Guard Quotes in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

Guard: Mr. Swann...

Governor Weatherby Swann: *Governor* Swann, still. Do you think I wear this wig to keep my head warm?

Interrogator: I am instructed to inform you that you have been convicted by special tribunal and that unless you are ready to offer your cooperation you are to be executed. Do you understand what I'm telling you?

Evey Hammond: Yes.

Interrogator: Are you ready to cooperate?

Evey Hammond: No.

Interrogator: Very well. Escort Ms. Hammond back to her cell. Arrange a detail of six men and take her out behind the chemical shed and shoot her.

Guard: It's time.

Evey Hammond: I'm ready.

Guard: Look all they want is one little piece of information, just give them something, anything.

Evey Hammond: Thank you, but I'd rather die behind the chemical sheds.

Guard: Then you have no fear any more. You're completely free.

Guard: Look, all they want is one little piece of information. Just give them something... anything.

Evey Hammond: Thank you... but I'd rather die behind the chemical sheds.

Guard: Then you have no fear anymore. You're completely free.

Simon Graham: You insolent, useless son of a peasant dog! How dare you show your sword in his presence! Do you know who this is?

[pointing to Algren]

Simon Graham: This is the President of the United States of America! He is here to lead our armies in victorious battle against the rebels!

Guard: It is not my responsibility...

Simon Graham: Now get over there and help those men with their equipment!

Guard: [to his men] Carry the equipment.

[Algren and Graham go through]

Algren: The President of the United States?

Simon Graham: Sorry. I think I'm going to be sick.

Dr. Karen Jenson: How'd you get that scar, Deacon? A born vampire would have the power to regenerate from birth. You must've gotten scarred before you were turned. Isn't that right? Vampires like you aren't a species. You're just infected, a virus, a sexually transmitted dis...

Deacon Frost: I'll tell you what we are, sister! We're the top of the fucking food chain. The Blood god's coming and after tonight, you people are fucking history. He's a hurricane. An act of God. Anyone caught in his path will instantly be turned. Everyone you've ever known... everyone you've ever fucking loved... it won't matter who's pureblood and who's not. How you gonna cure the whole fucking world? Hm? And Blade's blood is the key.

Guard: We've got an intruder.

Crom: Look. This... is all a mistake. I'm just a compound interest program. I work at a savings and loan! I can't play these video games!

Guard: Sure you can, pal. Look like a natural athlete if I ever saw one.

Crom: Who, me? Are you kidding? No, I run out to check on T-bill rates, I get outta breath. Hey, look, you guys are gonna make my user, Mr. Henderson, very angry. He's a full-branch manager.

Guard: Great. Another religious nut.

[Flynn has just arrived in the electronic world]

Kevin Flynn: Oh, man, this isn't happening, it only thinks it's happening.

Guard: Vacate entry port, program! I said, move out!

Kevin Flynn: Hey! Look, if this is about those parking tickets, I can explain everything, okay?

[Mean is about to attack Dredd]

Judge Dredd: C'mon...

[as Mean bends his head backwards and charges, Dredd removes his left hand from the ropes and dodges, getting himself free. Mean butts a column. The column breaks on impact, leaving Mean momentarily stunned]

Pa Angel: [to Link and Junior] C'mon!

[Junior charges at Dredd, waving a gun]

Judge Dredd: C'mon, kid!

[before Junior can shoot, Dredd wraps the rope around his hand, snatches the gun and punches Junior's face. Junior collapses. Link draws a dagger and charges at Dredd]

Judge Dredd: Guilty!

[Dredd shoots and kills Link. Mean recovers, snarling]

Judge Dredd: Oh, shut up!

[before Mean can get up on his feet, Dredd turns his dial to zero, shutting him off. Junior draws a dagger and charges Dredd. Dredd dodges, wraps the rope around Junior's neck and drops on over his shoulder, breaking his neck]

Fergee: Dredd, look out!

[Pa Angel growls in rage and charges at Dredd, waving his heavy staff. Dredd rolls away and grabs a dagger, preparing to fight Pa Angel, when suddenly several shots hit Pa, killing him. Some guards appear]

Guard: There's Dredd!

