Harry Block Quotes in Evolution (2001)

Wayne Grey: [trying to get the alien's attention with an open mike] Ca-Caw! Ca-Caw! Ca-Caw! Ah Ah Ee Ee Tookie Tookie! Tookie Tookie! Ca-Caw Ca-ca-caw-ca-caw-caw-caw! Ca-ca-caw!

Harry Block: Wayne, I think we've established that "Ca-Caw Ca-Caw" and "Tookie Tookie" don't work.

Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry.

Harry Block: Alright, so what do you say Ira? Pack it in?

Wayne Grey: [starts singing into the mike] You are so beautiful, to me...

Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.

Harry Block: No, stand down. I'm gonna kill this one myself.

Wayne Grey: Give me a chance, I'm communicating here.

[continues singing]

Wayne Grey: You are so beautiful, to me...

Harry Block: Wayne, would you please stop, because you are embarrassing me.

Wayne Grey: [Wayne starts singing louder and directly to Harry] Can't you see. You're everyth...

[the creature reacts]

Wayne Grey: [singing] You're everything that I hope for.

[the creature reacts again]

Ira Kane: It's working!

Harry Block: [to Wayne] Yeah. Sing! Sing! Rub some funk on it!

[Dr. Paulson is going to pull the alien bug out through Harry's rectum]

Nurse Tate: I'll get the lubricant...

Dr. Paulson: There's no time for lubricant!

Harry Block: There's ALWAYS time for lubricant!

[Harry has just had an alien removed rectally]

Dr. Allison Reed: It's over, it's over. You did great! Do you need anything? Can we get you anything?

Harry Block: Ice cream... I'd like an ice cream please.

Dr. Allison Reed: Okay, what flavor?

Harry Block: It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.

Ira Kane: If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be?

Harry Block: Lingerie.

Ira Kane: Not you, the bird.

Harry Block: Lingerie.

Harry Block: Great googa-mooga!

[an alien bug is crawling inside Block's leg]

Dr. Allison Reed: What are you gonna do?

Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.

Harry Block: Whoa, Doc! Don't take the leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.

Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.

Nurse Tate: Doctor, look!

Dr. Paulson: It's headed for his testicles.

Harry Block: Take it! Take it! Take the leg!

[after an alien bug crawls into his body]

Harry Block: For the love of everything good and holy, get this goddamn thing out of me!

Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.

Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.

Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school.

Harry Block: I'm no biologist, but how many cells do single-celled organisms have?

Ira Kane: Harry, if we're going to be big important scientists you have to start to act the part.

[the heroes just killed a dinosaur-like creature]

Ira Kane: So, what do you want? Light meat, or dark?

Harry Block: You have to ask?

Nadine: I really need these credits to get into nursing school.

Harry Block: Nursing school? Don't you think you'd be happier in a different profession, one where people's lives were NOT dependent on you?

Ira Kane: We call no one, we tell no one. This is our secret, right?

Harry Block: What about the government? I mean, isn't this the kind of thing they usually get involved in?

Ira Kane: No! No government. I know those people. Absolutely not.

[they see a dying monster coughing something up]

Wayne Grey: Whoa! It's like a big lugie!

[the 'egg' breaks, and another monster comes out]

Harry Block: Mazel tov! It's a boy!

Harry Block: There's a fly in my suit!

Harry Block: You going to finish that bacon?

Wayne Grey: Yeah, I am. I ordered it, didn't I?

Harry Block: So, do they give the Nobel Prize out in yearly payments or is it just one lump sum, like the lottery?

Ira Kane: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Harry Block: Oh, I'm not getting ahead of myself. I've very concerned about the potential tax consequences.

Wayne Grey: [as they arm themselves in the sporting goods store] You ever use one of these things before?

Harry Block: Just 'cause I'm a schoolteacher, that don't make me a pussy.

Ira Kane: Ladies, ladies, there's a terrifying alien bird menacing the mall. Can we focus?

Harry Block: Testing, testing, one, two, one-one-one-two... this is D.J. Harry Block here, and I'm an Aquarius...

Ira Kane: Harry, would you stop it? I can hear you.

Harry Block: Don't you snap at me, unless you want an angry solid gold dancer on your hands, Ira.

Harry Block: Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Nadine: Um, Professor, the little wiggly worm things in there are breaking.

