Hamm Quotes in Toy Story (1995)

[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]

Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!

Hamm: I don't get it.

Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?

Rex: Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?

Woody: He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.

Buzz: Excuse me.

Buzz: [Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]

Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.

Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly.

Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.

Woody: No, you can't.

Buzz: [scoffs] Yes, I can.

Woody: Can't.

Buzz: Can.

Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't!

Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!

Woody: Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.

Buzz: All right then, I will.

Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?

Woody: It's not a laser! It's a...

[sighs in frustration]

Woody: It's a little light bulb that blinks.

Hamm: What's with him?

Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.

Woody: [Running towards Buzz in a Mocking sort of Manner] Oh Buzz! Buzz Lightyear! Thank Goodness! We've Got Trouble!

Buzz: Trouble? Trouble where?

Woody: Down there. A helpless toy is trapped, Buzz!

Buzz: On it!

[Buzz jumps over to the Side of the Desk, while Woody sneaks over to RC's Remote, waking him up, and aiming him directly at Buzz]

Buzz: I don't see anything!

Woody: Oh he's there, just keep looking.

[Woody sends RC driving towards Buzz. Buzz jumps out of the way, and RC crashes into the pin-up Board in the corner, knocking all the pins down around Buzz. The board crashes down into Andy's Globe, knocking it loose, rolling towards Buzz]

Woody: [Buzz jumps out of the globe's way, onto the Windowsill, but the Globe strikes Andy's Folding-Arm Desk Lamp. It spins over Woody, who ducks out of the way, and hits Buzz, sending him flying out the window]

Hamm, Mr. Potato Head: [Stop their Card Game, and run over to the Window in Panic] BUZZ!

Woody: Buzz!

[Buzz flies into the Bushes nearby and disappears]

Slinky Dog: [the Rest of Andy's Toys gather round] I don't see him in the driveway. I think he bounced into Sid's Yard.

[Woody gulps and backs away from the window after what happened]

[watching guests arrive for Andy's party]

Rex: Any dinosaur-shaped ones?

Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud, they're all in *boxes*, you idiot.

Rex: They're getting bigger...

Slinky Dog: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.

[boy turns around, revealing the full length of the box he's carrying]

Rex, Hamm, Slinky Dog: AAAAAHH!

Mr. Potato Head: [Noticing Woody calling from Sid's house] Son of a building block!It's Woody!

Hamm: He's in the psycho's bedroom!

Bo Peep: Woody?

Woody: Boy, am I glad to see you guys!

Slinky Dog: I knew you'd come back!

Bo Peep: What are you doing over there?

Woody: It's a long story, I'll explain later. Here! Catch this!

[Woody throws a String of Christmas Lights across to Andy's Window, which Slinky grabs successfully]

Slinky Dog: I got it!

Woody: Good going Slink! Now tie it onto something!

Mr. Potato Head: Wait, I have a better idea! How about we don't?

[Snatches the lights off Slinky]

Slinky Dog: Hey!

Bo Peep: Potato Head!

Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take those Stupid Pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz?

[the other toys shake their head]

Mr. Potato Head: And now you wanna let him back over here?

Woody: No, no. You got it all wrong Potato Head. Buzz is right here. He's with me.

Woody: [Calling to Buzz] Buzz, come over here and tell the nice toy's that you're not dead!

[Buzz sits on the floor of Sid's Room, peeling off the sticker of his wrist communicator]

Woody: Just a sec.

Woody: [Walks back into Sid's Room and calls over to Buzz] Buzz, will you get up here and gimme a hand?

[Buzz throws his broken-off arm to Woody]

Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. THIS IS SERIOUS!

Slinky Dog: [after Buzz gets knocked out the window and lands into the bushes nearby] Hey guys, RC's trying to tell us something.

Rex: What is it Boy?

R.C. the Race Car: [RC Whirrs his wheels]

Mr. Potato Head: He says that this is *no* accident!

Bo Peep: What do you mean?

Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed, by Woody!

[the toys all stare at Woody in shock]

Woody: Wait a minute, You don't think I even meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you? Potato Head?

Mr. Potato Head: That's Mr. Potato Head to *you* you Backstabbing murderer!

Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me.

Slinky Dog: We believe ya, Woody. Right, Rex?

Rex: [Nervously] Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!

Mr. Potato Head: Couldn't handle Buzz cutting on your playtime, could you Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz might be Andy's *new* favourite toy. So you got rid of him. Well what if Andy starts playing with *me* more Woody, huh? You gonna knock me out the window too?

Hamm: I don't think we should give him the chance.

Sergeant: [he can't see what Andy is holding up] It's a...

Rex: It's A WHAT? WHAT IS IIIITTTTT?

[Rex shakes the table, inadvertently knocking off the TalkBoy and causing the batteries to fall out]

Rex: Oh, no!