[Dredd drops the dagger and jumps to the platform above, dodging the guards' shots. He tackles one of the guards and grabs his weapon. Dredd shoots and kills the other four guards. When the shooting cease, Fergee rises on his feet. Dredd waits for more guards, but when none appear, he drops the gun. Fergee approaches Dredd, warily pats on his shoulder]

Fergee: [talks as if he took part in the fight] Well, we did it. We got 'em all. Pussies! Is that all you got? They are dead, right?

[Dredd turns to Fergee and grabs his upper lip]

Judge Dredd: [touches Fergee's cheek] Have you been crying?

Fergee: [angrily] I'm not crying. I got something in my eye. You ever have allergies?

[Dredd lets go of Fergee. Fergee looks behind Dredd, and suddenly he spots one more guard]

Fergee: Dredd, look out!

Guard: [Harley and Marlboro are robbing an armoured car] Who are you guys?

Marlboro: Well, he's Harley Davidson, and I'm the Marlboro Man.

Guard: You look like a bunch of two-bit hoods to me.

Harley Davidson: [the car's trunk explodes] Now does that look like the work of two-bit hoods?

Guard: Yeah. Pros would've used my keys.

[Harley and Marlboro look at each other]

Harley Davidson: Well, he likes to blow things up.

Tyler: Blind adoration makes me so horny! Bring me a wench!

Guard: Bla!

Guard: Beat it, kid, or die.

Prince Talon: That's a small threat. That's a very small threat.

[first lines]

Supervisor: Gentlemen, we owe a quarterly. Vault 23, encryption download.

Guard: Loaded.

Supervisor: Level five. Sonic, please.

Guard: Stable.

Supervisor: Motion?

Guard: Stable.

Supervisor: Status check, please.

Guard: All secure.

Supervisor: Excellent. Carry on, gentlemen.

Guard: Warden, the prison's menu for tomorrow is ready; Please have a look. We have some beans, some vegetables, and some meat for lunch.

Warden's Son: [begins to eat some of the food]

Warden Cobra: Don't you think it's too much?

[starts to divide the food]

Warden Cobra: Here, we'll half the vegetables and beans, the meat we'll save for dinner.

Warden's Son: [starts to throw a tantrum]

Warden Cobra: Oh, come on, behave yourself! The men won't die from hunger.

Prison Inmate: You eat like a lousy king! Even your dog gets a big steak.

Warden Cobra: [overhears the inmate] Not enough to eat. Right, I'll give you some more.

[takes the inmate and shoves his arm in the meat grinder; Then the Warden shows the pan with inmate's ground up arm in it to him as the inmate screams in pain]

Warden Cobra: Enough now?

Guard: [to Michael Gold] Ha-ha they're going to cut off your head mañana.

Guard: Her Majesty, Queen Margaret.

Mr. Young: We must find a way to deal with Tom, that goddamn anti-drug agent!

Guard: What are your plans, boss?

Mr. Young: I've hired a Taoist. He'll train vampires to deal with him!

Guard: You got somethin' to say, red ass?

[Abu is swinging a stolen sword at the guards]

Guard: [frightened] He's got a sword!

Razoul: [to his subordinates] You idiots.

[louder]

Razoul: We've all got swords!

Guard: You won't get away so easy!

Aladdin: You think that was easy?

[Aladdin and Jasmine are hanging out in Al's hideout when Razoul's guards show up]

Guard: Here you are!

Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: [both] They're after me! They're after you?

Elsa: [to a guard] The party is over. Close the gates.

Guard: Right away, Your Majesty.

Anna: What? Elsa, no! No, wait!

[She tries to grab Elsa's hand, but instead yanks off her glove]

Elsa: [gasps, desperately] Give me my glove!

Anna: [also desperate] Elsa, please! Please! I can't live like this anymore!

Elsa: [pauses] Then leave.

[Anna looks at her with a hurt expression; Elsa then turns to leave]

Anna: [calling after her] What did I ever do to you?

Elsa: [impatiently] Enough, Anna.

