Hans Quotes in Die Hard (1988)

Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors: In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec. In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement...

John McClane: [listening on the radio] What the fuck?

Karl: [mouthing silently] Asian Dawn?

Hans: [covers the radio] I read about them in Time magazine.

Hans: [Hans uses McClane's gun and says something in an uninterpreted German on his CB Radio] Put down the gun, and give me my detonators.

John McClane: Well, well, well... Hans.

Hans: Put it down now.

John McClane: That's pretty tricky with that accent. You oughta be on fucking TV with that accent. But what do you want with the detonators, Hans? I already used all the explosives. Or did I?

Hans: I'm going to count to three...

John McClane: Yeah, like you did with Takagi?

John McClane: [Hans pulls trigger] Ooops.

[Hans pulls the trigger a few times more]

John McClane: No more bullets. What do you think, I'm fucking stupid, Hans?

Hans: [elevator opens] You were saying?

Hans: Mr. Takagi, I could talk about industrialization and men's fashion all day, but I'm afraid work must intrude, and my associate, Theo, has some questions for you. Sort of fill in the blanks questions, actually.

Hans: Mrs. McClane. How nice to make your acquaintance.

[In Rudd's office, Hans meets Rudd & Vorstedt after losing the Krugerrands in the chase]

Arjen Rudd: Hans, come in.

[points in front of his desk]

Arjen Rudd: Mind the plastic. I'm having some painting done. Well now, the important thing is, are you all right? Any broken bones?

Hans: I'm fine, thank you, Mr. Rudd.

Arjen Rudd: Only a few bumps and bruises, eh?

Hans: Yes, that's all.

Arjen Rudd: Good, good.

[pause]

Arjen Rudd: However, we did lose over a million dollars in Krugerrand.

Hans: I know. I'm sorry, Mr. Rudd. It happens.

Arjen Rudd: Ah, it's not your fault. Sometimes these things do not go as planned. As you say, they just happen... eh, Pieter?

[Pieter shoots Hans. He falls dead onto the plastic, and Pieter starts wrapping its edges around his body]

Pieter Vorstedt: You give a new meaning to the phrase "drop-cloth," Mr. Rudd.

Hans: Anna? But she froze your heart.

Anna: The only frozen heart around here is yours.

[she turns away from Hans, then quickly turns around again to punch him into the lake]

Anna: Can I say something crazy?

Hans: I love crazy.

Hans: Can I say something crazy? Will you marry me?

Anna: Can I say something even crazier? Yes!

[Hans and a weakened Anna lean in to kiss. But then Hans stops and smiles evilly]

Hans: Oh, Anna. If only there was someone out there who loved you.

[Gets up and leaves]

Anna: What?

[Shocked, she turns to see him walking to a window]

Anna: Y-You said you did.

Hans: [Closing the curtains] As thirteenth in line in my own kingdom, I didn't stand a chance. I knew, I'd have to marry into the throne somewhere.

Anna: What-what are you talking about?

Hans: [puts out a candle] As heir, Elsa was preferable, of course, but no one was getting anywhere with her. But you.

Anna: Hans?

Hans: You were so desperate for love, you were willing to marry me, just like that!

[He picks up a pitcher of water and goes to the fireplace]

Hans: I figured after we married, I'd have to stage a little accident for Elsa.

[He pours water onto the fire, putting it out. Anna reaches out to stop him, but collapses onto the floor]

Anna: Hans, no! Stop!

Hans: But then she doomed herself, and you were dumb enough to go after her.

Anna: Please.

Hans: [chuckles] All that's left now is to kill Elsa and bring back summer.

Anna: [bravely] You're no match for Elsa.

Hans: No, you're no match for Elsa. I, on the other hand, am the hero who's going to save Arendelle from destruction.

[Hans walks to the door]

Anna: [angrily] You won't get away with this!

Hans: Oh I already have.

[Hans leaves, locking the door behind him]

Duke: [to Anna] You, is there sorcery in you, too? Are you a monster, too?

Anna: No! No, I'm completely ordinary.

Hans: That's right, she is.

[Anna looks at him quizzically]

Hans: In-in the best way.

[Anna smiles at him]

Hans: With a heavy heart, I charge Queen Elsa of Arendelle with treason and sentence her to death.

Hans: Don't you worry, sir. I'll be just as good a master to you as you were to me.

[last lines]

Hans: [Drosselmeyer's nephew Hans meets Clara for the first time, and he is shy] Hello, Clara.

