Guido Quotes in


Guido Quotes:

  • Guido: Well, what do you want from an old friend?

    Captain John Kiley: I want you to help me play a hunch.

    Guido: Alfredi.

  • Guido: Well, what do you want from an old friend?

    Captain John Kiley: I want you to help me play a hunch.

    Guido: Alfredi.

    Captain John Kiley: [pauses] I think you know where he is.

    Guido: What's the matter with you? Three years ago, you would...

    Captain John Kiley: Please, please tell me.

  • Mater: [Approaches Guido, who is tending the bar] Hey, Guido, what's McQueen's usual?

    Guido: Come faccio a saperlo?

    [How should I know?]

    Mater: Perfect! I'll take two!

  • [repeated line]

    Guido: Peet stop.

  • Michael Schumacher Ferrari: Ciao. Hi. Lightning McQueen told me this was the best place in the world to get tires. How about setting me and my friends up with three or four sets each?

    Luigi: Aah! Guido! There is a real Michael Schumacher Ferrari in my store! A real Ferrari! Punch me, Guido! Punch me in the face! This is the most glorious day of my life!

    [Luigi faints and tips over]

    Michael Schumacher Ferrari: Wow.

    [in Italian]

    Michael Schumacher Ferrari: Spero che il tuo amico si riprenda. Mi dicono che siete fantastici.

    [I hope that your friend recovers. I was told that you are fantastic]

    Guido: [Guido faints and tips over]

  • Lightning McQueen: All right, Luigi, give me the best set of black walls you've got.

    Luigi: No, no, no! You don't know what you want! Luigi know what you want. Black-wall tires, they blend into the pavement, but these white-wall tires, they say look at me, here I am, love me.

    Lightning McQueen: All right, you're the expert. Oh, and don't forget the spare.

    Luigi: Perfecto. Guido!

    Guido: Pit Stop!

    Luigi: He ha ha, what did Luigi tell you, eh?

    Lightning McQueen: Wow, you were right, better then a Ferrari, huh?

    Luigi: Eh, no.

  • Luigi: My friend Guido, he always dream of giving a real race car a pit stop.

    Guido: Peet stop?

    Lightning McQueen: Hey, it's only one lap, guys. Uno lappo. Don't need any help. I work solo mio.

    Luigi: Fine. Race your own way.

    [leaves; Guido stays]

    Lightning McQueen: No pit stoppo. Comprende?

    Guido: Okay.


  • Sally: [Guido and Luigi are fixing up Luigi's Casa Della Tires; Guido paints while Luigi cleans a window] Oh, Guido, è bellissimo!

    Guido: Che cosa?

    Sally: It looks great! This is great!

    Guido: Ti piace, eh? Si, si, bellissimo.

  • Guido: [at the final Piston Cup race, Guido cheers Lightning on] Vai! Vai, vai!

    [Go! Go, go!]

    Wide Chick Pitty: Hey, shrimpie, where did McQueen find you, huh? Those round things are called tires, and they go under the car!

    [the entire pit crew laughs]

    Guido: [shaking his forklift] Con chi credi di parlare? Ma, con chi stai parlando?

    [Who do you think you're talking about? But, who are you talking about?]

    Luigi: No! No, no! You'll have your chance, Guido, you will have your chance!

  • Joel Goodson: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.

    Guido: A-hole?

    Joel Goodson: I want my stuff back right now.

    Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

  • Guido: Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.

  • Guido: Listen to me.

    Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!

    [Guido hangs up]

    Joel Goodson: Shit!

  • Bartolomeo: They are looking for someone who speaks German, to translate their instructions.

    Guido: Me! I'll do it, I'll translate!

    Bartolomeo: Do you speak German?

    Guido: No.

  • Guido: Buon giorno, Principessa!

  • Guido: What are your political views?

    Other Man: [speaking to his two sons] Benito, Adolf! Sit down! Sorry Guido, what did you say?

  • Guido: If you speak my name, I vanish. What am I? Silence.

  • Guido: [pretending to translate] The game starts now. You have to score one thousand points. If you do that, you take home a tank with a big gun. Each day we will announce the scores from that loudspeaker. The one who has the fewest points will have to wear a sign that says "Jackass" on his back. There are three ways to lose points. One, turning into a big crybaby. Two, telling us you want to see your mommy. Three, saying you're hungry and want something to eat.

  • Guido: What kind of place is this? It's beautiful: Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky! I'm moving here!

  • Guido: [carrying his son through the camp] You are such a good boy. You sleep now. Dream sweet dreams. Maybe we are both dreaming. Maybe this is all a dream, and in the morning, Mommy will wake us up with milk and cookies. Then, after we eat, I will make love to her two or three times. If I can.