Anna: No! Why? Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?

Elsa: I said enough!

[In her fury, she conjures up an icicle wall around herself. Everyone - including Anna - stares at her in fright. Elsa shrinks back at what she's done]

Duke: Sorcery.

[hides behind one of his bodyguards]

Duke: I knew there was something dubious going on here.

Anna: [shocked] Elsa.

[Devastated, Elsa flees the ballroom]

Guard: [at the wall] I'm charged with guarding the portal to another world, and you're asking me to just let you through!

Young Dunstan Thorn: Yes. Because, let's be honest, it's a field. Look,

[the guard points to the field at the other side of the wall]

Young Dunstan Thorn: Do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non-human? No. And you know why? Because it's a field!

Guard: Hundreds of years this wall's been here. Hundreds of years this gap's been under a twenty-four-hour guard.

Young Dunstan Thorn: Well...

[the guard interrupts him]

Guard: One more word, and I'll have you up in front of the village council!

Young Dunstan Thorn: Well that... that sounds rather final... I suppose I'd better just go home then...

Guard: Right then. Night, Dunstan.

[Dunstan begins to walk away]

Guard: Give my best to your father.

[Suddenly Dunstan turns around and runs and crosses the wall]

Guard: Stop! Stop!

[Dunstan keeps running]

Guard: Dunstan Thorn, not again!

Tristan: It's Tristan, actually.

Guard: Oh. You do look a bit like your father. And I suppose you intend to cross the wall as well, do you? Well you can forget it - go home!

Tristan: Cross the wall as well as who?

Guard: No one. Nobody.

[Tristan walks to cross the wall]

Guard: Nobody crosses the wall! You know that! Everybody knows that.

Tristan: You know, I know. I understand. Nobody. Well I better head for the old homestead, then.

Guard: Good night, then. Good night, Tristan.

Tristan: Good night.

[Tristan begins to walk away]

Guard: Give my best to your father.

[Tristan turns around and runs to cross the wall like Dunstan had done but the guard stops him and begins to hit him with his wooden cudgel. Tristan ends up on the ground]

Guard: [casually] Off you go.

[the guard knocks at Dunstan's door. Dunstan opens it]

Guard: This was left at the wall for you.

[the guard gives to Dunstan a basket which contains a baby]

Guard: Says here his name is Tristan.

Guard: Well, the only way out of here is to try one of these doors!

Guard: One of them leads to the castle at the end of the labyrinth, and the other one leads to...

Guard: Ba-baba-BOOM!

Guard: Certain DEATH!

Guard: Ooooooooooooohhhhh!

Guard: Your Highness! Your Highness! Your Highness, the girl! The girl who ate the peach and forgot everything!

Jareth: What of her?

Guard: She, the monster, Sir Didymus, and the dwarf, they made it through the gate and they're on their way to the castle!

Jareth: What? Stop her! Call out the guards!

[to goblin]

Jareth: Take the baby and hide it.

Goblin: Guards!

Jareth: She must be stopped! Do something! Come on, move! Move!

Sarah: Would he tell me that this door leads to the castle?

Guard: [Whispers with his counterparts] Yes?

Sarah: So... the other door leads to the castle and this one leads to certain death.

Guard: [All the guards Oooh] But he could be telling the truth!

Sarah: But then you wouldn't be. So if he told me that this door leads to the castle, the answer you should give me would be 'No'

Guard: But I could be telling the truth!

Sarah: But then he would be lying. So then if he said this door led to the castle, I'd know the answer would still be 'No'

Guard: Is-is that right?

Guard: [snickers] I don't know! I've never understood it!

Sarah: No, no, I figured it out!

[Pushes the other door open revealing the castle's interior]

Sarah: I could never do it before! This is a piece of cake!

[Steps through the door and falls into a trap]

Sarah: AHH!

Guard: [after lighting the signal fire] Now all of China knows you're here.

Shan-Yu: [lights a flag on the fire] Perfect.

Guard: Robin of Loxley, where is your king?

Robin Hood: King? King? And which King might that be? King Richard? King Louis? King Kong? Larry King?

