Hawkins Quotes in Predator (1987)

Hawkins: Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend. I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't."

[Billy stares blankly]

Hawkins: See, 'cause of the echo.

[Hawkins walks away; after a few moments, Billy starts laughing heartily]

Hawkins: Hey Billy. Billy! The other day, I went up to my girlfriend, I said, "Y'know I'd like a little pussy". She said, "Me too, mine's as big as a house!"

[Billy stares blankly]

Hawkins: See, she, she wanted a little one 'cause hers was...

[Hawkins pauses, then trails off]

Hawkins: ... big as a house.

Hawkins: Local cops got a tip about a warehouse last night. Turned up 500 keys of Colombian pure, couple of stiffs, and a little bit of piece of what used to be Killifer.

James Bond: Good. At least someone's on the case.

Hawkins: You may be a pal of Leiter's, but I can only cover up so much. The DEA is screaming to know what happened. You know, we... we've got laws in this country, too.

James Bond: Do you have a law against what they did to Leiter?

[a couple of men arrive to escort Bond]

Hawkins: Look... you're in over your head. This is where it ends, Commander.

Hawkins: [after checking an airplane] No Sanchez.

Felix Leiter: Damn!

Hawkins: I'll show you how good dog shit is now, Callahan!

Hawkins: You know something, Vicinski, I bet five more cars have been stolen in just the time I've been here.

Maindrian Pace: No, I don't think so, Hawkins. Good night.

Eugene Chase: [on phone] I need to speak with Sergeant Hawkins.

Hawkins: Hawkins.

Eugene Chase: You want to catch that car-theft ring that's been bothering you? Well put a stakeout at the International Towers in Long Beach!

Hawkins: Who is this?

[Eugene hangs up]

Eugene Chase: I'll fix you, Mr. Big-Shot.

Maindrian Pace: What are you doing out this late at night?

Hawkins: Ah, I just finished taking a report down at Whittlesey Motors. It seems somebody ripped-off a Manta.

Maindrian Pace: What's a Manta?

Hawkins: The thirty-fifth expensive car stolen in three days! You heard about that, didn't you?

Maindrian Pace: Listen, all I hear is the insurance companies screaming at us every time they lose a lousy dime.

[looking at a car Corlis and Atlee have just stolen]

Hawkins: What's this?

Maindrian Pace: A Cadillac.

Hawkins: What's wrong with it?

Maindrian Pace: Oh, it's, er, theft recovery.

Hawkins: For God's sake, be careful out there!

Ramos: If I were going to be careful, I'd have joined the Coast Guard...

Curran: Hawkins... blow it!

Hawkins: Sorry, boss. I can't do that.

Ramos: Sounds like an order to me, Lieutenant...

Hawkins: Fuck his order!

Pilot: Lieutenant, you guys are incredible. Thank you.

Curran: There's no reason to thank us because we don't exist. You never saw us. This never happened.

Hawkins: One more thing: you're welcome.

Curran: This is starting to piss me off now cool out!

Hawkins: Oh I am cool. You should see me when I'm hot.

Chief Billy Graham: [just discovered missles] What are you gonna do?

Hawkins: Well first, I'm gonna do this

[he throws a grenade and blows up some missiles]

Hawkins: and then, I'm gonna do this.

[he takes the clip out of a grenade and puts it in a box next to where thay are standing]

Chief Billy Graham: Damnmit Hawkins!

Hawkins: [the grenade blows up but does little damage] It didn't blow.

Chief Billy Graham: No shit sir.

[Curran and Hawkins are arguing over Graham's death]

Hawkins: ALL RIGHT! I did it. I FUCKED UP! I fucked up and he is GONE! And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it! So what the hell do you want from me, HUH!

[Curran walks away without answering]

Hawkins: What's he saying?

Leary: Something about your mother.

[Hawkins lowers his gun and slightly alters his aim, hitting the terrorist directly in the forehead with a well-aimed shot]

Hawkins: NEVER talk about Mom...

Claire: What are we doing here?

Hawkins: Well hopefully each other if all goes as planned.

Hawkins: You gotta stick it out there and not be afraid to get it cut off, that's what I always say.

[Before throwing a grenade to the propane tanks]

Hawkins: I hope these fuckers paid their gas bill.

Hawkins: Leary, you got that missile. You might wanna think about using it.

Leary: I would if I could figure the damn thing out.

Rexer: It's a one shot deal.

Leary: What?

Hawkins: You miss, we die.

Hawkins: How long you guys wanna wait?

Hawkins: [driving on a bridge on the way to a wedding] I'm sorry guys but I cannot be a part of this funeral procession. I'm out of here

[he jumps off the moving jeep, over the bridge and dives down in to the water about twenty feet below while shouting]

Hawkins: SEE YOU LATERRRR!