Mr. Potato Head: Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!

Hamm: Way to go, Rex!

[moves forward]

Woody: [as the toys struggle to put the batteries back in the TalkBoy] No, no, turn 'em around! Turn 'em around!

Hamm: He's putting them in backward!

[to Mr. Potato Head]

Hamm: Hey, you're putting 'em in backwards!

Woody: PLUS IS POSITIVE! MINUS IS NEGATIVE! Oh, let me!

[jumps down]

Sergeant: [downstairs, into the Baby Monitor] Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!

[Woody puts the batteries back in properly and picks the Talkboy up]

Sergeant: ...juvenile intrusion, repeat! Assume your positions now!

Woody: ANDY'S COMING! Everybody back to your places! Hurry!

[mayhem breaks out]

Mr. Potato Head: [in a panic] Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?

Sergeant: Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head! Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head!

Hamm: Way to go, Ida-ho!

Mr. Potato Head: Gee, I'd better shave!

[pulls off his moustache]

Hamm: Yes, sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.

Slinky Dog: It's Sid!

Rex: I thought he was at summer camp!

Hamm: They must've kicked him out early this year.

Rex: Oh no, not Sid!

Woody: Has everybody picked a moving buddy?

Hamm: Moving buddy? You can't be serious!

Rex: I didn't know we were supposed to have one already!

Mr. Potato Head: [holding his left arm in his right hand] Do we have to hold hands?

[All laugh]

Mr. Potato Head: [as Woody tries to persuade everyone that Buzz is alright so that they may help him over] Wait just a minute here. What are you trying to pull?

Woody: [Throwing both hands into the air, accidentally revealing Buzz' severed arm completely] Nothing!

[the toys from Andy's Room in horror, and Rex throws up at the sight of it]

Hamm: That is Disgusting!

Mr. Potato Head: *Murderer*

Woody: No, no no no. It's not what you think. I swear!

Mr. Potato Head: Save it for the jury!

[Throws the String of Christmas Lights out the window, which go flying back to Sid's house where Woody is pleading for mercy, and land into Sid's Yard]

Mr. Potato Head: I hope Sid pulls your voice box out, ya creep!

[He and the other toys start to leave]

Woody: Don't leave! You've gotta help us please!You don't know what's it's like over here!

Woody: [to Slinky] Slink, please! Please listen to me1 Slink, don't...

[Slinky sadly close the blind]

Woody: [Sadly] SLI-I-I-I-NKYYY!

Mr. Potato Head: [while playing Battleship] Ah, ha. B-3.

Hamm: Miss. G-6.

Mr. Potato Head: Aw, you sunk it!

[Hamm chuckles]

Mr. Potato Head: Are you peeking?

Hamm: Hey, quit your whining and pay up.

[Mr. Potato Head plls off one of his ears]

Hamm: No, no, not the ear. Gimme the nose.

Mr. Potato Head: [pulls off his nose] How 'bout 3 out of 5?

Buzz Lightyear: Good work, men. Two blocks down and only nineteen more to go.

Mr. Potato Head: What?

Rex, Hamm, Slinky Dog: Nineteen?

Mr. Potato Head: Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me.

Buzz Lightyear: Come on, fellas. Did Woody give up when Sid had me strapped to a rocket?

Mr. Potato Head, Rex, Hamm, Slinky Dog: No.

Buzz Lightyear: No. And did he give up when you threw him out of the back of that moving van?

Mr. Potato Head: Oh, you had to bring *that* up!

Buzz Lightyear: No, he didn't! We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he's safe in Andy's room! Now, let's move out!

[the road leading to Al's Toy Barn on the other side has a tonne of Traffic in the way of the Toys]

Rex: Oh well.

Buzz Lightyear: [Holds onto Rex's tail] We'll have to cross.

Rex, Slinky Dog, Mr. Potato Head, Hamm: WHAT?

Mr. Potato Head: You're not turning me into a Mashed Potato.

Slinky Dog: I may not be a smart dog, but I know what roadkill is.

Buzz Lightyear: There has to be a safer way.

Buzz Lightyear: [Having figured out the Liscence Plate with the help of Mr. Spell] Etch, Draw that man in a Chicken Suit.

[Etch redraws the picture of Al holding Woody wearing a Chicken Suit, which bears a Striking Resemblance to the Chicken Mascot from the Al's Toy Barn Commercial]

Rex: [Surprised] It's the chicken man!

Buzz Lightyear: That's our guy!

Hamm: I knew there was somethin' I didn't like about that chicken.

Buzz Lightyear #2: Oh no, they've detected us, the walls are closing in!

[grabs Mr. Potato head and mounts him aganist the celing of the vent]

Buzz Lightyear #2: Quick, help me prop up Vegetable man here or we're done for!

