Harold Lampson Quotes in How to Murder Your Wife (1965)

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Harold Lampson Quotes:

  • Harold Lampson: I am speaking to you now not as your lawyer but as your friend. Stan, you are a grown man and grown men simply can't, repeat cannot, go around spreading terror on the New York streets at the height of the noon hour accompanied -will you stop just a minute, Stan?- by naked women.

    Stanley Ford: She wasn't naked. She had a diamond in her navel.

  • Stanley Ford: Here you are in the prime of life. A handsome figure of a man, successful in business, adored by one and all. In fact, it could be said that you had it made, except for the one thing.

    Harold Lampson: I'm a lousy lawyer, huh?

    Stanley Ford: [scoffs] No, you're married.

    Harold Lampson: Yeah, but being married is the normal way to live. Isn't it?

    Stanley Ford: Who says so?

    Harold Lampson: Edna?

    Stanley Ford: Oh Harold, I think you've been brainwashed. You're missing a very important point: marriage is not a basic fact of nature, it's an invention. It's like the infield fly rule; it exists only because the women say so and like idiots we just go following right along.

    Harold Lampson: Uh...no, no, no, uh, Stan, I don't know what I would do without Edna. She...she...she plans the meals, sends my shirts to the laundry...

    Stanley Ford: [interrupting] Harold, you're making another basic common masculine mistake: you're confusing love and laundry.

    Harold Lampson: [rubbing the side of his face] Love and laundry, ay?

  • Stanley Ford: 'Bash Brannigan, Secret Agent' is syndicated in 463 newspapers. You know why?

    Harold Lampson: Sure, I know... Because it's hard-core pornography, softened slightly, ever so slightly, by excessive violence and SADISM!

    Stanley Ford: 'Bash Brannigan' is enjoyed by millions because my readers know it's absolutely authentic! I'd never ask Bash to do anything I hadn't already done myself!

  • Harold Lampson: Stan, Stan, uh, I wanna' remind you, lad, that you're now 37 years old. And quite frankly, it's time that you settled down. Now, Edna and I were discussing it last night, and Edna feels - and frankly I agree with her - that there is something almost immoral about a man of your age who isn't married. Doesn't go to an office, sits around drawing an infantile comic strip, that appeals only to morons, Stanley... Stanley? Stanley? Are you listening?

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Characters on How to Murder Your Wife (1965)