Hans Zarba Quotes in Son of the Pink Panther (1993)

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques' bicycle bumps into Dreyfus's car] Ha! That felt good! Now then, is anyone hurt?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes, in the van.

Hans Zarba: My sister... is unconscious.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: She is?

Hans Zarba: She should be taken to a near hospital.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Where is she?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Uh, in the van.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me, your sister is in his van?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No...

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, it is not my van.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look, I'm Commissioner Dreyfus, if you will allow me...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me just a moment, just a moment. When - excuse me - When I asked you if anyone was hurt, you replied, "Yes, in' my' van".

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, no, I said "Yes, in 'the' van", not "in 'my' van".

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: No, no, you did not say "Yes, in the van", not "Yes in the van", you said yes; you did not say "Yes, my van", not "Yes, the van"...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: You said "Yes, my van", not "Yes, in the van".

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Did you hear what I just said?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes, I heard.

Hans Zarba: It's my van - my van.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Oh, now we're getting someplace.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Listen, you imbecile, you're...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Hey, hey, watch your tongue, monsieur! I am an officer of the 'lauw'.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: What?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I said, I...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I know what you said, you said you're an officer of the -

[Dreyfus's face starts twitching as he repeats Jacques' mispronunciation]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: 'lauw'.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques is riding his moped when Dreyfus's red car passes him] Hey, stop! I said stop!

[Jacques' moped backfires]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Hey! Hey! Hey!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [to François] We haven't time to humor some bumpkin cop, lose him.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I said, stop! Hey! Can you hear me? Hey!

Sergeant Francois Duval: I think we've lost him.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yeah.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [François makes a sharp downhill turn, and hits Hans's Avis van at its front bumper] Look out!

Hans Zarba: [Hans gets out of his van, Dreyfus and François get out of their car] Are you all right?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No!

Hans Zarba: One of my passengers is hurt.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No wonder; the way you drive, you are lucky they are not all dead.

Hans Zarba: The way I drive?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yes!

Hans Zarba: Could we please settle this at the hospital?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No. I am Police Commissioner Dreyfus, and I demand to see your driver's license.

Hans Zarba: [Yussa loads a clip into her gun] As you wish.

[first lines]

Hans Zarba: [watching a recorded surveillance video of Princess Yasmin practicing her martial arts] She's good.

Hanif: Good, huh?

Yussa: Yes, she's good.

Hanif: As good as you?

Yussa: Maybe.

Hanif: Better.

[Hanif laughs; Yussa reverse-kicks him]

Hanif: [Hans lifts Yussa by the throat] She was only showing how good she is.

Hans Zarba: I know how... good she is... or she wouldn't be with us.

[Hans slowly lowers Yussa to the floor]

Hans Zarba: Now, there's to be no fighting amongst us, understood?

[Hans cradles Yussa's face in his hands, she nods]

King Haroak: [at a Monaco casino, after Yasmin has just won a game of baccarat] Praise Allah someone in this family is lucky.

Princess Yasmin: Hmm.

[Yasmin gets out of her seat and leaves the baccarat table]

Princess Yasmin: [to Hans] Cash this in.

Hans Zarba: How do you know I can be trusted?

Princess Yasmin: [Yasmin slaps Hans, then she puts her glasses on] Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were one of my bodyguards, it's all right. Uh, what's the going rate on a slap these days?

Princess Yasmin: [Hans holds up a casino chip] You're cheap.

[Hans tosses the chip to the baccarat dealer, who responds "Merci, monsieur."]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques's moped bumps into Dreyfus's car, he tumbles over it] Hey! Ha! That felt good! Now then, is anyone hurt?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes, in the van.

Hans Zarba: My sister... is unconscious.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: She is?

Hans Zarba: She should be taken to a near hospital.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Where is she?

Hans Zarba: Uh, in the van.

[He points to the van]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me: your sister is in his van?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No...

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, it is not my van.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look, I'm Commissioner Dreyfus, if you will allow me...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me just a moment, just a moment.

[to Sgt. Duval]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: When - excuse me - When I asked you if anyone was hurt, you replied, "Yes, in 'my' van".

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, no, I said "Yes, in 'the' van", not "in 'my' van".

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: No, no, you did not say "Yes, in the van", not "Yes in the van", you said yes, you did not say "Yes, my van", not "Yes, the van"...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: You said "Yes, my van", not "Yes, in the van".

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Did - did you hear what I just said?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes, I heard.

Hans Zarba: It's my van - my van.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Oh, now we're getting someplace.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Listen, you imbecile, you're...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Hey, hey, watch your tongue, monsieur! I am an officer of the 'lauw'.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: What?

[Dreyfus is startled when he hears Gambrelli's pronounciation of the word 'law', as if he has heard it somewhere else before]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I said, I...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I know what you said, you said you're an officer of the -

[Dreyfus's face starts twitching as he repeats Jacques's mispronunciation]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: 'lauw'.

Hans Zarba: Please, my sister may be dying.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Okay.

[Gambrelli walks over to the back of Hans's van]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Uh, please, please, stand back, stand back. Haa!

[Gambrelli opens the door, hitting Dreyfus in the face, and a machine gun falls to the ground]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli picks up the machine gun] You've been hunting?

Hans Zarba: Yes, hunting... hunting. Very perceptive.