Mr. Potato Head: Hey! Put me down you moron!

Rex: Look, guys, it's not the walls, it's the elevator.

[the elevator further down the shaft arrives at the bottom]

Buzz Lightyear #2: [Looking up, it's quite a way] Quick grab on.

[Buzz #2 draws out a rope from his Utility Belt, tossing it to the other toys, and activates 2 Suction Magnets from the sides. He then starts climbing up at the side of the shaft]

Hamm: Uh Buzz? Why not just take the Elevator?

Buzz Lightyear #2: They'll be expecting that.

[Rex is Channel-surfing at a Slow Pace to find the Al's Toy Barn commercial]

Rex: I can't find it. It doesn't seem to be on any of these stations.

Hamm: Oh you're going too slow, let me do the job.

[Hamm starts Channel-surfing at a Breathtaking Speed]

Rex: It's too fast. How can you even tell what's on?

Hamm: I can tell.

[Hamm just skips right past the Al's Toy Barn commercial]

Rex: Go back, go back, you missed it!

Hamm: Too late, I'm in the 40's, gotta go around the horn!

[the toys spot the Al's Toy Barn commercial, prompting Hamm to stop]

[the toys are trying to find a way to enter Al's apartment building]

Mr. Potato Head: I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom and pretend we're delivering a pizza.

Hamm: How about a ham sandwich? With fries and a hotdog?

Rex: What about me?

Hamm: Ah, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.

[Standing ontop of the Prospector's Box, staring him in the eyes]

Hamm: You heard of Kung Fu? Well get ready for pork chop.

[Hamm's cork has popped out and there is change all over the sidewalk]

Hamm: All right, nobody look till I get my cork back in.

Hamm: [the toys are climbing up an elevator shaft. Some coins fall out of Hamm's stomach opening] Uh oh. Look out below down there.

Slinky Dog: [They hit Slinky in the face] Whoa, Pork bellies are falling.

Mr. Potato Head: [Lands on one of Mr. Potato Head's eyes, which he manages to flick off easily] Hey, how much farther Buzz?

Buzz Lightyear #2: Half way, there.

Hamm: All right, let's review this one more time. At precisely 8:32-ish, Exhibit A, Woody, was kidnapped.

[Etch-A-Sketch draws Woody]

Hamm: Exhibit B, a composide sketch of the kidnapper.

[Etch-A-Sketch draws Al with a long beard]

Bo Peep: He didn't have a beard like that.

Hamm: Fine. Uh, Etch, give him a shave.

[Etch-A-Sketch redraws Al without a beard]

Slinky Dog: The kidnapper was bigger than that.

Hamm: Oh, picky, picky, picky.

Mr. Potato Head: Oh, let's just go straight to Exhibit F! The kidnapper's vehicle.

[Refers to their toy reconstruction of the driveway]

Mr. Potato Head: Now the vehicle fled the scene in this direction.

[pushes a toy car to the left]

Hamm: Oh, your parts are in backwards! It went the other way!

[pushes the toy car right]

Hamm: Hey, put a cork in it!

[Rex walks through, destroying their model]

Rex: Hey, how do you spell F-B-I?

Mr. Potato Head: My crime scene!

Hamm: Hey, watch where you're going, Godspilla!

Rex: I didn't know this was a crime scene!

Buzz Lightyear: Woody you're in Danger here, we need to leave now.

Rex: Al's selling you to a Toy Museum, in Japan.

Woody: I know! It's okay, Buzz. I actually wanna go.

Mr. Potato Head: [Shocked] What? Are you crazy?

Woody: Look, the thing is, I'm this rare "Sheriff Woody" doll, and these guys, are my - round-up gang.

Buzz Lightyear: Woody, what are you talking about?

Woody: What am I talking about? "Woody's Round-Up"! Oh, it's this great old T.V. show, and I was the star.

[turns on T.V. and "Woody's Round-Up" video starts playing]

Woody: See, look, that's me!

Hamm: This is weirdin' me out.

Buzz Lightyear #2: [Rex having pushed the Other Toys down due to slipping, causes Buzz #2's weight to give in] What was I thinking? My Anti-gravity servos

[Presses the button on his Utility Belt, lighting it up, unaware that he's just a toy]

Buzz Lightyear #2: Hang tight everyone, I'm going to let go of the wall.

[the other toys all look up at him shocked]

Slinky Dog: Huh?

Rex: What?

Mr. Potato Head: He wouldn't!

Buzz Lightyear #2: One!

Hamm: He would.

Hamm: Two!

Slinky Dog, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, Hamm: DON'T DO IT, BUZZ!

Buzz Lightyear #2: Three!

[he lets go of the wall and they all land on the elevator, which is coming up the shaft]

Buzz Lightyear #2: To infinity and beyond! Approaching destination. Reengaging gravity.

