Heather Chandler Quotes in Heathers (1988)

Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?

Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck.

Veronica Sawyer: You goddamn bitch.

Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.

Veronica Sawyer: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

Heather Duke: [playing croquet] So what are you gonna do Heather? Take two shots or send me out?

Heather Chandler: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.

[puts her croquet ball against Heather's and sends it flying]

Heather Duke: Shit.

Heather Chandler: It's your turn, Heather.

Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.

Veronica Sawyer: Hello, Heather.

Heather Chandler: Veronica. Finally. I got a note of Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note in Kurt's handwriting, and we'll slip it onto Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray.

Veronica Sawyer: Shit, Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock.

Heather Chandler: You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be very. The note'll give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks.

Veronica Sawyer: I'll think about it.

Heather Chandler: Don't think.

Heather Chandler: Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.

Veronica Sawyer: Heather?

Heather Chandler: God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...

Veronica Sawyer: What are you doing here?

Heather Chandler: I made your favorite. Spaghetti. With lots of oregano. Dinner!

Veronica Sawyer: [wakes up from dream]

Heather McNamara: God, they're not gonna expel him. they'll just suspend him for a week or something.

Heather Chandler: He used a real gun, they should throw his ass in jail.

Veronica Sawyer: He used blanks. all he did was ruin 2 pairs of pants, maybe not even that... can you bleach out urine stains?

Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.

Heather Chandler: Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87.

Heather McNamara: It's your turn Heather.

Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?

Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.

Heather Chandler: [sticker inside locker] I shop, therefore I am.

Heather Chandler: Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

Heather Duke: Veronica, can you come back here a minute?

Veronica Sawyer: A true friend's work is never done.

Heather Chandler: Gross.

Heather Chandler: [sarcastic] Intense... grow up. You think I'll drink it just because you call me chicken...? Just gimmie the cup, jerk.

Heather McNamara: God, they won't expel him, they'll just suspend him for a week or something.

Heather Chandler: He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail.

Veronica Sawyer: No way. He used blanks. All J. D. really did was ruin two pairs of pants, maybe not even that. Can you bleach out urine stains?

Heather Chandler: You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year.

Heather Chandler: Corn Nuts!

Veronica Sawyer: Plain or BQ?

Heather Chandler: BQ!

Veronica Sawyer: So, what's the question?

Heather Duke: Yeah, so what's the question, Heather?

Heather Chandler: Goddamn, Heather, you were with me in study hall when I thought of it.

Heather Duke: I forgot.

Heather Chandler: Ugh... such a pillowcase.

Heather Chandler: You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing.