Gunner Owen Quotes in Carry on England (1976)

Capt. S. Melly: You up there! What's your name?

Bombardier Ready: Ready, sir.

Capt. S. Melly: Ready? Ready... Willing... Able... This is ridiculous.

[Ready twitches]

Capt. S. Melly: What are you doing?

Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer: [shouts] Twitching, Sir!

Capt. S. Melly: I can see that Sergeant Major, but why is he twitching?

Bombardier Ready: It's me nerves, Sir!

Capt. S. Melly: Trying to twitch your ticket, eh? Well, it won't work, Bombardier. You're in the army for the duration. Twitch your way out of that!

[Bombardier Ready keeps twitching]

Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer: Twitch off!

[Leans closer]

Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer: Wasted on me, boy!

Capt. S. Melly: Good man, and what's your name?

Gunner Shorthouse: Gunner Shorthouse.

[Melly reacts]

Gunner Shorthouse: Gunner Shorthouse, Sir, that's my name!

[Melly moves along the line]

Capt. S. Melly: And what is your name, my man? Er... woman.

Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe: Jennifer Ffoukes Sharpe, Sir, the Sharpe with an E and two F's in the Ffoukes. How do you do?

[Pvt Ffoukes crushes Capt S. Melly's hand while shaking it]

Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer: [Leaning in] She too is also a ball squeezer, Sir.

Capt. S. Melly: Do your shoelace up and look sharp about it, Sharpe.

[She does so. before grabbing Sgt Maj Bloomer's leg and biting it]

Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe: [Standing up] Oh, Tiger! I think you wonderful. When are you going to savage me?

Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer: If only you was a man I would sort you out!

Capt. S. Melly: [Pointing to Pvt. Owen's foot] Well, you seem to have put your foot in it!

Gunner Owen: Not so much my foot, Sir, more my big toe.

Capt. S. Melly: What's wrong with your big toe?

Gunner Owen: Sprained it, Sir, didn't I, when I fell out of bed.

Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer: [shouts] Pushed out of bed, more like!

Capt. S. Melly: [Turns to Bloomer] Pushed out of bed, Sgt Maj?