Clara: [realizing that Hans is really the Nutcracker Prince] Hello Nutcracker.

Hans: If you only knew the way I felt.

[first lines]

Margarita: Oh, Hans. Isn't she beautiful?

Hans: Huh?

[he runs up to Margarita]

Hans: Did you say something to me, Margarita?

Margarita: I'm talking about that swan with the crown.

Hans: Huh?

Margarita: Isn't she just magnificent?

[last lines]

Margarita: Rothbart's magic was no match for the love between Siegfried and Odette.

[Hans nods, she turns to him]

Margarita: Listen, Hans. Will you promise to love me as much as the prince loves Odette, forever and ever?

Hans: Mm-hmm.

[She kisses Hans, hugging her]

Rothbart: That must be chewing! Maybe, those rats again.

Hans: Who's he calling a rat?

[Siegfried and Benno riding on their horse to the lake for the swan with a crown, he sees the Adolph's statue]

Prince Siegfried: Don't you worry about thing, Adolph.

[Hans and Margarita watches the swan with a crown is leaving, they notices that Siegfried and Benno has come back]

Margarita: Oh, why is the prince back so soon?

Prince Siegfried: [points to the swan with a crown] Look over there. The swan with a crown, It's leaving! Let's go!

Benno: Where are we going?

Margarita: Why is Prince Siegfried following that beautiful swan?

[running off, turns to Hans]

Margarita: What are you waiting for?

Hans: Huh? Why do I have to come?

Ochiro: So it's come down to this... total war. But you know what? I'm going to survive it. I feel certain about that.

Hans: Maybe so. I hope so. Then when it's all over you and I can settle things between us.

Hans: Did you ever hear the story of the old woman who shook her head at the family so much that one night it fell off? Right on the dinner table.

Hans: You know I like to think that shoes have a mind of their own. The ones that squeak don't want to leave the shop, and the ones that don't fit don't like the person that's wearing them.

Hans: You know, I never saw such a worrier as you, Peter. You want to worry? I'll give you something to worry about. Two years ago I took you out of that orphanage and promised them I'd make you into a good cobbler. Two whole years! Look at that shoe. Glue's all smeared, the nails go in crooked. Two years an apprentice and still the nails go in crooked.

Peter: I'm not as bad as all that, am I? You're not going to send me back, are you?

Hans: Ah! A new worry appears in the sky.

Hans: That's the nice thing about the world, my friend: People.

Hans: No one's ever really alone.

Hans: You'd be surprised how many kings are only a queen with a mustache.

[working on a beautiful ballerina's shoes]

Hans: I almost wish she'd asked me for something really impossible.

Hans: [having just learned that Doro is married to Niels, who has just slapped her after an argument] How could you do it? How could a girl like you marry a man like that? How can I help you?

Paulo: Put your hands up!

Hans: No.

Paulo: What?

Hans: I said no.

Paulo: Why not?

Hans: Because I don't want to.

Paulo: But I've got a gun...

Hans: I don't care.

Paulo: It doesn't make any sense!

Hans: Too bad!

[from trailer]

Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

Billy: No, it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left?

Hans: Marty, I've been reading your movie. Your women characters are awful. None of them have anything to say for themselves. And most of them get either shot or stabbed to death within five minutes. And the ones that don't probably will later on.

Marty: Well, it's a hard world for women. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Hans: Yeah, it's a hard world for women, but most of the ones I know can string a sentence together.

Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, I believe that wholeheartedly.

Billy: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. Hows the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left, who's still got one eye! All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Gandhi was wrong, it's just that nobody's got the balls to come right out and say it.

Hans: My wife is sitting on a chair someplace. Some gray place. I thought she'd be in Heaven, but she's sitting on a chair with a bullet in her head. I thought they'd have cleaned that kind of stuff up.

Marty: Maybe you've just eaten too many hallucinogenic cactuses tonight, Hans.

Hans: Nothing to do with the hallucinogens.

Marty: But you've just seen Myra on a chair with a bullet through her head.

Hans: In some gray place.

Marty: England?

Hans: It seemed a lot worse than that.

Marty: Wow.

Marty: That's just fucking great! Oh great! Do you know what that is?

Hans: Yeah.

Marty: Do you know what that is?

Hans: Great.

Marty: That's just fucking great!

Hans: We can't leave him.

Marty: You ain't gonna fight.