Chief Billy Graham: Whoa, did you see that, that guy's a crazy man!

[they throw him his coat]

Hawkins: THANK YOU!

Curran: [to Graham] I hope he dies of pneumonia.

Hawkins: Spencer, did you flush?

Wallace: I think she's gonna do that, don't you, pal? I'll ask her. Lori!

Hawkins: [Quietly to Daggenhurst] He's talking to her!

Sir Roger Daggenhurst: She's still in the bowl?

Hawkins: Maybe he tried to flush her, but she floated back up!

Sir Roger Daggenhurst: Tell him to flush her! Spencer knows how to deal with floaters.

Sergeant DeGraf: Kiss your black ass goodbye.

Hawkins: Go fuck yourself, you pudgy bastard.

[Spits]

Hawkins: [Playing "My Darling Clementine" on an accordion]

Deak De Bleargue: Hope you can fuck better than you can play.

Hawkins: I'm Sheriff Hawkins. I don't believe we've met.

Richard Malone: We haven't.

Hawkins: Swedish Intelligence, huh? There's a contradiction in terms.

Hawkins: What do you see there, Captain?

Captain J.G. Williams: I see a car and two people. Wow! Look at that... son of a bitch!

Hawkins: Much more than a car and two men.

Captain J.G. Williams: Well, that's all I can see.

Hawkins: This man's dangerous. This little joyride he's on is undermining the entire balance of this country.

Captain J.G. Williams: Sir, this is just one car... I mean, a little exhaust isn't going to upset the whole balance of the universe.

Hawkins: You are missing the metaphor.

Captain J.G. Williams: There's a meta-who?

Hawkins: I am talking about our entire way of life, Captain. We live in a society that has the greatest tranquillity ever created by man. Furthermore, this society is more protected than any other in history. And do you know why?

Captain J.G. Williams: Well, I figured...

Hawkins: Because of the system. The system of our existence which has been worked out so perfectly. In fact, it is that system which dispelled the desperate quest for the impurities contained in mobility. The mobility which had driven this nation like rats, scurrying in every direction that led us nowhere. Nowhere! Now, we have removed that addiction and brought order and tranquillity... the two most fragile flowers in any civilisation. And this man, this fool, is defecating on those flowers! Staining the natural hygiene of our society and tampering with the world's most perfectly balanced system.

Captain J.G. Williams: Sir... what do you want me to do about it?

Hawkins: Morning Governor Sinclair.

Sinclair: Tell me Hawkins, who made my breakfast this morning?

Hawkins: That new Cook, Sir. Was there a problem?

Sinclair: Yes Hawkins, there was. Several in fact. My fruit salad had no Paw Paw, my pheasant eggs were cold, mild at best, and this Earl Gray tastes as if it's been pissed from a dead baby.

Hawkins: I'll forward your complaints to him, Sir.

Sinclair: Don't do that Hawkins. Just have the man killed.

Hawkins: I've got it! I've got it! The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?

Griselda: Right. But there's been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: They *broke* the chalice from the palace?

Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon.

Hawkins: A flagon...?

Griselda: With the figure of a dragon.

Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.

Griselda: Right.

Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?

Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.

Griselda: Just remember that.

Hawkins: When I was a lad, I was gloomy and sad / As I was from the day I was born / When other babes giggled, and gurgled and wiggled / I proudly was loudly forlorn. / My friends and my family, looked at me clammily / Thought there was something amiss / When others found various antics hilarious / All I could manage was this

[looks at his hands]

Hawkins: or this

[gives a small smile]

Hawkins: or this

[gives a short giggle]

Hawkins: or this

[gives a weird giggle/whimper]

Hawkins: My father he shouted, "he needs to be clouted / His teeth on a wreath I'll hand him!" / My mother she cried, as she rushed to my side / "You're a brute and you don't understand him!" / So they sent for a witch with a terrible twitch / To ask how my future impressed her / She took one look at me / And cried, "He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, *HE*! / What else could he be but a jester?" / A jester? A jester? A funny idea, a jester / No butcher, no baker, no candlestick maker / And me with the look of a fine undertaker / Impressed her as a jester? / But where was I to learn any comical turn? / It was not in a book on a shelf / No teacher to take me, to mold me and make me / A merry man, fool or an elf / But I'm proud to recall that in no time at all / with no other recourses but my own resources / with firm application and determination/ I made a fool of myself!

