Hannibal King Quotes in Blade: Trinity (2004)

Danica Talos: Enough! It's not funny anymore!

Hannibal King: No, it's not, you horse-humping bitch! But it will be a few seconds from now. See, that tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now?

[Asher, Jarko, and Danica start coughing]

Hannibal King: That's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!

[Jarko and Asher cough harder]

Hannibal King: Which means the fat lady should be singing, right... about... now!

[pause where nothing happens]

Hannibal King: Heh, this is awkward.

[still nothing]

Hannibal King: Do you have a cell phone?

[after Hannibal sends the vampire dogs plummeting out the high-rise's window]

Jarko Grimwood: Hey, dick-face. You seen my dog?

Hannibal King: Have you tried the lobby?

Jarko Grimwood: [about his vampire Pomeranian] Precious, isn't he?

Hannibal King: Well, that depends who you ask. Because clearly, this dog has a bigger dick than you.

Jarko Grimwood: And when the fuck did you see my dick, fuck-face?

[he kicks Hannibal in the face]

Hannibal King: Ow!

[points at Danica]

Hannibal King: I was talking to her!

Danica Talos: [licking one of Hannibal's wounds] You're tasting a little bland, lover. Are you getting enough fatty acids in your diet? Have you tried lake trout? Mackerel?

Hannibal King: How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?

Danica Talos: And how about everyone here not saying the word "dick" anymore? It provokes my envy.

Hannibal King: [comes across Pac-Man] Fuck me.

[two Rotweilers, also vampire dogs, come into frame]

Hannibal King: Oh, fuck me sideways!

Hannibal King: [after watching Blade casually kill a familiar] You know, at some point, you, uh, you might wanna consider sitting down with somebody. You know, have a little share time? Kick back. Get in touch with your inner child, that sorta thing. Also, just a thought, but you might wanna consider blinking once in a while.

[Blade stops and slowly turns to look at Hannibal]

Hannibal King: I'm sorry, I, uh... I ate a lot of sugar today.

Hannibal King: What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other?

Abigail Whistler: Shut up King.

Hannibal King: See you in 28 days.

Hannibal King: Hedges, super-size me, sweetheart.

[Hedges hands him a four-barrel rifle]

Hannibal King: This little peashooter, it's a modified version of the Army's objective individual combat weapon. Pick your poison - sun dogs, stakes, heat-seeking mini-rockets. Basically, whatever gets you hard, this puppy'll pump 'em out.

[sarcastic]

Hannibal King: Of course, it doesn't have the range of a *sword*, but, uh...

Hannibal King: Her name is Danica Talos. You met her earlier. And unlike typical vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina.

[Blade's expression doesn't change]

Hannibal King: Moving on...

Hannibal King: [to Danica, as she is dying from the Daystar Plague] Hang in there, kitten. I'll get help.

[Jarko punches King]

Hannibal King: Ooh, gonna be sorry you did that.

Asher Talos: Why? Nobody's coming for you, King-shit.

Hannibal King: Sure they are.

[in pain]

Hannibal King: God! See, one of the things you fuckheads need to know about us Nightstalkers is that when you join our club, you get all sorts of groovy little door prizes, and one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body.

[all laugh]

Jarko Grimwood: Bullshit.

Hannibal King: Yeah. See, when one of us goes missing, the others, they just dial up the satellite... which is in space. And then presto. Instant cavalry.

[Asher claps]

Hannibal King: You like that, huh? Go fuck your sister

Hannibal King: Hey Blade, I got a question for you. Say we're successful, say we wipe out all the vampires. What then? Huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean, somehow I don't picture you teaching Karate at the local Y.

[Blade just walks off]

Hannibal King: He hates me, doesn't he?

Abigail Whistler: Yeah.

Hannibal King: We call ourselves the Nightstalkers.

Blade: Hmm. Sounds like rejects from a Saturday morning cartoon.

Hannibal King: Well, we were gonna go with the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken.

Blade: What the hell makes you think you know about huntin' vampires?

Hannibal King: Well, here's for starters.

[shows Vampire tattoo]

Hannibal King: I used to be one.

[puts shirt down]

Hannibal King: Do I pass the audition?

Dex: Consider us your reinforcements.

Blade: What? You amateurs are supposed to be helping me? You? Look at you. You're kids. You're not ready to roll with this. I mean, look at the way you're dressed. What, that's supposed to be tactical?

[about Hannibal's name tag]

Blade: What is this? What is that? "Fuck you." It's a joke, huh? What the fuck is wrong with y'all? You think this is a joke? You think this is a fucking sit-com?

Hannibal King: Okay, first off, that's just rude. Second, I'm pretty sure we saved your ass back there.

Hannibal King: [calls to Blade as Blade disappears into the ventilation shaft] Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where're you going?

