would give my life for her... but she also wants me to do the dishes.

Abe Sapien: I would die and do the dishes.

Hellboy: You're in love. Have a beer.

Abe Sapien: Oh, my body's a temple.

Hellboy: Well, now it's an amusement park.

Abe Sapien: No, no, no. The glandular balance of...

Hellboy: Just shut up and drink it, would you?

Hellboy: [as he's wrapping an infant in his tail] Your first piece of tail.

[last lines]

Hellboy: Maybe we can find a place with a yard. It'd be great for the baby!

Liz Sherman: Babies.

Hellboy: [mouths] Babies?

Liz Sherman: [holds up two fingers, wagging them]

[repeated line]

Hellboy: Aw, crap!

Prince Nuada: [to the Golden Army] Kill them.

Abe Sapien: [shocked] He lied to us.

Hellboy: Abe, old buddy. We ever get outta this, we gotta talk.

Hellboy: Come on, Abe! What are these things?

Abe Sapien: Carcharadon Carcharias.

Hellboy: English, English.

Abe Sapien: They're, um... tooth fairies.

Hellboy: Ha!

Abe Sapien: No. Black Forest, 3rd Century. They feed mostly on calcium. Bones, skin, organs... But they do usually go after the teeth first. Hence the name, "tooth fairies."

Liz Sherman: Bet you they don't leave money, either.

Hellboy: World, here I come.

Prince Nuada: [defeated] Kill me. You must. For I will not stop. I cannot.

Hellboy: [taking the crown] Sorry, pal. I win, you live.

Prince Nuada: [draws his spear] Your weapon?

Hellboy: [holds up his stone hand] Five-fingered Mary.

Hellboy: I wish father were here. He'd know what to tell you... us.

Hellboy: I know; I'm ugly!

Hellboy: [reading a CD's track listing] "Can't Smile Without You"?

Abe Sapien: I know...

Hellboy: Yep, I'm gonna need a beer, too!

Hellboy: Liz...

Liz Sherman: Don't try to talk.

Hellboy: No, you need to hear this. I know what's important. It's you. I can turn my back on the world, all of it... as long as you stay with me.

Liz Sherman: I'll stay with you. You're the best man I know.

Hellboy: [smiles] Man...

[after smashing up a dozen of the Golden Army's soldiers]

Hellboy: Industrable, my ass.

Tom Manning: [very upset] You've murdered me. You've murdered me and ridiculed me. And... you've brought this onto yourself.

Hellboy: [uninterested] What?

Tom Manning: Washington is sending down a BPRD agent.

Hellboy: [now caring] A new guy? Why?

Tom Manning: [sneering] To look after you!

Hellboy: I can be discreet.

Liz Sherman: Really?

Hellboy: Hey, I followed you and Myers, didn't I?

Liz Sherman: And then you had him transferred to Antarctica. That's very... discreet.

Hellboy: Ah, he said he liked the cold.

Hellboy: [drunk] Why is she mad at me? And it's not about the mess, either, it's about something else.

Abe Sapien: [also drunk] Well, ask her then!

Hellboy: No! Look, Abe, when a woman's mad at you, but she's really mad about something else, and you have to ask, she gets mad because you had to ask in the first place! You know?

Abe Sapien: Uh...

Hellboy: Never mind, don't answer that.

Johann Krauss: [after thrashing Hellboy] There we are. Your temper, it makes you sloppy. Try to control it, Agent Hellboy. Before it controls you.

[Johann "walks" away, singing in German]

Hellboy: Glass-hole.

Hellboy: "Popular Love Songs"? Oh, Abe... you fell for the Princess?

Abe Sapien: She... she's like me! A creature from another world...

Hellboy: You need to get out more.

Hellboy: Watch it boys, she's on fire!

Liz Sherman: [over the radio, at the auction house] Abe, what have we got?

Abe Sapien: [reading through his book] Oh, this is interesting. Both boxes have the royal seal. Only delivered in a time of war... Red, we have company.

Hellboy: [getting annoyed] Come on, Blue. Give me something to work with here!

Abe Sapien: Burrowing creatures.

Hellboy: How many of them?

