Harriet M. Welsch Quotes in Harriet the Spy (1996)

Sport's Dad: [over ecstatic] Will you take a look at this. Huh? Huh? What do you think of your old man now, Sport? Ten thousand smackaroos! No more paying with change. No more, no more spaghetti. Going to feel like steak. And you know those fancy basketball sneakers with the, with the buckles and the Velcro and the crap all over them? Their yours, buddy boy, all yours!

[his phone rings, he answers it]

Sport's Dad: Hello? Murray. Hey, hey I take it all back. All agents aren't useless. Oh, I'm kidding you, I'm kidding you, man. You know I was always in your corner. Oh, yeah, I knew you'd come through. Well, Sport and I are going to do a little celebrating today...

Sport: [knock at the door, Sport answers. It's Harriet]

Harriet M. Welsch: Hey.

Sport: Hey.

Harriet M. Welsch: Sold his book?

Sport: Got a real job.

Sport's Dad: [notices Harriet] Hey, Harriet, you hear the good news?

Harriet M. Welsch: [smiling] You're a writer. So how's it feel?

Sport's Dad: Oh, big slice off heaven, side order of fries. Say, you hungry? I feel like going to the fanciest, schmaniest restaurant in town. We'll abuse the waiter. Who's with me? Harriet?

Sport: She can't come.

Sport's Dad: What do you mean she can't come? You haven't even asked her.

Sport: [firmly] I said she can't come.

[to Harriet]

Sport: You can't be my friend if you're not my friend.

[he closes the door on Harriet]

Harriet M. Welsch: [from the other side of the door, crying]

[whispers]

Harriet M. Welsch: I'm sorry, Sport. I'm sorry.

Harriet M. Welsch: I want to remember everything. And I want to know everything.

Ole Golly: Well, you must realize, Harriet, knowing everything won't do you a bit of good unless you use it to put beauty in this world. True or false?

Harriet M. Welsch: True.

Ole Golly: Of course it is.

Ole Golly: The time has come, the walrus said...

Harriet M. Welsch: To talk of many things...

Ole Golly: Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax...

Harriet M. Welsch: Of cabbages and kings...

Ole Golly: And why the sea is boiling hot...

Harriet M. Welsch: And whether pigs have wings!

Ole Golly: Do you have any wings?

Harriet M. Welsch: Yeah.

Ole Golly: [starts "spanking" her] Yeah? Let me see 'em!

Harriet M. Welsch: [laughing] Ow! Ow! Child abuse! Child abuse!

Ole Golly: You wanna see child abuse? Take that! And that!

Harriet M. Welsch: I hate money.

Sport: You'd like it a lot more if you didn't have any.

Harriet M. Welsch: Are you gonna go be some other kid's nanny now?

Ole Golly: And love them more than you? Never. Remember in my life, in this world, there will always only be one Harriet.

Harriet M. Welsch: The only thing worse than being Marion Hawthorn, is wanting to be Marion Hawthorn.

Ole Golly: [as she and George ride together on the bike, Harriet is asleep in the basket] You okay?

George Waldenstein: Yeah.

[strokes Harriet's hair]

George Waldenstein: [they arrive at the Welsch house, Harriet wakes up]

Harriet M. Welsch: [drowsy] Hey. How come all the lights are on?

Mrs. Welsch: [emerging from the house, Mr.Welsch is right behind her] Where is my child?

Harriet M. Welsch: Uh-oh.

Mrs. Welsch: Harriet? Harriet, what are you doing in that contraption? Come in here at once.

[Mr.Welsch quickly carries Harriet off]

Mrs. Welsch: Miss Golly what are you doing with my child, at this hour, without my consent?

[refering to George]

Mrs. Welsch: Who is that?

George Waldenstein: My name is...

Mrs. Welsch: Shut up!

Ole Golly: I'm sorry. We only went to dinner and then a movie.

Mrs. Welsch: Harriet is not your daughter, Miss Golly. She is mine, and you have no idea, none, what it is like to come home and find your child is missing.

Ole Golly: We had no idea that you'd be home this soon.

Mrs. Welsch: I don't care. I don't what you did or where you went or why. All I know is this can never happen again... Miss Golly... You are fired!

Harriet M. Welsch: What? No!

[Mr.Welsch sets her down and goes to his wife]

George Waldenstein: Just a moment. This is my fault. Please.