[Turns off Belt]

Buzz Lightyear #2: [gets off the elevator into the vent] Area secure.

Slinky Dog, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, Hamm: [all moaning]

Buzz Lightyear #2: It's OK troops, the antigravity sickness will wear off momentarily. Now, let's move!

Mr. Potato Head: Remind me to glue his helmet shut when we get back.

Hamm: Excuse me, ladies, but could any of you tell us where we might the Al of Al's Toy Barn?

Tour guide Barbie: I can help!

[slides down the slide and into the toy car]

Tour guide Barbie: I'm Tour Guide Barbie! Please keep your hands, arms, and accessories in the car, and no flash photography. Thank you.

Mr. Potato Head: I'm a married spud, I'm a married spud...

Hamm: [Hopping into the front seat of the car] Then make way for the single fellas.

Hamm: Turn into the spin, Barbie!

[Buzz #2 straps Buzz into an Empty Box]

Buzz Lightyear: Listen to me, listen to me, you're not really a Space Ranger, you're a Toy.

Buzz Lightyear: [Muffled from inside the box] We're all toys, can you hear me?

Buzz Lightyear #2: Well, that should hold you until the Court-Martial!

Buzz Lightyear: [as he's being placed onto a shelf, straining] Do you have any idea what you're doing? Let me go.

Tour guide Barbie: [Arriving in the Toy Car with the Other Toys] And this is the Buzz Lightyear aisle. Back in 1995, short-sighted retailers did not order enough dolls to meet demand.

Hamm: Hey Buzz!

Buzz Lightyear #2: [Turns around, pointing his "laser" at the Toys] Halt! Who goes there?

[the car stops]

Mr. Potato Head: Quit clowning around and get in the car.

Rex: Buzz! I know how to Defeat Zurg!

Buzz Lightyear #2: [Stops pointing his "laser"] You do?

Rex: C'mon. I'll tell you on the way.

Buzz Lightyear: [From inside the Cardboard Box] No, no, guys! You've got the Wrong Buzz! You've got the Wrong Buzz!

Hamm: [Noticing Buzz #2's Utility Belt] Say, where'd you get the cool belt Buzz?

Buzz Lightyear #2: Well, Slotted Pig, they're standard issue.

[the Other Toys drive off, leaving "Their Buzz" behind, struggling inside the Cardboard Box on the shelf, as the Camera zooms out]

[the toys are now in a Pet Carrier, placed onto the Conveyor Belt at the Airport]

Alien toys: The Mystic Portal. Ooh!

Buzz Lightyear: Once we go through, we just need to find that case.

[They pass through into an Area with Multiple Conveyor Belts and Multiple Suitcases]

Mr. Potato Head: [Gasps, as his Extra Pair of Shoes and Angry Eyes fall out of his Compartment]

[the toys then slide down at a fast rate, and tumble out of the Pet Carrier they've been in onto the Conveyor Belt below]

Slinky Dog: [Spotting a Green Suitcase in the Distance in front of them] There's the case.

Hamm: [Spotting Another Green Suitcase on the Conveyor Belt below them] No there's the case.

Buzz Lightyear: You guys take that one, we'll take this one.

[Buzz and Slinky go after the Suitcase spotted in the Distance, whilst Hamm, Rex, Mr. Potato Head, and the Alien Toys go after the Suitcase underneath them]

[Whilst the toys search the Woody on Al's Office, unaware that he's not really there and in Al's Apartment, Al enters talking on the phone and walking over to the Fax Machine]

Slinky Dog: [Whispering] It's him.

Hamm: The Chicken Man.

Buzz Lightyear #2: Funny, he doesn't look like poultry.

Slinky Dog: That's the Kidnapper alright.

Buzz Lightyear #2: Kidnapper, an Agent of Zurg if I ever saw one.

Al McWiggin: [Putting a photo of Woody through the Fax Machine] And the Piece de Resistance. I promise the Collection will be the Crown Jewel of your Museum.

[the photo pops out the Fax Machine through the other side, landing on the floor where the toys hid]

Slinky Dog: It's Woody

Al McWiggin: Now that I have your attention, imagine we added another Zero to the price, huh? What?

Al McWiggin: [Overjoyed] Yes? Yes! You've got yourself a deal! I'll be on the next flight to Japan!

Mr. Potato Head: [Shocked] He's selling Woody to a Toy Museum.

Rex: In *Japan*.

[the toys all jump into Al's Bag]

Buzz Lightyear #2: Into the Poultry Man's Cargo Unit. He'll lead us to Zurg. Move, move, move!

[Rex's tail hangs out of the bag, Al picks it up and laughs]

Al McWiggin: [Cheering to himself] I'm gonna be rich! Rich! Rich!