Abe Sapien: Many... there are no corpses because there are no leftovers. Have you noticed the floor?

Hellboy: [walking through the bloody sludge] Aww, crap!

Abe Sapien: Precisely. All these things do is eat and eat, then poop, then eat again.

Liz Sherman: [sarcastic] Remind you of anyone?

Liz Sherman: Over seventy guests reported. There are no survivors?

Hellboy: Same story here, babe.

Liz Sherman: Don't call me "babe."

Hellboy: *Abe!* I said Abe! Wrong channel...

Hellboy: Now stay down!

Princess Nuala: [with the others in the meat-locker] To wage his war, my brother needs this.

[holding the crown piece and cylinder]

Princess Nuala: The final piece of the crown of BethMora and this map to the location of the Golden Army chamber.

Johann Krauss: The Golden Army. The harbingers of death, the unstoppable tide...

Hellboy: [under his breath] Howdy Doody.

Johann Krauss: Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece over to us...

Princess Nuala: No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with your world. We must honor his noble intentions.

Abe Sapien: The lady is in dire danger.

Johann Krauss: I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien?

Abe Sapien: Most emphatically, yes.

Johann Krauss: Even so... I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own.

Hellboy: [getting in Johann's face] Lady just lost her father, what more do you want?

Johann Krauss: You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that...

Hellboy: She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag?

Johann Krauss: [offended] What-what did you call me?

Prince Nuada: [from behind the group] You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there.

Hellboy: [turning to face him, sarcastically] Yeah, right. You take checks?

Prince Nuada: [enraged] Demon. Born from a womb of shadows, sent to destroy their world and you still believe you belong?

Hellboy: Are we going to talk all night? Because I'm really sleepy.

Johann Krauss: You have one fatal flaw.

Hellboy: Oh, I wanna hear this.

Johann Krauss: No, you don't. You can't take criticism.

Hellboy: Try me.

Johann Krauss: [pokes Hellboy] Can't... take it.

Hellboy: [yells] What's my flaw?

Johann Krauss: Your temper! It gets the best of you. Makes you weak, makes you vulnera...

[Hellboy punches him]

[Hellboy has defeated Nuada, and holds the completed Crown of Bethmora, that controls the Golden Army]

Hellboy: All that power...

Liz Sherman: Don't even think about it!

[grabs crown from his hands, and proceeds to destroy it]

Hellboy: Geez, it stinks in here! Worse than my room!

Hellboy: C'mon, Liz! Burn 'em all!

[interrogating the Fragglewump]

Hellboy: We're gonna have to go a little old school, Abe. Gimme the boid.

[Abe hands him the canary in a cage]

Bag Lady: [shrieks] Not the canary!

Hellboy: What, you're afraid of this little guy? Who would know?

Hellboy: Hey, gasbag! Stop talking now!

Johann Krauss: Or what? Are you threatening me? Because I think I can take you.

[silence]

Hellboy: Excuse me?

Johann Krauss: You heard me.

[Hellboy is about to fight Nuada; Abe and Liz are worried]

Hellboy: [to Liz] Don't worry, babe.

[turns to Abe]

Hellboy: I'm not gonna kill him, Abe. But I am gonna kick his ass!

Johann Krauss: You will learn to obey me, follow protocol and stay focused at all times.

Hellboy: Oh, that word - "fock-yused"? Yeah, with your accent, I wouldn't use it that much.

Hellboy: Give it up nasty, we can see you.

[repeated line]

Hellboy: Damn!

Johann Krauss: [as the destroyed Golden soldiers reform themselves] Well, I'm out of ideas.

Hellboy: I've got one.

Hellboy: Eh, Mr. Kraut, sir?

Johann Krauss: Krauss, agent. There's a double s.

Hellboy: SS. Right, right.

Jimmy Kimmel: [talking about Abe on TV] And what about this guy? Walking around with a toilet seat on his head.

Hellboy: [laughing] A toilet!

Abe Sapien: It's quite obvious it's a breathing apparatus.

Drunkard: Hey, you Hellboy?

Hellboy: Yeah.

Drunkard: You're ugly, man.