[turns to Abby]

Hannibal King: Where the fuck is he going? This is supposed to be a rescue!

Hannibal King: Welcome to the honeycomb hideout.

Blade: How do you bankroll this operation?

Hannibal King: I date a lot of older men.

[Abby inspects Hannibal's shoulder wound, then pulls out an aerosol can]

Hannibal King: Whoa, hold on! What are you- What is that? What are you doin'?

Abigail Whistler: It's an elastic protein, okay? It's gonna stop the haemorraging.

Hannibal King: Okay. Is it gonna hurt?

Abigail Whistler: Yeah, it's gonna sting a little.

Hannibal King: Really?

[she applies the protein, spraying a thick paste into the wound with a hiss]

Hannibal King: FUCK... ME!

Danica Talos: Okay King, where is this tracking node of yours?

Hannibal King: It's in my left ass cheek.

[Danica slaps King in the face]

Hannibal King: Fine. It's in my right ass cheek.

[Danica slaps King in the face again]

Hannibal King: Okay, I'm - okay, seriously now. It's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo.

[Danica kicks King in the groin]

Hannibal King: Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whities and see for yourself.

Jarko Grimwood: [grabs Hannibal by the throat] Spit it out, you fucking fruitcake!

Hannibal King: All right, fuck! I'll tell you about the weapon!

[Jarko releases him]

Hannibal King: It's a new flavor-crystal formula. Twice the chocolaty goodness, half the calories. Plus it helps prevent tooth decay. There.

Hannibal King: Let's face it, we are fighting a losing battle here. So we kill a few hundred of them a year, big deal. There are thousands of them out there, maybe tens of thousands. We need a new tactic.

Blade: Like what?

Sommerfield: A biological weapon. For you sighted people, here's a little show-and-tell.

[alternate ending only]

Hannibal King: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a werewolf? You get a fur coat that sticks to your neck!

[last lines]

Hannibal King: Blade was still out there somewhere, doing what he did best. He was a weapon. His life was a war. And everybody knows the war never ends.

Danica Talos: Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's been planning?

Hannibal King: I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. Two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly.

Hannibal King: [to the dog licking his ear] Back off, pooch.

[the dog opens its three-jawed mouth, showing vampire fangs and a Reaper-style tongue]

Hannibal King: [shouts] Jesus Christ!

[he bolts to his feet]

Hannibal King: What the fuck?

Asher Talos: [picking up the dog] Good dog.

Hannibal King: [shouts] What the fuck?

Asher Talos: His name's Pac-Man. We've been porting the vampire gene into other species, experimenting.

Hannibal King: You made a goddamn vampire Pomeranian?

Hannibal King: [about Danica] You know the kind of woman that just screams trouble? You see her, and every warning bell in your brain starts going off, but you still manage to ask for her number? Well, that's all I ever hook up with. But this betty... whoa! She blew them all away in the shitstorm sweepstakes.

[first lines]

Hannibal King: In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy always manages to save the day at the last minute with crosses and holy water. But everybody knows the movies are full of shit. The truth is, it started with Blade, and it ended with him. The rest of us were just along for the ride.

Blade: [on Dracula] So the movies are true.

Hannibal King: Ha! The movies are just a comforting fairy-tale compared to the real deal. Bram Stoker, he wrote a good yarn. But the events that he described back in 1897, God, that was just a tiny piece of the mosaic.

[showing Blade pictures of the vampires]

Hannibal King: And this walking diaper stain is Jarko Grimwood.

Hannibal King: We're still trying to sort out fact from fiction when it comes to Dracula. Turning into mist? Kinda doubt it. But general shape-shifting? Maybe.

Hedges: Not into a bat or a wolf or anything like that, but, another human, uh, with practice, could be possible. Because he wouldn't have a-a traditional skeletal structure. Something more like a snake's, with thousands of, uh, tiny bones, and...

Hannibal King: I have a - I have a question about that, Hedges. Have you ever been laid?

Hedges: Many times... with ladies.

Hannibal King: She's making playlists. She likes to listen to MP3s when she hunts. It's like her own internal soundtrack, you know? Dark core, trip-hop, whatever kids are listening to these days. Me, I'm more of a David Hasselhof fan, you know?

Hannibal King: So, can we just go right ahead and sign you up for one of our secret Nightstalker decoder rings?

[alternate ending only; to a werewolf]

Hannibal King: Don't you know that fur is murder?

Hannibal King: I picked Danica up in a bar, and spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy. Eventually, Abigail found me, Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure, and now I kill them. And that's basically turning a frown upside down.

Hannibal King: [after breaking in through the window] Evening, ladies.

Hannibal King: [Last lines, unrated version] ... and Blade? The virus didn't kill him. Because he was a hybrid, his heart never stopped beating. It simply slowed down. And so, he slept, waiting for the moment he can walk the Earth again.