[Kuzko collides with an old man while dancing]

Kuzco: D'oh! You threw off my groove!

Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove.

[the old man is thrown out of the palace window]

Old Man: Sooooorry!

Guard: For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline.

Delivery Person: You know what, pal, you could have told me that before I set it up.

[Stanley arriving in the desert]

Stanley: So. Where's the lake?

Guard: Hey. What did I just tell you? Don't be a wise guy!

[Torrential rain. Rider draws up to the portcullis and sounds his horn]

Guard: Who goes there?

Sir Pelinore: Pelinore! It's Pelinore, dash it all! I've got big news from London! BIG NEWS! Come on, man, drop the bridge!

Merlin: [Listening from the guest room] Oh, big news, eh? Hm. They can't wait for the London Times. First edition won't be out for at least, uh...

[looks at watch]

Merlin: ...1200 years. Ha!

[Raps on Archimedes' house]

Merlin: Archimedes? Uh, would you mind sailing down there and, and, uh...

Archimedes the Owl: [irritably] Not interested.

Merlin: Oh, come, come, come, come, now. You're as wet as you can get!

Archimedes the Owl: No! Nope, nope, nope!

Merlin: Archimedes! I'll turn you into a human.

Archimedes the Owl: Hm! You wouldn't dare!

Merlin: I will! So help me, I will!

Archimedes the Owl: All right, all right, all RIGHT!

[Flies off to spy on Sir Ector and Pelinore]

Merlin: All right, eh? He-he-he! Works every time, heh! Just like magic.

The Thief of Bagdad: I am not a prince. I am less than the slave who serves you-a wretched outcast-a thief. What I wanted, I took. I wanted you-I tried to take you-But when I held you in my arms-the very world did change. The evil within me died. I can bear a thousand tortures, endure a thousand deaths-but not thy tears.

Guard: This Arab Prince is but a thief. Seek him out!

The Princess: Quick! Hide thyself. If thou art found with me, they will be merciless. I love you.

Guard: Who are you?

Edmund Dantes Jr.: My friend here will introduce me.

[he brandishes his sword and the fight begins]

Guard: You're on private property, mister.

Matt Corbin: I won't take any of it with me.

[first lines]

Matt Corbin: Guess I'm a little lost. I thought this was the road to Winnoga.

Guard: Back a mile and take the other fork.

[Principal Prickly and "TJ" are dressed as guards]

Principal Prickly: You sure this gonna work, Detweiller?

TJ: Come on, Mr. Prickly. Don't you watch old spy movies? This trick is pure gold. (To guard) Uh, Mr. Benedict wanted to see us about a very important matter.

Guard: Hey, you two aren't guards!

TJ: Ruuuun!

Tobias: What punishment has Herod decreed for him?

Guard: Crucifixion.

Guard: Volunteers comin' in!

Faudron: [kneels] William Wallace, we've come to fight and to die for you.

William Wallace: Stand up, man, I'm not the Pope.

Faudron: [smiles and stands] My name is Faudron. My sword is yours. I brought you this.

[reaches for something, Hamish tries to stop him]

Guard: We checked 'em for arms.

Faudron: I brought you this.

[pulls out a sash]

Faudron: My wife made it for you.

William Wallace: Thank you.

Stephen: [starts laughing] Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm *prettier* than this man!

[to the sky]

Stephen: Alright, Father, I'll ask him.

[to William]

Stephen: If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?

Hamish: Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?

Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.

[to the sky]

Stephen: Yes, Father!

[to Hamish]

Stephen: The Almight says, "Don't change the subject, just answer the fuckin' question."

Hamish: Mind your tongue.

Campbell: Insane Irish.

Stephen: [draws a dagger on Campbell; everyone draws weapons] Smart enough to get a dagger past your guards, old man.

William Wallace: That's my friend, Irishman. And the answer to your question is "yes". You fight for me, you get to kill the English.

Stephen: [grins] Excellent!

[removes his dagger]

Stephen: Stephen is my name. I the most wanted man on my island, except I'm not on my island, of course. More's the pity.

Hamish: "Your island"? You mean Ireland?