Princess Yasmin: [Gambrelli kneels to check Hans's "sister", unaware that she is really Princess Yasmin; romantic music plays in the background as he takes a look at her face, she speaks softly] Hello.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [dreamily] Hello.

Princess Yasmin: [Yasmin giggles at Jacques. and puts her finger on his nose] Who are you?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [in a slow voice] I am Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli, second class. Who are you?

Princess Yasmin: I am -

[Hanif looks at Hans Zarba with a suspicion that she might reveal her identity and blow their cover; she yawns and goes unconscious]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Your sister is very... very unconscious. Yes, I suspect that she had 'receiv-ed' a 'beump' on the head.

Hans Zarba: What?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [Dreyfus corrects Gambrelli's mispronunciation] Bump.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: What?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, never mind. Come, François.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes, she requires immediate emergency treatment, Mister... uh...

Hans Zarba: Jones, Jones.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrellia closes the van door, getting his gloves and fingers caught in the van door] Take her quickly to the Nice hospital, Mr. Jones, and I will phone ahead to - Aah! - to tell them that you're - Mr. Jones! Mr. Jones, please stop! Mr. J - Wait, Mr. Jones, my hand! My - where are you go - Mr. Jones! Mr. Jones! Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, please stop!

[the van backs up and then drives away with Gambrelli's hand caught in the back door]

Hans Zarba: [Hanif knocks on Hans's door] Yes?

Hanif: [Hanif opens the door, bringing Jacques Gambrelli with him, unaware that the doctor is really Jacques Gambrelli] The doctor.

Hans Zarba: Ah, finallly. Come in, doctor.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes, good evening.

Hans Zarba: Good evening.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Good evening. Well, what seems to be the trouble? Ah, you have received the blemish in your arm, huh?

Hans Zarba: Yes, I believe it may require some stitches. What do you think?

[Hans unwinds the bandage around his arm]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli gasps] Oh, heh heh. Oh yes, I think... you need something... to keep you from fainting. Yes, you must take deep breaths like this.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli breathes heavily] You see, then you don't faint, but deep, very, very deep.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli faints, hitting Hans's bed and then the floor; Hans throws a book at Gambrelli to revive him] What happened?

Hans Zarba: You hyperventilated.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I did? Where?

Hans Zarba: You fainted.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Oh, yes, I know that, yes.

[Gambrelli opens a medical bag]

Hans Zarba: Well, are you going to stitch up my arm or not?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli puts a stethoscope on] Of course, of course, I am going to stitch up your - Phew! - up your...

[Gambrelli sniffs a bottle of alcohol]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: But first, I must check if you are... physically fit.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli puts a head mirror on his forehead; Hans points a gun at Gambrelli, who backs away] Fit as a fiddle. Very good.

[Gambrelli drinks from the alcohol bottle]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli wheezes deeply] And now... now I must check your reflex.

[Gambrelli taps Hans's knee with a rubber doctor's mallet; Hans kicks Gambrelli into a chair]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Flex as a fiddle... Very good.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Now... now...

[Gambrelli drinks from the bottle of alcohol]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Aah... aah... Ohh, ohh...

[Gambrelli puts his head into his medical bag]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Ah, there - oh.

[in a muffled voice]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: There is a spare in here somewhere.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli pulls out a vial] Uh-huh, ah, this is very good. You know what this is? My dentist uses this. He pulled my wi - wisdom tooth, and I didn't even feel it, ha ha.

Hans Zarba: Novocaine.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: No, no, no, no... This - His name is Fishburn... Dr. Marvin Fishburn, yes? I highly recommend him. If you are in need of - ooh!

[Gambrelli accidentally sticks himself in the cheek with the novocaine shot, and talks irreuglarly]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I seem... to have stabbed myself in the cheek, yes? Now, before I can stitch up your arm, I must inject it. Hold still, hold - hold still. Hold still... Yes, aha, very good. Ah, ha ha, good. Now... okay, it's... it's... now, it's getting... very late, and I think... oh, I get back... in the hospital, in surgery. I am due in surgery, huh? Bye-bye.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Hans aims for Gambrelli, hitting the doorway] On... on second thought, I am in no condition... to operate. Is better if I stay here, huh, with you?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Hanif enters the room] If you need me, I am here... with you. I am here. Now just relax, if you need me...

[Gambrelli passes out]

Hans Zarba: Salaam alaikum.

Uncle Idris: Wa alaikum salaam.

Uncle Idris: [in English] Welcome to my home away from home, your Highness.

Princess Yasmin: Who are you?

Uncle Idris: My Muslim name is Sharif Latiff Abdul al-Idris al-Saba, but you can call me Uncle Idris.

Hans Zarba: [Hans enters the room carrying a gun] Come, Yasmin!

Princess Yasmin: Never!

Hans Zarba: We'll make our escape!

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques recites some poetry from memory] "When I am dead, my dearest, sing no sad songs for me. / Plant thou no roses at my head, no shady cypress tree / Be the green grass above me, with showers and dew drops wet, / And if thou wilt remember, and if thou wilt forget."

[Hans shoots at Jacques]

Princess Yasmin: Jacques!

[Yasmin grunts as she struggles to get away from Hans; Cato, who has been hiding in am urn, hits Hans from behind with a brass frying pan]

Hans Zarba: That's it, no more mister nice guy!

[Hans faints to the floor]