Harry Block: Ira, look.

Ira Kane: Yeah. It's not breaking, it's splitting. It's mitosis. That's how they reproduce!

Harry Block: No sex?

Ira Kane: No time for sex.

Nadine: Bummer.

[They are admiring a ten-legged creature with heads at both ends]

Harry Block: Is it coming or it going? - The tree just ate it!

Ira Kane: Everything down here seems to be food for something else, so let's try to stay off the menu, huh?

Harry Block: Got that right. Ooops!

[Block sees that he has stepped on a multi-legged creature. At once, alien insects descend like ants upon the mess and begin feasting]

Harry Block: Ira! Come here, look at these little things!

Ira Kane: Oh, cool! Great. Snag one!

Harry Block: Snag one?

Ira Kane: Yeah. Snag one and put them in the bucket!

Harry Block: I seen this movie, the black dude dies first. YOU snag it!

Ira Kane: Aw, don't be scared. Come on, we came for a specimen. Now snag one! Come on. Not gonna hurt you. Look, he's turned the other way. He's eating.

Harry Block: Come on, come on, my widdle red lobster. Come on, my sexy little crustracean. Come on...

Ira Kane: You're gonna be all right, buddy! Cut him open, let's get this thing!

Harry Block: CUT ME OPEN! There goes your Christmas gift, Judas!

Harry Block: Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, don't you?

Ira Kane: Were you even in that courtroom?

Harry Block: Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.

[they return to their lab, to find the door broken in, and all their work stolen]

Ira Kane: Oh, we've been hit!

Harry Block: Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: No need to play the blame game here, Allison. No harm, no foul. Suffice it to say that we're all very appreciative of the discovery made by Dr. Kane and Mr. Black...

Harry Block: Block!

[Kane and Block disguise themselves as a colonel and a private to sneak into the military base]

Harry Block: I still don't understand why you get to be colonel and I'm just a private.

Ira Kane: I WAS a colonel.

Harry Block: Yeah, and you obviously served your country with distinction.

Ira Kane: You should be thankful, the penalty for impersonating an officer is five years in prison.

Harry Block: Maybe for you, white boy. Me, they hang.

Harry Block: Ira, are you sure you can handle this on your lonesome?

Harry Block: [on finding a dead alien] That dog is all ass!

Harry Block: Hey, beneath this calm, sexy exterior beats the heart of a true scientist!

Harry Block: [after the alien flying dragon's birth in back of the housing development] It's flying away! Is that a bad thing?

Ira Kane: Only if you're a human being.

[In the courtroom]

Judge Guilder: Dr. Kane, are you asking me to bar the Federal Government from involvement in a discovery as significant as this one?

Ira Kane: No, no, no. Not at all. We're asking you to make sure that the local scientists who actually made the discovery continue to play a significant role.

Harry Block: They kept us out for almost two weeks! And we put our lives on the line to find these little guys, Your Majesty! We just want to be there for them, as they grow up.

[He accidentally slaps Kane in the face, as though knowing Kane was going to correct him to say "Your Honor."]

Ira Kane: We were the first team at the meteor site, and all the initial testing was done in our lab, Judge.

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: The facilities at Glen Canyon Community College are jokes.

Judge Guilder: They weren't a joke when I went there, General.

[the General looks shifty-eyed and embarrassed]

[Kane and Block have sneaked into the Army Compound]

Harry Block: Ooh. Your girlfriend, eleven-o'clock.

[Allison drops her files, as Kane turns to look]

Dr. Allison Reed: Oh, darn it.

Ira Kane: That woman is a menace.

[In the meteorite crater]

Ira Kane: This place has changed.

Harry Block: Can you believe this?

Ira Kane: Harry, look at that! Our little babies are growing up. Three weeks, it's already like a rain forest in here.

Harry Block: Eww. Looks like the kitchen from my first apartment.

[the alien creature turns around to reveal what looks like spherical buttocks]

Harry Block: [grinning] Ira, look at that backside! Theater in the round. That's the kind of trunk space you want in a late-model car. Who does that remind you of?

Ira Kane: I've no idea what you're talking about.

Harry Block: She's been throwing it at you enough.

Ira Kane: [incredulously] Dr. Reed?

Harry Block: Bull's-eye.

[Cut to the Ops Room]

Lt. Cryer: Excuse me, Dr. Reed, did you authorize a walk-through?