Stephen: Yeah. It's mine.

Hamish: You're a madman.

Stephen: [nods and starts laughing, then Hamish does as well] I've come to the right place, then.

Guard: Hello, can I speak to Mr Hawkins, please?

John Chambers: I'm sorry he's out of the country on a Location Scout, can I take a message?

Guard: [Hangs up]

[first lines]

Butch Cassidy: What happened to the old bank? It was beautiful.

Guard: People kept robbing it.

Butch Cassidy: Small price to pay for beauty.

Guard: Cleavon, lights out means no music. Turn it off. I said turn it off!

Cleavon: Fuck you, pig!

Guard: Turn it off or we're comin' in!

Cleavon: Come on in. I got a dick that needs suckin'!

[first lines]

Guard: Good morning, Mr. Thalberg.

Irving Thalberg: Good morning.

Stanley Ipkiss: [Tina's being chased by one of Dorian's henchmen] Hey, guard, there's a woman being chased in the alley there.

Guard: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it down.

Stanley Ipkiss: C'mon, MAN! SERVE AND PROTECT!

Jelly: I'm gonna get a bite to eat. You wanna sandwich or somethin'?

Guard: What kind of sandwich ain't too fattening?

Jelly: A half a sandwich.

Guard: Hardy-har. Let me see your work ID, please.

Tim Avery: [Removes fake mask] ID?

Guard: No ID, no party.

Tim Avery: Where did my wife put that invitation?

Guard: ID, not IV.

Tim Avery: Excuse me. My bad.

[Throws away IV]

[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance to the Oscars]

Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.

Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.

Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we've got to get inside.

[after getting slashed]

Guard: You didn't have to kill me!

Vanessa: I didn't kill you, you dirty little pervert, now give me your car keys before I cut your pecker off!

Loo: And who are they?

Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars.

Loo: Shanghaied?

Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don't know where they are and no longer care.

Prisoner #1: Where are we?

Prisoner #2: I don't care!

Loo: And these?

Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don't know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don't drink.

Prisoner #3: I don't know who I am!

Prisoner #4: Yeah. and I don't drink.

Dr. Klahn: Guards!

[moves prisoners]

Dr. Klahn: Do you care?

Prisoner #5: No.

Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink.

Guard: What do you drink?

Prisoner #5: I don't care.

Guard: Come on, you're breaking my heart.

Billy: You're busting my balls.

Anthony P. Kirby: I can walk alone. I've never heard of anything so outrageous in all my life! Stop pushing me around like this! You fool, I'm Anthony P. Kirby. Do you hear that?

Guard: Okay, pal, I'm George Washington.

Sam Simms: Luke! Say did you see the kid come out here?

Guard: Yes, Sir.

Sam Simms: Then why didn't you stop him?

Guard: He lives here.

[Viewing a small moon rock]

David: [sarcastically] That's it? Nice rock.

Guard: Move it, smartass!

Guard: Eat, Greaseball!

Ernest P. Worrell: I didn't order grease ball.

Ike: Ms. Bliss? Miss Bliss?

Guard: Hey! What are you doing here?

Ike: Uh, nothing. Just taking a walk.

Guard: Well, take it outside. Now! Let's go. Get out of that room!

Ike: Shit, this is the wrong room.

Ike: Great. This is the right room.

Guard: You again! What did I tell you?

Ike: Shit, not again.

Guard: That's right. Maybe 50 push-ups will help you remember.

Leisman: Do you like it when a gentleman ties you up?

Guard: What?

Leisman: You know... with rope.

[Maria finds a dead mouse under the food on her plate]

Maria da Guerra: Ah! A mouse!

Guard: What's wrong?

Maria da Guerra: I found a mouse here on my plate. Look at it!

Guard: So what? It adds protein to your diet.

[Guard pushes Maria's face onto the plate]

[first lines]

Guard: [subtitled version] Stand still. Eyes to the floor.

[pause]

Guard: Walk on.

Guard: Don't fight it son. Confess quickly! If you hold out too long you could jeopardize your credit rating.

[last lines]

[two young male guards are dancing with each other]

Guard: What's your girlfriend's name?