[first lines]

Hawkins: Life could not better be / Better be, better be / It could not possibly / No sirrah, sir-rah, sirree! / Songs could not gayer be / Sound your do-re-o-mi, re-mi-fa-so-la-see, fa-la-la-la follow me! / Why be gloomy? / Cut thy nose off to spite thy face? / Listen to me / A nose is hard to replace! / Skies could not bluer be / Hearts in love truer be / I say for you or me / Life couldn't possibly, not even probably / Life couldn't possibly better be! Life could not better be / On a medieval spree / Knights full of chivalry / Villains full of villainy! / You see, as you suspect / Maidens fair in silks bedecked / Each pride and true effect / For the umpteenth time we resurrect! / We did research / Authenticity was a must! / Zooks! Did we search! / And what did we find? Ah-choo! A lot of dust! / After the dust had cleared / Half the cast had a beard / And I'm the one, as you can see / For whom the bell tolls merrily. / We asked Shakespeare / And Frances Bacon, "Would they declare / which one wrote this?" / And they both said, "Get outta there!" / Which brings us to the plot / Plot we've got quite a lot / As it unfolds, you'll see / What starts like a scary tale, ends like a fairy tale / And life couldn't possibly better be!

King: You spent some time in the Italian court?

Hawkins: Why, yes. What better place to court Italians?

Fergus: I'm Fergus, the Ostler.

Hawkins: Who-whogus the Whatsler?

Fergus: Fergus, the Ostler. It is I, not Ravenhurst, who is your friend.

Hawkins: [ushering Fergus back to the window] Look, my good man, you pick your friends, and I shall pick mine. At the moment, I have a very important mission with the king. After all, I am the incomparable Giacomo, king of jesters and jester of kings.

[Griselda enters unnoticed]

Hawkins: I have entertained in all the courts of Europe and speak a ready wit in their every tongue.

[turns and runs into Griselda]

Hawkins: [without missing a beat] Now, who are you?

Griselda: I am Griselda.

Hawkins: Gri-who-lda?

Hawkins: I was battered and bruised, but the king was amused / and before the siesta, he made me his jester / and I found out soon, that to be a buffoon / was a serious thing as a rule! / For a jester's chief employment, is to kill himself for your enjoyment / and a jester unemployed is nobody's fool!

Hawkins: I started to travel to try to unravel / my mind and to find a new chance / When I got to Spain it was suddenly plain / that the field that appealed was the dance. / The Spanish were clannish, but I wouldn't vanish / and learned every step they had planned. / The first step of all wasn't hard to recall / Cause the first step of all is to stand. And stand. And stand. And stand...

Griselda: [Correcting Hawkins' recitation of the directions about the drinks] No! The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle...

Jean: ...the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Even I can say it!

Hawkins: Then YOU fight him!

Hawkins: After months of pleading for just this kind of action, what makes you think that anybody, anybody could make me reveal the identity of my confederate?

Jean: Because they'd put you on the rack, crack your every bone, scald you with hot oil, and remove the nails off your fingers with flaming hot pincers.

Hawkins: I'd... like to withdraw the question.

Hawkins: [speaking to Gwendolyn] Caution is for popinjays and cockatoos!

[Gwendolyn's bird squawks almost indignantly]

Hawkins: [bowing to the bird] Begging your pardon.

Ravenhurst: I bid you welcome. I am Ravenhurst.

Hawkins: [laughing] Ravenhurst!

[seriously]

Hawkins: R-R-Ravenhurst? Uh, the 'real' Ravenhurst?

Ravenhurst: What?

Hawkins: Uh, I mean, does the king know? D-does the king know about your being the real Ravenhurst?

Ravenhurst: Keep your jests for the king.

Hawkins: Good stock. Good battle. Good-bye.

Jean: [preparing Hawkins for his castle infiltration] You are the incomparable Giacomo, king of jesters and jester to the king.

Hawkins: Jester to the king.

[smiling]

Hawkins: Jester to the king.

[suddenly panicked]

Hawkins: To the king?

Griselda: Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels.

Hawkins: Which one?

Griselda: The one with the figure of a pestle.

Hawkins: The vessel with the pestle?

Griselda: Yes. But you don't want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: I don't want the vessel with the pestle, I want the chalice from... the what?

Jean: The chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: Hmmm?

Griselda: It's a little crystal chalice with a figure of a palace.

Hawkins: The chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison?

Griselda: No, the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle.

Hawkins: Oh, oh, the pestle with the vessel.

Jean: The vessel with the pestle.

Hawkins: What about the palace from the chalice?

Griselda: Not the palace from the chalice! The chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: Where's the pellet with the poison?

Griselda: In the vessel with the pestle.

Griselda: The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.

Jean: Don't you see? The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle.

Griselda: The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!

Jean: It's so easy, I can say it.

Hawkins: Well then you fight him!