Hans: Of course I ain't gonna fight, but I ain't gonna run.

Marty: What are you gonna do then?

Hans: I guess I'm gonna die.

Marty: Friends don't make their friends die Hans.

Hans: Psychopathic friends do. You're the one thought psychopaths were so interesting, but they're kinda tiresome after awhile, don't you think?

Hans: Have some pride, in yourself. Have some faith in Jesus Christ as your lord and dont tell this scumsucking motherfuckers nothing.

Billy: Okay, here we go. Exterior. Cemetery. Night. The shoot-out. Yeah! The Jack O' Diamonds is waiting there with Bonny, and he's arranged to give him back and have this whole thing end because all he really wants is peace. You know, like Gandhi or Jesus or that other guy. Anyway, he's waiting there for the Mafia boss, who's agreed to show up alone and unarmed. But, yeah, guess what?

Marty: Wait, wait a minute. Surely he knows that the Mafia boss is a psycho? Why would he believe he'd show up alone and unarmed? You know?

Billy: Yeah. Exactly! Maybe the Jack O' Diamonds was expecting to get double-crossed because he just happens to have brought a couple of friends along. Suddenly, from out of every fucking grave burst the seven psychopaths, a gun in every hand. Flamethrower! Who the fuck is that? It's the Vietcong guy. He was hiding up a tree. You!

[Points to Marty]

Billy: You're there, but you're just there to observe, and that's all right. Nobody thinks you're a pussy. But it's started raining now. Lightning. And oh, no, look who's wandered in like a fucking idiot. It's Kaya. She's come to say sorry to you, and she loves you, and that she didn't mean to be such a fucking bitch. You scream out, "Kaya! Stay back!" Too late, she's fucking mown down. Fucking mown down! Her head almost comes off. Her head does come off. You scream out her name, all sad, and she dies. You throw your notepad away. Art and peace and all that shit can wait! Now's the time for men to be men! "Fuck you, you cunts!" It's really emotional. And then... Hold on. Yeah... The black chick from the serial killer killers. She fought good, but she's the next to croak. Zachariah dies, too. He buys it. Dies in her arms. And they die and they're old and mental, and so much in love. You know, it's really sad. But his rabbit gets away, though, because you can't let the animals die in a movie. Just the women. Anyway, guns, guns, guns! Blam, blam, blam. The Vietcong gets hit. Then he dies, and he never even had a fucking name, and he's so good. With his dying move, he throws his nunchakus and he kills two of the bastards.

Hans: Nunchakus are Japanese.

Billy: [Ignores this] So the only ones left are you and Hans. Peace is for queers. And now you're gonna die. But the Jack O' Diamonds isn't dead at all. He was just a bit injured and he had a fucking crossbow up his sleeve. That's not enough, so he pulls out a shotgun. Goodbye. And as the Jack O' Diamonds dies in their arms, he whispers, "We did good, we did good, didn't we, Marty?" And through your tears, you say, "Ah, bejesus, Jack, "we did more than good. We did grand." Jack says, "All I ever wanted was to be your friend. Marty, I'm your friend now, ain't I?" And you say, "Ah, bejesus, sure, you're me best friend, Jack. "You're me best friend." And then the Jack O' Diamonds dies. And as his soul leaves his body to go dance with the angels, we pan up over the blood-strewn cemetery and off into the pretty blue skies of dawn. Skies blue enough to suggest that maybe there can be peace one day in this troubled but beautiful world. Maybe there can be peace because that would be good!

Marty: Billy's a psychopath, Hans.

Hans: I guess he's made it into your movie now.

Hans: So, you know, your Vietcong psycho story becomes the final thoughts of a man who chose not the darkness, but the light. The light being, you know, suicide by self-immolation. But I think that's the best we're gonna get. And, you know... I know you said dream sequences are for fags, but I think it could work, don't you? We all gotta dream, don't we? Not just fags. Oh, by the way, I don't think they like being called "fags" anymore. I think nowadays they prefer "homos."

Billy: Is that a guinea pig? It's a gerbil, isn't it? That's enormous. Hey, Marty, we just seen some kind of giant gerbil.

[Marty punches Billy]

Billy: Marty, you alcoholic fucking bastard.

Hans: Yeah, you might wanna stop drinking, Martin, if this is the way you're gonna behave.

Marty: If this is the way I'm gonna... This guy just telephoned a psycho-killer to come down and psycho-kill us. And this guy's doubting a lifelong belief in the afterlife because of a psychedelic cactus he just ate. And you motherfuckers are telling me to behave?