Dr. Allison Reed: No. Why?

Lt. Cryer: Um, you should probably take a look at something. Here.

[On the computer screen, they see and hear Block teasing:]

Harry Block: That's the kind of rump you want to roast! The kind of muffin you'd like to butter!

Ira Kane: That is, that is a nice image. And I appreciate your assumption that there is an actual sexual human being underneath all Dr. Reed's deep-seated neuroses, but I don't think so.

Harry Block: What?

Ira Kane: Yeah. I think she is a humorless ice queen.

Ira Kane: You sure this leads to the main cavern?

Harry Block: It'll definitely lead us somewhere. Geology is not an exact science.

Harry Block: All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.

Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Doris: You have no values. Your whole life, it's nihilism, it's cynicism, it's sarcasm and your orgasm.

Harry Block: You know in France, I could run on that slogan and win.

Harry Block: You know, I cannot understand why the most sophisticated of women can't tell the difference between a meaningless, hot, passionate sexual affair and a nice, solid, tranquil, routine marriage.

Joan: [breaking down] Tell me, Harry, just tell me something. Was she the only one, or were there others?

Harry Block: No, Amy Pollock was the only one, may God strike me dead if I am lying.

Joan: You're an atheist, Harry!

Harry Block: Wha-hey, we're alone in the universe, you're going to blame that on me, too?

Joan: [angrily tears papers from typewriter] Stop your tap-dancing...

Burt: Do you care even about the holocaust, or do you think it never happened?

Harry Block: Not only do I know that we lost 6 million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken

Harry Block: Does the president think of fucking every woman he meets? Oh sorry, bad example.

Doris: It's tradition.

Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Harry Block: The most important words in the English language are not "I love you" but "It's benign."

Harry's Father: I'm a Jew. I don't believe in Heaven.

Harry Block: Where do you want to go?

Harry's Father: A Chinese restaurant.

Harry Block: [to his brother-in-law Bert] I think you're the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.

Harry Block: You're air-conditioned here?

The Devil: Sure! Fucks up the ozone layer.

Harry Block: Between air conditioning and the Pope, I chose air conditioning.

Harry Block: Six shrinks later, three wives down the line, and I still can't get my life together.

Harry Block: Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world.

Harry Block: All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Harry Block: I'm a guy who can't function well in life but can in art.

Harry Block: [to his brother-in-law] I don't think you're a paranoid. I think you're the opposite of a paranoid. I think you go around with the insane delusion that everybody likes you!

Harry Block: The two most important things are the work that you choose and sex.

Cookie: How come you got all this money?

Harry Block: I always keep hooker money around, you know, 'cause I once paid by check years ago and the I.R.S. killed me.

Harry Block: Look, I was merely explaining to you why my choice of necessity is confined to your practice.

Harry Block: Cookie is the nanny.

Doris: The nanny! Where did you get her, from an agency or a massage parlor?

Harry Block: Oh jesus! She's a sweet kid, what are you picking on?

Doris: Ah, still with the sex pots, the tramps, the vilda chayes.

Harry Block: Ah, she's got a PhD, this girl.

Doris: Really? I don't know how she did on her written, but I'm sure she got an A plus on her oral exam.

Lucy: You schmuck, you bastard. I'd like to cut your fuckin' head off.

Harry Block: You're upset, right?

The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl?

Harry Block: No. That I never did.

The Devil: Oh, they're so grateful.

Harry Block: Between air-conditioning and the Pope, I'll take air-conditioning.

Harry Block: [after sex] Cookie, you're a definite artist. They should put your lips in the Smithsonian.

Fay: You love baseball.

Harry Block: Baseball's easy because it has rules. It has foul lines.

Harry Block: Can I be honored and then arrested?

Harry Block: This guy is too old for her.

Richard: He's younger than you are.

Harry Block: Hey, I'm much too old for her, it's ridiculous. But, because of my immaturity I have a boyish quality that works.

Doris: You're a self-hating jew.

Harry Block: Hey, I may hate myself but not 'cause I'm jewish.

Harry's Sister: You never forgave him because you thought he was a bad father.

Harry Block: He was!

Harry's Sister: Thanks for stopping by...

Harry Block: And then, after their child was born, she became what he called "Jewish with a Vengeance".