  • Giosué Orefice: I didn't like the train.

    Guido: [to his son] Me, neither. We'll take the bus back, okay?

    Guido: [to the Nazis] Did you hear that? We're taking the bus back!

  • Giosué Orefice: [slowly reading signage on confectionery shopfront] "No Jews or dogs allowed".

    [turning to Guido]

    Giosué Orefice: Why aren't Jews or dogs allowed to go in?

    Guido: They just don't want Jews or dogs to go in. Everybody does what they want to, Joshua.

    [pointing at store ahead]

    Guido: There's a hardware store there. They don't let Spanish people or horses into his store.

    [pointing at another store]

    Guido: Further ahead, there's a drugstore. Yesterday, I was with a Chinese friend who had a kangaroo. I said, "May we?" "No, we don't want any Chinese or kangaroos here." They don't like them. What can I tell you?

    Giosué Orefice: We let everybody into our bookshop.

    Guido: No. From now on, we'll write it too. Is there anybody you don't like?

    Giosué Orefice: Spiders. What about you?

    Guido: [mock-seriously] I don't like Visigoths. Starting tomorrow we'll write: "No spiders and Visigoths allowed." I'm sick and tired of these Visigoths.

  • Guido: I forgot to tell you.

    Dora: Go ahead.

    Guido: You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you. But I'll never tell anyone, especially not you. They'd have to torture me to make me say it.

    Dora: Say what?

    Guido: That I want to make love to you - not just once, but over and over again! But I'll never tell you that. I'd have to be crazy to tell you. I'd even make love to you now... right here for the rest of my life.

  • Giosué Orefice: Daddy, I cannot find any of the other kids, and a lady came telling me to take a shower.

    Guido: That's a good idea. You go take a shower.

    Giosué Orefice: No!

    Guido: Go take a shower!

    Giosué Orefice: No!

  • Giosué Orefice: [watching his father's uncle being sent to another barracks, which is the last time he will see him] Where is Uncle going?

    Guido: Uh... oh, he's playing on a different team. Goodbye, Uncle!

    Giosué Orefice: Goodbye, Uncle.

  • Giosué Orefice: When can I see Mama?

    Guido: When the game's over.

  • Giosué Orefice: They make buttons and soap out of us.

    Guido: Eh...

    [momentarily lost for words]

    Guido: What are you saying?

    Giosué Orefice: They burn us all in the oven.

    Guido: Who told you that?

    Giosué Orefice: A man was crying. He said they make us into buttons and soap.

    Guido: [laughs and gesticulates animatedly] You fell for that? Again? I thought you were a sharp boy... cunning, intelligent. Buttons and soap out of people? That'll be the day! You believed that? Hahaha! Just imagine. Tomorrow morning, I wash my hands with Bartolomeo... a good scrub. Then I'll button up with Francesco.

    [pretends to button up concentration camp uniform, from which a button comes loose and falls to floor]

    Guido: Darn it all!

    [picks up button]

    Guido: Look, I just lost Giorgio! Does this look like a person? Hahaha, come on! They were teasing you! And you fell for it! What else did they tell you?

    Giosué Orefice: That we get cooked in the oven.

    [continues solemnly as Guido starts laughing hysterically]

    Giosué Orefice: They burn us up in the oven.

    Guido: [laughing and clapping hands] You fell for that too! You just eat everything up! I've heard of a wood oven, but I've never seen a man oven before. Ah ha... "I'm made of wood!" "Take this lawyer... poomp!"


    Guido: "This lawyer doesn't burn. He's not dry enough.

    [continues animatedly]

    Guido: Look at that smoke!" Oh Joshua... buttons, soap, we get burned in the oven... Let's be serious now.

    [simulates hopping]

    Guido: I have a sack race with the bad guys tomorrow...

    Giosué Orefice: [interrupting] That's enough. I want to go home.

  • Guido: You can lose all your points for any one of three things. One: If you cry. Two: If you ask to see your mother. Three: If you're hungry and ask for a snack! Forget it!

  • Giosué Orefice: Look, they stopped the train to let Mom get on.

    Guido: Dora...

  • Guido: [being shipped to a concentration camp] You've never ridden on a train, have you? They're fantastic! Everybody stands up, close together, and there are no seats!

    Giosué Orefice: There aren't any seats?

    Guido: Seats? On a train? It's obvious you've never ridden one before! No, everybody's packed in, standing up. Look at this line to get on! Hey, we've got tickets, save room for us!

  • Guido: The prize is... the prize is...

    Eliseo Orefice: A tank.

    Guido: Yes! Yes, the prize is a tank.

    Giosué Orefice: I already have one.

    Guido: No, a real one.

    Giosué Orefice: A real tank?