Billy: Whoa. Whoa. Time out. What's all this about doubting a lifelong belief in the afterlife because of a psychedelic cactus you just ate? Hans, what the heck?

Hans: I met Myra. On the ridge. She had some things to say.

Billy: About the afterlife being non-existent or something?

Hans: That was the gist.

Billy: No, no, it might have sounded like Myra. But you know why? Now don't get mad, but you know I can do Myra's voice pretty good. Yeah, I snuck up there a little while ago and I pretended to be her. I started saying all kinds of crazy stuff.

Hans: Hmm? But what specifically did you say? About the place you were in? The place Myra was in. Huh? How did you describe it, specifically?

Billy: You mean specifically?

Hans: Yeah.

Billy: I just kind of said it was all kind of... I just kind of said it was all kind of gray and shit.

Hans: No.

Myra: God loves us. I know He does. He's just got a funny way of showing it sometimes. Sometimes I think God's gone crazy sometimes. Stuff He does, stuff He don't do.

Hans: Well, He's had a lot to contend with in his time, too, you know. Bastards killed His kid, too.

[from trailer]

Hans: Fuck the cops! Fuck them! No fucking cops!

Myra: When you gonna get a job that ain't just stealing from folks, Hans?

Hans: I'm a 63-year-old, ain't worked in 20 years. Myra, where am I gonna get a job?

Myra: Government.

Hans: Government? "A job that ain't just stealing from folks"? Government?

Hans: Velcome to the Vaxvork.

Hans: She likes me better, he can't handle it / Hans read her hands, now she wants me in her pants!

Hans: Slap my ass even though I'm done.

Hans: Should I even ask you perhaps no reason out of left field to just take a little bite out of a snowball you must- it could save your life!

Hans: Does one have to sing here?

Karl: Whatever you do, don't sing. Tell him you're talking to God every night before you go to sleep.

Hans: Do you know why such a giant big piece of metal and plastic and, what have you, teapots, seats, stewardesses and so on, can fly at all?

Karl: [indicates] No

Hans: Because the travel distance of the air above the wing is longer than underneath.

Karl: I've been studying theology once.

Hans: [chuckling] So you're not allowed to sleep with women.

Karl: What?

Hans: Not even touch them, right? Not even pat a little, or grab a bit. Nothing, right?

Karl: No.

Hans: No. Not at all, right?

Karl: Yes yes yes. I only studied it, right? I'm allowed everything.

Hans: Are you happy?

Karl: I don't know.

Hans: Who's waiting for you at home, your girl-friend?

Karl: Nobody.

Hans: So, Nobody's her name!

Stelle: I have cake.

Hans: Cake is top!

Hans: Say, are you mad because you wanted to take a shower, too? Or did you want to take a shower with me?

Hans: Did you know that the Earth is not a globe?

Hans: It's a level rotational ellipsoid.

Karl: The girls are waiting for the bus.

Hans: Right! These aren't just girls. They're girls Waiting For The Bus!

Hans: [waving] Hoohoo!

Hans: Stelle just arrived from London. I thought, maybe we could go drink a cup of coffee.

Karl: I'd like to. Hans, would you lend me your clothes, as long as you're wearing mine?

Hans: I think, if I were a woman, I'd have really good tits. Small, but pretty hot. And you'd certainly have a good ass.

Karl: Do you think it's "hot" or "top", if I'm kissing your girl-friend?

Hans: You're crazy about her! But, admit it, you're also a wee bit crazy about me, aren't you?

Hans: Karl, don't forget your stolen car!

Hans: Do you think it's my dream to drive around with a fucking car? You didn't get anything.

Hans: [When Avner covering the naked body of the dead Jeanette with her robe] Leave it!

Steve: You know how to shoot, to assassinate people, right? I mean, you make dolls in a toyshop, and you... you shop for sofas? And you- I don't know what you do.

Carl: Me? I worry.

Steve: [to Avner] So why did they make you team leader?

Hans: Because he really knows how to cook a brisket.

Avner: [starts laughing]

Hans: [Hans brings the dead maria to town] Maria she's drowned.

The Burgomaster: My poor man why do you bring her here.

Hans: She was MURDERED!

Leigh: I wanna move back with you guys.

Justine: You're 30 years old.

Leigh: I'm 29 and 10 months. I've never, you know, asked for... I just need some time out of my life.