Mr. Welsch: Well, it seems awful sudden.

Ole Golly: Actually... maybe it's not. I think you're right, Mrs.Welsch. It is time for me to go.

Mrs. Welsch: What?

Mr. Welsch: What?

Harriet M. Welsch: [confused] What?

Mr. Welsch: [while playing fortune player with Harriet] Green.

Harriet M. Welsch: G-R-E-E-N.

Mr. Welsch: Aren't you going to work on your notebook today?

Harriet M. Welsch: [quickly] Yeah. Pick a number.

Mr. Welsch: Seven.

Harriet M. Welsch: [rotating the fortune teller] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Mr. Welsch: All right.

[looks up]

Mr. Welsch: Turn around.

Harriet M. Welsch: That's not a fortune.

Mr. Welsch: Turn around.

Harriet M. Welsch: Why?

Ole Golly: Turn around.

Harriet M. Welsch: Golly?

[she turns around and see's Golly]

Harriet M. Welsch: Golly!

[she runs up to Golly and hugs her]

Harriet M. Welsch: Carrie Andrews thinks she's cool because she spent her summer vacation growing boobs.

Harriet M. Welsch: How long have you known me, Golly?

Ole Golly: Since you were born. That's 11 years and 12,000 tomato sandwiches ago.

Harriet M. Welsch: And you'll never leave me, right?

Ole Golly: Well I won't *leave you* leave you, but one day you'll be old enough and... well, old enough to take care of yourself and when that day comes you won't need me around anymore. But *that* day is not *today*.

Harriet M. Welsch: [Golly closes the door on her parents screaming] Hey, I want to hear that.

Ole Golly: Yeah? Well I want to sing opera, but I can't, so I don't.

Ole Golly: Your father has a high pressure job.

Harriet M. Welsch: What's a high pressure job?

Ole Golly: It's when you don't get to do what you want to, and when you do, you don't have enough time for it.

Harriet M. Welsch: Do spies have high pressure jobs?

Ole Golly: Only if they get caught.

Harriet M. Welsch: I never get caught.

Harriet M. Welsch: I want to learn everything I can, and I write down everything I see. Golly says if I want to be a writer someday, I better start now, and that is why I am a spy.

Harriet M. Welsch: [in tears] I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry.

Ole Golly: Nah it's okay to cry, but whatever you do, don't laugh, no Harriet, I will not tolerate laughter as I leave. No.

Miss Elson: [to the class] Good morning. Today we're...

[pauses and sees Harriet's hand raised]

Miss Elson: Yes, Harriet?

[Harriet puts her hand down and stands up out of her desk]

Harriet M. Welsch: Miss Elson, I've been thinking a lot, and you know how class president automatically gets to be editor of the sixth grade newspaper?

Miss Elson: Yes.

Harriet M. Welsch: Well... I think... I think it's too much for one person and it's not fair to everybody because everybody deserves a chance, and we should change it.

[Marion slams her hand down on her desk]

Marion Hawthorne: [shouting loudly] OBJECTION!

Miss Elson: This isn't a courtroom, Marion.

Miss Elson: [as Harriet sits back down in her seat] I like that idea, Harriet. Let's see what the class thinks.

Marion Hawthorne: [gets up from her desk] Miss Elson, I think I speak for everybody when I say this is... this is a really, really, stupid idea!

Miss Elson: That is one opinion. But let's take a vote. Marion is now editor of The Guidepost, would anyone like to nominate another candidate?

[the class whispers among themselves about another candidate]

Miss Elson: Well... I guess if no one has anything to say...

Boy with Purple Socks: [gets up from his desk and finally speaks in front of the entire class, much to everybody's surprise] I have something to say: I think that Harriet is a very good writer, and if we only listen to one person's opinion, we may never get anywhere new. But Harriet might have something very original, and I'd like to read what she has to write.

[sits back down]

Miss Elson: Is there a second?

Sport: [raises his hand] I second it.

Janie Gibbs: [raises her hand] I third it.

Miss Elson: Okay, then. Harriet Welch is now a candidate for editor. Who votes for Harriet?

[much to Marion's dismay, the entire class raises their hands in approval for Harriet as editor; Harriet raises both hands]

Miss Elson: And that... is that.

Harriet M. Welsch: [whispers] Yes!