  • Guido: Dr. Lessing!

    Dr. Lessing: Hello!

    [notices the flowers]

    Dr. Lessing: What are the flowers for?

    Guido: [thinks fast] Ah... for your departure!

    [hands him the flowers]

    Dr. Lessing: Thank you!

  • Dr. Lessing: [softly reciting riddle at Nazi concentration camp officers' mess] Fat, fat, ugly, ugly, all yellow in reality. If you ask me what I am, I reply "Quark quark quark".

    [looks around surreptitiously]

    Dr. Lessing: Walking along, I go "Por-por". Who am I? Tell me true.

    Guido: [looks at Doctor Lessing in stunned silence]

    Dr. Lessing: [smiles] Hmphh... a duckling, no?

    Guido: [nods silently, still flabbergasted]

    Guido: Is it not a duckling?


    Guido: It's not! A veterinarian friend of mine sent it to me from Vienna. I can't send him mine, until I solve this one. I thought: Duck-billed platypus. But it doesn't go "Quark quark quark quark". A duck-billed platypus goes...

    [pulls at corners of mouth with fingers, making a blowing sound]

    Guido: "Ffrrr ffrrr-ffrrr ffrrr-ffrrr". Duck-billed platypus...

    [steps forward and whispers into Guido's ear]

    Guido: I translated it into Italian for you last night. Well, what do you say? Everything points to a duckling!

    [assumes tragic tone and expression]

    Guido: Help me, Guido. For heaven's sake, help me. I can't even sleep.

    [turns to side counter, talking to self]

    Guido: Fat, fat... ugly, ugly... that's me... quark quark quark... It's the duckling!

    [wails and thumps side counter in frustration]

    Guido: [slowly and silently walks away, crestfallen at Doctor Lessing's callous, comic-tragic behavior]

  • Guido: Have you learned your lesson yet, puke?

    Hawk: If the lesson is you're a dick with ears and a really bad haircut, I'd say yeah. I've learned my lesson.

  • Guido: My Dears... Happiness consists of being able to tell the truth without hurting anyone.

  • Guido: I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest film. No lies whatsoever. I thought I had something so simple to say. Something useful to everybody. A film that could help bury forever all those dead things we carry within ourselves. Instead, I'm the one without the courage to bury anything at all. When did I go wrong? I really have nothing to say, but I want to say it all the same.

  • Guido: What is this flash of joy that's giving me new life? Please forgive me sweet creatures; I didn't realize, I didn't know. How right it is to accept you, to love, you... and how simple! Luisa, I feel I've been set free. Everything looks good to me, it has a sense, it's true. How I wish I could explain, but I can't... everything's going back to what it was. Everything's confused again, but that confusion is me; how I am, not how I'd like to be. And I'm not afraid to tell the truth now, what I don't know, what I'm seeking. Only like that do I feel alive and I can look into your loyal eyes without shame. Life is a party, let's live it together. I can't say anything else, to you or others. Take me as I am, if you can... it's the only way we can try to find each other.

  • Claudia: I don't understand. He meets a girl that can give him a new life and he pushes her away?

    Guido: Because he no longer believes in it.

    Claudia: Because he doesn't know how to love.

    Guido: Because it isn't true that a woman can change a man.

    Claudia: Because he doesn't know how to love.

    Guido: And above all because I don't feel like telling another pile of lies.

    Claudia: Because he doesn't know how to love.

  • Guido: All the confusion of my life... has been a reflection of myself! Myself as I am, not as I'd like to be.

  • Guido: Could you walk out on everything and start all over again? Could you choose one single thing, and be faithful to it? Could you make it the one thing that gives your life meaning... just because you believe in it? Could you do that?"

    Claudia: I don't know... could you?"

    Guido: No, the character I'm thinking of couldn't. He wants to possess and devour everything. He can't pass anything up. He's afraid he'll miss something. He's drained.

    Claudia: That's how the film ends?

    Guido: No, that's how it begins. Then he meets a girl at the springs. She gives him water to heal him. She's beautiful... young, yet ancient... child, yet already a woman... authentic, complete. It's obvious that she could be his salvation.

    [Looks over at Claudia]

    Guido: You'll wear white... with long hair, just as you do now.

  • Guido: Accept me as I am. Only then can we discover each other.

  • Guido: The truth is: I do not know... I seek... I have not yet found. Only with this in mind can I feel alive and look at you without shame.

  • Guido: Enough of symbolism and these escapist themes of purity and innocence.

  • Guido: You came just in time. Why are you smiling? Suppose I told you... Claudia.

  • Guido: Hold it. Let me have a look at you. No, your makeup should be more...

    Carla: ...more what?

    Guido: Like a whore.