Justine: Well, we all do.

Hans: Are you alright Leigh?

Leigh: Yeah. I just don't want to turn 30 and still be in that life any more.

Hans: What's wrong with the life you have in the city?

Leigh: It's not... It's not good. I'm not... I'm not happy.

Hans: Are you depressed?

Justine: Is that it? Are you depressed?

Leigh: No, not clinically. My life hasn't turned out like I pictured.

Hans: Mr. Lee is curious about the Frost couple. He would like to meet them.

Kiki: I think the woman would have sex with you, Mr. Lee. The man, he only likes Interzone boys.

Bill Lee: I don't want to fuck 'em, I just want to talk to 'em.

Hans: You know how Americans are, Kiki. They all love to travel, and then they only want to meet other Americans and talk about how hard it is to get a decent hamburger.

Hans: Dr Benway leaves his mark on a man like a liana vine pissed on by a lemur!

Hans: A very professional operation.

Bill Lee: [sample platter of Black Meat] May I?

Hans: ...Yes.

Hans: Are you laughing at me?

Cleopatra: Why no, monsieur.

Hans: Thanks, I'm glad.

Cleopatra: Why should they laugh at you?

Hans: Most big people do, they don't realize that I'm a man with the same feelings they have.

Hans: Give me that little black bottle.

Hans: She is the most beautiful big woman, I have ever seen.

Frieda: I was saying, tonight you must not smoke such a big cigar. Your voice was very bad at tonight's show.

Hans: Please, Frieda, don't tell me what I do. When I want a cigar, I smoke a cigar. I want no orders from a woman.

Hans: Dummkopf! What have you on your shoulders for heads? Swine pails?

Cleopatra: Well, what are you going to do? What are you a man? Or, a baby?

Hans: Please, please, you make me ashamed.

Cleopatra: Ashamed! You?

Cleopatra: Can't you see it was only a joke?

Hans: [broken hearted] Our wedding a joke... now I see why it's funny.

Cleopatra: You must come to see me sometime. And we'll have a little wine together.

[Pinches Hans cheek]

Hans: Thank you, fraulein.

Hans: I'm only here to ask you some questions on behalf of myself and the others, and to have a look at you. Look, I could have come at another time to see him too, but, I don't need to speak to him. I don't need to speak to him... in front of you. Useless. With this business of the trial, he's... become too diffident.

Lucia: He's right.

Hans: What do you mean?

Lucia: Because then for the first time he saw you all clearly. Nothing's changed, has it?

Hans: You're wrong. We've all had our trials. Now we are cured and live in peace with ourselves.

Lucia: There's no cure.

Hans: It is you who are ill. Otherwise, you wouldn't be with somebody who made you...

Lucia: That's my affair.

Hans: Very well. But nevertheless, your mind is disturbed. That's why you're here, fishing up the past.

Lucia: Max is more than just the past.

[Lucia crawls under a table]

Hans: Listen. Why don't you go to the police? If you want to, I'll take you. Hm?

Lucia: Dr. Fogler, I remember you so well. You gave a lot of orders.

Hans: Then you can't have forgotten that your Max was an obedient Sturmscharführer. Remember?

Lucia: I don't remember.

Hans: I certainly can't oblige you to remember if you don't want to.

[clears his throat]

Hans: I'm only here to ask you to testify, to find out... if the situation in which you find yourself is of your own choice.

Lucia: I'm all right here.

Hans: Yes. You both want to live in peace, right? One lives in peace... when one is in harmony with one's close friends, when one respects an agreement. Tell Max that. We could have denounced him to the police for the murder of Mario. But we didn't. Max is ill. He mustn't be too far away from us! He's locked you up here. We could go to the police about that, too, no?

Lucia: I'm here of my own free will. This chain is because of you, so none of you can take me away.

Hans: If we wanted to carry you off, would this chain stop us? You poor fool. A chain can be cut. None of us is thinking of violence.

Lucia: Hmm, I know how your, your witnesses end up. Max told me.

[Lucia crawls out from under the table, away from Hans]

Hans: Max doesn't know what he's saying or doing. His mind is disordered.

Lucia: [crawling into the bathroom] Get out. Go away. Go away!

[slams the door]

Hans: If you change your mind, if the chain grows heavy... call me.

Kate Neville: Have you ever broken it before?

Hans: Probably.

Hans: Are you sure there's no German blood in you?

Kate Neville: Hm-hm. I win my wars.