Griselda: Listen carefully. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.

Jean: Good man!

Captain of the Guard: [Hawkins is being tested for Knighthood] He must scale a wall in full armor.

[Hawkins is tossed over the wall]

Captain of the Guard: Candidate passes!

[later]

Captain of the Guard: He must bring down a hawk in full flight.

[a hawk with an arrow is tossed on the ground]

Captain of the Guard: Candidate passes.

Hawkins: But I didn't even shoo...

Captain of the Guard: [shouts] Candidate passes!

[later]

Captain of the Guard: He must capture a wild boar with his bare hands.

[a piglet comes out of a chute followed by sound effects of splashing in the mud]

Captain of the Guard: He passes!

Princess Gwendolyn: If my father hears of this our necks will snap like twigs!

[she snaps her fingers, causing Griselda's spell to break and Hawkins to start panicking]

Hawkins: Uh, like what?

Princess Gwendolyn: Twigs!

[she snaps again, putting the spell back in place and Hawkins to stop panicking]

Hawkins: Twigs? Speak not of twigs when you look at an oak! Until tonight, my little sapling.

Hawkins: He's right. Rules of chivalry, you know.

King Roderick I: Rules of chivalry be hanged! And so will you!

Hawkins: [referring to Gwendolyn] She'll jump.

[Hawkins sings a lullaby to the baby]

Hawkins: Loo, loo, loo, I'll take you dreaming through the rainy night / To a place behind the raindrops where the stars are bright / You may not find gold or silver, but a richer prize / Waits for you behind the raindrops if you close your eyes / Tonight, tonight, when all the world's asleep / We will tiptoe home with a wondrous star, a star you can always keep / And years from now when you go dreaming, when you're very old / Though your crown be rich with rubies, diamonds set in gold / None will shine as bright as the star we'll find, tonight...

Hawkins: What manner of man is Giacomo? Ha ha! I shall tell you what manner of man is he. He lives for a sigh, he dies for a kiss, he lusts for the laugh, ha! He never walks when he can leap! He never flees when he can fight (thud) oop! He swoons at the beauty of a rose. And I offer myself to you, all of me. My heart. My lips. My legs. My calves. Do what you will - my love endures. Beat me. Kick me. (kiss, kiss) I am yours.

Hawkins: [to three lady musicians playing in the lounge of the "Green Man" inn] Ladies! I've never heard a trio play with such brio! And, after that perfectly-judged andantino, perhaps you'd join me in a little vino?

[first lines]

Hawkins: Ah! School days. The happiest days of one's life. I was a carefree innocent lad in those far off times. Only one thing clouded my youthful spirits: my abominable headmaster. Really, all I did was to put an electric charge in his fountain pen and an explosive in the inkpot. I honestly only intended to humiliate him. However, that got rid of him, and it also disposed of any doubts I may have had about my true vocation.

Hawkins: [Bowie has just asked Hawkins to arrange a passage to Mexico for Keechie and himself] Son, I'd sure like that money. I'm old, and money's a real comfort to an old man. And maybe I did help you before, but not now. I believe in helping people get what they want, as long as they can pay for it. I've married people 'cause there's a little hope that they'll be happy. But I can't take this money of yours. No, sir. In a way, I'm a thief just the same as you are, but I won't sell you hope when there ain't any.

Hawkins: Watch your skin!

Hawkins: Do you believe in God, Mr. Dutton?

Richard: Yes.

Hawkins: Good. Because it's going to take a leap of faith for you to understand what I'm about to tell you. The Phantom is real. It has a name. Erik Destler.

Richard: But that's just a story.

Hawkins: I know the legend as well as you. He sold his soul to the devil so the world would love him for his talent. The devil had a price. He mutilated his face so terribly, that no one could stand to love him ever again.

Richard: And it's said the only way to kill the Phantom is to destroy his music.

Hawkins: I don't believe in phantoms or legends, Mr. Dutton, but I do believe in facts. And the fact is, this man - -this creature - -is still alive. Still alive and living under your opera.

Hawkins: [comes out of Dracula's castle] Some man is in there with a stake through his heart.

Albert: Scary.

Hawkins: [looks at Van Helsing] You know anything about this?

Prof. Von Helsing: Yes, I did it.

Hawkins: Who is he in there?

Prof. Von Helsing: His name's Count Dracula.

Hawkins: How long has he been dead?

Prof. Von Helsing: About 500 years.

Clara Martin: Good afternoon, Mr. Martin. Won't you introduce me to your friends?

Hawkins: No, only my enemies - but you know all of them already!

[describing Clara Martin]

Hawkins: She's the meanest, grabbiest woman in shoe leather.