  • Guido: Have you ever been outside Reno, Ms. Taber?

    Roslyn: Once I walked to the edge of town; doesn't look like there's much out there.

    Gay: Everything's there!

    Roslyn: Like what?

    Gay: The country!

    Roslyn: Well, what do you do with yourself?

    Gay: Just live.

    Roslyn: How does anyone "just live"?

    Gay: Well, you start by going to sleep. You get up when you feel like it. You scratch yourself. You fry yourself some eggs. You see what kind of a day it is; throw stones at a can, whistle.

  • Guido: You have the gift for life, Roslyn. The rest of us, we're just looking for a place to hide and watch it all go by.

  • Gay: What's eatin' you?

    Guido: Just my life.

  • Guido: She's crazy. They're all crazy. You try not to believe it because you need them. She's crazy. You struggle, you build, you try, you turn yourself inside out for 'em, but its never enough. So they put the spurs to you - I know, I got the marks. I know this racket, I just forgot what I knew for a while.

  • Guido: She wasn't like any other woman. Stood by me 100%, uncomplaining as a tree.

    Roslyn: Maybe that's what killed her.

  • Guido: Boy, am I in the right place?

    Roslyn: Have you seen the vegetable garden? It took Gay about a week just to get the soil turned over.

    Gay: Yeah, I moved the grass. Sprayed them flowers too. Oh, I got your windows unstuck. Fireplace don't smoke anymore.

    Guido: Roslyn, you must be a magician. The only thing this boy ever did for a woman was get out the ice cubes.

  • [first lines]

    Isabelle Steers: Young man, do you have the time? I got six clocks in the house and none of them work.

    Guido: Twenty after nine.

    Isabelle Steers: After? It's twenty after, dear. Dahlin'. Five minutes.

    Roslyn: What about you?

    Isabelle Steers: I'm all set, I just tyin' my sling. The lawyer said nine thirty sharp, dahlin'.

    Roslyn: Okay.

  • Roslyn: [to Guido, who is driving drunkenly at breakneck speed] Please, Guido! Don't kill us!

    Guido: How do you get to know somebody, kid? I can't make a landing, and I... can't get up to God, either. Help me. I never said "help me" in my life. I don't know anybody. So how do I land, honey? Will you give me a little time? Say yes.


    Guido: At least say, "Hello, Guido".

    Roslyn: [Nervously] Yes, Guido. Hello, Guido.

    Guido: [a pause between the two] Hello, Roslyn.

  • Guido: Listen, now, if you're not going back East right away, I'd be glad to take you out and show you the country. Beautiful country around here, you know.

    Roslyn: Well, I don't know were I'll be, but, okay. Thanks, again.

    Isabelle Steers: My name is Isabelle Steers.

    Guido: Isabelle. Well, okay, you come along too.

    Isabelle Steers: That's a sweet afterthought. You Reno men!

  • Guido: Which one was that?

    Gay: Susan. Swell sport, that woman.

  • Guido: I just met me a girl sweet enough to eat, Gay. Fine lookin' woman. Only trouble is, when I think of the useless talkin' you gotta do, I get discouraged.

  • Guido: She's kinda hard to figure out, you know. One minute she looks kinda dumb, brand new like a kid. And the next minute - she sure moves though, don't she?

    Gay: Mmm. She's real prime.

  • Guido: What kind of dancin' you do?

    Roslyn: Oh, interpretive dancing. You know, nightclubs and that sort of thing.

    Perce: I was in a nightclub once. I was in a nightclub in Kansas City called: The Naked Truth. And they wasn't kiddin'!

  • Guido: [drunk] We're all blind bombardiers, Roslyn. We kill people we never even saw. I bombed nine cities. I sure must have broken a lot of dishes, but I never saw them. You think of all the puppy dogs and mail carriers, eyeglasses, must've gone up. Boy, you know droppin' a bomb is like tellin' a lie.

  • Guido: That star is so far away, that by the time the light from it reaches us here on earth, it might not even be up there any more.

    Perce: Boy, you sure know a lot, don't you Pilot.

    Guido: Astronomy is in all the library books, Perce. Nothin' to it but readin'.

    Roslyn: Still, it's wonderful to know things.

    Guido: Knowing things don't matter much. You got somethin' a lot more important.

    Roslyn: What?

    Guido: You care. Whatever happens to anybody, it happens to you. You're really hooked into the whole thing, Roslyn. It's a blessing.

    Roslyn: People say I'm just nervous.

  • Guido: Were do you keep the batteries, if you don't mind me asking?

  • Guido: You don't mind to kiss another girl?

    Luci Wilkinson: Nothing new to me darling. I study at Central. Same sex experimentation is practically an entry requirement.

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