Guard: Marguerita.

Corrine Whitman: I'm very sorry for your distress, I wish I could help you with your problem but I simply cannot.

Isabella Fields El-Ibrahimi: My problem? My problem?

Senator Hawkins: [overlapping] Young lady, if you just leave your name and information ...

Isabella Fields El-Ibrahimi: You have my name. You have my home address, you have my phone number, you have everything! You have my husband!

[they look at each other and begin to leave]

Isabella Fields El-Ibrahimi: Please don't walk away from me! Just tell me where he is!

Guard: [restraining her] Ma'am.

Isabella Fields El-Ibrahimi: JUST TELL ME HE'S OKAY!

Alice Marano: I am an American citizen. I have a right to an attorney.

Guard: Oh, yes, and right to one telephone call, too.

Nick: A single commando raid is our only chance of rescuing Barbara and recovering the capotron.

Great Brother: If you think theres a ray of hope, go. But not on your own.

Guard: [Golob starts to move, two guards attempt to stop him] Hey!

Great Brother: Let him approach.

Golob: [speaks with difficulty] Golob go. Bar-bra... my friend.

Great Brother: Now I know there's hope.

Guard: Talk. Talk, speak!

Paxton: What the fuck do you want me to say?

Guard: American.

[first lines]

Narrator: On this fifth day of December in the year of our Lord sixteen hundred and forty-eight, by the power vested in us by our noble sovereign, this tribunal of Artena sentences you, the Crimson Executioner, to death. You will die by one of the very instruments you devised to torture and kill your innocent victims. You dared to take into your own hands the laws of both God and man. You set yourself up as both judge and executioner. You caused inhuman suffering, and took life not from any sense of justice, but from hatred and self-gratification. You showed no mercy to your victims, and no mercy will be shown to you.

The Crimson Executioner: You'll never kill me!

Guard: Move along.

The Crimson Executioner: I'll return and be avenged!

Guard: Turn around.

The Crimson Executioner: You fools! All of you! I am the Crimson Executioner! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! This day shall be written in blood! No man can judge me! I am the supreme law! I shall have my REVENGE!

Jake Greyman: Gentlemen, I'm afraid this lady's very sick. I think it's a good idea if I just take her straight to the hospital.

Guard: We'll take her to the hospital. She's our problem.

Jake Greyman: Well, that's where you're wrong. I'm your problem.

Guard: Listen, Abraham, or whoever you are, I'm not buying your cop bullshit, okay?

Jake Greyman: The woman. Where is she?

Guard: Go fuck yourself.

Jake Greyman: She's very dangerous right now.

Guard: I said go fuck yourself.

[Jakes knocks him into a headstone and to the ground]

Jake Greyman: Now you listen to me. You gonna tell me what I wanna know or I will tear you to pieces. Then one of your cronies will tell me when he's done shittin' himself.

Guard: Not at work? Don't you know that...

Factory person: ...work is mandatory. Because work means liberty.

Guard: I understand you're having a hard time making a decision.

Patty: How would you know that?

Wenda: You know, the medic at the hospital seemed to know an awful lot about us, also.

Guard: Some of your friends are kind of concerned about your future. I think maybe you should hear what they have to say.

[Sandy, Jerry and Diane approach them. They notice that Sandy has a mark on her right hand]

Guard: .

Patty: Sandy!

Wenda: Oh, Sandy!

Patty: You're a Christian!

Sandy: Oh, Patty. Anyone can say they're a Christian.

Patty: But I thought that Jonathon...

Diane: Jonathon was one of us, but he had nothing to do with the trap that Sandy set for you.

Wenda: Sandy, why didn't you stay with us all day?

Jerry: She was trying to keep those fanatics from encouraging you into making a foolish decision.

Diane: Yeah. Actually, it's simple. You can lose your head

[glances at the guillotine]

Diane: , or you can go free. To work, to buy, to eat. To live a normal life, just like before.

Guard: [Matt is about to be hung]

Guard: Do you want a blindfold, Matt?

Matt Denton: No. If I'm going to perform, I want to see my audience.